Aztez- This is me.

This be me blog. Posting and reblogging any of my ideas, interests or thoughts. I will post any of my artwork through the #aztezart tag. Any of my gameplay will be tagged with #aztezplay tag. Any personal notes or journal notes through #azteznote Feel free to ask me what you like. Come, stay, enjoy.

[aztez-santiago]

Fate seems to be rolling dice.

Something has changed.

I'm not sure what it is is but three times in a week, near enough three years after.

The date is coming up, could he be that vindictive?

I think I might possibly give the world to have a conversation, it might kill me but that's nothing I'm not due.

Just to say this isn't completely gone, I'll leave it in your court, and I'll keep an eye out for anymore of the gods games.

[aztez-santiago]

That part still stings, imagining you guys falling in love before we ever fell out

Breaking ice before we ever broke down

Letting your hearts collide before you ever let mine down

And, five years later, your mascara still stains my pink Carhartt T-shirt

I don't wear it, but I can't throw it

Be like hitting delete on our history

Deleting what you meant to me

Even if we weren't meant to be

[aztez-santiago]

[aztez-santiago]

That's too simple of a question. Too short and easy of a question/answer.

I've made some of the worst mistakes of my life and destroyed lives, that's what I did. One side I no longer get to know, yet wish to feel. The other deserves the pain. They now carry it around as a reminder as there is no one who will remind them and now I don't know how to let it go. It is now an honour to carry that pain. That glorious reminder to access the grief. To enable the unfelt happiness to come back to claim it's bill. If the mountains of grief are anything to go by I've definitely ruined the best thing that will ever happen to me.

I'm fully aware this is all whining. All of it is deserved. They no longer care for me. I will never hear from them. Yet they still haunt me. They went somewhere I couldn't follow. Any pain would be worth one last breath, one last word. One last dance.

Many moons have passed. Luna is still looked out for. She returns again and again and the only thing she returns to me are reminders and the pain, yet I avidly await her next visit.

I've destroyed lives. One worth less than nothing, the other worth more than I should ever have been able to touch. I'm the weak, pitiful and undeserving one. I'd gladly go through all the pain that they could give me to have a chance to repair it. But I know that won't happen.

I thought I was changing. That it was all going to work. That it would be what I was hoping for. Turns out I was nothing more than the monster. Trialled, convicted and branded.

[aztez-santiago]

I've got so many questions. I won't ever get any of the answers. The ones I would, will only hurt more than the wanting.

I don't think I've mended anything. I think I'm still punishing myself. I think I deserve it.

I haven't let go. How do you learn to let go of your life.

Suppose I kinda have let go of life, I have no control of mine and it's just progressing without me so how can I say I have life?

I know what to have a true one is like. I know the feeling of truly being killed with life. I want it back, but I think I'm still hoping for that life not the feeling of being filled up. I don't think I'll get that again. I messed up badly and I wanted to fix it all. I have messed up my life. I'm in the worst waiting place I've ever been in and I don't think I'll ever get out of or deserve to.

Yet the only thing I feel when I might see you is fear. Pure and unaltered fear.

I hope only the best for you and had only hoped that was me. It's not. I'm one of the worst. I'm sorry.

[aztez-santiago]

A big group photo. Not many one offs this year though.

[aztez-santiago]

Gigs. Still not improved on pictures but oh well it's for me and this is a summary.

[aztez-santiago]

Part Seven

[aztez-santiago]

Part Six

[aztez-santiago]

Part Five

[aztez-santiago]

Part Four

[aztez-santiago]

Part Three

[aztez-santiago]

Part Two

[aztez-santiago]

Part One

[aztez-santiago]

The day came and went. I meant to write a message for the day but it went. This is a lot harder than I thought it'd be by now.

So I talked to the moon, wishing you well and me some will.

I hope you are doing well. I wish many things but that time has passed.

Now to see what happens next.

[locusustus]

[o-blivia]

I would love to see this story

[ebookporn]

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

[neil-gaiman]

A zeugma walked into a bar, my life and trouble.