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THE VAMPIRE LESTAT

I understand that this is the way the story goes, that the relationship between mother and son was in the book, but hear me out... what is its relevance so far? Like I'm too irked by it to be interested, I just want it over. Some of the books in the 13 book series are fillers, they could've removed somethings, touched on it lightly or completely deviated from the book in this regard, this wouldn't be a first for book adaptations. I don't like this storyline at all.

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL

This movie is a gem. To be fair, I know I didn't give it a fair chance or a fair shot, I was on my phone while watching the movie and missed a lot of subtleties. The movie is very visual as we have a lot of old people placed in India, a beautiful country. Although I did not like the saviour complex of ALL the white people and how they treated India as EXOTIC even though it's in the title... I know, I know. But this perpetuates the idea to foreigners that India is like a zoo animal that should be looked at from the outside while it's in a cafe and once you're done, you go back. I love the relationships between all the old people. It was very beautiful. Such a blessed cast. About half of the cast is dead even. What a gem. More of it pls. Hopefully I can give it a rewatch and find gems that I may have missed.

Solid 7/10

The Brothers Karamazov

After about 5 months of picking up and dropping it and picking it up again and dropping it to finally pick it up yesterday and read the last 7 chapters... I am finally done. I can proudly say I have read a Dostoyevsky book. And not just any book, but the brothers Karamazov. What a ride, what a journey that was. I have never seen such a style of writing before. A story of others being retold by someone else, we don't know who but we are supposed to trust this person who is there in private moments of delirium and present in public disagreements. A book wherein the first 5 chapters or so, has no single dialogue but still the story continues. It's a book that happens over the course of days and weeks but so many things happen and so many people interact and we witness every single one and so the book is 800 pages long. This book really shows (but shows is the most inefficient and lazy word here) maybe it 'encompasses' what it really means to be alive. A lot of human interactions and trivialities, philosophies and the mundane. All culminating into a lived experience. A life. My favorite brother turned out to be Ivan. I haven't read other people's essays on the book or videos on the book this is my unbiased and crude essay on the book.

To be fair, when it was over I brother a sigh of relief. Yes, I was happy to be finally done but I was also saddened by the lives of the people in the story. Maybe except Grushenka. She is my queen. Spat in the faces of people she didn't care for and loved openly. She didn't have a care in the world... Except for money and eventually Mitya. I was finally happy to get off this train. As Stephen Colbert said 'I can talk about grief, I have no problem with that, I just do not seek it' and that's why I sighed one of relief. If I lived in this fictional time which mirrored society then, I'd want to be Ivan but I fear I am Alyosha. That's not too bad. He is the protagonist, the favourite brother of most and even our narrator. He is meek and understanding, honest and righteous. That's what I think I am, allowing life happen to me like it did to him. He carried messages and observed the life of others. He eventually did something by forgiving whatever guilt Mitya might have about the escape plan by Ivan and it is hinted that he probably left that town and went on to live a quiet life. Which is fine. I think Ivan may have passed away from the brain Fever and Mitya made it to America but couldn't come back to Russia. I think the brothers went on to live... Without each other. Even though that's how their existence was in the beginning and upon Mitya's arrest, they became one body. One Karamazov. I didn't really enjoy the fluff and the details, for example 'the life of father Zosima' felt unnecessary to me. A lot of details felt unnecessary to me but I guess it is part of the experience. Katerina Ivanovna and Litzenka, with Madame Khoklakhov all represented the women of the gilded age then, so to say. They were alright in the story but that's it. Fyodor himself. I hate. Oh I hate. What a scum of a human. The defendants attorney's closing speech gave chills to my spine. No truer words. All in all, I am happy I read that. Not sure I will do it again, but definitely one for the books. H

Thank you Amoke for the gift.

Solid 10.

A LITTLE CHAOS

I should have enjoyed it more than I did but I can't say I liked it half as much as I was supposed to. Period piece, Kate Winslet, Alan Rickman... Ingredients to a perfect movie, but I just can't enjoy movies that paint women as the enemies and all that for a man. The 'Master' I did not like one bit. He was just alright imo. I forgot who was who and who was what, the blonde woman, friendly, who is she? That scene where the women were talking about their lost children, very moving. Very nice. Also, you're telling me Sabine could run as fast as a carriage and even fast enough to get in front of it and cause an accident? If you say so.

It was an alright movie, just what I needed for now.

Solid 6/10

COME SEE ME IN THE GOOD LIGHT

Today, I've felt 'unusually' emotional. Unusually is the wrong word but I cant figure out a right one now. I watched a kid with downs syndrome run Ironman and cried, I watched adults who hadn't seen their mothers in years, see them for the first time and cried. I saw a boy left at graduation maybe by heavenly parents or working class parents, consoled by other graduands who already went to hug their parents and were coming back to their places. I cried a lot today. And so when it was time to pick a movie for the night, Come See Me In The Good Light was a no-brainer.

Like many movies on my to watch list, this has been there for over 6 months. I was drawn in by the voice of whom I now know to be Meg, singing 'Colours of the wind' to a dy*ng Andrea. It was the most beautiful thing I had heard at the time. It felt so raw and so true. I loved it but I could never be in the right space to watch it. Until today.

I've always raised my nose at spoken words and poetry of the 21st century. Its a bunch of familiar words strung together in a way you've never seen and spoken with a little too much vigour if you ask me. It always felt pretentious to me. If you like it, its great for you, I just cringe too much I cant sit through one. Until this movie. Andrea is such a beautiful storyteller. I decided I was going to memorize one of her poems 'Your Life' for one line and one line only 'You don’t want a soft de*th. You want a hard life that is your life'. I remember one night in Ukraine and I just burst into tears in that danky old bathroom of room 805?. It probably was already 2 years that I had become vegan or vegetarian and I just thought how hard my life was going to be if I lived it according to me. My own choices and what I liked and wanted were going to make going through life very difficult for me. I didn't want kids, I didn't care to be married, I didn't want diamond rings, I was okay with a wooden ring, I wanted to have a partner but have my own life apart from said person, I was planning a non-traditional life for myself and it was going to be hard. So hearing those lines albeit referring to a different topic (gender), I still related heavily with those words.

The documentary is so beautiful to watch and the lives of the people in it, Meg and Andrea and their friends, oh so beautiful. I envied how funny Andrea could be, even in heavy situations while not dismissing the topic at hand. She made observations on things around her, happening, and it was comedic gold. The part where she said she gets cranky after treatment and every time she needs something she goes 'At the very least get me...' and meg just understands and does what needs to be done. I thought it was pretty funny, tbf. Have I mentioned that I think Meg is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen? I don't know, something about her mouth and the way it moves when she speaks and laughs is so beautiful to me. Idk.

I'm glad I was able to experience the life of Andrea and the sneak peak into the life of Andrea and Meg, It is an honour to honour them this pride month.

Lastly, the poem I said I was going to memorize reminded me of another part of myself. I have a folder on IG saved called 'Women I'd like to be' and this poem opens up by saying ''It isn't that you don't like boys, its that you only like boys you want to be...' which I re-modelled and refashioned for myself to say 'it isn't that you don't like girls, its that you only like girls you want to be...'

I hope to be so beautiful and so creative one day and to live life fully and to appreciate this one I have so fully, before it is too late

solid 10/10

GIRLS S6 (Endings before endings)

And now the time has come to say goodbye to this time capsule of a show called Girls. What a time, that has been had. I even got kinda famous on Reddit, if you call "6k views on your post, 14 comments 4 of which are your own replies, 32 up votes and 5 downvotes on the r/girls subreddit" famous, then yeah.

The show ended twice for me, before the actual end. First it was the episode with Adam. I was livid. Seeing them back together even if it was for 24hrs. no, just no. Almost didn't continue and decided to end it there cos I could not watch that horrible man get what he wants. Even if Hannah as horrible as she is, deserves bad things. Just not him. The good people of reddit convinced me. In 10 comments or less, to finish the episode. So I did and boy was I glad I did.

Lena and the team really know how to communicate feelings, emotions and situations without words. An art that was common in the 2010's films but non existent in the 2020's. The silent cries and instant understanding between both of them, Adam calling Jessa at the end of the night, asking if she will open the door to his apartment to him after he explored with Hannah and came back empty. She smiled and I thought, eww, why? and then on the Inside the episode clip where Lena says, it is such a sad reality she has accepted, I felt that.

The second ending was the bathroom scene, right after Shoshanna's speech to the girls. Her end is so satisfying. I wish her all the happiness in the world. Showing that she has matured greatly in the absence of those vipers she called friends and cousin was beautiful. Had to watch those two episodes again, before I watched the last episode, called Latching, which just showed us that Hannah didn't change, despite the baby. Neither did Marnie.

Loreen is a surprisingly joyful character to watch. I began to appreciate her after the last scene.

Anyways, sometimes thigns end earlier than they should and thats okay. I am happy i watched this show.

Lena is certainly A Voice... i wouldnt go as far as calling her 'The voice' of a generation.

Solid 7

PS: A LOT OF THE INSIDE EPISODE INTERVIEWS WITH LENA, SHE CREIDTS HER BF AT THE TIME WHO HAPPENED TO BE JACK ANTONOFF WHO SHE SAID WAS COMFORTABLE WITH HER SHOWING HER VJAY ON CAMERA AND THE AMOUNT OF NUDITY SHE DISPLAYED ON THE SHOW... THE SAME MAN WHO WENT AHEAD AND DID A THING WITH LORDE AND THEN MARRIED WHATS HER NAME... THAT BEAUTIFUL TALLENTED ACTRESS FROM MAID WHISE MOTHER IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED. the circle of life indeed.

GIRLS S5 Wrapping up with a strip on top

This season felt even more grown up. A lot of adult problems but what still remains is that these men are awful.

The season opens with Marnie in a destined to fail marriage and we know the season... Possibly the show, is going to end with Her and Ray. Boo hoo.

The episode with Charlie, really broke my heart. The only man I actually really liked on the show... According to reddit probably OD'ed from H.

I wrote some notes while watching the season... (The girls are grown up,

‎Why are these people forcing Adam down our throats? Now he's with Jesse? And Ray still has nobody? And Marnie is still with Desi? I mean she married him. And Adam is supposed to be great now? I'm sorry but the Adam propaganda is not going to work. . . Ever. Ep 4. Also, Tumblr mentioned.

‎The rapid change in the world from 2012 to 2016 was exponential

‎Ep 5... Hannah is Bi?)

A lot of new things and concepts and people were introduced in this season, We finally get to know Fran. I like him. But that ending with Hannah with the bus and the roadtrip public toilet... Men are horrible.

To expound on the point about the difference between 2012 and 2016, you can sort of feel it on the show. The phones are different, the coffee shop vibe is different, the clothes are different, the new age was also changing the language. Talking about Gawker and online blogs and tabloids.

The last episode of the season was my best, I liked Hannah's story and the peace she made with the situation between Adam and Jessa. Very compelling and I learnt a new word 'yours, in perpetuity' meaning like yours forever. Very nice. I don't know if I told you about Heretofore as a word, same as hitherto... Meaning 'Until now'

This show like they said, really finds you and I'm glad it found me now. I like the feeling of nostalgia it evokes for a time that transitioned into the internet age and where I was and what I could have been doing at that time.

I like the stories too.

Lastly... I am taking this away. To live life, you must be a villain in many people's story. Hannah I realized, reminds me of Sade, my friend. On a scale of 0-Hannah, Sade is about a little past the halfway point. What this means to me, not about my friend but the insight I'm gleaming from this is that, to really live and to have stories, you have to be a bad person in other people's stories. Not intentionally bad or wishing other people terrible. No. But to be selfish and think only of yourself. Bad enough to use people and to justify your own actions and ignore other people's feelings. Basically, don't be NICE. Only then will you truly live.

Solid 7

GIRLS S4 (Grown ups)

This season felt sooo different compared to the prior seasons while still remaining familiar. It still was able to provoke that emotion of 'how do these terrible men get women'. I'm talking about Adam and 'mini-rose?'. Turns out she's a girl who is just a honest version of Hannah. That TOP scene where she removes the fetus and Adam freaks out.. Loved how she handled it, hate that she took him back. But that just felt like punishing him and I now love that decision she made. Lol.

Earlier in the season, Hannah in Iowa, just felt like for the first time we were removed from their Vivarium of a world that just revolved around each character. No growth, no accountability, just a bunch of badly behaved people getting away with stuff. Hannah couldn't take criticism she tried every play in the book, none worked. Those writing students read her down! Couldn't take it, ran away. And that's when I actually noticed that the pattern for these episodes changed and Hannah was no longer Rachel Berry in glee and the world can be immune to her Bs. I realized that the episodes were no longer directed by Lena and a new person had taken over and the writing was no longer Lena and sometimes even Lena wasn't part of the writing... She was just credited for the 'creating'. Then it made sense. I liked the 'Sit in' episode for something, but I can't remember now.

Also, Hannah describing herself as a child and immature felt like a cop-out for me. Yes she's immature but her behaviours cannot be attributed to immaturity. We're talking of a 25yr old woman here. She's more of a psychiatric diagnosis than Immature.

Hannah's dad coming out as Gay and Hannah's mom cheating with another professor was interesting to watch.

I'm so happy that Marnie was proposed to and then ghosted because trust me, if Desi comes back, she's running into his arms. She deserves whatever happens to her. These characters are all terrible. And the slow intellectual polishing of Ray... Ngl, I liked it. He used very interesting words, very appropriately too. Loved that, but still can't make me like his character. Shosh being the way she is towards Ray is heartbreaking but then i still love the way she deals with it. She likes him wants him back but will not attend his gf's art show with a date and treat the date like he didn't exist, or insert herself into his space any chance she gets. She just told him once, he rejected her and she was just nice to him, even helped with his campaign. As a friend. You could tell she was still in love or really liked Ray but she didn't push it like the other Psychos. The Jessa and Adam friendship is fair to be honest. Two opportunists with each other. Fair. But ewwwww.

Who else? Nobody.

Anyways all I'm getting so far from the show is people forgive very easily and they like to be treated badly. End of story.

Really liked this season somehow

Solid 7

GIRLS S3 (Its all been said before)

I'm not really in a good place right now, I don't feel like dissecting the show. Tbf, there is nothing really new that i want to add really. The characters hate themselves and punish themselves with each decision they make for themselves. I liked the first conversation between Jesse and the old man, he said 'You have to learn when Honesty is Righteous and when Honesty is nothing more than a party trick' I thought that was really nice.

This season very much gave grown up vibe. It was alright. I really enjoyed the Beach house episode the most and Marnie is a BEEEETCH. Hannah too.

solid 6.5

I feel vindicated. That's all I can say, from S1 of Girls, I have had a weird feeling towards all the characters, like, there is nobody worth rooting for. It's like watching a famous dumpster fire.

I started S3 today and although some parts I've found worthy to remember, for most of it, I'm looking at Hannah going 'wtf'. It feels too real and not in a 'she's acting' type of way, but that she's actually a very terrible person.

Life... As we know it, is a river, but you don't land on just any river bank, everything is orchestrated 'chaos'. After watching ep 4 s 3, I was too mentally exhausted and decided to take a break with YouTube. While scrolling, I see this thumbnail 'American in Peril' and the title is 'the TRUTH behind lorde x jack antonoff powerpoint' by the YouTube channel American in Peril.

So I google... 'Lena Dunham and Jack antonoff'.

A little insight here as to why I'm interested in this, I for the longest time loved and tbf still love the bleachers. The album Gone now is one of the best things I've listened to in my life (coming to find out there is tea with the release of this album and all). So I was very surprised to see Lena and Jack and Lorde in the same thumbnail.

*continuing*

I click on the Reddit link... And I find out that Lena is hated by everyone and my feelings were right and she helped Hilary Clinton run for presidency and she's Jack's ex-girlfriend. I find all this out through a powerpoint (I will link it in the end)

Apparently, Lorde had made her Melodrama album with Jack who was dating Lena at the time and was in a friends circle with Taylor Swift (turns out I'm late to life and all, people hated Is-not-real for a long time,by a long time,I mean 2014 and that Taylor already Irked people from way back in 2018 and not cos she started dating that Kelsey guy) Everything is happening all at once and the emotions I feel today have been in existence for forever, it just hadn't come to me yet. The album was made in Jack's shared home with Lena while Lena was away campaigning for Hillary in summer of 2016 (Lena is the reason we ever had a first Trump presidency).

Someone sat down, listened to the album, read articles and came up with a detailed PPT with references and all, about 8yrs ago, all allegedly, only to find out in 2026 that they were right? Cos Lena released a memoir again and confirmed this?

I am so happy to be in this current timeline, kind of actually, but this is just amazing to me. How everything and everyone is so connected.

I'll go watch the yt video now, but Reddit stays supreme.

Here's the ppt for those interested... https://www.reddit.com/r/popculturechat/s/32jb98ssQg

You might find that more interesting...

GIRLS S2 (BAD PEOPLE GET GOOD THINGS)

So this season was weird. From the beginning up till the end, it felt like patches and scraps of stories put together to create a season. And as always, everyone gets a storyline except Shoshanah.

From the very first episode, everything just felt weird. I was getting a little concerned with all the nudity in the first half of the season and suddenly in the second half she has OCD. There was a black republican storyline, there was the trash doctor, there was Adam... Adam. We will smash that bridge when we cross it.

The story with the doctor, made me feel weird. Hannah isn't really a good person (which I have concluded is a general trait of all characters in this show, even Shosh, to a smaller extent), what's so charming about her that the doctor starts sleeping with her so suddenly. Only palm colored people can pull of shit like that and before we even get to that, rich people don't just sleep with the person wrongly filling up their trash can? Like that whole act was just too fantastical to me. I was more annoyed than normal, watching that. I just kept saying this only works cos this is a show, she's white or she's the producer and writer of the show. Her sudden OCD diagnosis which is now ruining her life is too unnerving. What is the reason???? Her trip with Jesse, her complaining about a UTI, her minute meeting with that 19yr old that turned out to be idk a dead end, what was all that?

Marnie and Charlie.... I am so irritated by the choices the people on this show make. Maybe from the outside it is obviously crazy but when you're in it, you don't know, maybe that's it, cos wtf. Marnie is obviously a social climber which is great for her but I just don't like people like her and Charlie is a dunce who got a lot of money and cannot go through life without his drug? Marnie? Their relationship just irks me, like, how can people just throw themselves at other people, be that oblivious to their own actions and shamelessly act? Sing in his office? And right after he pounds her in his corner office? I wish them the best but, wtf.

Ray and Shosh, doomed from the start but a girl has got to experience life right? Happy she's with the blond guy now, hope he is not a D#ck, which is a requirement for men on this show. Not a single exemplary man, none. Not even her father... Maybe him a little bit actually.

I don't know why Adam is still on this show. I remember as I watched the last episode, some time back I had seen that clip of him running to Hannah and people had said something like 'you cant reply a text but Adam ran from his house to hers'. context people, context. That man practically assaulted Natalie and what's weird is she still stayed? That man belongs in a prison and how these women stay after all the humiliation he puts them through upsets me. Why do men like these have access to women? Hannah practically cared for him his whole illness and he was an ass to her still, he has terrible anger and moods, he's a fucking landmine, living in a woodworkers scrap room and women stayed? This is not good. Not good at all. Hannah could've called Elijah, She could've called Charlie, She could've called Shoshanah, but she intentionally reached out to the worst of the worst and is happy he showed up. The bar is in the devils bum.

I have nothing to say about Jessa.

Lastly, the part where she cries into the doctors arms talking about actually wanting to be happy, that was the realest thing this season. It is obvious she is a self sabotag-er and to be self aware enough to admit that and want something different, I liked that.

So far S2 has been... provocative, that's for sure. Looking forward to S3. Solid 6

GIRLS... S1 (right time?)

My first memory of this show is reading a post that says 'the show finds you' I remember feeling something like, the show is wonderful and even though it's been out for over 10 yrs, when it's time to watch the show, it finds you. The themes discussed and what is portrayed helps you, like a fairy god mother... When the show finds you.

It must have been a year ago I saw this. I finally watched the first season today...

Today I went to do my biometrics for my PR to Canada, there is still the small chance I don't get it like Subomi, but I'm not too worried actually. Today I felt like a drifting wood at sea, far out at sea. I looked at my family and how disjointed it has always been but the one person who still did her best to keep things looking alright in the least, is being Iced out by my siblings. For doing something any good mother would do in that situation. And I hate it. I hate them for it. I hate it. That they're playing this stupid game, I hate it. That people have done much worse and they've been okay with it, been doormats and trash bags for other people's trash and just smiled through it, but this is how they choose to handle this, icing her out. Anyways, the thought of getting the PR to go live with them wasn't really thrilling so I wasn't on too much of a hot mood. Then I remembered the show.

I'll say this, I absolutely HATE people like Hannah. Jesus. Self sabotaging, careless, opportunists like Hannah. All the terrible things happening to her in the show are heartbreaking to watch, but she deserves it. You see Adam, she deserves him. Cos that's what she wants. I dislike him so much my goddddd! No matter how they try to make him into this complex character, I just see 'man'. And that's intended as a slur. I like Shoshannah, I don't like the guy she ended up with in the last episode. I like Elijah. The end. I really like Charlie, I hope he really really moves on from Maude? Or what's her name. I like her sometimes but other times I'm like... She's the other side of the coin that is Hannah, and it's the same coin. Made of the same material, just different faces.

The British sounding girl is alright, I forget her name. She's alright.

So far, I think the show is great. You know, maybe I'd have appreciated it more in like 2018, when I was still in school and in that 'college phase'. Now it's cool, but looks like a cautionary tale, for me. Like theyre 23 and in that situation, and I'm almost 30 and just as broke and living with my parents.

Girls... Right?

Solid 7.

REVENANT... THE KDRAMA, NOT THE MOVIE.

I wish I didn't watch it. Love the actors but the story was just not my vibe. At all.

It's a good show no doubt. Just not good... For me. I almost cried at the end, but I couldn't even tell you why, it felt like I was being manipulated into crying. That's how the whole show felt, like a manipulation to feel different things. Fear, love, pity, teary.

Didn't like it though. Took me weekssssss to finish.

Solid 4... To me.

LA LA LAND IN 2026... 10 YEARS LATER

As we continue on this walk down memory lane. Trying to relieve moments in an attempt to transport back in time, if only for just 2hrs7mins, I decided to watch LA LA Land again.

At the time of watching it in maybe 2016/17, I remember feeling in awe. I remember being mind-blown by the creativity of the human mind. How someone or some people could create such beauty. And the songs... Don't get me started! I loved the ending then and I love the ending now.

Seeing it now in 2026, I still agree that it is so deserving of all the awards and accolades. Ryan Gosling... The man you are! Always on the right side of history and things. Creating magic everywhere. The acting phenomenal. And I think I remember he had to really learn to play Jazz on the keyboard and even retained the skill after. I'm amazed.

It felt so real then and still feels so real now. Despite all the allusions to the human creativity in the movie, plainly. The songs, the dances. The story. Oh so real.

I remember singing 'Another day of sun' and 'City of lights' even crying to city of lights while walking in Ukraine for a long long time. Phenomenal work! Astounding! Emma was brilliant. I couldn't but notice her wardrobe and the colours. Then I don't think I had an indepth thought on it... Even now still, I don't think I do, but I'd like to say that I just noticed how the colours changed with the situation. Brilliant work from the costume artists. Blue and Yellow, separately, sometimes Blue and Red and to meet her first BF she wears green, breaks up with him and is now wearing green in that iconic scene singing 'what a waste of a lovely night' with Ryan. Then she starts wearing purple with Ryan. Whole time she's with him she's in shades of purple. They break up and she's back to Yellow. She gains stardom and is wearing Black and whites... Brilliant. Just brilliant.

On the bad side... Emma, have a sandwich. She was sooooo thin in that movie. Jesus.

Some things cannot be created by people in their 20's. Most of the people who worked on the show are between 40-60yrs now. Experience really refines you.

La La Land... Thank you for such a beautiful life. I will always think fondly of you. Solid 8.4/10

STRONG GIRLS AND Heated Rivalry

What I'm about to say... I need you to hear me out and pause for a second.

Strong girls love heated rivalry but dislike some parts of Shane.

Hear me out...

When I watched HR in January, I paused at least 20 times each episode because I felt second hand embarrassment for Shane.

I would never understand people who like to be bosses around and told what to do during Shmex. Growing up I have been treated as an afterthought. My opinions are dismissed and I'm not really considered relevant in consequential decisions and actions. As an adult it has been a constant work in progress for me to stand my ground and make my voice heard. I don't like being told 'sit here' 'get me the remote' 'go and change'... So seeing Shane simp for Ilya feels so cringe and triggering in a way. Crawling to him? Lord. He says 'Take off your clothes' and Shane a grown man, same age as the commander, obeys. Why? I hated that part so much. Especially the hotel room. Ilya watching him... Could be hot for some, for me it felt like slavery. Like his master asked him to do it. Be that vulnerable... Ilya could've started laughing could've walked out. Why would he do that??? Happy it turned out that way for them but boyyyyyy... I did not enjoy cos I felt tension, anxiety tension, not happy adult shmexy tension. So that's why I think girls who've had to be strong their whole lives may find it really embarrassing to simp for another person like that. Maybe I'm wrong. Idk. But I've stayed at the cottage since January.

Moscow, my love! (1974)

My 3rd? Russian movie. It was a Japanese x Russian love story. Yuriko a wonderful ballet dancer is scouted to go to Russia to learn dance. She has a Japanese boyfriend who she writes to regularly about the challenges she's facing in Russia. He's a journalist, so he writes more frequently than she does. Yuriko falls for Volodya and chooses him over the Japanese one. (I just realized that the guy who plays the journalist, he is not credited and his relevance to the story is completely erased). I can't remember his name so I tried to Google the cast... Ничего. Anyways, she's about to be a primary for the play Giselle, only to collapse and find out she has blood cancer. She was born in Hiroshima. This was years after the atomic destruction of that place. She exits this world eventually in Vova's arms. Movie ends.

I wonder how intertwined the Russians and Japanese are. In a time like that... After the first WW. It's strange to me that a Japanese could learn Russian for a movie. It feels so strange. It was an okay movie. I liked the 'blast from the past' that the movie is... Solid 5.

BEGIN AGAIN, 2013... While attempting to begin again

I don't remember where I saw that quote about how people and things come into your lives and leave parts of themselves with you even though they leave. And those parts become part and parcel of you that you can't remember it was left by someone or something.

I have Ukriane to thank for a lot of things in my life. Especially my growth and my outlook on life. I remember watching Begin again, that night on my bed, that small student size bed, maybe it was my white bedsheets or the tiger ones I bought from Aisha. Maybe the lights were on, maybe they were off. But it was certainly late hours of the night into the early morning. My mind was blown. I felt like I was dancing in a sunflower field after watching it. I don't remember what I thought in that instant after watching it but I remember how I felt.

The movie stayed with me. Since that night. I find myself singing some of the songs in the most unexpected of times. I like to listen to Lost Stars, and Loved you like a fool. But I find myself singing Coming up Roses, before I even play it on YouTube. Watching the movie again tonight, I began to cry, when the children started singing 'hold on, hold on'. I felt transported to that small room. With the unique wall design, on my bed with my small cupboard beside the open shelf. I was back there again. And I was happy.

The movie for me is like a time machine. It takes me back, with those beautiful beautiful songs.

I kept saying I want a man like Mark Ruffalo in this movie and a father like him would be awesome too! I mean it. He is chaotic and embarrassing and lays his heart out on his sleeves and he's an alcoholic. But then he chooses to stop drinking and he's funny and is okay selling the album for a dollar and doesn't ignore his feelings for Keira; acknowledges them but goes back to his wife. I love him, oh I love him!

You see, when I think of Ukraine, while I was there, I was happy. I was depressed for a long time but eventually I got my shit together, I for better roommates, I became vegetarian, I discovered my love for the climate, I worked out, I got jobs... I travelled. Back home, things have been drastically different. Nothing is working according to plan. This year, I decided to join dance class, workout and disappoint my parents... I have partially achieved some... Still working on it. I know everything will eventually come up roses. That's for sure.

The songs are amazing, the story is great! The actors are awesome. The trip back to Ukraine was great! a solid 10 in my books.

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