Tips on writing unrequited love? I'd like to add that character A is in love with Character B who is in a relationship with character C and all three of them have been friends since they were young.
Hi there, thank you so much for your question!! I think unrequited love can be such an interesting thing to explore, because it’s something that’s not often written about in favor of, well, requited love. But I think many of us have, at some point, had feelings for someone that aren’t returned, so not only is it relatable, but it can add some unexpected conflict to your story, and bring just a little bit more life to the characters in question :)
For the sake of clarity – in this post, the primary character will be referred to as A; the object of A’s affections is B; and B’s significant other will be C.
The consequences of unrequited love are going to affect not only character A, but characters B and C in this equation. B is the object of affection, so it is tempting to focus almost entirely on B – but C is a major pillar as well, because C has, essentially obtained B. This is not to objectify B, or any other characters, but it can be helpful to view it in these terms: A desires B, but B is possessed by C, therefore C is the enemy. The attraction will affect A’s relationship to both characters, depending on how they feel, and their level of guilt/remorse over the situation. I am not saying that one should feel guilty over their feelings of affection for someone. And it is possible (and would also be interesting) to have a character who does not feel guilty for their attraction despite B being in a relationship, which will be addressed later in the post.
As with anything in your story, this is going to affect many of your character’s actions and decisions. It will affect the way their friendship functions, and much of this, I would argue, is dependent upon who in this equation is aware of character A’s feelings. I will address each situation accordingly, beginning with:
If only Character A is aware of their own romantic feelings for B, then B-and-C’s actions will not be affected by said feelings. They will act the same way towards A that they always have throughout their friendship, unless some outside force would implore them to act otherwise. These feelings are, therefore, bottled up inside of A.
How do they feel about their feelings?
There are many ways that A could react to their own romantic feelings for B, especially considering there is a third person in the picture. These feelings, also, do not have to be mutually exclusive. It can be dominated by one major driving emotion, or A can experience conflicting feelings about the situation.
Guilt/Shame/Embarrassment? – In such a case, A will probably fight to keep their feelings hidden. If they’re feeling guilty, it is probably due to their close friendship to both B and C, and their desire to not infringe upon their happiness in their relationship. These emotions are turned inward, meaning they are taking responsibility for their emotions, and holding themselves responsible for what may happen as consequence of these emotions. They may even go to the extreme of pulling away from B and/or C all together.
A lack of guilt may lead A to act in the complete opposite extreme. They may make snarky comments towards B and C about their relationship, whenever they are sharing a moment that A is not a part of. They may attempt to sabotage the relationship, either by drawing B’s attention away, or trying to paint C in a negative light. This leads into the next point:
Jealousy/Anger/Resentment? – In this case, A may be angry towards B and C. Maybe because their friendship is now stilted due to B and C’s private relationship, leaving A to feel like a third wheel. Under what circumstances did B and C get together? Was A there for the process, or did they find out after the fact, only to realize that their friend group would never be the same because of it? These emotions are turned outward, meaning that A is placing blame. Not necessarily blame for their romantic feelings, but blame for their discomfort and unhappiness on an external situation.
If this is a three-way friendship, but B and C are in a relationship, there will often be times where A feels like a third wheel, or like an outsider, simply because romantic relationships often have their own language. Because they spend so much time alone together, where A is not present, B and C will develop their own inside jokes, their own mannerisms with each other, their own ways of communication that A may not be privy to understanding.
If B and C are aware of A’s feelings, then A might act very differently towards them. The guilt and/or anger will still be present, but their actions due to them will change, because the nature of their feelings is no longer a secret, making a lot of their actions a little more transparent. This may also be dependent upon how B and C responded to learning about A’s romantic feelings. If the group are still friends, then I would assume it did not destroy the relationship entirely, but there will undoubtedly be a certain level of strain/awkwardness on the relationship, even if it’s only at certain points.
As the object of A’s affections, B’s actions hold a huge impact on the relationship and how it continues to function. A is going to be specifically affected by B’s response due to their romantic affections towards B. If B isn’t aware of A’s feelings, then the effects would be less impactful, however it is important to consider how B treats A as a friend: is B one of those hyper-affectionate with people, comfortable with being physically close/playful with those outside of their romantic relationship? Or do they maintain a firm difference between how they treat a friend and how they treat a lover? Meanwhile, C holds just as much impact on the group dynamic as A and B, especially if C’s reaction is much different from B’s. The following points apply to both B and C in the case that either of them are made aware:
How do they treat A because of it?
Distance themselves/pull away from A? – Your character may have a myriad of reactions to A’s feelings, ranging from pity to disgust. Thus, they may treat A differently because of it, leading to a rift in the relationship. They may no longer share secrets with A like they used to, or they may no longer be able to joke around in the same way due to the awkwardness caused. There may even be resentment towards A for feeling the way that they do. Keep in mind, the act of pushing A away can either be a conscious or an unconscious decision. They may intentionally ostracize A due to the discomfort they feel, or maybe to make a point to A to let them know that their feelings will be reciprocated. Or, it can spring entirely unwittingly.
Act like nothing has changed? – On the other hand, your character may act as if nothing about the relationship is different – again, either purposefully or not. If it is an intentional act, your character may feel that A’s feelings do not change the strength of their friendship, and that they can still maintain their strong bond in spite of it. Or, it may be that your character is trying to cope with any discomfort they may feel by pretending that nothing is wrong.
What was this friendship like before B and C got into a relationship? What was it like before A even developed feelings? This will serve as the foundation for this relationship, giving you a springboard from which to jump off of.
How do all characters in the situation feel about each other due to A’s feelings? What are the repercussions, and what has changed in the relationship because of A?
What actions are A, B and C going to take due to their current reality?
Thank you so much again for your question, and I hope this could be of help!! Don’t hesitate to hit us with another ask if you have any other questions. Happy writing! – Mod Daenerys
If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask us!
