Allfornothing @bakaoniisantx-blog - Tumblr Blog

I don’t want to let you down, honest. But it just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)

I can be a hero

People don't stay away from other people. They want to be around each other. People run away from monsters. They're afraid of them I can see them distance themselves from me. They can see the beast that lurks within. But I can save them. I can kill the monster. I can defeat the beast. I can save them from me.

#monster

All I have to do is one objective

The universe has made it clear. I’m not allowed anything else in life. So all I have to do is pay off the truck. It’s the only big payment. That way my parents don’t have to worry about it. I’ll convince them to file for their SS. After that I’m free. If I take my car with me, neither the bank nor insurance will want that mess. My family can either sell my cars and shop or keep it. I don’t care material objects don’t matter to me. They’ve never filled the void, concealed it. It crazy, I thought I found a purpose. 3 years is all I need. Help my friend for 3 years. All I need to do is make more money, help them stay focused on their dream. Then I’ll have served my purpose once they graduate. They can move away and I’d I can peaceful fade out of existence knowing that I was helpful, and was capable of caring for someone other than myself. Unfortunately now it seems that I was living in a fantasy where I was capable of being human.

#wubba lubba dub dub #i want to leave

I should of expected it,

I should of known that I'd be come a chore and not a treat to them. I'm glad they're safe now, but I wish it was with me. I guess I don't matter as much as they said I did to them. 😣

Why am I even here

Again

It's happening again. I can see it. I'm making my friends fade away. They're leaving because of me. It would wouldn't be so bad if they stuck together and just ousted me, but there going separate ways. Which hurts the most. They're such awesome people and matter so SO MUCH to me. Every day I look forward to interacting with them. If they feel the same about each other half as much as I do, then it's only right that I be the one to walk away. I want them to stay together, I want them to continue to enjoy each other's company, I want my friends to be happy. It'd be selfish of me to want to leach this friendship until its withered

PLEASE!!!

Just fucking let me die already! I'm tired crying I'm tired of my heart aches I'm tired of my brains pounding I'm tired of breathing just so the wind can get knocked out of me again. I'm sorry for who I was and what I've done. Just end me! I beg you!!!

#killme

Not just some face I know

I feel like I'm losing actual people I would like to call friends. It's like they're here for a bit and then they distance themselves from me. I imagine they catch wind of the monster in my eyes and run. Guess it's the universe dangling happiness in front of me and taking it away as always. It's showing me that I need to be punished for the shitty person I've been. I hate being alone, because it scares me. So it keeps locked up and on display. The only form of interaction I'm allowed is waving hello behind glass as people pass by.

If I could just explode right now that'd be great

Things are just fucking over whelming. I so frustrated and scared. It's s constant battle trying to myself on the rails. Maybe it's not a big deal to other people. In fact I'm sure someone else could handle this just fine, but I'm not them. I want out. Get me off this planet, i want to explode in the vacuum of space. I'm tired of working I'm tired of trying to have a social life I'm tired of family life I'm tired of society I'm tired of people I'm tired of people pretending to care I'm tired of mind games I'm tired of rules and requirements I'm tired of legal mumbo jumbo that I don't understand I'm tired of having responsibilities I'm tired of looking out for people I'm tired of not being appreciated I'm tired of being disposable I'm tired of pretending I'm fine I'm tired of this evil inside I'm tired of myself I'm tired of holding myself together I'm tired of fighting it I'm scared of what I'll do when I release what's inside... Please just put me down

Why do you love to make me want to kill myself

Russian roulette

That's what I feel like I'm playing. I've been rushing into situations that could easily end with me seriously injured or dead. Don't like pain but perhaps I'm seeking something else. If I keep at it, one of these days that chamber is going to be loaded.

#outcastthroughlife #forgottenintime

Drop in a bottomless bucket.

As of yesterday I'm a small business owner. It was strange though. The people I dealt with to get all the paper work arrange were so excited for me. Yet all I could do was crack a smile and say "yep". Outside I've been able keep my composure, but I'm melting down on the inside. I wish I had some one to talk to but the only actual 4 friends I have on Facebook would all be angry because I let her derail me when they told me to forget about her. My entire thought process has gone to hay wire. I have all this chaos erupting within. I fucking hate this feeling. My night terrors are back. I have trouble sleeping, my diet has gone to shit. I feel tired all the time. I haven't been to the gym. It's hard for me to concentrate at work. I know my boss has noticed. It's like I'm trying to climb a muddy slope. My intention is to get to the top but either I get stuck or I slide back. The things I get accomplish don't even hold any meaning to me. All I'm doing is collecting water with the bottom cut out of the bucket. I do it to do it but it doesn't give me a sense of achievement. I'm a bystander in my own mind and the truth is I'm tired of being here. This life has been one big practical joke. I started with nothing but had friends and now I have more that I imagined I'd have at this point but there's no one around except fakes that treat like I'm some crazy person. They avoid talking to me as if I'm some abusive psycho husband that treated her like crap, but all I did was tell a girl that liked me " I like you too". TOO as in ALSO. I would not have said anything if it were just me being infatuated. This is where I my chest corrodes and my brain tears itself apart desperately trying to find what I did wrong, what did I fuck up, what exactly did I say that drove her away? I just wanted to let her know I was ready for whatever she wanted to try out. I wanted to know her feelings were accepted. Now I've been exiled for a crime I don't know I committed. And it freaking sucks.

Losing it

And I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I have turned into this creep, douchebag, a sleaze ball. I have no clue what I did for this to happen. I wish someone would tell what my problem is. How did I ever become the bad guy. What turn did I take, that took me off the path to being the hero, and down the road to becoming the villain. I feel like people are turning away from me in disgust. I just wanted to make friends.

Jerks

I'm not very good at any kind of games but I still try to play them. So whenever I get an achievement or hit a mile stone I get excited and want to share it. It never fails that there always has to be that person who's been playing it forever and think they're the shit. They always put you down and act like what you did was no big deal. As if they started off knowing everything about the game from the get go. Well sorry you stopped having fun and don't enjoy the small things anymore.

#jerks #cyberbullying

doribuki

its like google without a safesearch in this bitch

bakaoniisantx-blog

I need those goggles

"Click"

She said we didn't click. Well duh, You idiot I wasnt letting us. When you were coming at me strong I deflected it and bro zoned you. I saw that someone else like you and was trying to get after you. He's seemed ok and I thought you had been friends longer than us. So I backed off, plus I told you I wasn't ready to let someone get close to me. I saw you shrug him off and keep hammering at me, and hammering, until finally my shell cracked. I realized my defenses were no longer and accept your feelings. And then you crushed my chest your hammer, said sorry and walked away. Now I lay here alone with punctured lungs gasping for air. All I can think is "You asshole, why did you have to be scared". You knew what was inside but you stayed persistent. When you finally saw it, you scared yourself. You don't think your good enough. You think that you weren't meant to have me. You think that I'm more than you deserve. You think I'm going to change you You think I'm going to take you away from your friends and family. You think I'm going to lock you up. You think that I'll find someone else. You think that you'll mess everything up. You think I'm perfect I think you're an idiot I think you're cool I think you're funny I think you're pretty I think you're smart I think you're stressing way too much I think you're letting yourself be overwhelmed by everything. I think you're worth putting myself on the line for. I think you need to just give you and me a chance. Maybe it'll work out maybe it won't. Maybe you'll hate my guts but you know you wont. I think it's time we jump in and see where the current takes us.

fconvicted

“They set my face as the icon but you set the standard I couldn’t rise up to.”

dedicated to the fact that i always read accusations of gabriel being petty for severing his relationship with jack but apparently very few think jack had a part in it as well. (gee i wonder why) i head canon that gabe set a standard for being commander, regardless of whether his methods were unethical or not, he did win the war and was the first to lead overwatch’s agents. jack had to live in the shadows of gabriel’s success but he never had a war to win, he had a peace to keep. because of this jack had a built up interest in trying to prove he could compete with gabe’s glory or do better; gradually pushing gabe away in an attempt to prove he was just as good a commander as him. in response gabe was hostile as well, most likely the two not willing to swallow down their pride.

bakaoniisantx-blog

I like to think that maybe Reyes didn't see himself as a hero after all the pain and agony he witnessed. Maybe he saw government corruption that jack wasn't aware of and began to doubt if what they were doing was really good.

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