Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

[sedated-fears]

Click here to support Pain in Her Ass-Belles Cancer Fund by Paris Hanvey

My best friend from high school and I had a falling out a few years ago and while I know our friendship could not and will not ever be a friendship again I still care about her so much. I recently found out that she has been diagnosed with cancer again. If you could just follow the link and read about what an amazing person Isabelle is and either help by donating or sharing the link I would be forever grateful. 

Sometime life isn’t fair and it seems completely unfair to me that she is going through this again. Please just help in anyway you can, which includes keeping her in your good graces, your thoughts and your prayers. 

[awanderersyear-blog]

The Disconnect

Day 3 - October 7th, 2014

   I don't really know what else to call it other than I feel disconnected from everything. 

   The friends I have left in school are in school. They have their own worries and problems to deal with, trying to graduate, and classes and shows. Not to mention that at best they are 7 hours away from me. 

   The 7 best friends that anyone could have are never going to live near each other again. We'll never really have sleep overs again. And my ended relationship with X has made the whole group dynamic strange, at least to me. I don't want to leave her out for the sake of the rest of our friends but I'm just not over it. I didn't really get the closure I needed from that and I still have no idea how she feels about it. 

   And in the other half of my life I'm living in a city where the only friends I have are my sister, her boyfriend, and F. But F had to go home for a while and my sister and her boyfriend have their own friends. Friends they have known for years who have real jobs and are real grown ups.

   So that just leaves little ole me living in a new city, with no new friends, a couple of almost jobs, and a broken heart. 

   It's broken from the friends I left behind, from the town that will never feel the same, and from the disconnect. Because I haven't found something to connect to yet.

   At least it is finally fall. The season where my soul shines. It cools down and the leaves change color. Every weekend is a football weekend and it's time for boots, plaid, and sweaters. I know that spring is supposed to bring new things but I always feel like a new person when falls rolls around. I think it might be because of the school calendar. It was always a new year in the fall. Always a chance to start over and be someone new. 

   It's just a little difficult starting over and being someone new with no base.

P.S. These are definitely not going to be daily. I haven't been able to hold on to a daily habit other than waking up ever

[awanderersyear-blog]

Job Searching

Day 2 - October 2nd, 2014

Finding a job...what a bitch!

   I've been searching for a while now and every time I feel like it might finally happen. I'm wrong. I finally had to give up on theatre jobs sort of and just start looking for a job. I wanted to get into retail and out of food so I've been applying to places and I've had three interviews at one store and I still don't know if I have the job. STILL. 3 people 3! And I've been applying to box office jobs and I either never hear back or don't make it past the first interview.

   I just want to be back in the theatre community. It's been a solid two months now. 

   But today I applied for another box office position. And I heard back from them in less than an hour and now I have an interview set up for tomorrow. I'm super excited and I tried to prepare with my sister at dinner. Fingers crossed that my soul shines through tomorrow. 

   Sometimes it can get a bit discouraging but I just have to remind myself not to give up and to keep applying and keep pushing. Dreams don't come easy. 

[awanderersyear-blog]

I Guess An Introduction

Day 1- October 1st, 2014

   I've never been the best writer so forgive me if this is rough. Hopefully things will improve as I continue. 

   My name is Elizabeth, Liz to those friends I love dearly. But don't let my sister hear you calling me Liz she absolutely against the nickname and argues that it's just not my name. And my sister is by far my best friend. It's always been my trade-off in my mind, my relationship with both of my parents is rocky at best but I have the best sister any one could ask for. I try to remind myself of that whenever I get jealous of other people's friendships with their parents.

   Anyways, I'm 22, I just graduated college in May, I moved to a new city (mooching off of my sister), and I'm feeling a little lost. I'm a little bit of everything sometimes I don't even make sense to myself. I went to school for theatre (the tech side, stage fright is STRONG) and I guess that's what I'm pursuing right now. I LOVE music, it's been my passion since middle school and a good song can get me through almost anything. I like piercings and tattoos and I've never wanted to fall in line. But on the other side of me I'm a die-hard sports fan. I grew up watching football and baseball, but it's grown into so much more and now I pretty much watch them all. I can also feel like the biggest dork sometimes - comic books are a new interest I really don't know where to start but I wish I did. A good video game is magic ( I can't play for shit though, so I just watch my friends play) which means it better have a good story line or I'm out.  And I like science(like watching tv shows about black holes is cool to me). I also not so secretly really wish I was a ballerina. I don't fit in a box and there isn't some magical label you can assign to me. But I like that. And I also like to believe that this is also the case for most other people. 

   This is difficult I really just want to pour out my entire life story right now and not only do I not have time for that but y'all don't need to know it.

   The point of this blog though, to really get to the point, is that during this past summer I was talking to a friend and he told me that the first year out of college was always the hardest. At the time I scoffed and thought well what do you know you just finished that year, how do you know it's the hardest. But I'm starting to think he's right and I'm hoping writing down what I'm feeling will help me through this year. So I'm going to use this blog to write about my frustrations, my failures and successes, my journey, my wandering year. Because I sure as hell don't feel settled and I'd like to catalog this year I think it might be important. 

   I'm just a wandering heart, wandering soul, wandering talent trying to make it to (well I don't know what yet) but the search is half the fun and I hope I can it share it somehow with someone else.