My heart hurts..it feels like thereās this big hole and all I can wish is for you to text me sweet thingsā¦to just tell me everything is okay.
I go to bed alone with my thoughts.

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@bae-kugo
My heart hurts..it feels like thereās this big hole and all I can wish is for you to text me sweet thingsā¦to just tell me everything is okay.
I go to bed alone with my thoughts.
this blog is still essentially private. I mean no one will really read my feelings.Ā
i have so much anxiety right now.Ā
I get scared on actually finishing school. having a legit doctor position. itās overwhelming at times.
i get scared about if iām even smart enough to do what i want to do for a living, and i get nervous about the future. I get scared that iāll mess it up..or i get scared that I may end up really doing a lot of things by myself in the future like..raise kids...having to do stuff overall by myself. I hated to see my mom be so alone all the time, so what if i end up turning into what i hated to see growing up?Ā
I can only hope i guess.
i had a dream to get out of louisiana during my schooling, and i guess i finally did it.Ā
How stressful and tough yet rewarding it has been.Ā
Between spending 3 years in hell to now being able to see glorious mountain sides everyday with some of my fur children is a blessing. Iām not in an extravagant place by any means. There is no central heating, the apartment itself has a lot of quirks, and the building looks like you can kind of get murdered in it from the outside, but the change of scenery itself has been pretty nice. Just like most places, youāll find yourself some rude people, but majority nice people...iāve been grateful to meet some really nice people so far.Ā
The move itself was...stressful. At first i was telling myself I regretted it a lot,but i had no way of turning back even if i wanted to. This was part of my fate at this point and a new adventure I was planned to set out on. However, I reconnected with some old friends along the way and found new amazing and beautiful things landscapes to enjoy.Ā
My landlord has been nothing but accommodating for me (even though he is brand spanking new at his job).Ā He has his own two kids and a wife and heās come from japan. His older kid is about four and flipped out over my life sized bulbasaur, and i thanked them for everything by giving them a little louisiana type stuff.Ā
I met a new friend while getting my internet set up. Sheās from Florida and she overheard me talk to the rep about my pc build that i had made a month back. She had shown me hers and how hers is jolteon themed (while mine is venusaur themed) and we hit it all pretty well! It feels good to have connected with someone and be able to meet and hang out with in that manner.Ā
As iām typing this, i canāt help but to keep on looking outside with my cat in my lap sleeping peacfully. Iām excited to hike, try new foods, meet new friends along the way..and i canāt wait to share these experiences.
Most importantly, i canāt wait to see the person iām in love with again.Ā
i just hope he canāt wait to see me soon too..
anyway. onto better things
family outing (full view!)
my skills include being a sleepyhead and a sweetiepie
I watched my first cochlear implant surgeries today.Ā
And hereās whatĀ I've learned:Ā
1.) give doctors and surgeons some respect at least. Theyāve gone through hell just to learn how to take care of us in a specific field..I at least have to give credit when itās due.Ā 2.) at the same time,Ā I've also learned that life is in the hands of other people who work hard to understand medicine. As I was watching someone first hand on a table with their skull being drilled in, it made me wonder how seriously quick a surgery CAN possibly go wrong with any wrong move.
3.) I might not become a doctor who conducts surgery...but I am a doctor who will specialize in someoneās fate in their hearing health.. I need to be more mature in terms of the lives of my patients this year, and I hope to make that a goal.Ā 4.) Surgeons listen to soft rock and fall out boy during surgery. I sat there listening to 3am by matchbox 20 whilst watching two holes be drilled in a mastoid bone to find the round window in the cochlea.
5.) Watching a surgery happen in a surgery room was almost like being in a medical show, but it feels a lot more real whenever youāre in the corner watching and taking it all in person like a fly on the wall. I was surprisingly desensitized and more in awe as I watched bone be shaved off and blood come out.
so stressed really need the comfort of a man's big big boobs in my face
Why goats? Why ask?
@sha-dowfax
Hey if u like the ocean look at this its rly cool I think
as someone who was already scared of the ocean uhhhhhh
Terrifying depths of the ocean my beloved
āI wanna do this with you ā a love language
Things that donāt make you a bad person:
Displaying āscaryā symptoms of mental illness
Being diagnosed with multiple disorders
Having one or various personality disorders
Being diagnosed with NPD, BPD, HPD, or ASPD
Having very low empathy, or no empathy
Having symptoms that cause anger, emptiness, or paranoia
Having triggers or āstrangeā personal boundaries
Needing extra help or accommodations
Having intrusive thoughts about upsetting or scary topics