Wow, That's Awkward.

I frequently encounter interesting things. Some things are are new, and some aren't, but they’ll all be referred to as Awkward Antiques. They’re awkward because I make up little scenarios in my head involving these things. I mostly use snapchat to create these little scenes...

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I’m back bitches!

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Alright, beyond the obvious... drainage issues... wth is with Mary's head scarf? Looks to me like my girl has some big ass hair and that makes me question the existence of hair spray in the time of the Christ child. Also, someone needs a towel or one of those nipple drip pads for new moms, that can't be comfortable for her.

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She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty...

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Just saying.

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Just making my way through my workweek the best I can...

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Don’t freak out: EVERYONE’S family is bizarre. It’s a universal truth. The flavor of your weirdness may differ, but everyone has some of their own to enjoy.

(I uploaded all these in reverse so they would tell a story.)

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Seriously though, is the fact that I’ve got a college degree, a full time job, own property, and haven’t starved myself to death not enough for you people?!?! Count your damn blessings, would you???

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Don’t worry, you won’t actually die alone. Not unless you’re into that. There’s a fetish for everything I guess... No judgement.

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For real though, offering beverages and a place to plant your ass is pretty much the extent of my hosting abilities...

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Why stress when your holiday look is ON POINT?

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If you’re quick enough you may get out of there without anyone knowing it was you.

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Don’t drink to excess in front of your mom, unless you’re both alcoholics, in which case, get your asses to AA. Alcoholism is not actually funny.

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I’m uploading these in reverse so they’ll tell a story.

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I’m posting all these on my lunch break with one hand in a bag of chips like...

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If it was okay for centuries, it should be fine now.

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when you’re running late for something and you’re nearly there

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Yeah, and I bet you walked uphill to school both ways in the snow for three miles.