trying my best

L, they/them, 29, baker, ambitious and anxious

[bake-your-feelings]

Officially bringing back this blog. Here’s an intro update:

Hi, I’m L, they/them, 29, I run a sourdough microbakery out of a shared commercial kitchen. What you can expect here:

Business reflections

To do lists and productivity recaps

Work life balance thoughts

Rants on the woes and contradictions of running a small business under capitalism

Etc

TERFs keep out (why would you want to be here anyway)

[bake-your-feelings]

Last week went pretty well, all things considered. I’m so glad I didn’t have a Sunday market because I got to just chill and finally attend the Saturday market later in the day with no pressure.

I also baked another order of burger buns for the restaurant the same day I baked for the big market. Went surprisingly well for how much I baked that day. I timed it well, and I delivered it while my employee packaged stuff up.

I’ve decided to hell with slicing half of the loaves I bring. I’m slicing less than that. Because I have a dinky little hand crank slicer and it’s contributing to my wrist pain and I hate it.

This week will be busier since I have 3 markets. Oof. 4 baking days in a row. Over 300 cookies. Employee is on vacation. It’ll be fine.

Here’s the to do list:

Ingredient shop ✅

250lbs flour, cookie ingredients, jalapeños etc.

Brown more butter ✅

Another 56 sticks since I didn’t get to it last week.

Make everything bagel chips ✅

I have so many packs in the freezer I need to get them out. I need the shop owner to send me a report or something on Sunday so I know how much didn’t sell so I can plan for the next week.

Triple batch of cookie dough Tuesday ✅

Double batch of cookie dough Wednesday ✅

Bake for Wednesday market ✅

Baking and mixing dough at the same time but it’s not a large amount I need for Thursday so it shouldn’t be a big deal. I want to actually be present for the first half of the market to see my regulars again after the winter.

Bake for shop Thursday ✅

Mixing dough at the same time will be a bit tricker for this one because it’s more small items, more hands on. Maybe I’ll start earlier in the morning because the last couple of times I did this I had to deliver later than I’d prefer.

Huge bake for market Friday ✅

Without my employee. Fuuuuuck. This one is gonna be hard. Long day but I’ll get through it.

Big bake for market Saturday ✅

Making less on this day and not trying to mix dough at the same time so it should be easier. Hopefully.

[bake-your-feelings]

Alright, another week coming up and it will maybe be easier??

I did not personally attend the Sunday market. Instead my partner did it while I slept in and rested. Which was very much needed because I was crashing out on Saturday about if I baked the right amount. (I did. Literally it all sold at the right time.)

Something about markets being my primary social life for the last 5 years makes me reluctant to quit them but my partner has encouraged me to enjoy the time instead of feeling like I have to be working the entire time. So like, I can sleep in and show up halfway through the market to talk to my friends and check in at the booth and dip out. That’s possible. And it might be necessary going forward.

I was teetering on the edge of burnout and I might be there again if I try to attend every single market. So, we’ll see what happens with that. I need rest days. I need to build in time to chill the fuck out. I can’t always be working.

Wednesday market starts this week, and it will be physically impossible for me to be there 100% of the time because I need to mix dough for Thursday. No Sunday market this week, thankfully.

Here’s what this week looks like:

Ingredient shop ✅

250lbs flour, other stuff. Limiting the number of jalapeño cheddar I make this week because it hasn’t been selling well at the store.

Order supplies online ✅

I have very limited everything bagel seasoning ingredients and I’m running low on bread bags.

Write and send the monthly newsletter

Just need to lock in for like 2 hours and do it.

Make bagel chips for the store ✅

These are mostly if not completely sold out and I have a bunch of leftover bagels in the freezer. Not gonna try to make all of them, just some.

Mix triple batch of cookie dough ✅

Less this week because of no Sunday market, though I need to figure out how/if to make a freezer stash of dough for Wednesdays.

Brown more butter for next week’s cookie dough

Another 56 sticks, you already know it. W

Wednesday market and shop bakes ✅

Some loaves with inclusions, which is annoying, but whatever. I’ll make it all fit into the time.

Thursday shop bakes ✅

Not baking the loaves the day of delivery, so just bagels and English muffins probably.

Friday market bakes ✅

Normal maximum bake day with my assistant.

Saturday market (actually attend?) ✅

Haven’t actually been to this market yet because I’m always baking the day it’s happening. Might check it out, might fuck off and ride my bike or something.

-

Should do but it’s kind of whatevs:

Email distribution company people ✅

Email newspaper lady

Get paid for another round of pet sitting I did last week

[kosmogrl]

I will probably get through this just like I have gotten through everything before but I need to be really stressed and scared first

[bake-your-feelings]

Last week was… really hard.

Markets went fine, just some leftovers to deal with. Bake days went alright with the employee, just a bit crowded in the kitchen on Friday.

Unfortunately I may not be as recovered from the trauma of last year’s house situation as I thought I was. It’s not normal for the sight of a particular breed of dog to make me nauseous for the rest of the day but here we are I guess. Anyway, that’s for therapy.

Two markets in a row was a ton of work, even with someone helping me. One 14-hour day and then a 12-hour day in the kitchen with minimal breaks and minimal lunch. I need to be better about bringing lunches and snacks and such. I’m not eating enough.

Struggling with comparison because one of my competitors just opened a retail shop and apparently business is booming. Which, good for her, but also how the fuck is she selling that much? And that many different things?

I didn’t sell out at the Sunday market, and tbh I don’t know how sustainable it is to keep doing it when I’m already up to my eyeballs in dough.

This week is another 2-market weekend but no Wednesday bakes because I closed orders and the store isn’t open that day, so one less early morning.

Here’s what the week looks like:

Ingredient run for flour, salt, chocolate chips, eggs, jalapeños, cheese, and maybe some other bits. ✅

3 different stores but I might be able to squish it into 2 depending what the flour store and Costco have.

Cookie dough triple batch ✅

This is gonna suck and I know I’m making more dough than I need right now but soon I’m gonna need it because of the Wednesday market

Brown more butter ✅

40 more sticks, fuuuuuuuuck. (Edit: actually 64 sticks)

Cookie dough double batch ✅

This will suck less because then I’ll be chilling. After a triple batch a double batch always seems small.

Thursday baking for the store ✅

Might have my partner do that delivery again, so I can clean up and start my afternoon of rest before the chaos.

Friday huge bake day for Saturday market ✅

Employee will help, and then my partner will come help once my employee leaves. Probably shooting for the same as last weekend, maybe fewer cookies because it’s not opening day or Memorial Day weekend.

Saturday big bake day for Sunday market ✅

Less than last time because I hate having leftovers, but this should be more manageable and make for a shorter day.

Survive the Sunday market ✅

Parking is always a bitch and loading in and loading out always hurts my body. And standing for another 5 hours while my body hurts from standing and working the last 2 days? Forget about it.

Maybe do this week but also it’s not a big deal if not:

Email back newspaper lady (still on the damn list!)

Email the distribution company people because wtf is up I was supposed to get a login weeks ago

Edit and post some shorts or reels.

[bake-your-feelings]

Alright, very proud of having accomplished everything on my must-do list and most things on my would-like-to-do list last week.

Good news: my employee is coming back for what I think is her third summer with me. That saves me a lot of stress and trying to find someone else. The limited space will be a challenge but worst case scenario it means I’ll have to sit down for a bit while she works. Oh the horror.

The restaurant was pleased with the buns and I was able to see the other baker’s product and they’re pretty much alike. So that’s good. No idea when they’ll order next but they said they’d let me know with plenty of time in advance.

This week is the first double-market weekend. I’m a bit scared because that means I’ll have to mix dough at the same time that I’m baking and the dough mix usually takes up all my time for 2 hours. Yes, even with the mixer.

Had to make croutons yesterday because some loaves didn’t sell because of rain. Froze the leftover cookies and those can be sold on Saturday.

I’m exhausted, my back hurts, my wrist hurts, my sciatica is acting up, I need to do yoga one of these days or really get focused on stretching.

Here’s what the week looks like:

Must do:

Mix 5 batches of cookie dough and shape (310 cookies) ✅

It’s going to be a long day. 3 batches took me 4 hours last time. Even with help.

Buy flour and bags at the bulk store ✅

Maybe I’ll send my partner to get this stuff so I don’t have to take the time out of my day because it’s like a half hour drive there.

Text charcuterie gal who messaged me about buying bread ✅

She messaged me yesterday, I need to respond and quickly.

Stretch/do yoga/take care of my body

Fuck, everything hurts. Maybe I’ll take a bath or go to the hot tub for a good soak. I need to get in the habit of stretching and have a routine around it. I’m not 23 anymore for sure.

Light bake day Wednesday ✅

Personal orders and one shop, should be decently easy.

Normal bake day Thursday ✅

Shop in Black Forest where the market this weekend is taking place so probably some extra English muffins.

Big bake day Friday ✅

First day for my employee, gotta mix dough while baking. But if I can assign her to completely take care of the focaccias maybe I can focus on loaves.

Big bake day Saturday ✅

Also with my employee but no dough mixing so hopefully this means I’ll be able to sit down. I’ll be exhausted from the previous day no doubt so I’ll need it.

Would be nice:

Email newspaper lady back finally

Edit and publish a reel and/or YouTube short ✅

[sobcat]

[bake-your-feelings]

It’s moments like this that I can recognize and fully appreciate the relationships I’ve built over 5 years in business.

The lady who sells my bread at her store regularly tells customers that she remembers when I first showed up to the farmers market with a dozen loaves, sold them all, and came back the next week to do it all again. I now regularly sell out of over a dozen loaves and even more items in her shop weekly. She just agreed to be a professional reference for me as I try to become a customer of a local distribution company.

The local restaurant owner contacted that distribution company on my behalf after I hadn’t heard from them about my application, and I was able to talk to the company president on the phone today.

The kitchen manager offered to help in any way she can with how I’m growing my business. She brings my business mail directly to my station.

The market manager on Sunday said he was glad to have me back at the market again this year.

The sourdough vendor I met last fall is in her second season and we congratulated each other on selling out.

The vendor who quit the business came to visit me at the market and we hugged.

I ribbed a fellow vendor who always gets my cookies about dipping into his wife’s teacher appreciation stash that she custom ordered from me last week.

Small business is about the people. It’s about helping each other grow and celebrating each other’s hard work.

Because it is fucking hard work. Baking the actual bread doesn’t even make up half of my job. And I’m so scared for what the future holds.

But I’m surrounded by good people, every day in the kitchen, every market day, at every delivery. Through the sweaty 14-hour workdays and the early sellouts.

I love my job.

[bake-your-feelings]

Alright, I survived the week. Still playing catch-up a little bit and still figuring things out but it’ll be ok.

Everything sold out in 3.5 hours out of a 5 hour market. Holy shit. It was my best market sales day to date, and I’m officially out of the red for this month. Saw lots of regulars and people from last year, which was nice. It was super crowded the whole time and lots of folks congratulated me on selling out and said they’d try to come earlier next week. I don’t tend to encounter a lot of negativity about selling out, for which I’m glad, people are mostly just determined to get there in time next time. That’s good, since I’m at capacity except for the cookies. Might have to order more focaccia pans.

Here’s what this week looks like. Must do:

Set, shop, bake, and deliver next order of burger buns for the restaurant ✅

They asked about ordering 100 this time and making them a little wider, which is fine, so I’ll need ingredients from the fancy grocery store and then I can plan and execute the bake. Probably Wednesday morning.

I also need to price out the buns and get back to them about that.

Make more cookie dough than last week ✅

Cookies sold out early enough that I think I can get away with bringing 3 batches instead of 2. So, 195 giant cookies. Idk how I’m going to fit all that in the fridge but I need to figure it out for future weekends anyway so might as well start now. Might steal some space on the hourly side. This is why I wanted access to a walk-in fridge. 😬

Catch me browning 40 sticks of butter later today.

Contact last summer’s employee to ask if she wants to come back ✅

I’m going to need HELP. Jesus Christ. Saturday was a 14 hour day and I can’t be doing that twice a week. I crashed so hard on Sunday afternoon after the market.

Make croutons and package for the shop ✅

In the interest of clearing space in the freezer and also because people have asked about them, I’ll bake some of the many bags of already-cut bread pieces into croutons, as has been their intended destiny for many months.

Reset for next week’s market ✅

This involves resetting the cash box, washing tablecloths, inputting new email subscribers, etc.

—

Would be nice:

Get cash for pet sitting ✅

It doesn’t seem like a far drive but it takes at least an hour out of my day and I haven’t had that time!!

Finish this gosh darn video and upload it ✅

I want to start recording a new one but I’m determined not to get out my camera until this one is done and published.

Reply to the newspaper editor who asked if I’d like to write for them

It’s a yes but not right now. I don’t know why it’s so hard to send that email.

—

That’s a lot and I’m already overwhelmed. Just gotta take it one step at a time.

[bake-your-feelings]

It’s a new week and I am once again going a tad bit insane.

First big market of the year is this Sunday so that’s an added bake day on Saturday and I need to make cookie dough tomorrow.

I got my state sales tax license and submitted my returns for the last 3 quarters for that.

California really fucked up my schedule. I stayed up til 1am my time every night when I normally go to bed by 9pm. I was exhausted the whole time. Overall it was a good trip but oh my god I should’ve flown back on Sunday instead of Monday and I feel behind on everything. Also very worn down and like I just need a day to reset and journal and chill.

And on top of that, the store is closed today for a “snow day” (there is no snow sticking to the ground 🤔) so I have to be here for my own pickup. I’m going to get lunch at the deli to motivate myself and also because if I don’t then I won’t eat anything today until 3:30-ish.

Here’s the to-do list for the rest of the week:

Ingredient shopping and mixing cookie dough ✅

For the market, so can be done on Thursday after my delivery.

Write and send newsletter ✅

Late sending the May one but what else is new?

Big dough mixing on Friday ✅

Arranged the shelves in the fridge and added some so I should be able to fit 56 loaves. Lets hope.

Big bake day Saturday ✅

Should go fine, especially if no one else is in the kitchen and I can use both convection ovens.

Market Sunday ✅

Hoping the weather calms down by then because this is an outdoor rain or shine market and I hate doing markets in the cold.

Go get money for pet sitting

Maybe Thursday? Or Friday afternoon? Idk, but it won’t be today.

[bat-luun]

[said with increasing amount of distress] i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this i got this

[bake-your-feelings]

In slightly stupid news, what was actually wrong with this round of burger buns was the salt. I counted on the salted butter to pull through and it did… for 4 grams worth. In several kilograms of dough. Ugh. I basically made a big vat of buttery sourdough starter.

So, with 2% milk acquired, I will perform the next test and add salt this time.

[bake-your-feelings]

Some updates to the to-do list:

I fucked up the burger buns probably because I bought the wrong milk. It’s a big jump from 2% to 6% and I also didn’t notice it said extra cream on top on the bottle. 🤦‍♀️

So, I’ll redo the test and actually deliver it tomorrow. Need to email back about that.

Apparently the distributor takes forever to get set up with. So that’s great.

Filled out my city sales tax reporting and went from it saying that I owed 2k to 0. Jesus Christ. I cried about it, yeah.

I’m accepting the fact that I’ll just need to bring my dirty clothes to California and do laundry at my parents house. It’s fine it’s FINE.

Might have to start work at 4am tomorrow instead of my usual 5am to accommodate the extra burger bun test.

Ugh I need a fucking break.

[sandmandaddy69]

[bake-your-feelings]

Alright, I applied for the city and state sales tax licenses and applied to be a customer of this distributor. So we’ll see what happens.

Fuck, that was anxiety-inducing and I need to lay down for the next several years. It would be nice to outsource this stuff to a professional.

[bake-your-feelings]

Week recap and processing:

I got most things done on my to-do list from last week. Really proud of that.

Also incredibly proud of finally succeeding at burger buns. That’s a big weight off, but now I also have to figure out ingredient sourcing and how to physically make 300 of them at once. It’s one thing when I can jump over to Costco and get what I need, another thing entirely when I have to work with a distribution company to deliver large quantities to me. Impostor syndrome incoming.

It’s going to be another busy week but then I get a break next weekend while I’m in California.

This week’s to-dos:

Figure out distribution company ordering for ingredients

I’m nervous. I’m going to need a sales tax number. I’m hoping to get the special grass fed milk from them (because it’s $7/half gallon at the grocery and I need like 4 gallons per batch) and also coconut sugar (expensive as well). I was majorly stressing about it all day yesterday.

Ingredient and supply run ✅

I need flour, salt, big muffin tins, and a cookie scoop.

Finish editing and upload this YouTube video

I got the preliminary edit done over the weekend but it needs a second pass and some refining.

Mix a double batch of cookie dough ✅

I have a three-dozen-cookie order this week and I won’t have time to make more dough next Monday so today it needs to happen. I already have the ingredients.

Run a final burger bun test with the final ingredients and deliver to the restaurant ✅

I keep comparing my stuff to the other baker’s stuff and I want to make sure we’re on par and I have it all right before I make 300 of them.

Run another muffin test

If I can deliver this at the same time as the burger buns test that would be great. Less flour, soaked oats, and browned butter should make it a lot better.

Pack for California ✅

Usually I check a bag but southwest has gotten greedy so I have to carry on. Also this will involve baking stuff to give to my friends and family.

.

I think that’s a fair list for this week, especially considering I only have 4 days to do it.

[bake-your-feelings]

Fucking hell, these burger buns nearly killed me (read: had me lookin for another job) but I finally cracked it. 2 tests this week and now I just have to get coconut sugar and a2 milk to test with the final ingredients and then it’ll be good to go!