Once the words had been spoken, he felt spent. As though every sleepless hour was now closing in on him, making him unsteady on his feet. It only got more real the more people he uttered those words to. He had been trying his best to hide behind every shadowed outlier, like a roach escaping the light, but it was catching up to him all the same.
He shook his head at Aurora’s words, his sentiments mirrored exactly. On paper, though, he supposed he could understand. If they pushed the post-partum narrative and leaned heavily on the kind of company Ravi kept without understanding the souls that loved Stella just as much as he did, then they’d see felonies and questionable life choices, friends as babysitters, a home he couldn’t technically afford.
It all stacked up against him like jenga blocks. Each one more precarious than the last. He wondered when it would all finally topple.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he said honestly, tiredly. “The court doesn’t care about details, they only care about facts. And right now, the facts are that one of my best friends has a record, I live in a house I shouldn’t technically be able to afford, and I rely on friends rather than steady daycare. They can afford the kind of lawyer I can’t, so I just… I don’t know.”
It occurred to him again, that he was walloping her with this. Aurora who had been there, probably would have always been there, the very same whom he’d left without a word. She was too good. Too good for him, too good for this town, just… too good.
And then she spoke and what little fractured pieces remained of his heart shattered. “Aurora–” He shook his head, brows furrowing. Had he made her feel like that? The thought felt like raking himself over hot coals and he made to reach for her before he stopped himself. “It’s worth everything,” he said, voice nearly a whisper. “Just because… things happened the way they did, doesn’t mean I–” Jesus, this felt like another one of those wrong-time moments. He was in a spiral, in such a precarious position with Stella and her future. He didn’t want to react out of emotional exhaustion even as he knew in his bones he meant every word. “I never stopped caring. I’ll never stop caring.” Or wanting.
When Ravi had said her name again, all she could do was look at him, heart drumming against her chest from how familiar and safe it sounded coming from his voice, his inflections. One that visited her in her dreams the first couple of weeks when things had gone radio silent. All the pep talks she’d received from Nadia swiftly went out the window, the juxtaposition from Lily that rang in her ears to let the past be the past had been thrown down somewhere Aurora didn’t want to reach, not anymore.
She wondered if he could read her thoughts, and if he could she wondered or more so hoped he’d say something to assuage all of the unpleasant feelings she’d been tasked to endure for the very first time. It would have been easier to steer away from Ravi if he’d had less than admirable intentions. She could have cursed his name months ago, just boiled down to a bad match, but the thing was, that just wasn’t the case.
What made everything hurt worse now was how well things had been going, how she didn’t have an inkling of a warning of just how south things were going to go, but the world Ravi had been thrust into? Her sympathy was vast, it poured out of her and all she could do was offer a silent comfort until she’d foolishly opened her mouth to say that she was still available to him because how couldn’t she be? He was so worn down, much more tired than the standard that she’d seen when he was pulling open to closings at Mike’s.
She realized then the vision of him in front of her was getting glassy. Was it tears? She took in a breath and nodded, just trying to nip the conversation down because this still wasn’t the time or place to have it. She thought she’d wanted all of the answers but now that he’d said what he did, she wasn’t sure she could handle it at this moment. Another server popped up behind Ravi, she thought she’d recognized them, or at least it seemed they had recognized her at the very least. The plastic bag with her lunch was clutched in her hand in an instant, Ravi’s words that he still cared echoing. Every fiber in her being wanted to ask him, how could that be true? Instead, she gave him a tearful smile, “I hope it all works out soon.”
