baking issues

[bakingissues]

Our long awaited daddy issues cupcakes are complete! Moist, delicious, and rife with things that make your therapist cringe!!

[bakingissues]

New, World Famous, Withholding Mother Loaf! 

This one’s for you, Mom! 

Suggested serving size pictured above. 

[bakingissues]

Withholding Mother Loaf

This little cake has been brewing in my head for a year and a half. A first attempt to make it resulted in it being dropped, on the ground, in front of the cat litter box.  (No Cake For You) The second attempt broke my oven. This, the third, and gloriously perfect try, was a total and utter success. But I shouldn’t give it that much glowing approval. I wouldn’t want to spoil it. 

This cake is a little tough, and a little bitter,  just like Mom. 

Ingredients 1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temp 2 1/2 cups granulated sugar, divided 4 extra-large eggs, at room temperature 1/2 cup grated lemon zest (8 large lemons about) 3 cups aryan flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon kosher salt 3/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice, divided 3/4 cup buttermilk, at room temperature 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds

Garnish of choice: I used one of my mother’s most dangerous allergens, pink peppercorns, to garnish. 

Instructions:

Preheat your oven to 350. 

Get some of those non-stick latex pans, or grease and flour two regular bread pans. 

Cream butter and sugar in a bowl, til light and fluffy. With mixer set to medium, add in one egg at a time.  Make sure to guilt the eggs as you add them, telling them how much you’ve done for them. Guilting will add a special flavour to the loaf. Add in zest and sesame seeds. 

In a bowl, combine all the powdered ingredients, and simultaneously combine, in a separate bowl, the buttermilk, lemon juice and vanilla. Add them alternately to the batter, starting and ending with dry ingredients. Divide the batter evenly between the pans, smoothing the tops. Bake for about 45 - 60 minutes, or til your tooth pick comes out clean.  Chill them out for a few minutes before removing from pans. 

Optional: Glaze

Combine 2 cups of confectioners sugar with about 3-4 table spoons of lemon juice, and whisk till smooth.  Pour over cooled cakes, and then add the garnish of your choice. (pictured, pink peppercorns, mom’s weirdest allergy, and black sesame seeds for that prickly effect)

Serving size: 

Just a crumb. That’s all you get.  You want a loaf, go bake your own.  How else will you learn? 

[bakingissues]

A lapse

Apologies for not posting anything new, life got in the way of our baking sessions. Stay tuned til next week... We'll have something exciting for you!

[bakingissues]

the "what is you?"

[bakingissues]

what is you?

tired of endless questioning about your possible heritage? 

We sure as fuck are.

As two ambigiously raced people, Krysia and I both get really tired by people endlessly trying to figure out, just why are we so "exotic" or "foreign". The best question i've ever been asked, by far, was asked to me by a confused homeboy on the street in Oakland, who asked me- "girl, what is you?" 

I still don't know how to answer that question, but this spicy little cookie probably has a real sassy response.

Ingredients:

2 3/4 cups flour                 1 tsp baking soda          1/2  tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt                1 3/4 cups white sugar       2 1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp fresh ground cardamom  1/2  tsp allspice   1/2 tsp ground pink peppercorn

small finger of ginger, chopped  1 tbsp rosehips, ground 1 cup unsalted butter

1 egg   1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350ª line baking sheet with parchment. In a large bowl, sift flower, baking soda, baking powder and salt. In a medium bowl, combine sugar, cinnamon, fresh ginger, all spice, and peppercorns and rosehips.  take out a 1/4 cup and set aside. In a bowl for a stand mixer, beat in butter and sugar and spices until light and fluffy. Beat in egg and vanilla extract. Mix until fully assimilated. Slowly blend in dry ingredients, melting pot that shit together.

While blending ingredients, reflect on all those people who asked, with a concerned look on their face, "where are your parents from? no... but, where are your grandparents from?

Using 2tsps, roll into balls, and roll in spiced sugar. Place dough balls on prepared baking sheet, far enough away so they don't have to touch if they don't want to, about an inch and a half apart. Bake in preheated oven for 8-10 min. Let stand on baking sheet for 5min after.  Serve with a big ol' helping of sass.

[bakingissues]

Winter blues cheesecake Blueberry and lavender

[bakingissues]

Winter Blues blueberry & lavender Cheesecake

We all get a little down sometimes.  Winter is the hardest of all.  everything is grey..  the sky, the ground, your soul...  Before reaching for the razor blades, try eating something that will taste so delicious it'll be impossible to continue hiding in your bed under the covers, trying to wish away the next three months of your life. 

1 tbs lavender

1/2 cup sugar

4 cups blueberries

400 grams pilly cream cheese

1 1/4 cup graham crumbs

1/4 cup

2-3 eggs

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

start by boiling the lavender in a tiny little bit of water, and let it cook off some liquid.  let it get real fragrant. let it wash over you just like winter depression., add the blueberries. let it fester awhile before doing anything about it. then mash it up a little.  cook off some liquid on simmer.

warm the butter in a pan, and when melted add graham crumbs. mush it up. spread into the bottom of the pan, real low, and pat down.

mix philly, vanilla and sugar and a couple eggs. in a bowl until liquidy, getting out most of the lumpss. poor it on top of the crust. poor yourself another drink. bake for 30 min at 350. let it cool. (those sub zero temperatures have to be good for something.)

Throw on the topping, add an ocean of tears as garnish.

[bakingissues]

PTSD pineapple and ginger cheesecake. Safe spaces made edible.

[bakingissues]

PTSD pineapple and ginger cheesecake

Don't worry, these are totally not triggering at all.

topping:

1-2 cans pineapple (1/2 blended with food processor), 1 large finger of ginger, peeled & grated

heat together on the stove 5-7 min

Filling:

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla

2-3 eggs

400g philly cream cheese

Mix together until as smooth and white as that blank place in your mind you go to when you dissociate.

Crusty:

1 1/4 cups Graham cracker crumbs & 1/4 cup melted butter

spread crust mix into pans. cover with filling,  bake at 350ª for 30 min. let cool, then throw some topping on there like a security blanket.  

[bakingissues]

Baking issues #1- Sibling Rivalry Cookies

1/2 cup of butter, soft

4 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup sugar

3 cups flour

1/2 tsp salt

zest of 4 blood oranges

1 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 cups dried cranberries

1 cup white chocolate, chunks

3 pinches of rose petals, dried

Mix it up, everything, randomly, a free for all, like stockings on christmas. Mix it up til the dough is soft, like your kid brothers face after it got pummeled.

Roll it into balls, like your sister rolled you up in that blanket, that time, and threw you down the stairs.

Place bloody cookies 1 inch apart, and bake @ 350˚ for 12-14 minutes.

Please note that you should definitely use white chocolate and do not replace with another white, chalky substance, like bones or teeth.

[bakingissues]

sibling rivalry cookies

[bakingissues]

baking is therapy

This winter, crippled beyond my wildest imaginings, I dreamed up the idea to use baking as therapy...  Any issue you need to excise on the shrinks' couch, can be better excised through making a delicious baked good, eating the fuck out of it, and then expelling it through the ass end of your digestive tract.  But- I was too crippled to bake by myself, and I actually had never baked anything before. 

My dear friend Krysia, however, possessed both a functional body and an even greater body of baking knowledge. I implored her to aid me in my project, and she (thankfully) was happy to oblige.

What has followed has been a collaborative effort.  We meet approximately once a week, we concentrate on all those shitty things a therapist would salivate over, and we bake. We have made delicious cookies and cheesecakes, and more deliciousness is sure to follow.

K&K