This has been on my mind a lot lately. Idk if Iām coming out again (??) but Iām really sick of being constantly projected into the gender binary, esp the āmaleā or āmanā category. Iāve never been able to relate to seemingly scripted hyper āmasculineā roles. Iām beginning to own a more non-binary identity and finally face the many years of anger and frustration at this system humans have simultaneously enlightened & imprisoned themselves within.
Our culture is obsessed with gendering nearly everything, human or nonhuman. Even as a little kid, I struggled with this, and never felt particularly āmaleā or āfemale.ā Throughout my life, Iāve repeated to my brain āI JUST WANT TO BE MEā without having to define my gender as a mechanism to ease the sanity & understanding of the outside world.
Yes, I have a penis, and I may look like a āmanā or do āmanlyā things. But I donāt do anything to be āmasculineā or āfeminineā ā I simply AM and DO, and work hard to release & soak up as much love, positivity, and creativity into the atmosphere as possible.
Genitals are merely lovely flaps of skin ā not a set of rules to constantly administer onto ourselves and others.
Gender is a construct, a powerful illusion. And I donāt believe the gender binary or cisgender identities are inherently evil. So many brilliant cis & heteronormative beings constantly inspire love and joy, and Iām grateful for this.
But we canāt deny the dark side of any constructed duality, which festers in corrupt hands. It manipulates the āless fortunateā into creating an unnecessary, divisive, and harmful system of oppression, targeting those who exist outside of ācomfortableā frequencies ā people of color, women, LGBTQ+, Muslims, etc ā who are simply trying to LIVE.
Iām learning to fully love & embrace my body, face, genitals, skin tone, personality, and sexual attraction for what they are, NOT what they should be. Iām unpacking years of shame & guilt of leading a āsubversiveā lifestyle. Iām making it my armor.
Itās simultaneously liberating and frightening, but Iād appreciate if everyone plz use the pronouns they/them/their for me. Or even better, just Ben Aqua/Ben. Or Beans. I like that too. š½š³ļøāšš
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