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╳ ┈ ≫ sometimes a bird sings in my chest. i hold my breath. i squeeze your throat. augustus lotulelei ! xviii.

[avgustus]

PIPPA.

“Well, I do like myself an AUTHORITY figure — — so definitely marry Estrada, principals make more money than teachers anyway. Fuck Toles, based on the fact that he doesn’t have the same GLORIOUS pedophile-esque moustache that the janitor does. But, honestly? I’d take any combination of the three. The janitor has nice eyes, and … quite frankly? At this point, I’d be easier than Daisy Adams was after the 8th grade semiformal.”

          “ See, I was thinking Estrada but do I really wanna’ be tied down to a guy who probably finds most of his joy in jerking off to pictures of the girls volleyball team in his office during the late evenings? I’d fuck him though. Toles has a ‘ secret serial killer ’ vibe going on, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, so sure, I’ll marry him. Sounds like you’re not getting very much action though, Espina, the well dried up already? ”

[avgustus]

SCARLETT.

‘ That’s SO not what I came to talk to you about… And keep your clammy hands away from my squad, Weasley! Find some other loose women with no self-respect to PREY on, okay? I don’t need them distracted! Nor whining about some asshole who didn’t call them back. Last time you dipped your hands in the cookie jar, I lost a flyer. So, zip your pants & keep mini-gus out of my girls, okay? ’

          “ It’s not my fault if they flock to me, bestie, my natural charm and allure are things that can’t be switched off no matter how hard I try. Look, if it’ll put that beautiful mind of yours at rest, I’ll only ‘ accidentally ’ forget my water bottle in the gym once a fortnight instead of once a week, how’s that sound? And that’s me being generous, considering I know what a gift my presence is at your practices. Out of your girls, got it, scout’s honour; now, what did you actually wanna’ talk about? ”

[avgustus]

PAULINE.

    ‘’ yeah, it is! or maybe it isn’t ——- what exactly are we talking about?‘’

          “ Is it important? You seemed pretty enthusiastic when you said yes, I’d hate to burst your bubble now. ”

[avgustus]

     @scvrlctts .

          “ I know that look, that look is not my friend! In my defense, I didn’t know she was a member of your not-so-cheery squad when I–––– –– Unless you’re here to talk about something else, in which case I plead the fifth on the other subject. ”

[avgustus]

     @wrcse.

          “ I have an opinion on the situation; why don’t you stop whining about it and, I don’t know, bleach her eyebrows? Because if you’re not going to do anything I need you to move, you’re taking up the football team’s seats and my legs need a REST. ”

[avgustus]

     @paulincs.

          “ Yes or no –––– –– Is it TRUE what they say about blondes? ”

[avgustus]

     @suryadis .

          “ Don’t know what you’re talking about, Suryadi, this? A completely innocent face incapable of harm or wrongdoing. Do I know how Fred ended up face down in that trash can? Of course not, but I’m sure the real villains out there do... Wanna’ make a bet on how long it takes for him to wriggle free? ”

[avgustus]

     @pippv .

          “ Alright, here’s one for you... Fuck, marry, kill... Mr Estrada, Mr Toles, and that creepy janitor who spends a few seconds too long cleaning when he’s near the locker rooms. ”