Corrupted.

This is personal.

[ayeebooop-blog]

So I’ve decided to recreate my Tumblr account.

I won’t be active and posting on this account anymore (once my queue is done) but I won’t be deactivating this account. I’m going to make the “sdraw-kcab” URL as my new account soo I’ll be back to “ayeebooop” on this one. For...

[ayeeyobooop-blog]

In other words, go follow sdraw-kcab.tumblr.com

I miss my lovely followers.. :c 

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Fuck you,

You never loved me. 

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I need some inspiration.

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I want you to know that I love you. I really do.

Curious at all?

I don't know when you'll see this... A bit superficial, but I was going to ask if you would care to let everybody know of our "relation". It bothers me that it's been two months already, and yet there are still so many people that like you, and you know it. I'm sure you knew what I meant when I asked you yesterday; unresponsive is the way to go. If you don't want to, then just say so, and I'll never speak a word of it again. I won't blame you if you do. To be smothered in a silence so loud is painful... Tch, sorry for being so dramatic all the time. I just never know what you're truly thinking or feeling. You always have that aura of mystery about you, and I really don't know what to think. I love you...

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I was going through our old mail messages and came across this.

The tears won't stop.. I don't even know why. I love you, and I want you to know that. But... Do you still love me?

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I feel as sad and lonely as can be. I miss everyone.

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Just a feeling. I think..

I feel as if nobody wants to talk to me anymore. I don't want those half-hearted conversations. I don't want those conversations that only come up out of boredom. I'm sorry if I'm sounding so demanding. I just feel so lonely. I want to talk to somebody who actually cares. I want to be somebody "worthwhile" to someone else. I want someone who I can call a friend. You know that I could use somebody.. I'm so far away from everyone, physically and mentally, and the worse part is, I'll be spending all this time alone. I need somebody to talk to..

[ayeeyobooop-blog]

Here's to part of my past.

So much for "Best guy friend".

Why did you leave me? You freaking abandoned me. Saying that we no longer had anything to talk about. What's that supposed to mean? We can easily find things to talk about. And you know it. Give me a legit excuse, please. But you obviously don't get it, do you? I don't think you've ever realized but, you were one of my closest friends. Remember how I told you things I'd never tell anyone else? Yeah, that's called trust. We had trust in our friendship. Close friends are what we used to be back then. Those are really rare things to come across nowadays. For me, that is. I don't go around calling everyone I meet a "close friend". I don't throw that phrase around like that, making it lose its meaning. You have to earn that position in my life. Why'd you throw that away? I really cared about you, you know? I never thought that we'd end up like this. I hated how the timing was never right. I had a crush on you when you didn't even acknowledge my existence and then you started chasing me right after I decided it was time to move on. I hated that. But somehow, little by little, we worked through that. Time brought us closer together and the next thing I know, we were at the level of close friends. Maybe even best friends. We talked to each other on aim, at school, played Facebook games together, and just talked. We used to talk a whole lot. I loved talking to you. Mainly because you always knew what say and always, always had something to talk about. I miss that. I miss what we had. That "almost but not quite" sort of friendship. But you know, the most horrible part of this all is that something deep down inside of me knows that I'll never get you back. That I'll never get this kind of friendship back ever again.

Something tells me that you're okay with it, too. And that's what's killing me.

Goodbye, Steven Tran.

[ayeeyobooop-blog]

Bipolar

They say go and pursue your dreams and then they go and cut you down. What do you want from me? Seriously. It’s like, you’ve actually got so close to what you’ve been chasing for such a long time and then they’ll just get in the way. It’s like they’d do anything to discourage you. And that gets me thinking; What do you get out of this? Is there something you gain from doing this? What’s the point? I thought you were supporting me.. It’s so hard to trust now. People never really turn out they way you think they would.

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I only cry because of you.

There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to talk to you so badly. I want us to be like an actual couple, you know? Couples as in lovers… As in two people in a relationship. I want that. I want that kind of relationship where I wouldn’t be afraid to tell you things. I want to be that person you would go to so that you can tell all your troubles. But sad to say, even today, I still feel so scared to do just that. I don’t even know why. I wish you could just help me out. We’re just stuck in this phase of our relationship. It’s already been eight months. And the thing is, I don’t know what to do. What’s there for me to do? I’m so lost. You’re my first, you know? I’m new at this. You have to lead me through this. Please. I want to make this work. I’ve been waiting for you for so long. And amazingly, you’re finally mine. I can call you mine and you can call me yours. But why don’t we? Is your love for me fading? Or did you really love me to begin with? I’m so scared to think that. What if you really didn’t actually love me to begin with? What am I to you? I hate this. Why won’t you talk to me like how we talked before? What changed? Talk to me, please.