d @badweed - Tumblr Blog

i've literally seen more dicks than people pretty sure

can someone tell me what this is from?

i like feeling dumb and doing nothing

i've never felt insulted when someone insults me maybe because the insult is typically non-specific or underdeveloped like someone calls me 'a piece of shit' and then they go on to say 'you're a fucking piece of shit' or whatever

like any insult is just *insults*

i feel like if someone says something like that to my face it feels like they're saying it behind my back

i think that is done intentionally as if an insult is a threat to tell or an allusion to a greater group

you can hurl insults arbitrarily or not but they never feel like personal attacks instead just attacks on my relationship to wider group of people

i was recently insulted and i think this is common that the insult contained critical judgements related to myself and my character really apart from the 'exact target'

but i don't want to write anymore

it's not allright to say 'im sorry' when 'im right' and this has to happen maybe too much so i have to say 'im sorry you feel that way' and it feels wrong when i only want her to know i'm sorry

sorry doesn't mean what it should mean but i say it and feel it so it's confusing and frustrating to feel guilty and right and blamed

i want to say sorry in a really good way that also says you should be more kind to me and i should be more kind to you regardless and maybe get past guilt and shame in ambiguous situations

my sense of guilt would not necessarily be connected to my sense of fault maybe and i don't know what to do with guilt but i feel like it should be used in some way

feeling guilty yet not at fault undermines my sense of self really mostly when someone is telling me i'm wrong but i don't know if i'm being arrogant in that

i'm probably wrong and i'm probably sorry

#caption

IVE ONLY KNOWN SIX PEOPLE

when you meet someone new what happens

probably

i dont know

how do you write about kindness and then tell someone about it and they're a really good listener and it makes sense rather than anything else

#caption

you can beat me up and maybe it will be funny or mean something else but i dont care that's how i feel rn

like looking for a more efficient way to be lonely. i feel like i've put too much effort into it :/ i wish there were people you could talk to whenever you wanted to talk to. but i've never met anyone like that. i don't even want to talk that much. just text you dumb messages maybe trying to be funny and without offend you either. i feel like saying im sorry to nobody or just one random person or something who will look at like what. there's no good way to do it.