~“Veronica„~

17 - A Veronica amidst Heathers. How very.

[azurepillowcase]

April 23, 1989

Dear Diary,

My last diary ran out of pages, so this is my new first entry. Because I am a crazy person I am going to introduce myself to myself (hey, maybe I'll die in some freak accident and this is all that's left of me. Who knows?) My name is Veronica Sawyer, if you couldn't tell by the name I meticulously wrote in pen on the spine. I live in Sherwood, Ohio, and I am currently a junior at Westerburg High. Go Rotweilers. I'd like to someday go to an ivy league college, but right now I'm stuck using my grand IQ deciding what gloss to wear. That's because I've found myself entangled with The Heathers. I had this whole speech written in my diary back at the start of the year, but I can't be bothered to find it and copy it down. Hopefully you'll be okay with the TL:DR. Heather McNamara: she's a cheerleader and the 'nicest' of the three, but that 'niceness' just means she's basically a doormat for the other two; Heather Duke: her whole thing is being in second place, it's kinda sad really; Heather Chandler: The Almighty. She is a mythic bitch. (Okay, that part I stole right from my spiel) I'd like to say I've maintained my sense of character since joining the club, but I really haven't. I'm still sassy, and I'm definitely the most outspoken of the group (God knows why Heather lets me get away with talking back nearly as much as I do) but when push comes to shove, I follow the currents. Well, I keep wracking my brain for anything else relevant enough to add, but nothing good comes up. I guess I'll end this entry here.

//OOC begin //Hello, mun here! This is definitely experimental, I'm not sure how I feel about this formatting (especially how I'll handle interactions with other blogs, but, we'll burn that bridge when we get to it)

//As for the canon... mostly movie based but with a few tweaks to my liking. It’s not set in stone, but basically:

//Ronnie was born in… Let’s say December 1971. 86-87 was her Freshman year, which she went through as a nobody. 87-88 was Sophomore year, spent much the same way. Veronica got lifted up into the Heathers’ ranks at the start of Junior year, 88-89.

//It is May, 1989, nearing the end of Veronica's Junior year of high school. She's never heard of the Deans outside of that one dumb commercial she only barely remembers, and she won't know any more for a good few months. (However, this I’m willing to be flexible on)

//I don’t really have mains— partially because I’m too small to be picky and partially because I want to be more open if and when I become a larger player.

//She is bisexual, but she doesn't know it yet. In terms of physique she’s 5’7” and has shoulder-length hair which is naturally curly and she has to straighten it partially to get it ‘right’.

//As for info about me, the mun. You can call me Yui. I am also 17, nearing the end of my Junior year. Unlike Veronica, I’m a complete lesbo.

//Time zone: CDT (UTC-5)

//I’m usually up from about 6:00 AM to like 10:00 PM

//Oh, the header photo is a picture of the Orion Nebula, taken by me!

[azurepillowcase]

Dear Diary,

I feel like I keep waiting for something to happen, for people to turn on Heather for defending me, but so far, nothing has. JD gives me the same death glares he does Heather, and guys are just as creepy as ever, they just ask about my dick instead of my pussy.

I’m about ready to try and forget about the whole thing and go back to normal, or what passes as normal around here.

How do I be normal, again?

[manicallyydepressedpsychopath]

happy pride to whatever these gaybos had going on

[liongrl321]

What Heather said: "for a greasy little nobody, to do have good bone structure"

What she meant: "omg ur cute af, imma keep u >:3"

[azurepillowcase]

That morning, as Veronica marched into school, almost everything she wore was carefully planned by Heather, from her outfit to every square inch of makeup on her face. Once Heather was done with her, not even Veronica could pick out any one feature in the mirror that she didn't like.

As a result, she was actually fairly confident upon re-entering the halls of Westerburg after her two-day leave.

//ooc note: open prompt!

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Oh, um, Hi Ronnie! Good to see you back. If I was in your place, I wouldn't have the ba-GUTS to come back here. God, that was almost a very poor choice of words. Sorry. (Mac visibly cringes at her almost tragic phrasing). But yeah, you're very brave. Just know that at least I support you, Ronnie. And since Chandler clearly does too, it doesn't matter what Duke thinks about it. I'll tell her to be nice or else if she gives you crap for it. You're just as much of a woman as me or anyone else. Hell, you're twice the woman JD is. Spreading personal information like that and all. Anything you need from me?

[azurepillowcase]

For a while Veronica was frozen, taking a moment to understand the long string of words that were just uttered to her.

“Heather… Heather, please.”

She stood still, moving only in short bouts like a malfunctioning wind-up doll. She put her hand out and down, as if pushing someone away.

“Calm down. I, uh…”

She still had some processing to do in her brain.

“Thanks?”

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Am I doing too much, Ronnie? Sorry for overwhelming you. Don't tell her I told you this, but Chandler threatened me and Duke to be really nice to you "or else". I wasn't planning on giving you shit for... y'know, so I think it was mostly directed at Duke. Sorry again.

[azurepillowcase]

“She did? That’s… wow…”

Was she blushing? She felt kinda like it. At least with how much makeup she had on it probably wouldn’t be too noticeable.

“Yeah, that’s, uh, okay, thanks for telling me.”

She grinned, managing to feel even better about herself, as well as her relationship with Heather.

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Yeah, shocking, isn't it? My head was spinning too. By the way, your makeup is on point today, Ronnie. Especially that blush! Very vibrant. You'll definitely be turning some heads looking like hell on wheels. The guys will practically be falling at your feet!

[azurepillowcase]

Once again Veronica was left unsure of what to say. It was pretty awkward.

“Uh, maybe? Anyways, I’d best be going…”

[azurepillowcase]

That morning, as Veronica marched into school, almost everything she wore was carefully planned by Heather, from her outfit to every square inch of makeup on her face. Once Heather was done with her, not even Veronica could pick out any one feature in the mirror that she didn't like.

As a result, she was actually fairly confident upon re-entering the halls of Westerburg after her two-day leave.

//ooc note: open prompt!

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Oh, um, Hi Ronnie! Good to see you back. If I was in your place, I wouldn't have the ba-GUTS to come back here. God, that was almost a very poor choice of words. Sorry. (Mac visibly cringes at her almost tragic phrasing). But yeah, you're very brave. Just know that at least I support you, Ronnie. And since Chandler clearly does too, it doesn't matter what Duke thinks about it. I'll tell her to be nice or else if she gives you crap for it. You're just as much of a woman as me or anyone else. Hell, you're twice the woman JD is. Spreading personal information like that and all. Anything you need from me?

[azurepillowcase]

For a while Veronica was frozen, taking a moment to understand the long string of words that were just uttered to her.

“Heather… Heather, please.”

She stood still, moving only in short bouts like a malfunctioning wind-up doll. She put her hand out and down, as if pushing someone away.

“Calm down. I, uh…”

She still had some processing to do in her brain.

“Thanks?”

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Am I doing too much, Ronnie? Sorry for overwhelming you. Don't tell her I told you this, but Chandler threatened me and Duke to be really nice to you "or else". I wasn't planning on giving you shit for... y'know, so I think it was mostly directed at Duke. Sorry again.

[azurepillowcase]

“She did? That’s… wow…”

Was she blushing? She felt kinda like it. At least with how much makeup she had on it probably wouldn’t be too noticeable.

“Yeah, that’s, uh, okay, thanks for telling me.”

She grinned, managing to feel even better about herself, as well as her relationship with Heather.

[azurepillowcase]

That morning, as Veronica marched into school, almost everything she wore was carefully planned by Heather, from her outfit to every square inch of makeup on her face. Once Heather was done with her, not even Veronica could pick out any one feature in the mirror that she didn't like.

As a result, she was actually fairly confident upon re-entering the halls of Westerburg after her two-day leave.

//ooc note: open prompt!

[heather-mcnamacandcheese]

Oh, um, Hi Ronnie! Good to see you back. If I was in your place, I wouldn't have the ba-GUTS to come back here. God, that was almost a very poor choice of words. Sorry. (Mac visibly cringes at her almost tragic phrasing). But yeah, you're very brave. Just know that at least I support you, Ronnie. And since Chandler clearly does too, it doesn't matter what Duke thinks about it. I'll tell her to be nice or else if she gives you crap for it. You're just as much of a woman as me or anyone else. Hell, you're twice the woman JD is. Spreading personal information like that and all. Anything you need from me?

[azurepillowcase]

For a while Veronica was frozen, taking a moment to understand the long string of words that were just uttered to her.

“Heather… Heather, please.”

She stood still, moving only in short bouts like a malfunctioning wind-up doll. She put her hand out and down, as if pushing someone away.

“Calm down. I, uh…”

She still had some processing to do in her brain.

“Thanks?”

[how-very-salty]

Since it's pride month you should draw more lesbian JD and Veronica PLEASEEEEE I LOVE THEM

sure :3 happy pride month!!🌈✨✨

[azurepillowcase]

That morning, as Veronica marched into school, almost everything she wore was carefully planned by Heather, from her outfit to every square inch of makeup on her face. Once Heather was done with her, not even Veronica could pick out any one feature in the mirror that she didn't like.

As a result, she was actually fairly confident upon re-entering the halls of Westerburg after her two-day leave.

//ooc note: open prompt!

[azurepillowcase]

Dear Diary,

Holy shit, I had sex with Heather Chandler.

Holy Shit.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[chandlersdiary]

heather froze, her suddenly confident and snarky self was silenced. “you’re fucking with me, theres no way.” heather whispered.

she just sat there now, wide-eyed and staring at veronica. this wasn’t true — well, even though she hoped and prayed for it to be true, it just couldn’t be! veronica was so much different than her and she was fantisizing about veronica and now that it was true that the feelings were mutual it feels so…

[azurepillowcase]

"There's yes way," she whisper-yelled. "I mean, come on, you're the hottest girl in the school, and you helped me feel good about myself for the first time in my life."

She turned away, suddenly having trouble looking Heather in the eye. "Of course I fell for you."

[chandlersdiary]

heather kissed veronicas cheek, then murmured, “mutual.” and that was it all she said. she laid her head on veronicas shoulder and pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder.

“i hate you so fucking much for the stuff you made me feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

If Veronica was red before, now she was fucking crimson. Her brain refused to cooperate, leaving her petrified. Silently praying that Heather didn't scoot over just a little more and make things infinitely more awkward, Veronica only managed to stammer out a few words of nonsense.

"You—I—feel... huh?"

[chandlersdiary]

“i want you. i hate you because i want you. i blame you for this..” heather whispered, moving her lips towards veronicas ear, her soft, shaky breaths hitting veronicas ear. “ever since you’ve joined the heathers.. you made me feel shit i swore i would never feel again.”

she confessed, her hand moving from veronicas thigh to veronicas arm, there was a slight shake in her hand as she held onto veronicas arm. she then pressed a soft kiss against veronicas earlobe.

[azurepillowcase]

Somehow being kissed anywhere other than her lips was doing so much more for her. It felt more real, like pure, unadulterated affection rather than a routine or tradition. Veronica let herself lean into the touch.

"I want you too... I wish I were a girl—a real girl, because... because you deserve better than a crossdressing freak like me..."

Leave it to Veronica to take what should've been the greatest moment in her life so far and still find a way to hate herself for it.

[chandlersdiary]

heather hummed. “you pretend to be a girl good enough, i dont mind if you have a dick or a pussy. i just wanted you.” heather murmured against veronicas skin.

she pressed herself against veronicas side more, she kissed veronicas jawline. “i want you to be mine, i hated that jj girl because she took whats mine.” heather explained.

[azurepillowcase]

"Heather," she panted, "you are being so sexy right now." Veronica reached out hesitantly, not quite confident enough to put her hand on Heather's hip. She was still worried about taking the lead, afraid of pushing too far.

"Are we... are we really doing this?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded, she shifted again, now straddling veronicas lap. “do you want to? i mean i know you’re surprised you have someone like me on your lap but, i assume it’d be overwhelming the first time i’m like this.” she spoke.

she placed a hand on veronicas shoulder, the other on veronicas cheek, softly touching veronicas skin while staring into veronicas eyes with undisguised lust.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica nodded far too eagerly, fingers finally finding purchase on Heather's hip.

"Okay... Okay, we're doing this," she admitted to herself. Finally, she closed her eyes and leaned in.

<<Fade to black>>

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[chandlersdiary]

heather froze, her suddenly confident and snarky self was silenced. “you’re fucking with me, theres no way.” heather whispered.

she just sat there now, wide-eyed and staring at veronica. this wasn’t true — well, even though she hoped and prayed for it to be true, it just couldn’t be! veronica was so much different than her and she was fantisizing about veronica and now that it was true that the feelings were mutual it feels so…

[azurepillowcase]

"There's yes way," she whisper-yelled. "I mean, come on, you're the hottest girl in the school, and you helped me feel good about myself for the first time in my life."

She turned away, suddenly having trouble looking Heather in the eye. "Of course I fell for you."

[chandlersdiary]

heather kissed veronicas cheek, then murmured, “mutual.” and that was it all she said. she laid her head on veronicas shoulder and pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder.

“i hate you so fucking much for the stuff you made me feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

If Veronica was red before, now she was fucking crimson. Her brain refused to cooperate, leaving her petrified. Silently praying that Heather didn't scoot over just a little more and make things infinitely more awkward, Veronica only managed to stammer out a few words of nonsense.

"You—I—feel... huh?"

[chandlersdiary]

“i want you. i hate you because i want you. i blame you for this..” heather whispered, moving her lips towards veronicas ear, her soft, shaky breaths hitting veronicas ear. “ever since you’ve joined the heathers.. you made me feel shit i swore i would never feel again.”

she confessed, her hand moving from veronicas thigh to veronicas arm, there was a slight shake in her hand as she held onto veronicas arm. she then pressed a soft kiss against veronicas earlobe.

[azurepillowcase]

Somehow being kissed anywhere other than her lips was doing so much more for her. It felt more real, like pure, unadulterated affection rather than a routine or tradition. Veronica let herself lean into the touch.

"I want you too... I wish I were a girl—a real girl, because... because you deserve better than a crossdressing freak like me..."

Leave it to Veronica to take what should've been the greatest moment in her life so far and still find a way to hate herself for it.

[chandlersdiary]

heather hummed. “you pretend to be a girl good enough, i dont mind if you have a dick or a pussy. i just wanted you.” heather murmured against veronicas skin.

she pressed herself against veronicas side more, she kissed veronicas jawline. “i want you to be mine, i hated that jj girl because she took whats mine.” heather explained.

[azurepillowcase]

"Heather," she panted, "you are being so sexy right now." Veronica reached out hesitantly, not quite confident enough to put her hand on Heather's hip. She was still worried about taking the lead, afraid of pushing too far.

"Are we... are we really doing this?"

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[chandlersdiary]

heather froze, her suddenly confident and snarky self was silenced. “you’re fucking with me, theres no way.” heather whispered.

she just sat there now, wide-eyed and staring at veronica. this wasn’t true — well, even though she hoped and prayed for it to be true, it just couldn’t be! veronica was so much different than her and she was fantisizing about veronica and now that it was true that the feelings were mutual it feels so…

[azurepillowcase]

"There's yes way," she whisper-yelled. "I mean, come on, you're the hottest girl in the school, and you helped me feel good about myself for the first time in my life."

She turned away, suddenly having trouble looking Heather in the eye. "Of course I fell for you."

[chandlersdiary]

heather kissed veronicas cheek, then murmured, “mutual.” and that was it all she said. she laid her head on veronicas shoulder and pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder.

“i hate you so fucking much for the stuff you made me feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

If Veronica was red before, now she was fucking crimson. Her brain refused to cooperate, leaving her petrified. Silently praying that Heather didn't scoot over just a little more and make things infinitely more awkward, Veronica only managed to stammer out a few words of nonsense.

"You—I—feel... huh?"

[chandlersdiary]

“i want you. i hate you because i want you. i blame you for this..” heather whispered, moving her lips towards veronicas ear, her soft, shaky breaths hitting veronicas ear. “ever since you’ve joined the heathers.. you made me feel shit i swore i would never feel again.”

she confessed, her hand moving from veronicas thigh to veronicas arm, there was a slight shake in her hand as she held onto veronicas arm. she then pressed a soft kiss against veronicas earlobe.

[azurepillowcase]

Somehow being kissed anywhere other than her lips was doing so much more for her. It felt more real, like pure, unadulterated affection rather than a routine or tradition. Veronica let herself lean into the touch.

"I want you too... I wish I were a girl—a real girl, because... because you deserve better than a crossdressing freak like me..."

Leave it to Veronica to take what should've been the greatest moment in her life so far and still find a way to hate herself for it.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[chandlersdiary]

heather froze, her suddenly confident and snarky self was silenced. “you’re fucking with me, theres no way.” heather whispered.

she just sat there now, wide-eyed and staring at veronica. this wasn’t true — well, even though she hoped and prayed for it to be true, it just couldn’t be! veronica was so much different than her and she was fantisizing about veronica and now that it was true that the feelings were mutual it feels so…

[azurepillowcase]

"There's yes way," she whisper-yelled. "I mean, come on, you're the hottest girl in the school, and you helped me feel good about myself for the first time in my life."

She turned away, suddenly having trouble looking Heather in the eye. "Of course I fell for you."

[chandlersdiary]

heather kissed veronicas cheek, then murmured, “mutual.” and that was it all she said. she laid her head on veronicas shoulder and pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder.

“i hate you so fucking much for the stuff you made me feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

If Veronica was red before, now she was fucking crimson. Her brain refused to cooperate, leaving her petrified. Silently praying that Heather didn't scoot over just a little more and make things infinitely more awkward, Veronica only managed to stammer out a few words of nonsense.

"You—I—feel... huh?"

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[chandlersdiary]

heather froze, her suddenly confident and snarky self was silenced. “you’re fucking with me, theres no way.” heather whispered.

she just sat there now, wide-eyed and staring at veronica. this wasn’t true — well, even though she hoped and prayed for it to be true, it just couldn’t be! veronica was so much different than her and she was fantisizing about veronica and now that it was true that the feelings were mutual it feels so…

[azurepillowcase]

"There's yes way," she whisper-yelled. "I mean, come on, you're the hottest girl in the school, and you helped me feel good about myself for the first time in my life."

She turned away, suddenly having trouble looking Heather in the eye. "Of course I fell for you."

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded. “will i ever know who said ‘mystery girl’ is?” she asked, tilting her head. “i’m definitely interested in knowing.” she got slightly closer to veronica, placing her hand on veronicas thigh.

she got a little closer to veronica, face to face to have a little intimate moment, to see if veronica would confess to heather who she liked — and heather will try and find a way to get them away from veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica tensed up at the sudden proximity, which together with the mildly intimate touch had her cheeks tinged pink once more.

Ah, to hell with keeping it secret. Heather was all but flirting with her, and impulse control was never Veronica's strong suit even when she was mostly sober.

"It's you, Heather," she blurted out.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."

[chandlersdiary]

“i guess, yeah. there was a boy i liked. he just liked the popularity, i was like, thirteen and he just wanted the title of dating me and . . my body. but i kissed him a lot, initiated them and all.” heather explained, leaning back and slightly swaying as she spoke.

she felt like a kid again, talking about secrets with the heathers and playing those stupid childish games. it felt nice with veronica, she felt comfortable.

“okay, um. i dont know what to ask.” she mumbled. “did you geniunely like that girl? the emo one who found out you’re a guy.. like, before she outed you and stuff?”

[azurepillowcase]

“Ehh, kinda? She had this je ne sais quoi about her, like she had some way out of the mediocrity of high school or something. But, like I said, I was mainly trying to get my mind off of mystery girl.”

By now she had a feeling that JD wasn’t all too different from everyone else. Maybe even worse—up ‘til now she’d never had a knife pulled on her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica dialed a number she knew by heart. She'd talked to one Heather, now she needed to speak to the real deal. As the phone rang, Veronica steeled herself to the confrontation sure to follow. She could do this. She was strong.

@chandlersdiary

[chandlersdiary]

heather answered the phone call, confused on why someone was calling her this randomly. she had stuff to do, even if not currently. but heather and heather had been busy today, from what she knows

“hello?” heather answered.

[azurepillowcase]

"Hi, Heather. Look, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I just wanna say I'm still the same Veronica. This... This doesn't change anything, okay?"

Now that she was actually speaking with Heather, suddenly she felt a lot less certain. Still, for now, she held firm.

[chandlersdiary]

“right . . . is that all you really had to say?” heather asked, rolling her eyes the second she heard that voice. she sat down on her bed as she waited for veronicas response. not wanting it to show to herself nor veronica that she took joy in talking to veronica.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, no, not really."

She paused, twirling a finger through her hair subconsciously.

"I'm coming back to school tomorrow, and it'd really be nice if you could back me up. You know, call me she, treat me normally, all that jazz."

[chandlersdiary]

“you really have some balls, literally.” heather sighed, giggling at her own joke. “yeah right — that would be social suicide, for both of us, veronica. unless you can manage to find a way to get the rumors off of your back, i cant be seen with you.” heather cackled, crossing her legs.

she wants to tell veronica to come over. heather wanted to spend time with veronica without having to hate her. the thoughts she has about veronica whenever veronica’s around are thoughts she wants to burn, cleanse her mind of.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up, for forgetting the underlying principle of high school. Even so, she felt angry at Heather, especially as the girl laughed it off.

"Oh, right. I should've known you'd be more worried about your social status than sticking up for your friend."

[chandlersdiary]

“you should’ve.” heather dryly responded.

she didn’t say anything for a hot second, though she would usually give more clarification, she was silent. “come by.” she blurted out. instantly she regretted the words.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica was about to counter, but was taken aback by the sudden request. It was out of left field, and for a moment she was tempted to say 'hell no!'

Instead, all she gave was a quiet "Alright."

[chandlersdiary]

“and hurry.” she added. heather couldn’t deny that veronica actually agreeing did shock her — heather was basically just being a bitch to veronica.

though she was (strangely?) happy that veronica was coming.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica wasn't all too happy with her makeup—she could've done better if she had more time, but Heather had asked to hurry. Still, she felt fairly comfortable with how she looked as she checked in the mirror one last time before heading out.

She rang the doorbell, as Heather's window was much too high to climb into.

[chandlersdiary]

heather opened the door, “hello sir.” she joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“my moms home, so we’re gonna go in my room.” heather said, already heading upstairs. the house was pretty nice, something you’d expect from a person like her.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica's lips curled into a frown at the 'joke', but she obliged, making her way inside.

"Thanks for, uh, inviting me."

She was still processing the situation, taken by a feeling somewhat like being off-balance. Things just felt off. Whatever it was, she suspected they'd be able to talk about it once in the safety of Heather's room.

[chandlersdiary]

once the two of them got into heathers room, heather sat down on her bed. she quickly kicked her diary underneath her bed — having had it by her bed ever since she last wrote in it. a drunk confession she scribbled out in the morning.

“so . . .” heather started.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica, in turn, sat on the little stool by Heather's vanity table. Finally, she spoke up, asking an unexpected question.

"Heather, are you okay?"

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow. she stared at veronica, a questioning look on her face.

“i’m the same as always.”

that was her usual response for questions like this. whether it was the school counselor asking if there was anything bothering her, and if that was why she acyed the way she did, or the other heathers. heather said it in such a monotonous way, something was different, in her tone; she knew that herself. she was just unsure if it was different for the better or worse.

[azurepillowcase]

Looking away, Veronica took a moment to collect her thoughts. By now she was fairly used to Heather brushing the question off, but she decided to press on. "Heather, why were you ignoring me? Even before I got outed you were being all distant and... well, I got worried."

"And I missed you," she mumbled near the end, unsure if it was loud enough to be heard.

[chandlersdiary]

heather cocked a brow. “did you now?” she asked.

heather leaned over her knee and got closer to veronica. though, she avoided veronicas question, not wanting to answer. what was she supposed to even say? that she wanted to push veronica away before she got the chance to get too close? — veronica had already gotten close, too close for her liking.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah." She gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting.

"I... I care about you, y'know? You're my friend, and I take that stuff seriously." Except with Betty Finn, she added to herself.

[chandlersdiary]

“uhhuh.” heather dryly responded. “what about you? y’know, with the situation about you actually being a man with makeup. — doesn’t that mean you’re a fag if you do that?” she laughed.

she was more interested in veronicas situation than talking about her own. she wanted an explanation of how veronica felt.

[azurepillowcase]

Once again, a frown overtook Veronica's features. Once again, Heather was really testing her patience. "Fine, if you wanna talk about that, we'll talk about that."

"You ever look yourself in the mirror and think, 'Damn, is this really who I am?' And—and it's like you're looking at a different person." She paused for a moment, then scoffed. "Probably not. You're Heather Fucking Chandler. Well, anyway, that's what it was like for me as a guy. Constantly."

[chandlersdiary]

heather raised an eyebrow, she had never felt that way. she never felt in the wrong body.

“so you became a girl? wow. if i were in that situation i’d kill myself and hope that in my next life i’d be a girl.” heather commented, shaking her head from disbelief.

[azurepillowcase]

She decided to ignore the comment on suicidality, focusing instead on the question.

"Well, sort of... I mean, you saw what I looked like back when we first met, right? I grew my hair out and stuff, but... y'know. I think the first time I actually liked the way I looked was when you and your henchwomen dolled me up."

Veronica glanced down at herself. By this point she could hardly imagine going anywhere without putting an effort into how she looked. If Heather hadn't been there, she probably never would've tried. She'd have gone on feeling miserable, not getting talked to enough for it to matter what anyone thought she was.

[chandlersdiary]

“you do look kind of masculine when i really look at you, i thought it was just like some of your features and stuff. for example your nose and eyebrow shape. thats why i reshaped your eyebrows a little.” heather observed.

heather was really looking at veronica now, not just her face but her body as well. veronica was skinny, it was hard to tell she was transgender. “who told everyone? was it that emo girl? were you two going to fuck then . . ?” she trailed off, asking that last question made her feel weird . . .

[azurepillowcase]

“Heather, please, one thing at a time…” Veronica felt exhausted trying to keep up with everything being said to her, especially with the careful subject matter. She was still processing the weight in her gut that formed at being called masculine like that.

“I thought you said I had good bone structure.” She was sure of it, in fact. That one throwaway comment stuck with her, and she felt light whenever she thought of it.

[chandlersdiary]

“i’m just trying to find out how this happened. and you do have good bone structure, near perfect actually.” heather said, placing a hand on her chin.

“you must’ve been a really feminine man, when you were one.” heather said. “now tell me how everyone found out, i want the story from the victim, not a watered down story that was passed around like a note.”

[azurepillowcase]

Heather had the unique ability of sending her on an emotional rollercoaster with every sentence. Whereas just moments prior Veronica had felt like scum, just a few words had her filled with warmth.

“Alright, alright, so uh… “ She trailed off before she could really get started explaining, as she remembered that this had all started with her feelings for Heather.

She chose her words carefully. “I was trying ti get away from feelings I had for someone else that I knew wouldn’t work out, so I got drunk off my ass and threw myself at JD instead. It went pretty well until she tried to feel under my skirt…”

[chandlersdiary]

heather nodded along with veronica. “thats why you dont get so drunk around people you dont trust. you cant let yourself get vulnerable around people now, isn’t that right?” she interfered.

it was advice she told herself a lot, she’d learned from experience she cant get drunk around guys she didn’t trust yet.

[azurepillowcase]

"Yeah, well, I was being stupid. Anyway, there was an argument, I ran off, and she told everyone the next day. That good enough for you?"

Veronica had already chastised herself about it enough, so she mostly glossed over what Heather said. At least the blonde hadn't questioned her about who exactly she was trying to get over.

[chandlersdiary]

“yeah. so are you technically straight? since you like women? or since you’re like a girl i guess, are you gay?” heather asked, a bunch of questions in her head about this now. “i want to know everything i can about how you feel.”

[azurepillowcase]

"Okay! Jeeze, what are you, my therapist?" She chuckled nervously. "I guess I'm gay? Or, uh, lesbian, I think that's the word for it."

It struck her as odd that Heather was this interested in how she felt, to the point part of her wondered if the girl had an ulterior motive. Maybe she just wanted to have more gossip to tear her down. Then again...

"What about you? I mean, uh, I assume you're straight, but..." Part of her dared to hope.

[chandlersdiary]

heather recoiled back, she was silent for two seconds, two seconds too long. “pardon? i am straight, i’m not a lesbo if thats what you’re hoping.” heather said.

maybe she wasn’t as straight as she believed . . . but technically if she likes veronica — who’s actually a man — then she might actually be straight.

[azurepillowcase]

"Oh. Okay."

For a moment Veronica wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she should feel worse, but despite what Heather had said she couldn't quite believe her.

There was something she felt like she needed to get off her chest, though.

"Thank you, by the way. For showing me I could be beautiful."

[chandlersdiary]

heather’s cheeks turned into a light, barely noticable shade of pink, before she spoke. “yeah, uhhuh. you had to look good if you were standing beside me.”

she bit the inside of her lip. “so what else is there to do?” she couldn’t deny that it’d feel weird is she had veronica come over just so she can ask about veronicas transgender stuff, but it’d feel just as weird doing all the girly things she loved to do during hangouts with the heathers . . and veronica before she got exposed.

[azurepillowcase]

"I don't know." What Veronica was sure of, though she wouldn't voice it aloud, was that she didn't want to leave. She stood up and started pacing around, trying to come up with something.

Seemingly, that something came to her, as she stopped to face the blonde. "I guess to continue the spirit of communication or whatever, we could do truth or drink? It's like truth or dare but, uh, without the dare part. Only if you're comfortable, that is..."

[chandlersdiary]

heather shrugged. “sure.” she said. heather knew where some alcohol was hidden, and could go get it for the game. “as long as we aren’t too loud about drinking, my mom wont notice.” heather added.

she stood up and walked to her bedroom door, stopping for a moment to see if veronica had anything to say.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica didn't, instead just giving a curt nod before plopping down onto Heather's plush bed. In truth, she did feel a bit honored that Heather trusted her, remembering what she said about getting drunk around people.

[chandlersdiary]

heather went back upstairs after a while, a bottle of liquor in her hand. she placed it onto her bed and sat down beside veronica, crossing her legs.

“so who’s asking first?” heather asked.

[azurepillowcase]

"Well, you've been asking me all the questions so I'll go first. How'd you meet Heather and Heather?"

It was a simple question, something small to get the night started.

[chandlersdiary]

“our families are friends.” heather answered. “they all just happened to name us heather or something, i don’t know the story, never asked. but we used to play together as toddlers and . . just been together ever since i guess.” she explained.

she then smirked. “my turn, uh..” she thought, thinking about some questions she was thinking of while talking to veronica.. some other questions she desperately wanted to be answered — “do you want me?” she wished to ask.

“who do you like? you said earlier you like someone who you’ll never be able to date, or something.”

[azurepillowcase]

Oh.

Veronica was conflicted. On one hand, she was absolutely not ready to confess. On the other, part of her really wanted to. She see-sawed over it in her head, all the while her cheeks went visibly pink.

After longer than she'd have liked, Veronica reached for the bottle, then looked around for a shot glass.

[chandlersdiary]

heather chuckled. “awwe, too scared to tell?” she teased. “i didn’t bring a shot glass, my apologies, you’ll have to drink from the bottle, if that’s fine with you.”

heather nudged the bottle closer to veronica. she kind of had a thought that veronica liked her, but at the same time it scared her, she desperately wanted an answer so she’d know whether to get her hopes up or not.

[azurepillowcase]

Veronica muttered something before taking a shot, but for once she was quiet enough that Heather couldn't hear it.

It was alcoholic, so it didn't taste good, but it didn't taste as bad as it could have.

"Okay, if you're going to be that way, I'll turn it back at you. Who've you got your eyes on? Like, if you had to pick just one person."

[chandlersdiary]

“myself.” heather joked, then she threw her hair back. “uh, i dont know.” she murmured, she’d chose veronica of course. she didn’t want to lie to veronica though.. so she just took the bottle from veronicas hands.

she took a shot, grimacing at the taste she still wasn’t quite used to — by her third shot, she’d usually stop grimacing.

[azurepillowcase]

"Alright, uhm..." It seemed like they were back to square one. She wasn't sure whether to go back to the safer questions or to keep things as they were. She ended up going with the latter.

"Have you ever initiated a kiss? Like, because you actually wanted to, not because you felt like you had to."