These Pretzels Suck

a handsome jack rp blog

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Hey kiddos! Did someone call for a hero?!

((It’s me, the mod of bdrohan! Starting today, I will be helping co-run this blog! My best buddy invited me to help them run this blog due to our undying love to Handsome Jack.))

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Hello Jacky~

Hello....*stares* ...uh....wow. You look like a Halloween decoration. Is it already Halloween? I know the years have been going faster but I swear it was JUST Christmas...

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

bdstro:....Okay look im a man who loves machines (cause im a cyborg und all) but ummm vhy the yellow pattern?

Yellow pops better, kiddo.

[doitsunokagakuwasekaichi]

ah okay….vait 

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

30? Oh man. I’m sorry....

...but you’re still a kiddo! Haha!

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

bdstro:....Okay look im a man who loves machines (cause im a cyborg und all) but ummm vhy the yellow pattern?

Yellow pops better, kiddo.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Meet me at the punch table in 20 minutes if you want an ass kicking.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Oh my GOD that freaking SUCKS. I mean, like, Butt Stallion absolutely wasted those doors like they were nothing. Just POW! Doors gone! HAHA!

Also, still haven’t found pretzels. You might wanna get someone on that.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

The doors of the ballroom are kicked right off the hinges by none other than the beautiful diamond pony, Butt Stallion. A pair of silhouettes stand in the doorway, menacingly.

“Good evening, citizens of @badlydrawnjjba. Handsome Jack, here.

I’m taking back the crown.”

[badlydrawnrohankishibe]

I apologize, My date is…well..Loud…to say the least

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Oh, am I too loud for you, there, kiddo? Am I rupturing your delicate little artist eardrums with my yelling? I’m sorry, Rhy-I mean Rohan. I’ll use my inside voice from now on. Thanks, buddy.

NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE THE GODDAMN PRETZELS?!

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

The doors of the ballroom are kicked right off the hinges by none other than the beautiful diamond pony, Butt Stallion. A pair of silhouettes stand in the doorway, menacingly.

“Good evening, citizens of @badlydrawnjjba. Handsome Jack, here.

I’m taking back the crown.”

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

There’s this bandit group calling themselves the “Jojos” or something and they’re having a stupid little winter ball in a few days…

…And I’m gonna crash it. Literally. With Butt Stallion and my new artist friend. He draws these comics called “manga” and he’s an asshole. It’ll be freaking great.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Rohan, if you turn out to be another Rhys, I’ll fucking suffocate you slowly...

...and not in the fun way.

Well, it’ll be fun for me... You know what I mean.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

There’s this bandit group calling themselves the “Jojos” or something and they’re having a stupid little winter ball in a few days...

...And I’m gonna crash it. Literally. With Butt Stallion and my new artist friend. He draws these comics called “manga” and he’s an asshole. It’ll be freaking great.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

My hobbies include defacing my own art.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

What do you kiddos want for Christmas?

No, I’m not gonna get it for you. I’m gonna get it so I can wave it in your stupid little bandit face!

Merry Christmas.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Another fine day of being the handsome hero while bombarding Sanctuary with mortars. #HyperionFTW

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

How dare you

How dare I what? You’ll need to be a bit more specific, there, kiddo.

[badlydrawn-handsomejack]

Hey there, Kiddos!

Handsome Jack, here, letting all of you bandits know that I’ve taken over your cute little Tumblr Network! Ask me things! Send me things! Maybe I won’t send you a few mortars in return.

Actually, I definitely will send mortars. Everyone gets mortars!