Hey! Hello! I have been wondering and I have been trying to find a specific Len module and I have seen your youtube videos, They are very nice I like them! Are they uploaded by any chance? If so could you please tell me where? Thank you!
Hello!
Ah yes, Emo Len! He's gorgeous, isn't he?
I'm afraid he's a private mod, he was specially commissioned by my friend drinkyourvegetable, who designed him. So I'm afraid no, he is not uploaded anywhere, I'm sorry.
Glad you like him, though! Thank you for liking my friend's gorgeous Len module!
I apologize for my mood swings. I know it's jarring to see me go from incredibly depressed to seemingly normal.
This is quite personal, but let me explain what's been going on in my life that's caused my weird behavior since June. I understand some of you guys have been worried about me, so I want to explain myself.
Under the cut because this contains triggering things like death and bullying.
On June 5th, one of my friends committed suicide. I'm really bad at dealing with grief, I've lost very few people in my life, and I don't really know how to process it at all. I was in denial for awhile, gradually coming to realize my friend was dead as time went on, hence the "crying myself to sleep every night" post from a few weeks ago.
It's been very hard for me to deal with and I can't help but blame myself. I'm not gonna give too many details, but they just vanished one day and didn't tell me anything was happening, and didn't even give me a goodbye. I'm absolutely heartbroken, and struggling to cope with this.
Along with this, I have also been undergoing workplace bullying. My coworkers don't like me, for seemingly no reason. My biggest offense I can think of is that I'm annoying and talk too much. But I'm not mean, I'm not rude—I try so hard to be kind and gentle, I make small talk, I remember things they tell me, I just try to be kind, and none of them reciprocate it.
All my coworkers get along with each other well and talk and laugh with each other, but always leave me out of conversations. Countless times they've been chatting and laughing together and I'll be like, "Whatcha talking about?" and they'll be like, "Oh, nothing~"
I understand if they're talking about personal matters, but like, it can't be that common right?
Additionally, when I do hear their conversations, I'll playfully jump in and say something, and they'll just stare at me, ignore my words, then go back to what they were saying.
Even more, multiple people at my job have been making fun of me. Mocking how I walk, calling me annoying...
Things escalated pretty far on the 4th of July, but things seem to be getting better, thankfully. Nonetheless, the mistreatment I've been receiving at my job has also been taking a toll on my mental health.
Losing my friend and being treated like I don't matter by my coworkers has made me incredibly insecure and depressed and has made me feel like I can't do anything or make a difference. I've had multiple breakdowns at work and have been having a hard time.
Things have been really difficult. Sometimes things act up and they come out in posts on here because I need to vent. I'm really sorry I scare you guys sometimes.
I'm still fighting. I'm still going. Life is just hard for me right now. But I'm doing my best. I know I make posts that sound like I'm about to give up, but I promise it's not going to happen that quickly. I'm gonna keep fighting, even if it hurts. I do have things to live for. I have drawing, tuning, my friends, my cats, Len, upcoming commissions I have on the way or want to buy, you guys, more Project Diva to play...I do have things to live for. Things feel bleak right now, but I'm not going to let it all go just like that, even if I'm hurting.
Thank you guys for being so kind and understanding to me. It means a lot. And thank you for reading all of this.
jacobvanloon
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