The Truth that Lies behind the closed door.

To help me stay sane in this life of mine that should be a realty TV show.... I vent on here.

[b03hmk3]

#eastersaturday #nailsnhair #mommynme

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#freaky #shared2yearsago #writeanentrytoday #Februarynineth

[b03hmk3]

Responsibilities

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, responsibility is defined as “ the quality or state of being responsible [liable to be called on to answer]: such as :moral, legal, or mental accountability”. Now there is not a definition for ‘parental responsibility’ in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, but I could imagine it would probably say something along the lines of the parent being held responsible (liable) for their child. Which most parents do natural without a second thought. Then there are individuals that think they should have the title of parent without being held “liable” or “responsible” for the child who has their DNA. The word for those types of parents usually is deadbeat, which means “loafer” aka “lazy person”. Which to me, is the opposite of what a parent is, since the second definition for parent in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “a person who brings up and cares for another”. Yet the world has deadbeat parents. Which I am sure you, the reader, can identify at least one without much thought. Sad isn’t it? Well good side of deadbeats parents are there usually awesome step parents and strong ‘custodial’ parents who come out winning. I being one of them. Ironically the reason why I am so confident in what I do and where I am in life is because I get to be compared to a deadbeat parent. 

- A deadbeat parent who rather drop his child off hungry then take the time to purchase or make breakfast for her just because he knows I am will pick up the pieces. That is okay. I will pick up the pieces and while I am feeding her she gets reminded how much I love her.

- A deadbeat parent who rather lie in court about reasoning for wanting her to stay and make his child lose an hour and half of sleep just so he can get a higher overnight number so his support decreases, then let her go home and get a full night of sleep. That is okay. I give her extra love at bedtime at my house because I know she misses me extra those weeks. 

- A deadbeat parent who rather blow up my phone or emails with multiple messages because he wants an answer to his needs, but cannot be bothered to reply to his daughter’s emoji messages. That is okay. I am able to look even better when I reply to her emoji messages or when I call Saturdays consistently. 

- A deadbeat parent who rather leave all the doctor appointments, teacher conferences, extra curricular activity sign ups, etc, to me, and then harass me randomly to make it look like he is involved. That is okay. I am able to form relationships with the people who are helping care for my daughter. 

- A deadbeat parent who rather not have a relationship with his blood, then admit he is a deadbeat. That is okay. I have been teaching her about that side of the family and she gets to see that her mother does not choose sides. Her family is her family whether it is mine or not. 

- A deadbeat parent who rather do so many other things for himself then for the children that made him a parent. That is okay. My daughter sees and will continue to see the barriers I have overcome, the sacrifices I have made for her, and what a “parent” really does for their children. 

So Thank You deadbeat parents. You make my job so much easier by setting the bar so low for what “good parents” look like. You may think you make your job easier too, but one day you will realize how hard it will be to even be seen as half the parent I am. 

[b03hmk3]

Reducing Nothing

Dear Mister Absent, I would like to start this letter off by saying you had/have multiple opportunities to be involved and choose to not be. Invitations to every birthday party and daycare Halloween parade. Numerous emails asking to have a play date. My number changed once in the six years, but my email stated the same. Do not blame me that you decided to show up almost six years late. Even now that you are 'involved' you are absent whenever you are not court ordered to be involved. You chose and are choosing to be absent - remember that. Excuse me for refusing to be absent in my child's life. Excuse me for checking in on my child who I grew for 8 months (preemie - wonder if you know that) in my body & comforted in my arms for 6 years. I will not stop asking how she is doing and no judge will tell me to. Your request to "Limit Plaintiff's communication during parenting time." is actually quite sad. Last time I reached out to communicate during parenting time was one time in June where I simply asked how she was doing & told you to tell her I miss her. Which you did not do. Before that was April when I asked you to have her call me. Which again you did not do nor did you tell her I asked to speak with her. I stopped trying to call back in April because you never picked up. So what are you trying to limit? You cannot reduce nothing. You cannot limit something that does not occur but in a blue moon. You can try and try to remove me from your world. But I am not going anywhere. I am the woman who birthed your daughter. I am the woman who your daughter relies on. I am the woman who your daughter cries for when she is sick or hurt. You cannot take that away no matter how much you try. You cannot even replace me with another woman - I am and always will be number one in your daughter's eyes. As for the courts, they will see your pattern of abandonment. It is one thing for a father to not have their child living in their home because the mother has them. Its another thing to keep a child living at a residence other then father's or mother's due them long there for so long & consistency. But to have a child to move an hour & half away from the father and futher from other paternal family to go live with his other grandparents while father continue to just pay support - and barely see the child opens a whole new set of questions about abandonment. Hope I get to hear the answers on to why that was in the best interest of your son. Let me guess to protect the other children's visitation since your son was not allowed to sleep overnight with other children. In other words, you choose your wife's children and your daughter over your first born who was already abandoned by his mother completely. No other way you say? That was the best option for him? No. Wrong. Best environment for a child is with their both parents in a healthy and safe environment. Next best for a growing male is to be with his father. You are childless most of the time, so his restrictions should not be a problem. Only time it is an issue is weekend visitation which is 3 weekends out of a month most of the time. Solution? Send him to visit grandparents Friday evening to Sunday morning when you have visitation. Hmmmm. That is so simple and easy I am sure the judge could come up with that if asked. What is the excuse now? You do not have your children's best interest in mind. So do not get mad at me because I do. It is your fault you are not involved. It is also your fault that I am now involved in yours. Five years I expected nothing from you but the court ordered support, which even then I let it be what it was. You decided to come after me for visitation and forced me to be a weekly visitor in your life. Cannot be mad at me. You can sign your right away at any time and never have to see or hear from me again. :) Sincerely, Involved Mama Bear

[b03hmk3]

And the award goes to..

Dear workaholic,

I hope you realize what you are doing to your “family”. Not to me - cause, like you said, I am not family - but the other ladies in your life. You were just a fling that went wrong in my book so your behaviors do not matter to me. However, I will forever be a lady in your life that has to watch you hurt the other ones, especially my little lady. 

You can blame everyone or everything else, but you are the one who has to answer for your actions. I hope you realize that. So continue to not make the people in your life a priority and see what happens. I put my money on they will quickly learn that you do not care about them and begin to not care for you. 

I get it.. that you have bills to pay and need the money, but part of that money you are working so hard to earn goes right to that little lady that you are blowing off to make that extra dollar. Catch 22 ... huh?! I think so. You do know that she does not understand money or how that makes up for you not being there. I will tell you she does know that I need money too cause I have bills to pay too, but yet I was there her whole life and I continue to be there. She knows that other people need money and have to work & they are also there and will continue to be there. *Sad face.* She also is learning that you come and go with the main excuse of ‘work’. Wonder what she is thinking?

You cannot serious think ‘work’ is a valid excuse for missing out on life with the ladies in your life. Bad news for you, my little lady has a wonderful role model of a workaholic that is showing her that work is important, but not as important as spending time with the ladies in his life. Quite the competition to be compared against. 

Even sadder part about this is that you come from a 2 income household while she lives in a one income household. You do not even need to work so hard cause you have a partner who can pick up the slack on the days you may miss extra money. Yet you do... 7x this year so far.. 2x this month. That is just the days you straight cancelled. Not the days you cut your time short due to having to go into work early. All while myself and others in her life have made the effort to not let our work interfere with our time. 

I will end this by saying, I do not care when you cancel cause that gives back the time you take from me when you pretend to be someone you are not. I do care that you are teaching my little lady that you do not value the ladies in your life though. 

Sincerely, 

The Single Mother who worked 2 jobs and attending undergrad  full time

[b03hmk3]

Dear Mister Winner,

You think you won this war, but the realty is .. Like any war .. it's really about the little fights. And well you my friend have lost. - You failed your children when you abandoned your son. Your daughter will see what kind of father you really are when she learns the truth. All while I am over here selfishly supporting children I did not even birth. She will see what kind of mother I am. - You failed your wife and yourself with your marriage. You rushed into a marriage that was based off of lies, secrets, and pretend. You said it yourself a 5 year old was threatening your marriage. I am no love expert but that to me is a warning sign. But it's okay because my daughter has wonderful relationships to observe on my side.. Like my amazing boyfriend who has been by my side since the day we started talking. - You couldn't even get your life together and you are 5 years older than me. When we met I was living in my own apartment alone while you had 4 other roommates. I graduated with a Bachelor Degree while having an infant then brought a house before 29 years old after being on welfare 4 years before. You are still depending on another person. - You are unable to control your anger and jealousy you have for me. I look at you and pity you. You always look unhappy and unsatisfied. And that just shows that you are losing. I am happy with the life I built and I will continue to grow. You will probably never be happy and always fight. - And the final victory of mine is that my daughter may love you but she will never trust you. She does however know that she can always lean on me no matter what. Her love for me is and always will be stronger than your love. Sincerely, the woman who you cannot defeat

[b03hmk3]

#newmeaningtocurbsidepickup #ithinkthiswasmoreabouthimhavingfunthenmeavoidingsnow #mylawnisluckyitsstock #gottolovehim #RDX #misterunique @blue4drteggy

[b03hmk3]

#whenyourboyfriendbasicallyhasthatgirl #boyfriendfriendssharedpost #allyoucandoissmile #love #misterandmrsunique

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#misterandmrsunique #thisislove #perfectforeachother #didhereallythinkhecouldsurpriseme

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#MilainaGrace #oneyear #loveandsupport #angel

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#realparentssupportchildren #bloodmeansnothing #shealreadyhaspositivemalerolemodels #uncles #greatuncles #malefriends

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#loveis #senttomethismorning #boydoesheannoyme #hefindspleasureinbeingannoying #ialwayswanthisattention #hisphonehashisattention #misterunique #misterandmrsunique #mynameisMsUnique #hetakesmyname

[b03hmk3]

Is this the new norm? Unacceptable. Countdown to 16 then.

Dear Big Baby who has never been alone, I was wondering if you could explain to me when you bent over backwards for me. Or how I kept your child from you for five years. Seeing how you love to throw that in emails when you are mad that I wouldn’t bow down and say Yes Sir. [First off - anyone who knows me knows I do not bow down or say yes sir, so jokes on you if you ever thought that would happen.]  Were you bending over backwards when you supported a child while working 2 jobs and attended full time college without getting the court ordered child support? No, that was me while you worked under the table to hide from wage garnishment. Or did you bend over backwards the five years you were absent living your life, while I raised a child alone? Ooo that’s all in the past? Did you bend over backwards when you kept drastically changing visitations to meet the time amount and not the child’s needs. Or is it bending over backwards when you drop her off at 6:30 am Monday morning at my house because her school does not open until 7 ( school starts at 8:15) and that’s too late for you & you refuse to give up an overnight? How about when you cancelled your weekly dinner 15 minutes after it was suppose to start because of miscommunication about drop off? I know - it was bending over backwards when you ended the conversation about making up this week’s weekly dinner due to me ‘not getting my way and resisting’. Or better yet - tell me how me offering to do the drop off for tomorrow’s dinner as soon as I can and making arrangements for drop off since I won’t be home is resisting. Or informing you that my work schedule makes it tough for me to be at your house at 6 pm every Tuesday, but I would not mind dropping off if you are willing to be flexible. Funny how you canceled your entire dinner tonight due to “work” but the possibility of me not always being there by 6 is resisting. Or let’s talk about how I have always made it possible for you to have your weekly dinner with your daughter on the days you have asked even when I had stuff I needed to do. But you are now throwing a fit and running to your lawyer cause you don’t want to pick her up anymore and I cannot do the 6 to 8 schedule you picked out.

It is very interesting how fast you are to point fingers at me for ‘violating’ an agreement or 'causing problems’ with visitation when I have been the one making accommandations for you. When you are the one who is not following the agreement and using it when it suits you. (Psst: by dropping her off at my house on Monday you are in violation.) Or how fast the lawyer gets brought up when you realize I am not backing down. Probably because you know I am right and that I am not violating the agreement and not causing problems.

Now let’s discuss this me keeping her from you bullshit.. Cause last time I checked we did not have a restraining order or anything keeping you away from her. Every year you and your mother (2 different residence) got birthday invitations and Christmas cards, along with photos - sent with return addresses. No visits or attempts. You also ran at the local Fire Department, one mile away from the house your daughter’s grandparents lived in, every Wednesday night for I believe most of those 5 years. Up until this April, as far as you knew, your daughter lived with her grandparent’s house - still no stop bys or visits. Her grandfather is an active member of the Fire Department (just does not run into buildings) and everyone knows him and his phone number. Yet no phone calls. My phone number changed once and is at the bottom of every email and invitation that was sent to you. No calls. (Yours however changed so often I couldn’t even tell you how many you had or if I had every number.) Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt - cause I know I am a bitch and that is my baby so I can be protective - and say I did keep her. Can you explain why it took you until she was 5 years & 3 months to file for more detailed visitation? (Remember I took you in July 2011 for a visitation schedule and you refused to give details. Or refile when I “violated” it by refusing.) Why did you wait until I brought a house and file for an increase for you to hire a lawyer? The same lawyer your mother used to fight against your ex in a custody battle. The lawyer who is your step father’s cousin. Interesting how I kept the child from you all these years but the second you think I don’t have money and your mother hires a lawyer, you come after for visitation claiming I kept her. Am I keeping her now from you when you give up weekly dinners? Am I keeping her from you when you drop her off half hour or more early? Or am I keeping her away from you when you don’t show up for school parades and shows? Well don’t worry it won’t be too much longer before she keeps herself from you. She already tells me she does not like sleeping at your house & it’s only been 2 months.

Sincerely, The independent woman whose raising your child.

P.S. When you going to pay your support so I can pay my lawyer? Silly me thought I would be able to give our child a nice college tuition check with the support I saved. Sigh.. Maybe one day you will play nice and I can actually go back to saving the money.

[b03hmk3]

When I came across this ‘someecards’ I had to laugh. Just on Friday I got blamed, again, for being the reason why he was not in my daughter’s life. I love it… She was born January 2011 - he filed for visitation Apr 2016. 5 years & 3 months it took him to file against me to see his daughter. He also counterfiled for visitation when I filed for an increase in Apr 2016. This was 3 months after his mother had to hire her husband’s cousin to defend her and her grandson when my daughter’s half brother’s mother filed for residential custody after 9 years of not being around herself. (yes you read that right my daughter’s grandmother cares for my ex’s son due to both his parents abandoning him.) The same lawyer he now uses to fight me for weekend visitation. Interesting.

[b03hmk3]

Dear wanna be parent

Let me get this straight - you are telling me to stay out of your family's business because you and your family failed at being responsible guardians and now there is a potential threat to my child that I am trying to protect her from by gaining basic knowledge. The same child you abandoned for five years and all sudden you want to be involved with. Meaning after five years of me not giving a rat's ass about your family and their problems or needed to know anything about you or them - you decided to make me give you visitation. Therefore making me care about their fucked up decisions and horrible choices by taking my child unsupervised weekly. Interesting. All this so you can save money on child support - which you already saved on since they only counted 35 hours of one of your 40 plus work week from one of your 2 jobs. So idk what you are expecting to happen - we go back and your income will increase. Is it worth it? Is you thinking you will earn some kind of credit for these overnights worth having me in your business? Cause as much as you hate me asking and trying to get my answers - you cannot stop me. Ironically that support you pay is what I use to pay my lawyer, who is educating me on my rights. So keep it up.. Keep denying me answers. Keep sucking at communicating with me. Keep ignoring my emails about her well being. Therefore showing your lack of effort to co parent appropriately. Cause one day the world and court will see you for the irresponsible parent that you are. And they will see how I have been trying to work with you and co parent respectfully despite the walls and barriers. Just remember at the end of the day it's not my parenting skills that failed. It's not my poor decisions that fucked up a child's life. My family did not fail to support me. I am not the one who still needs help supporting myself in life at 32. I am not the one who has no accomplishments in life. You are. Sincerely, The woman that left you & picked herself up from the ground all while building a great foundation for her daughter - that will now protect her from you and your family. P.S. I just hope this opens your eyes, if not your wife's, to the realty of how you have f***ed up in life and how self centered you are. Cause you can hate me all that you want, I am not backing down and will protect my daughter.

[b03hmk3]

I’ll say it a million time - You are not hurting me.

I do not see this additional overnight being beneficial for her.  Step sister does not stay over into Monday. The other children are dropped off Sunday night. My ex has verbally confirmed this several times in conversations. Sunday nights they leave 7 pm to drop the kids off in [L town] then [T town], which means my ex & his wife do not return home until after 8:30 pm, if not later. So if my daughter stayed, she would be in a car for an hour and half (which the lawyer stated does not count as time since it's hard to bond during that time.) then go back to his house and immediately have to get ready for bed. So how much additional bonding time is there on Sunday night really? In order to be at my house by 6:30 she has to be woken up at least by 5:45 am. She is will barely be getting 8 hours of sleep. She is use to sleeping until 7:30\8 am and even then I have to wake her multiple times.

 I agree to Sunday into Monday cause I was under the impression it would be beneficial to my daughter to have this additional time with my ex. After 2 months of my daughter coming home telling me daddy played on his phone while she played with the other kids, my ex dropping my daughter off early on his already short 2 hour weeknight dinners, and me observing the lack of interactions between my daughter & him, I do not see why he's bothering to keep the visitation to Monday morning unless he is getting some credit for this additional documented time with her.

 I know I cannot do anything about what he does during his time. But my daughter is the one who is suffering. She has missed out of so many different activities and opportunities because she was at his house during it. And even if I share the information with him, he does not take her and instead she sits in front of tablet screens and TVs all day. And now he will be waking her up early on Monday mornings just to drop her off at my house an hour before she normally wakes up so he can spent that hour and half car ride with her then put her to bed. That does not sound fair to her - all so he can look like some kind of dad. He has yet to attend any of her school functions or show any support for her & her school - probably because the court system does not recognize that as a reason for a decrease. Two months of visitations and all she has at his house is step sister's old stuff, a dollar store doll whose head came off, and some doll that poops. I have to pack clothes for her overnight with him and every weekend she begs to bring toys with her.

[b03hmk3]

#Fisherprice #nineties #secondgeneration #handydown #wontlastforlong #imagination