Witch Hunt, Burn This Girl

Why?

[awful-thingsx]

3-29-23

It hurts my heart and soul so fucking bad to watch your heart break like this. My heart is breaking because of his diagnosis too, but to have to watch my love go through this?

I would change everything if I could. One of the hardest things for me to grasp is that my savior complex won't actually save anybody in a situation like this. I can give and give and give and give, but at the end of the day, he is still dying and my heart is still breaking and so is yours. I will personally fight gods and devils and whoever is in charge of making these kinds of decisions. I wish I believed in prayer, I've been half tempted to try even though I know it's pointless.

But I can't fix this one. And it won't get better. One day, a year down the line, he won't be able to sing. And another year after that, he'll be gone. And I don't know if I can handle that and handle watching you handle that. Life isn't fucking fair, I hate it here.

[ghostgiving]

conversations with a crisis line

reblog don’t repost

[faerieforestcat]

I knew I didn’t love you ever since I was 6.

I learned that relations by blood doesn’t make a family.

I found out that a parent’s love isn’t unconditional.

I discovered that I never bonded with you in the first place.

I realized that I only stayed in that house because I was a child and didn’t know better.

I understood that I was afraid of the “what ifs”, the outside world, and if running away could be worse than staying there.

I saw that it’s not normal for a child to run away from their “parents”, that they’d prefer to stay in their room all day and avoid all possible contact with them for most of their life.

I comprehended I wasn’t a bad person for hating you, that the problem wasn’t me, but the person who constantly harmed me.

I noticed that I wasn’t a bad kid, you were the bad “parent”.

But I’ve grown now. Fuck you, I was the victim.

[its-simply-just-krys]

[awful-thingsx]

sorting out a lot of parental trauma lately. i hate my name, why am i the junior for a man who's never even liked me? he told me he wanted me dead when I was six fucking years old and i carry his name. how fucking twisted? my mom plays the victim card so hard and i've tried to help and finally had to come to the conclusion that you cannot save people that don't want to be saved. and i was a child and cannot be held responsible for the shit that they both try to hold me responsible for. i was a child. i never got to be a child. i am twenty one now and my heart still aches to be young. how do two people have a baby and claim to be excited about it and keep it on purpose and then treat it so fucking badly? i just wonder what it feels like to be loved by a parent. my heart aches knowing that ill never know the answer.

[imsadperiod]

[awful-thingsx]

3/12/23

my heart fucking aches. ACHES!!! and will until we either lose contact or you die, or both? and then it will continue to ache for months and years afterwards. life is not fucking fair. I love you, bastard. you're my family. this cannot be real. life isn't fucking real.

[awful-thingsx]

money money money money money. i hate having to worry so hard about fucking money. i know it's annoying to hear me talk about but i'm currently nearly $1700 negative (or will be tomorrow after my credit cars bill goes through). i'm panicking big time. i don't know what to do anymore. i might pick up a second job. i'm going to have to. All i know is this isn't living. i shouldn't be suicidal because of work and money. i shouldn't be suicidal at all. i'm supposed to be better, why aren't i better?

head aches, heart aches, body aches. oh, heart aches. i need things to get better. it's beyond depression at this point. i can't figure a way out of this one.

[awful-thingsx]

i always fuck things up and ruin people's day

[paulwylie]

[stckwll]

[paulwylie]

[awful-thingsx]

7-2-21

Still so fucking tired of feeling so empty and hollow all the time. Things are supposed to be better, why am I still like this?

[awful-thingsx]

Why can I never make friends who like my other friends

Why can I never keep friends

Why does everyone hate me everywhere I go

I just dont get it. I try to be nice and to be a good person but I can never keep a group of friends and nobody new ever thinks I'm worth the time. I feel so fucking stuck and I feel like I'll never have more than one friend no matter what I do. I just miss hanging out in a group and having fun and being dumb for a day without consequences. I miss being myself and being wild and crazy for a day, and not having it dictate who I am the next day. I miss walking around doing jack shit just because I enjoyed who I was with. I'd kill to be 15 again and be able to somehow not lose all the friendships I've lost.

[teenageexorcist666]

[adhd-vibes]

“ADHD doesn’t effect everything that you do!”

Well, ADHD effects how my brain works. And my brain controls everything that I do...so... you connect the dots mate 👀

[awful-thingsx]

im so tired of my brain not working right, i just want to be able to think and remember things like a normal fucking person but no matter what i just cannot

my adhd will be what ruins me