LILY OF THE VALLEY

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine

[bailesunicorn-blog]

How ironic is it that I wasted all these years not listening to you. But now that you’re not here, I’m living life exactly how you told me to.

[tamper]

[observando]

[bailesunicorn-blog]

You make me sure, in the midst of heartbreak and turbulence, that my spirit soars only because it's Yours.

[observando]

[observando]

[sickpage]

[bailesunicorn-blog]

When silence between two people is comfortable, you know you have found love.

[bailesunicorn-blog]

//

[bailesunicorn-blog]

Damon

I remember our first conversation. It was mid-January and the evening breeze was a chill to my bones. It was our school retreat and Damon and I were sitting on a deteriorating bench. I could sense he was having the jitters. He told me he wanted to escort Kelsy to the retreat ball but he couldn’t because he didn’t have the balls to ask her so he asked for my help. He asked me if I could convince Kelsy to go with him. So I agreed to help him, but in a gut wrenching thought I wished… That he had picked me instead. I put up a fake smile and told him to leave it to me and so he thanked me and he ran along. I sighed and said to myself that my feelings for him was just temporary. After the retreat, I went on with my life, and ecstatic that I already forgotten about him. Every time I would see Kelsy and Damon together in the hallway I found myself happy because I knew I did the right thing by not telling him how I felt. A good chunk of time passed by, I didn’t know what had happened but rumors had it that the sparks between Kelsy and Damon had dimmed away. I just let them be. But then it dawned upon me where this was going… Another year passed by and he told me he had feelings for me. I felt terrible because Kelsy and I were good friends and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Even though I had feelings for Damon I just kept it to myself. After a few months of hiding it, I found I couldn’t keep the feelings inside anymore. I couldn’t live my life for other people. I had to do what was right for me, even if I hurt some people I love. So, we started texting and hung out more often at school. We chose the same jersey number. I watched his basketball games and cheered for him. As the days went by we got close and closer, but I was caught of guard one fateful night. That night that I may never learn to forget… Damon and I were strolling along outside the school, the stars were shining like diamonds. For a quick moment I sensed he was looking at me, and I looked up. We looked at each other’s eyes, he opened his mouth to speak. My breath was taken away for a split second that I couldn’t remember his voice when he said it. Yet at that, I knew what he said. “I love you Emma.” I wanted to tell him I loved him too but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the guts to do it. So I just laughed and punched him. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him and all I could do was wonder how I’d ever fallen in love with a guy like Damon. School was about to end and summer was just around the corner. As the days went by, my feelings for him elevated and intensified. Our relationship wasn’t always easy, it was more of a roller coaster ride. We would fight over the smallest things and it reached to a point that our love for each other died down and I found no point in staying. The time eventually came and we found ourselves at the dreaded fork on the road. We didn’t think twice, we went on our separate ways. A few months after our breakup, Damon had already moved on and found someone else. I wished that I could’ve rolled back the clock and change everything but it was too late because he was madly in love, with a girl named Verna. At first I thought I was alright about that, but soon I found myself depressed and I couldn’t eat. I lost so much weight, and every night I cried myself to sleep. My grades went downhill. My life was wrecked, but it wasn’t the end. My family was there and they helped me get back on my feet. They convinced me of their unconditional love, and that there was more to life than Damon. I am 19 now, but even up to now I can still remember every moment of our time together, right down to the smallest details. Right at this moment, I’m scanning through pictures of you and me, trying to convince myself that I don’t love you anymore. But somehow, come what may, I will always love you and I will never forget you. But maybe God made someone else for me.

[bookmania]

People, I’ve discovered are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.

Veronica Roth, Insurgent (via bookmania)

[saltywhisperss]

[the-red-lotus-blog-deactivated2]

Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion.

Simon Sinek (via the-red-lotus-blog)

[dobladim]

[bailesunicorn-blog]

Watercolor is now my favorite medium. 🎨💜

[bailesunicorn-blog]

[bailesunicorn-blog]

Buhay Nursing

I have always known that the nursing field is a tough profession to undertake. A student’s life consists of four years of formal schooling, after finishing which comes another hurdle of passing the board exam—it is a never ending process of learning. To be able to apply all the skills we have acquired, we are then launched into reality. We enter the medical arena not as students anymore but as professionals. 

 When I started my volunteer work, my expectations revolved around being able to apply everything I learned in class and learning new procedures that were not covered during my years in school. True enough, these were met. At some point I got overwhelmed with the introduction of new methods. Learning from books is truly different from being able to acquire knowledge practically first-hand. As the old saying goes, “Some things are more caught than taught.”

 I cannot fully say that my experience as a volunteer nurse is perfect. There were days when I got sick, times when I dreaded waking up during ungodly hours just to get to my designated shift on time. Sometimes the thought of how tiring an 8-hour duty could be is enough for me to surrender and throw in the towel. I’d look at some of my friends who are now working corporately and would feel a bit of envy whenever their pay day came. I work the same hours as they did daily and yet I haven’t earned my first paycheck. Why am I here in the first place?

 It wasn’t until July 30, 2015 that my perspective on being a nurse took a turning point. As one of my patients was to be discharged that day, I went and offered to pray for her. She agreed and I did. What happened after is something that I will forever treasure in my heart. My patient cried and gave me a book as a gift. Before I left the room she blessed me and said, “Salamat sa pag-alaga sa akon. Mangamuyo guid ko nga i-bless ka sang Ginoo sang name nga pamilya sa ulihi kag bana ngamatutum sa Ginoo. Salamat guid sa prayers, padayuna guid alaga  kag pangamuyo sa psyente mo kay lipay guid ang Ginoo.”She then gave me a hug.

 I couldn’t contain my emotions then that I retreated to the comfort room and cried. I then looked back to the days where I came to the hospital just to get things done with. But this day was different. My eyes were opened to the real reason why I am here, why I chose this profession.

 Being a nurse isn’t just about assisting other medical professionals or helping sick people to be well. It is more than that. Every day we face a physical battle that doesn’t only involve those who are sick but ourselves too. We risk our own health every time we enter the hospital and get exposed to various illnesses our patients have. Sometimes things become a routine—we get bored, we get tired, we question our purpose.

 I realized that if I continued to put my focus on the physical things—on matters that only concerned me and the technicalities of my profession, then it will be just about time when I’m going to call it quits. 

 In this occupation, I have grasped that we nurses have been given the power to heal physically and spiritually as well. It is a gift that is given to a few. The spiritual healing through the prayers exchanged with my patient brought a great impact to our lives. I recalled all the things that I feared and with this single event, they all melted away. I am ecstatic at the fact that I have done my job well as my patient was released from the hospital in full health that day, but the greatest part of which was the opportunity to bring her life to God. More than the sense of fulfillment, I felt tremendous joy.