Sangwooâs Feelings for Yoonbum
This is an analysis of Sangwooâs feelings and thoughts throughout the chapters and how he developed feelings for Bum. This is basically Sangwooâs POV of the story. It might answer some of the questions Iâve been seeing around about âWhy did Sangwoo do this or that?â and etc.
I think itâs very obvious that Sangwoo used to be really really lonely before Bum showed up. As a child he was abused and I think he was very attached to his mother so he lost the only person in his life that he truly loved. Imagine how frustrating it is to always pretend to be someone else. Be happy, smile, laugh, joke and hang out with people you donât even like. You think theyâre flawed, shallow, stupid, ungrateful and have ugly personalities (Sangwooâs words) but this is the only way he can be with people. He has to wear a mask 24/7 that hides his true personality and I donât care if heâs horrible, heâs still human. He doesnât whine about it but heâs been subconsciously suffering. He has so many âfriendsâ and yet heâs completely lonely because nobody accepts him for what he really is. He literally does not have anyone.
Now before you blame his behavior and tendencies, I want to point out that I think Sangwoo has Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), shows signs of BPD and also heâs a victim of abuse so with those in mind, letâs start:
1. âA perverted stalker?â
A guy broke into Sangwooâs house and when he got caught, he confessed to him, telling him that heâs been in love with him. Sangwoo smiles because âpeople are full of shitâ and say anything to save themselves. Letâs trust his words here and say he didnât kill Bum because he hadnât kill a man in 3 years but I also think at that moment he feels like he should keep Bum around. Maybe out of curiosity? Heâs not sure why yet. He just knows Bum is a different case. To do that, he breaks Bumâs legs to make sure he wonât leave.
2. âCan I be attracted to a man?â
He doesnât know what to do with this guy. Bum is not loud or annoying, he doesnât disobey him and is powerless. Sangwoo started to rationalize things for himself and figure out if he can be attracted to Bum, a man, in any way, basically he started exploring,
But still, he doesnât trust this âperverted stalkerâ so he is thinking, âIâll provoke him and Iâll have a reason to end his life.â BUT to his surprise, his plan backfires. Bum likes the abuse (or at least pretends to). Despite mocking Yoonbum, Sangwoo is surprised! He loves what heâs seeing. I believe he never got a reaction like that from anyone before when abusing them. And so he takes another step forward and kisses him, still experimenting.
He likes the kiss. He decides to keep Bum for now. He keeps him in the basement for a week. He hurts Bum by cutting him (punishing him) but still Yoonbum doesnât push him away. Sangwoo realizes Yoonbum really is not a threat and is powerless which is why he took him upstairs and when Yoonbum begged him not to take him to the basement again, despite rejecting him, he considered it.
3. âYou will hate me!â First Test
Sangwoo believed Yoonbum will eventually want to leave him. Because I think he is aware of his own wrong actions to some point at least. Why would anyone want to stay with him after everything that happened, right? But the big improvement was that he wasnât planning to kill him anymore. Why? I believe this is where the feelings started to develop. When he sees his mother (the only person he loved), in Yoonbum. Although he can separate these two people very well in reality.
Yoonbum said âI love you!â AGAIN even after everything and Sangwoo is once again surprised! He slowly starts to trust this personâs feelings. He even gives him a knife but⊠not because he trusts Bum. Thatâs a test. Iâm not sure if this translation is right but I believe thatâs what he means by âI have something I want to confirm tooâ. Heâs testing Yoonbumâs loyalty. He wants to know if Bum really means it when he says he loves him.
After that the real abuse starts and I believe heâs copying his fatherâs behavior while Yoonbum is âthe momâ. He makes him do house chores, beats him up, etc⊠Meanwhile he enjoys abusing him and is waiting for an excuse to hurt him badly because heâs not emotionally attached to him yet. He doesnât care. But Yoonbum is always obedient and finally⊠Sangwoo lets Yoonbum sit at the table with him because he wonders why Yoonbum is so nice to him, always smiling and listening to him and even made him a really nice dinner. He suspects him and it happens to be the same night Yoonbum uses the rat poison. For whatever reason, the poison doesnât work on Sangwoo and Yoonbum passes the first test!
4. âHe really loves me?â
When Yoonbum got sick, is where we can see Sangwooâs emotions to some point. Sangwoo picked him up and took him to the basement but he looked at Bum and actually felt sorry for him (or maybe he just couldnât see him as a threat. Either way) He went back up and laid him down on his own mattress. He took care of him and told him to rest. You can see him sitting beside him and staring at him in silence and I love this panel so much because you can see Sangwoo caring. canât help but feel like heâs worrying for his sick bunny xD His emotions arenât strong but he doesnât want to lose Bum.
I think the question Yoonbum asked (whether he really meant it or not) made Sangwoo happy a bit. Chapter 5 is where he finally feels attached to Yoonbum and shows him affection. They started exchanging stories. Sangwoo was actually interested to know about his story, although he was a bit disappointed, saying that itâs âboringâ and that he hates weak people like Yoonbum who self pity. âStop going on about how lonely you are. I hate that shit.â Why? Because Sangwoo is not the type that stay sad and depressed over their misfortunes. Heâs the type that wants to get stronger to beat whatever and whoever is in his way. But in a way he thinks Yoonbum is like him. He started comparing himself with Yoonbum which is a big improvement. He told him how Yoonbum made things easier for him. âWhy? How? I looked for a reason. And then I saw you.â He told Bum he was glad they were together and Yoonbumâs love made him feel stronger which I believe means Yoonbumâs love and obedience gives him confidence. And by kissing Bumâs wrist he implied that the love can be mutual.
Although he still doesnât fully trust him (which is probably why he also refused the bj) but he was letting himself believe that Bumâs love for him was real. Heâs happy to see someone is still in love with him even after everything that happened and after he saw Sangwooâs true personality. He has someone now that knows his darkest secrets and still wants him for what he really is.
5. âAlmost thereâŠâ Second Test
Everything seems to be going well after that. Sangwoo was kind and affectionate towards Yoonbum. He took care of him and joked around. Although Iâd like to think he was being too nice on purpose and not really himself and thatâs because the second test was coming. He wanted Bum to feel heâd lowered his guards. He reminded Bum not to cross the line then left the house and Bum fails the second test.
6. âDonât be pathetic.â First Lesson
Even though he was hoping Yoonbum wonât come out, he expected it (considering he had the basement ready for him). He does not trust Bum at all and I think he was trying to kill Bum until he saw him calling his name even in his last moments so that changed his mind. Itâs as if you want to let go of someone you like but they keep coming back to you so you canât make the right decision. He wants Yoonbum. He wants someone to love him and he knows he probably wonât ever find anyone like that again. He was disappointed in Yoonbum SO he decided to make him better! Stronger! Like himself. So after punishing him, first he decided to show him how pathetic he is. He found a guy for Bum to kill (âfor practiceâ), meanwhile insulting both of them to show Bum how âbadâ it is to be weak.
Sangwoo still cares about him and makes sure Yoonbum knows that. The sick little mind games he played, were only because he enjoys seeing Bum relying on him and trusting him blindly. As I said before, it gives him confidence and makes him feel stronger.
This first murder happened. It was supposedly to make Bum stronger, show him how it feels to kill and⊠the most important part, help Yoonbum understand Sangwoo and be closer to him (spiritually!?) so they can be together.
7. âHe left me too! I wonât forgive him!â The Breakdown
Fear of abandonment. I already wrote a long post and talked about Sangwooâs fear of abandonment here. The panic that happens after he thinks heâs been abandoned and the roller coaster of emotions. Rage, Fear, Worry, Sadness. He feels betrayed. He goes mad ⊠and I have one thing to add to it all. I think that mightâve been how he felt when his mother âleft himâ AKA died considering the flashbacks. (Iâm not sure if this person is his mother though. She might have been a replacement?) I donât know if Sangwoo killed her or something else happened but we can be sure that he loves and wants Yoonbum equally.
When he finds Yoonbum⊠he realizes how valuable he is to him and so he finally decides, âLetâs stay together⊠foreverâŠâ
8. âSee how disgusting people areâ
Iâm going to skip a bit to where Sangwoo introduces Yoonbum to his âfriendsâ. I think this is all to let Yoonbum get bullied, emotionally hurt, to build up some anger in him and provoke him. To remind him this is how people will treat you if you let them. Sangwoo already knows Yoonbum has been bullied and hurt a lot in his life because in a way he can relate to him. They are the same people. They were both hurt and abused and they have the right to punish these disgusting people. And this is all for Yoonbum and for the both of them. Sangwoo is pulling him up to his level or at least close so that they can be together. Jieun was a gift to Yoonbum and Sangwoo was happy to see Yoonbum accepted that gift.
I tried to keep this as short as possible. I think I understand Sangwoo well and I believe this is also the reason why he kills⊠but still these are only my thoughts and how I see everything. So they might not be 100% true. Koogi might have more surprises for her readers. But still, I love this character a lot and I canât wait to see and know more about him and his past. Also I kind of fast forwarded the last chapter because there are so many posts about it already.
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