Hi everyone! Due to recent events, I think it’s best that I close up Aunt Tanya’s story with a neat little bow. Of course, if there’s a great G-Dragon picture, you may see me pop up every now and again. And it’s quite a fitting time as well, as I’m currently on spring break in, coincidentally, Orlando, Florida.
Im not going to delete this blog or Chad’s twitter since I know they hold a lot of good memories for a lot of people (including me). Thank you everyone for your support over the past few years! I started this blog my first semester of college when I was new to Chicago, and it’s been a comforting constant part of my life ever since then, from Chicago to my decision to go home, my year abroad in Seoul, and now my last semester of college. I love it and I love y’all.
And even though this blog is still technically never ending, I feel you all deserve to know all the secrets I’ve been keeping, like how Aunt Tanya does eventually kick the bucket, as I have planned out every aspect of everyone’s lives. She is a middle aged woman after all.
Aunt Tanya dies at age 97 after downing three bottles of vodka and doing a line of cocaine whiles she’s out with the girls.
Exactly thirty seconds later, Uncle Mark, age 99, who is mowing the lawn on a riding mower, collapses from heart failure, even though he had no previous heart conditions. He dies on the scene.
At the funeral, Spencer, now a successful broadway veteran AND one of the best lawyers in Florida, sings a touching tribute while Blaine, his husband (they were accidentally married in Vegas and never bothered to get a divorce) does an interpretive dance, during which he breaks his hip.
Chad gives the following eulogy: “a lot of people are saying that Uncle Mark felt Aunt Tanya die and he died of heart break. This is untrue. Aunt Tanya died and then immediately and forcibly pulled Uncle Marks soul out of his body so he wouldn’t even look at another woman. In the end, they both died doing what they loved. Drinking and yard work.”
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