AVC/NYC

My name is Anne Clark. I am a comedian and a writer living in NYC.

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YOU WANT TO COME TO THIS, DON'T YOU

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Thanksgiving always reminds me of the all-kids-of-messed-up story of Frederick and Catherine See, my 6th-great grandparents. America, hooray.

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A Podcast for Halloween

http://www.lostweekendpodcast.com/

We recorded this podcast over 5 days, it takes you through the entirety of MTV's Scream. If you haven't seen the show, we walk you through it, if you have seen the show, you'll enjoy our jokes a little more maybe? If you don't care but love Halloween/scary movies/podcasts/comedy - you'll love this!!!

And the best part is - EVERY EPISODE IS UP NOW!! Listen to all of them, listen to a few of them, skip to the end and find out who the killer is right away and spoil all the small amounts of fun this life allots you. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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Ask Polly: Why Doesn’t Anyone Like Me No Matter How Hard I Try?

Let go of your faulty formula.

I need to write in and ask how to best go about explaining to the guy who sits next to me at work that these columns are the reason he's probably noticed me quietly sobbing at my desk more than once.

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I deactivated all my social media and now I don't know what to do with the thoughts I think!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In your fumbling and your obsession and your excuses, in your ability to return to the site of your greatest shame and injury, searching for clues, putting scraps of lint and grit and mysterious fibers and tear droplets under the microscope, you are lovable. Your fixation on the truth is lovable. Your fear of the truth is lovable. Your hatred is lovable, even. This is passion waiting for a new direction. This is stored energy, waiting to explode on the world, to explode into something blinding and terrifying and right. You won't be like the woman who mourned her dead husband for two decades. You won't be like the woman who made a married man her soul mate. You will be bigger than that. So begin your day with this: You are lovable right now. As the day wears on and your best self becomes a dim shadow and your worst self wants a hamburger and a nap and a back rub and a kiss on the cheek and some rest, some fucking rest from being brave and strong and going it alone, fearlessly, you are lovable, then, too. And when tears leak out of your eyes at the office and you wonder what the fuck is wrong, why can't you be normal like everyone else, why can't you march in time and win and win like the winningest winner, you are the most lovable of all.

Heather Havrilesky

http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/ask-polly-how-do-i-get-over-my-former-enemy.html

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I’m 30!

Here's what I know:

Doing stuff is not that hard, you just have to do it. Working out is not that hard, you just have to do it. Picking up a new habit is not that hard, you just have to do it. Talk enough shit and you'll become full of it. Earn everything, for your own sake. Everyone is busy. Very little of what happens in the world has anything to do with you. Water is good. If I never eat sushi again that’s fine. Knowing the difference between a friend and a co-worker will save you a lot of heartbreak. YOU DON’T NEED MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES. Music is key. Sleep is optional but only to a point and only if you stay well hydrated. You already know what you’re doing because you’re the only you doing it. Everybody dies at the end, sorry.

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When you've spent a lot of your life hating yourself, self-esteem becomes an out of body experience. You have to stay one step ahead of the voice in your head telling you you're dumb and wrong and bound for failure. It's shouting yourself forward through a fog of misery, trying to drown out the voices leading you off course.

It is running full speed ahead with your fists in the air through complete darkness. I am probably going to hit a tree at some point, but at least then I'll know where the tree is.

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You wanna know what scares people? Success. When you don't make moves and when you don't climb up the ladder, everybody loves you because you're not competition.

Nicki Minaj

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I<3NYC

When I first moved here, I cried every day. I cried at the bank because I didn't have enough money to buy meals. I cried at my job because I had a boss who yelled every day that I was a fat retard and that he was going to fire me any minute. I cried at the bus stop I had to wait at in January for a ride to the ferry that would take me to the subway to go to the job with the boss who yelled. I cried in my apartment because it had a shower that was falling through our kitchen floor, we couldn't keep food in it because of the roaches, and a mouse had died under my dresser so all my clothes smelled like rotted mouse. I cried when I went to the bathroom because I had a painful UTI and no health insurance so I couldn't go to the doctor. I cried when I stopped liking the friends I thought I'd made. I cried when the boyfriend I had told me he couldn't see himself marrying me because he didn't think I'd be a good mother and we broke up. But then I stopped crying. I got a better job. Then an even better one. Then a really better one. I got a better apartment, then a better one, then the best one. Then I met and moved in with the only dude I've ever felt myself around. I made friends with people who are so fascinating I couldn't dream them up, and who seem to think I'm pretty neat, too.

It took almost 8 full years, but I built a life here. It didn't break me. I learned that I didn't even have it as bad as most people, even at my lowest I was still better off than many. I learned that getting upset is a choice you make that injures only you. I learned that I'm really, really lucky just to be here. Everything I have is something nobody owes me, and I'm stoked as hell to get it. I learned humility.

This is my home now, because I earned it. And the best things you can have are things you earned.

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Fans Outraged as Game of Thrones Season Ends With All the Characters Raping Each Other While On Fire

Last night's season finale was as possibly its most controversial to date.

[oscarmesejo]

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I teared up.

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TONIGHT. COME. JOIN. LAUGH. LOVE. LIVE.

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5 Primary Candidates You Won't See in the Fox News Republican Primary Debates

Fox News's plan to limit the Republican primary debates to the top ten candidates in national polls has been met with complaints from several smaller campaigns. Here are just a few of the candidates likely to be affected by the new rule.

Here's a thing I wrote. Plz enjoy + share.

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Kate Middleton For The Win turned 4 today!

[savedbythe-bellhooks]

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Mark Ronson 4ever