Lost Journals
avbookie:
(...)
His right hand overlaps hers as he receives the journal back, only for his left to take her right in an underhanded, gentle embrace as newfound confidence from the opportunity instills itself into him in a form of an empathizing concern, “Sori, you bring a light in my life like no other,” he leads her to the side of his bed and seats the two of them down, not letting go of her grip as he rambles, “You know, when I think back to when we were kids, I am always delighted. When I think back to our reunion back then, I am always elated. When I see you at the end of the day…” deliberate pauses help Hoseok fight back emotion as he steadies his breathing before continuing, “On nights where we’re silent and tired… on nights where we spend the whole evening talking… Or, on nights that I just have your company… I just have you and that always makes me happy. I want to give that back to you,” his hand starts rubbing the top of her palm, “It pains me to see you like this, to feel you like this, a-and I have no idea why,” tears finally escape his lids, Hoseok covering his face with his bare arm as he concludes, “N-no idea why I let this happen, or how it happened. Won’t you tell me, Sori? I’d do anything to make you as happy as you make me,” Hoseok remains teary-eyed and sniffling, as soft laughter of joy escape him while he thinks of memories. He regains some composure to emphasize, “Anything at all. It’s the very least of what I can do for you, you know that,” he finally lets go of her hand and spreads his arms wide again in hopes that she might indulge in another hug.
she feels disappointed for a brief moment, when hoseok admits he misplaced it, that perhaps, as much as it was written about her, it wasn’t for her. but what’s done is done; she’s read it, she can’t pretend not to know about his feelings any longer, even if she didn’t deserve this knowledge. lately, knowledge is all she lacks, at every turn, and having even this little bit eases the loss.
“it’s a good time now,” she says, softly, as he takes the journal back.
hoseok takes her hand in his, and she lets him lead her to his bed. she can’t return the sentiment, but his words spoken soften something in her, soothe and assuage the stinging hurt. it feels strangely gratifying. she hasn’t cried yet, hasn’t mourned what she’s lost, but hoseok feels so deeply for her that he does. no one would believe that this is a villain, feared member of the sick six, if they were to enter the dorm right now; all he is, is a man wrapped around her finger, and willing to do anything for her. it’s selfish, that she feels comforted by that, and yet she does; it overrides any guilt she could feel about making use of someone she’s known for so long.
he opens his arms out, plain on his face that he’s hoping for another hug, and sori leans into him and tilts her head up. she can count his eyelashes now, can see the way his pupils dilate just by looking at her. “will you do this for me?” she asks, and her voice is quiet, pulling him closer in, lips nearly touching. she won’t take, but she’ll let hoseok give himself to her.















