I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other
[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So-o-o-o-o what
So what
So what
So what
I can't think straight, I'm so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I'm passive, aggressive
I'm scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won't shut up
And I never really grew up
[Pre-Chorus]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it
[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what
(I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what"
This song makes me smile for so many reasons. It's just a silly song but is so congruous with everything I've been feeling lately. It is SO freeing to be able to just be yourself and let your heavy secrets go. When you are able to talk about it, it takes the heavy away.
So here are a few of my demons that I have finally learned to dance with:
1. I have huge fears of commitment because I am deathly afraid of any more abusive relationships in my life and I hate failing.
2. My mom is a bipolar alcoholic but I take care of her anyways because I need to.
3. I need recoup days where I dont talk to anyone after ive had a particularly emotionally draining day.
4. I have an addictive personality. I used to be addicted to drugs alcohol and self injuring, now it is caffeine, books and making cupcakes (life could be worse)
5. I don't say the word love very often, but if you look close, you can see it.
6. I am afraid of yelling and acts of anger like slamming doors or throwing things.
7. I still fight depression daily, but hate medicating. Sometimes keeping my happy face on all day just completely wipes me out, but I will never stop trying. ever.
To whoever is reading this- your secrets are what you hold closest to you, thus they are sometimes the biggest part of you and you should love yourself enough to trust them to someone else. Letting go of them is scary as hell, but LET ME TELL YOU, it feels so good to not feel like half of a person and to finally feel comfortable in your own skin. Take comfort that someone out there is going through the same thing as you and everything will be okay.