OCTOBER 2023 MEDITATION LOG
this was inspired by an assignment in my english 101 class. it prompted us to watch/read some mainstream articles/vids about meditation and try meditating for 3 days in a row, then write about it.
Fri, Sep 29 1:05am Watched the Light Watkins TedX video. Interest was piqued when he said that meditation brings a deeper rest than is possible in sleep. Then he went on and on about the difference in biological age when you meditate. Excited to try more rigorous meditation schedule. Meditated 1:35-1:45am, was really nice. Came close to falling asleep a couple times, I am very tired. Felt grateful to be living in the city hearing rain sounds on the street.
Sat, Sep 30 9:01pm Took a break from anatomy notes & electronic music to meditate 10 mins. Had a hard time keeping my mind off [redacted]. The things that were difficult then would be easier now that I’ve matured and relaxed a bit. But [redacted].
Sun, Oct 1 10:38am Tried to do 10 min meditation during AA meeting but had to poop after like 4 mins. Did 10 full mins after meeting ended. It’s easier in the mornings, but I can feel I have lost the groove to a large degree. Still, morning meditation is simpler. By the evening my brain is usually in full pleasure-seeking mode. Mornings I’m usually reeling a bit from soreness and stiffness.
Mon, Oct 2 8:45pm Did 10 mins sitting up. It’s wild how my body is aware that it’s tired but my mind ignores it, until I try to meditate sitting up and have to fight off sleep over and over. Maybe I should turn in early tonight. When I was awake, I was releasing thoughts about food and women, as usual. Laughed a bit to myself remembering how excited [redacted] was to find the “hidden veggies” pasta recipe on TikTok.
Tue, Oct 3 1:19pm Late start today. Brewed coffee then laid down to meditate before drinking it. Lot of sexy thoughts bouncing around! Hard to bring my racing mind down today. Probably because I didn’t sleep well. This is somehow becoming both a mediation and a sleep log.
Wed, Oct 4 9:40am 10 min meditation during morning meeting.
Thu, Oct 5 12:28pm Had been sinking into phone-greyout, scrolling haze, absolute oblivion, and needed a break. 10 min meditation was the only thing that could work. Counted breaths for most of the 10 mins, after english prof. explained during class that counting breaths is the important part of '20 breaths' meditation. It def helped during 10 min meditation. Leg pain was distracting so toward the end started stretching a bit. Feel refreshed and ready to sit down for some studying before work.
Fri, Oct 6 11:52am Watched the Andy Puddicombe Ted Talk. I liked his analogy about knowing you have a loose tooth and continuing to mess with it even though you’re in pain. Meditated for 10 mins. Feel less overwhelmed about how many things I need to do this afternoon. I’m calmer and more apt to work through them in an organized manner without resorting to distractions. Thought about what to say to [redacted], thought about doing dishes and stretching and listening to new Drake album and taking anatomy notes and making a doctor’s appointment. Tried to recenter and focus on breaths a few times.
Sat, Oct 7 10:30am Meditated during morning meeting.
Sun, Oct 8 9:51am Meditated during morning meeting. Thought about my plans for the day (going to NYC to have dinner with my aunt), thought about my mom and my grandma, thought about the family counselor Dr. Prakash who taught me to meditate in 4th grade. Used breath counting to help 'let go' of thoughts and return to quiet mind.
Mon, Oct 9 9:50am Meditated during morning meeting but was kinda drifting in and out of sleep.
8:45pm Went to [redacted]. It got kinda intense but [redacted]. Decided to decompress by meditating together for 10 minutes. It was beautiful and memorable.
Tue, Oct 10 2:10pm Read ½ of NYT meditation article then set 10 min timer to meditate. Lots of thoughts running through my head, I can be so obsessive about personal stuff. Was good to have a break from that, even though I didn’t really want the break, I wanted to keep obsessing. Post-break though, I feel better. Body is really sore since I’ve gotten 17k steps, two days in a row. So before the 10 mins were up I got out of my chair and started doing some stretches with eyes closed. Love combining stretches and closed eye meditation. Definitely feel better now, and my 'mindfulness muscle' is getting a tiny bit stronger each day. I find it easier to return to the centered calmness of counting breaths.
Wed, Oct 11 Didn’t meditate
Thu, Oct 12 10:47am Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Really out of the groove today but tried to just count 100 breaths. Thought about chopping wood for work, about sex, about being messy in romantic relationships, about stretching after meditation, about the kid in my math class who seems to be following along better than anyone else.
Fri, Oct 13 Didn’t meditate
Sat, Oct 14 9:45am Meditated during morning meeting.
Sun, Oct 15 2:01pm Took a break from studying anatomy to meditate. Was sort of fighting off sleep part of the time. Said simple prayers to ask for God’s will to be done, and to discover what that will is. Prayed also for a loving and generous spirit in my heart.
Mon, Oct 16 11:00pm Meditated 10 mins after looking at Twitter/Reddit for ~3 hours. I think I need to try 15 or 20 minute meditations because sometimes I find myself totally distracted and overstimulated for more than half of a 10 minute meditation. That was the case this time. At some points I opened my eyes and just stared at the wall to keep from thinking about downtown Montreal, or applying to a Master’s program in 5 years, or how I had a bad attitude at work the other day.
Tue, Oct 17 12:14pm Been feeling emotionally unhinged lately, lowkey lashing out at people. Trying to redirect. Meditation is a good starting place. Meditated 10 minutes and had to stop myself over and over from planning out my day. How much time will I spend in the restaurant working on prep? How much time on schoolwork? Will I have time to pick up a cleaning project? Could I meditate for 10 minutes on the clock? Who will I see there and what will the vibe be when I talk to them? Used breath counting to reel in some of the thoughts. Asked God for help. I have a long way to go toward being centered, organized, disciplined. Please, God, help me make some progress today.
Wed, Oct 18 Didn’t meditate
Thu, Oct 19 10:30am Meditated in morning meeting. Feel at peace with my life, with who I am and where I’m at, with my propensity for anxiety, for mistakes, for seeing things through a distorted lens. I’m gonna keep learning and I’m gonna be okay.
Fri, Oct 20 10:30am Meditated in morning meeting. Had trouble staying quiet mentally. In the meeting we talked about the 'confusion' that exists without a spiritual connection. Thought about how meditation and confusion are like exact opposites. Lot of confusion and noise for me lately. Meditation must be one of the main solutions. Not just meditation but a meditation practice. Prayer as well, I need more of that. Talked about meditation with my sponsor later. He recommended I try the 'toes-to-head' meditation.
Sat, Oct 21 9:00am Made coffee then meditated for 10 mins before meeting.
9:45am Meditated for 10 mins in morning meeting. It felt good to get more time in. Would like to do one longer session but 10x2 was easy and felt very calming.
Sun, Oct 22 9:30am Set a timer and laid on yoga mat to meditate for 10 minutes. Said a prayer for my mom and grandma, who are going through a difficult time. Had to keep returning to baseline as I kept fantasizing about sex with [redacted], who I’ve been texting. Sex is a constant refrain for my tired brain, I think I’m subconsciously convinced that there’s some simple relief there. But intellectually I know it’s never that simple, relationships are complicated and usually come with more stress than being single. Important to talk myself down from these underlying desires.
Mon, Oct 23 Didn’t meditate. Busy day, but I think I need to start finding more time. It’s possible to replace some of my phone-scrolling time with meditation every day, sometimes I just don’t do it. This log is helping me stay accountable and showing me what I need to change to meditate more.
Tue, Oct 24 12:45pm Meditated 10 mins laying on yoga mat. Was really able to start calm with deep breaths, maybe because I was laying down. Often I start with a hectic mind and try to calm it for the first 5 mins.
Wed, Oct 25 10:30am Didn’t meditate? Can’t remember
Thu, Oct 26 11:45am Meditated 10 mins. Sick with a cold, hopefully not worse. Did not want to meditate but do feel a bit better
Fri, Oct 27 9:48pm Meditated 8 mins. Got antsy during the last two. Feeling very baby because the cold is actually a flu or something. Lots of schoolwork to do before tomorrow night. Trying to stay calm and not get overwhelmed.
Sat, Oct 28 8:15pm Meditated 10 mins which led to me napping for another 30. Very ill but still going to work and studying. Sad!
Sun, Oct 29 Did not meditate. Walked for 2 hours listening to an old interview with Brad Phillips, he talked a lot about 12 step program, psychedelic drug experiences, Zen vs. Tibetan Buddhism. Helpful for pondering meditation and how to consider it in my life.
Mon, Oct 30 10:45am Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Health is improving slightly. Trying to spend the day doing work, chores, service to others, or meditative things like prayer, listening to spiritual talks, walking. Trying to leave alone the chaotic, noisy things that are really perpetuating my discomfort and dissatisfaction.
Tue, Oct 31 2:03pm Meditated 10 mins after writing for English class, before going for a walk and calling my sponsor. Turns out I had covid. At least it's almost over. Same with October. What's next.
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