no regrets, just love.

BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON. 22. Waiter. Coffee, musical theatre enthusiast. New York City. Single. Hello there! Welcome to my little slice of space within the Internet. This is where I keep a record of all the things that I like, so be prepared to see lots of coffee, Broadway, fashion, and Star Wars related posts here. I'm currently working as a full time waiter at the Spotlight Diner, so feel free to stop by and say hi. Otherwise, I'll see you around in the city. It's a big concrete jungle, but I believe fate has its own ways. If we were destined to meet, we will. One day.

[banderbowties-blog]

KLAINE → AFTER THE STORM

[kurtkouture]

Kurt wished he knew how to somehow make everything alright. But he had no idea how to do that. He just hoped that somehow time would ease the tension between them, which seemed cowardly but what else could he do? So he decided that he would just let things be. As long as he had Blaine willing to be by his side, everything would be okay. At least till Blaine almost mentioned the kiss. Kurt had certainly caught his friend almost tripping into the subject and even though the other quickly stopped himself before the rest of his sentence made it out of his mouth. At that moment, Kurt’s whole body went tense in his seat and felt his heart pounding fast once again. “Uh…yeah. I guess maybe next time.” he said awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond. He rolled his lips into his mouth and just hoped they could move on past this subject. “I look like that much of a mess, huh?” Kurt said raising a brow before letting himself give a soft laugh. “Actually, please don’t answer that.” He added quickly then sighed and shook his head with a small smile. “I wish I had more time to get ready. My hair is all over the place and if I had concealer I could probably hide these huge bags under my eyes.” he said gently touching under his eyes with a pout. Kurt couldn’t help but smile at the way Blaine worded their friends night together. Kurt always thought he was a big romantic, but he was learning that Blaine could really give him a run for his money. Which he didn’t mind in the slightest. “That’s easily the weirdest way to describe Santana moaning during sex.” Kurt said, “but it’s also most romantic.” 

Kurt waited anxiously in his seat while Blaine stepped into the kitchen. While, yes, being around Blaine was hard due to their kiss, it was harder to be away from him - but only because when Blaine wasn’t in sight, Kurt only imagined the worst which was that Blaine felt the need to leave because of how uncomfortable he was around Kurt now. He knows that he’s over thinking things. At least that’s what he’s trying to tell himself. They had just been able to talk like they had before, so surely nothing had changed. Which he was absolutely relived about, but he also was starting to realize that he was hoping something positive would come out of the situation. Even it was sort of crazy to hope for. He groaned as he rubbed his forehead, god his head hurt just thinking about the whole thing…or it could be his hangover. He really shouldn’t have drank so much at that party, he thought that having Santana as a drinking buddy would have helped him build up a tolerance but there he sat at his job with a pounding headache and wishing he could dim the lights. He just sighed, trying to tell himself that he had to push through. When Kurt looked down he was he was surprised to find Blaine placing it in front of him and telling him how he thought they would be good for his hangover and Kurt could feel his heart start to flutter. He smiled down at the plate for a moment, trying not to look like some school boy with a crush, before he glanced up at Blaine. “I have a feeling this is not your first time trying to help a hung over friend.” he commented lightly as he rolled out a fork from a napkin set nearby. “Thank you, Blaine. This is perfect. I know we haven’t worked together like all that long, I don’t usually come to work this hungover after parties…I swear I won’t happen again. I guess I made some really bad decisions last night.” He said casting his eyes back down to his plate as he picked at his eggs. 

[banderbowties-blog]

It was so hard to concentrate on refilling the shakers when Kurt was just sitting beside him, laughing and smiling in a way that made Blaine’s stomach swoop pleasantly. He never thought that after all he had done last night he would ever deserve to see that smile again. “You don’t look like a mess, Kurt. Not at all. ...In fact, I think you’re the most beautiful person to ever grace this earth.” He looked straight into Kurt’s eyes as he murmured those words, completely and utterly mesmerized by this gorgeous man in front of him. The very same man who currently owned the key to his heart without realizing it. Yes, it was truly so hard because Blaine didn’t want to look away, even though he knew he should. It was getting harder and harder for him to treat Kurt as just a friend because he wanted everything so badly. He wanted the smiles and the flirting and the gentle touches. Everlasting promises and cute dates and romantic nights. He wanted all of that so badly that he was willing to pretend that Kurt had never rejected him, that it was possible to cling to that moment for as long as he could, until he had no other choice but to let go when reality edged in. “Oh well, you know me. A hopeless romantic through and through. Boys my age were raving about zombies and dinosaurs when Moulin Rouge came out and I remember sitting through that movie hoping that I could find a great love like Christian and Satine’s one day. Sans the dying, of course.” Blaine laughed gently, knowing that Kurt would understand exactly what he was talking about. 

It was no secret that Blaine had always wanted to do right by people. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was wired to believe that the only way to be liked was to make the other person happy. With that said, Blaine truly cared for those he had let into his life. And sure, on some level he honestly just wanted to please them so that he could get the same kind of affection in return, but as Kurt mentioned to him previously, there was nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted in return and he should give himself a bit of credit every once in a while. “I’ve helped Dani before, and a few other Warblers as well. I just- I like to help people.” He smiled a little, swallowing back the urge to tell Kurt that he wasn’t just like any other people; he was special. Special to Blaine. “You’re welcome, Kurt. I’m really glad you like it. And no... please don’t say that. It’s perfectly fine to let loose once in a while and have a hungover. Besides, I don’t think you were the only one who had made some bad decisions last night.” He remarked casually as he picked up the slice of toast without really thinking, and began tearing it into smaller pieces. “Here, it’s still quite warm.” He gave Kurt a soft smile and brought one of the pieces to Kurt’s lips as if he was on autopilot, but that was before he caught Peter smirking at them from across the diner, and as the realization of what he was doing hit him like a lightning bolt, he was already blushing a deep red and looking completely mortified. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. This isn’t- I mean, it’s... I don’t know what came over me.” Blaine mumbled nervously as he placed the small piece of toast back onto the plate and sat back down on the stool again, feeling entirely embarrassed by what he just did.

[mellow-dee]

Visit Original Link

[banderbowties-blog]

KLAINE → AFTER THE STORM

[kurtkouture]

Part of Kurt wondered if there was anyway last night could have been a dream. Because it all felt like a dream - though that might have to do with the fact that he was drunk. Everything would have been so much easier if it were a dream - just a simple dream and Kurt could move on with his life. But unfortunately it was reality and Kurt kissed Blaine. Blaine, the man he admitted was his best friend and now he possibly ruined all that… Was Kurt destined to ruin every relationship he had with a gay man, whether he was in a romantic relationship with them or not? The thought ran through his head and the idea hurt his heart. After spending so much time in New York, he thought he finally found someone who understood him the way Kurt wished someone would understand him. And not because he let Santana get into his head, he might have to say goodbye to Blaine- No, he couldn’t do that. Kurt could never say goodbye to Blaine. But he didn’t know what else he could do at this point. All he could possibly hope for is that Blaine just wouldn’t hold it against him and that they could just continue being friends like before.

Kurt knew he looked like a mess. While Quinn made sure that Kurt was constantly drinking water throughout the night, Kurt was still partially hungover. Also, it didn’t help that Kurt hardly slept at all last night making his eyes look tired along side the fact that his hair was done messily. Still, he knew that for once in his life, he couldn’t do anything about the way he looked and he just had to make his appearance a second priority. But as Kurt turned into the counter, he noticed Blaine’s gaze linger on him for a bit which only made Kurt feel even more self conscious and the need to find a hole in which to crawl in. But he had to just suck it up and pretend he was fine, which was starting to become a lot harder than he anticipated. Meanwhile, as he looked at Blaine he just stood there as handsome and dapper as ever - granted a little tired from the night before, but that is to be expected. Kurt wondered how Blaine managed to always look so put together and like he was about to take the thrown to some magical Disney kingdom - God, Kurt. Get a grip on yourself. He told himself as he actively tried to avoid eye contact with Blaine and instead tried to focus on the work at hand and kept his eye locked on the mustard and ketchup bottles. However, he heard the sound of the stool next to inch closer to him and he looked to Blaine who was giving him a small but warm and comforting smile. And it was like Blaine was given a hand book to Kurt’s heart because suddenly he felt more at ease as he returned the smile then continued back to work. When Blaine asked him about last night, Kurt swallowed hard, while he knew that he been the one to mention the party first - a mistake on his part - he was hoping they wouldn’t really talk too much more about it. “Oh, yeah, yeah. I found her but she was pretty tired so we just went home right after…Sorry I didn’t mention that I was leaving. But um…if you still need help cleaning, I can stop by after our shift.” he offered then laughed at the mention of Santana hooking up with Dani. It wasn’t a surprise, of course, they were both getting pretty serious but the idea of poor Blaine having to deal with X rated sounds coming from so close was unfortunate. “I am so sorry about that…I know too well that Santana can be pretty vocal, to say the least. They didn’t keep you awake did they?” he asked.

[banderbowties-blog]

As Kurt concentrated on refilling the bottles, Blaine took the chance to look over at him, trying to detect any sign of awkwardness or God forbid, distaste. They had never been this tentative around each other before - treading and choosing their words so carefully as if something between them would just shatter into pieces with one wrong move. Blaine longed to say something, anything to resolve the awful tension that had fallen between them, but he got the feeling that Kurt didn’t really seem too keen on conversing. And so he stayed silent after asking about Quinn, turning back to his own work to give Kurt some space. He felt his heart speed up when the other man started to reply, filling him with a soaring sense of relief that maybe, just maybe, Kurt still wanted to be friends. It was a cowardly thing to do, really, using Kurt’s friends as a distraction to avoid addressing the elephant in the room, but Blaine wasn’t looking forward to screw things up again, especially since he seemed to have a knack for doing just that. “Oh, no, no. You don’t have to apologize. I wasn’t really expecting you to stay around after w-” Blaine’s eyes widened and his mouth hanged open as he caught himself in the nick of time, but he closed it as soon as those words came out, adamant to move on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “It’s alright, Kurt. Dani and I can handle it. Our shift’s tiring enough, and you look like you could use more sleep.” He gave him a tentative smile, feeling his heart swell with affection at the sound of Kurt’s laughter. “They didn’t, and it truly wasn’t that bad. It sounded like they were... harmonizing a nice tune together, if that makes sense.” He mused, blushing a little.

By the time they had stopped talking to the point that Blaine noticed, he’d completely lost track of the number of salt shakers he had refilled. Talking to Kurt had managed to feel like forever and mere seconds all at once, and maybe that’s what it was supposed to feel like when you're in love with someone. He slid his phone out of his pocket to check the time then, giving a shake of his head at the numbers lighting up the screen. The diner would be filled with people soon, so it was pretty much now or never. “Give me a minute or two, I’ll be right back.” He murmured to Kurt, standing and slipping his phone back into his pocket before making his way to the kitchen. To his relief, Gunther hadn’t arrived yet, which made carrying out his plan so much easier. Without wasting any more time, Blaine walked straight to the head chef and gave him the warmest smile he could muster. “Good morning, Ben. I uh- I was wondering if you could give me some of that and... that? Please?” He asked politely, secretly hoping that his puppy eyes would work in his favor right now. After what seemed like an eternity and a hard, suspicious look at Blaine, Ben finally nodded his head and proceeded to hand over the things that Blaine had requested for. “Thank you so much. I’ll pay for them later, I promise.” Blaine positively beamed at him, then picked up the plate and walked back to the counter where Kurt was still seated, waiting for him. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Um- I don’t think you’ve eaten, so I thought I could bring you some toast with eggs... They’re good for hangovers, I think.” He placed the plate of food in front of Kurt, making sure not to knock over the ketchup and mustard bottles that the other man had been working on. “I don’t know how you usually take your toast and eggs, but I asked Ben to take the edges off these to make it easier for you to swallow. And um... I requested for scrambled eggs instead of poached so it won’t get all messy when you eat them.” 

[larmoyante]

There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours.

Jean-Paul Sartre (via larmoyante)

[masaki-aiba]

[nevercruel-or-cowardly-archive]

[banderbowties-blog]

KLAINE → AFTER THE STORM

[kurtkouture]

Kurt was pretty sure that he must have done something horribly wrong in a past life to deserve this. Or maybe he was in a Truman Show situation and this was one of his plot lines before forced upon him…these were Kurt’s thoughts as he laid in bed next to Quinn who had fallen asleep after the whole night and Kurt’s rambling of everything he did wrong. He didn’t blame her, the night was long and Kurt was just as tired as she was…only he couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. His thoughts were just running rapid in his mind about every single detail of that night, how stupidly drunk he got, how he actually asked Blaine if he wanted to take a body shot off him, him following Blaine to his room, laying on his bed, making out with Blaine - the way Blaine looked at him after. Like kissing Kurt was the worst thing he could have ever done. It just made him want to roll up in a ball and cry, and he would have done just that until his alarm went off and pulling him back into the real world where he had to be an adult and adults had jobs…A job that he shared with the one and only Blaine Anderson. The mere thought of seeing him at work was terrifying enough that he thought about calling in but also knew that would have to see Blaine sooner or later. As he stood up, he heard Quinn turn in his bed to look at him. “Are you sure you’re okay to go into work?” She asked with sleepiness in her voice as well as obvious concern for her friend. No, I’m not. I just want to crawl into a hole and hope that no one sends a search party is what he wanted to say, instead he just turned with a force smile, “Well, I really have no choice.” He said then went over to his uniform which was hanging neatly on the door. “This studio apartment doesn’t pay itself.” He reminded her as she frowned. “You can always come live with me.” Quinn offered, like she had many times when Kurt mentioned his struggle to live in the city. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. Really. I just need to buckle up a little bit. I have to go now if I don’t want to be late. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen- Oh, except that left over Chinese. That’s mine. I’m saving that later. If you touch it I’m retracting that invitation to the Vogue Ballet event.” He told her as he quickly changed in front of her then went into his bathroom to do his hair then headed off to work.

C’mon, Hummel, you can do this. He thought to himself as he took a deep breath in an effort to compose himself. After a time that was too embarrassing for even Kurt to admit, he finally walked into the dinner and was happy to see that Blaine wasn’t in the kitchen. Except that he did see him through the door talking to Peter and he felt his heart sink. For more than a few reasons, he knew that he had to face him but another part of him wondered if Peter could be the Mysterious Dinner guy. The thought was almost enough to distract him from his current fear of seeing Blaine, but then he remembered that Peter was straight - or at least that’s what he claimed. But was that why Blaine couldn’t tell him how he felt? It seemed like a probable case and just when Kurt was going to sit on the idea more, he spotted the hostess come into the kitchen and he knew he better start doing something before she yelled at him. He knew that he had to suck it up and just be ready for whatever was bound to happen. So Kurt willed himself to dig up his last ounce of courage and step through the door and out into the diner. “Hi, Blaine.” he said trying to act as casual as possible but finding it difficult despite all his experience in acting. He swallowed hard, feeling the tension was so thick it was tangible as he turned around the counter. “Um, great party last night.” he added awkwardly as he started to refill the ketchup and mustard bottles. 

[banderbowties-blog]

As Blaine sat at the counter, refilling the salt and pepper shakers, he let his mind wander to what happened last night. He still couldn’t believe he had kissed the man he was in love with. Granted, Kurt was drunk, and he really shouldn’t have taken advantage of him like that, but aside from the guilt, there was a small part of him that felt... accepted. It wasn’t as though he had never been kissed before. He had his first kiss when he was only sixteen, but last night was definitely something he had never experienced before. It felt wonderful and even more, it had felt right. So very right. Like all of his senses were awakened from their deep slumber and his soul woke up from being alone. It had felt a lot like coming home. I dare you to tell him all that and make things worse by scaring him off. Blaine sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head and bringing himself back to reality as he remembered that Kurt could be walking in anytime soon. He wanted to be a friend, Kurt’s best friend, and the last thing he should be doing was obsessing over their first kiss. Hadn’t he learned by now that he wasn’t this bright, confident person that everyone thought he was? That the moment he gave himself permission to do something impulsive it had always ended up hurting people? Sure, their kiss had seemed like the real deal, but didn’t they all? For all Blaine knew, this coming home feeling could just be something he made up in his own head, and he would rather hide his feelings forever than lose Kurt altogether to a fantasy of his.

Blaine was about to pick up another salt shaker but froze midway when he heard Kurt call out his name, and his reaction was immediate as he snapped his head up to look at him, his mouth slightly open. All thoughts of keeping his feelings a secret flew out the diner’s window as Blaine stared at Kurt, his heart beating wildly against his chest at how breathtaking the man was. Kurt looked a little rough; the dark circles under his eyes were visible, looking like bruises against his pale skin. Still, Blaine couldn’t help but think he looked absolutely beautiful. Being the gentleman that he was, Blaine had enough sense to close his jaw that went slack earlier and hopped down off his stool, adjusting his work uniform a little before greeting Kurt, “Kurt... Hi.” He bit his bottom lip and glanced over in worry, wondering if Kurt still remembered what they did last night. “Oh- uh, yeah. Yeah, it was great.” He mumbled mindlessly, looking to the side and trying to catch Kurt’s gaze but having none. Blaine let out a slow breath and smiled a little, hoping it would help to ease the awkward tension in the air. After all, he was the one who had caused it. He inched his stool a fraction closer to Kurt and hopped back on, searching the other man’s face for a moment before continuing his chore of refilling the salt shakers. “Did you -” Blaine cleared his throat then, taking the opportunity to pause and think twice about what he had intended to ask, torn between wanting Kurt to forget about last night and the exact opposite of that. He chanced a glance at Kurt again, and his heart hurt for how tired he seemed. Blaine didn’t want Kurt to be pulled up so tight that he couldn’t breathe, and so he kept everything inside the way he knew how, and gave Kurt a small smile. “Did you manage to find Quinn last night? And I believe Santana’s still in my apartment, judging from the sounds I heard coming from Dani’s room this morning.” He said, keeping his tone cordial and light.

[pnkbaby]

Visit Original Link

[banderbowties-blog]

KLAINE → AFTER THE STORM

Blaine let out a soft groan as he rolled over onto his stomach, craning his head a little to glance at the clock on his bedside table. 4:30am. Great. Blaine thought to himself, before letting out a frustrated huff and burying his face into his pillow. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all, and he was quite sure that his insomnia had nothing to do with the party that was still going on outside. He could still hear muttered talking, muddled laughter, and glasses clinking from the living room, and he briefly wondered if they were ever going to stop. Drinking parties were never Blaine’s thing, but he was still grateful for what the girls had done for him, and besides, it did provide him the opportunity of inviting Kurt over to his apartment for the very first time. Kurt. Kurt. A shiver coursed through his body as memories of the previous night flooded him. He turned to his side then, reaching out to idly caress the empty space beside him on the bed with his fingertips. He had definitely screwed up last night, if Kurt’s reaction and that hurt look on his face before he left was any indication, and truth be told, he was terrified. Terrified of what Kurt might say to him later at work; terrified of not knowing how to make things right. If Kurt didn’t want to be his best friend anymore, well, he didn’t know if he could just smile, accept that, and move on with his life. He probably would have been able to if this was something that happened a year ago, but he had let himself fall too deep for too long, and the thought of losing Kurt had been enough to keep him awake last night. And as if on cue, his alarm clock went off and the voices outside of his room died down a little. With a sigh, he rolled out of bed and started to get ready for work, secretly hoping that things between them hadn’t been broken beyond repair.

Blaine was greeted with a strong clap on the shoulder the moment he entered the diner. Surprised, he looked up to find Peter leaning against the front door, with a cleaning cloth in his hand and a knowing smile on his face. “So, I saw you disappear into your room with Hummel last night. On a scale of 1 to 10, how did it go?” Blaine gaped at him upon hearing those words, and suddenly all he could think about was Kurt and the way his lips had tasted against his own, warm and sweet and intimate in a way that had Blaine wanting for more. “Fuck, you’re blushing. That good, huh?” With that, Blaine snapped his head up and gave him an annoyed look, or at least he hoped so, because he was pretty sure he had flushed even more than before just thinking about how he had almost had sex with Kurt. “It’s - It’s nothing like that, okay? We didn- Nothing happened.” He said, striding purposefully ahead towards the bar to stow away his bag, only to find himself being followed. “Sure, B. I believe you.” Blaine placed his hands on the wooden countertop and gave his co-worker a look before saying, “And you should. Please don’t go around telling people, especially Kurt, about... about this. I don’t want to make things awkward between us.” Well, more awkward than it already is. Blaine thought, but didn't say the last out loud. After Peter had shuffled away to clean the windows, Blaine hopped onto a bar stool and began to refill the salt shakers, his eyes flickering to the entrance every now and then as he waited nervously for Kurt to arrive. It was a Sunday, which meant that they would be spending the entire day together, working at the diner. He just hoped that Kurt was drunk enough to forget last night ever happened, so that they could go back in time and be comfortable in each other’s presence like they used to. 

[kurtkouture]

SHOTS, EVERYBODY! → OPEN

[kurtkouture]

[Kurt grinned when Blaine agreed to be his Best Man, though he couldn’t help himself from wondering if he were to play the groom in his imagination- But he couldn’t he had to remind himself that those thoughts were useless and he’d just be hurting himself. Instead he just kept his grin as he looked at his friend] “Oh my god, a double gay wedding. That would be an amazing even to plan for. All the thing I could do with that - Wait, if things work out between you and Diner Guy maybe we can make it a triple wedding. Could you imagine?” [He spoke excitedly, though it was mostly due to the fact that he was compensating for the real feelings that he was hiding.] “No,no, please, be my guest. I would love to have you around more often - even if it’s just me trying to help you get over a hang over. And you wouldn’t interrupt my social life in the slightest, you’re my friend Blaine. You are part of my social life.” [He said then felt his heart beat a little faster and his face flush again when talked about how interesting he found Kurt- But this time, he didn’t turn away. Instead he just smiled, letting himself feel what he was feeling.] “How is it that you always know exactly what to say to make me feel special?”

[As Kurt kissed Blaine, he knew he didn’t want to stop. But he also knew that before they got any deeper, that they were both on the same page. That they both truly wanted this. Kurt was so certain that he did, he never knew that he wanted anything more in his entire adulthood. So when he asked Blaine if he actually thought it was a good idea, he was hoping that his answer would be yes. That he would want Kurt just as much as he wanted him, fully and certainly. But there was also a part of Kurt that was ready for rejection, however he knew that if he didn’t asks that he could actually lose Blaine forever. That he would hate him for ruining everything. And that was something that he just could not risk. So with hesitance and fear, he asked Blaine and was ready for it all to be over.]

[Kurt, however, did not expect this response. He swallowed hard as he sat up, still trying to take in the information of the event that just happened. He watched Blaine get up in a panic, moving to the other side of the room as he apologized profusely, looking at Kurt with so much regret that he couldn’t help but feel his self-esteem take a hit. He knew that Blaine didn’t have romantic feelings for him, but was it so awful to hope that Blaine would want to be with him even a little? He didn’t understand where all these feelings were suddenly coming from, he had told himself that he couldn’t let himself just fall head over heels for anyone who showed him even a little kindness. But with Blaine, it was becoming increasingly difficult. There was no one who made him feel like Blaine had, and he hated that he managed to allow himself develop feelings - Maybe it was Santana’s fault. Before she mentioned hooking-up with Blaine, he had been able to casually brush off all his feelings and pretend it was nothing. But now that he felt the way Blaine lips pressed against his owns perfectly, it was harder to tell himself that he didn’t to kiss Blaine more. That he didn’t want to kiss him in the morning before work, or after Blaine performed exceptionally well, or even just because. Kurt wanted to be the only one to kiss Blaine, make him feel loved and just as amazing as how Kurt saw him. Only he knew he couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to. Blaine wanted someone else for that, Kurt was just mistake. The sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could move on.]

“Blaine, it’s fine- Really, it’s all okay.” [He told him, getting up from the bed and actually walking over to Blaine, forcing a comforting smile to his friend to show him that there were no hard feelings on Kurt’s part. He looked down right after, finding it hard to look at Blaine with a fake expression at the moment. His chest felt tight and he hoped that Blaine couldn’t see how much he hurt- how disappointed he was that he wasn’t the one he wanted. He shook his head, telling himself that he couldn’t break apart in front of him. Blaine did nothing wrong, he wasn’t going to let his friend feel guilty for something that wasn’t his fault.] “I understand… I shouldn’t have kissed you back either. It was just a weak moment between the two of us. We just- We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” [He said, swallowing his words towards the end. He was finding it hard to keep his emotions in and he knew that he had to go find Santana or Quinn before the damn burst. So he took a deep breath, biting his lower lip at he looked at Blaine.] “I-uh…I should probably go. Quinn’s probably mad that I left her alone sober.”

[banderbowties-blog]

[Blaine almost gave a sad laugh when Kurt casually talked about his non-existent crush and how they could all have a triple wedding together. He didn’t know what was sadder - the fact that Kurt had seemed genuinely excited by the idea of him marrying someone else, or the harsh truth about this Diner Guy and how he wasn’t even real to begin with, and how pathetic he was by lying and pretending otherwise when Kurt wasn’t even interested in him.] “Oh gosh, a triple gay wedding. It would definitely stand for something, that’s for sure. Personally, I think that’s a really great idea, so hopefully things will work out between… us.” [He added lamely, wondering to himself what was the point of continuing said lie when Kurt’s feelings toward him was clear, not to mention that it wasn’t right. But in the end he just mirrored Kurt’s excitement and smiled back at him, too fearful to speak the truth in case Kurt decided that he didn’t want to be near a liar.] “Kurt, are you sure? Because I wouldn’t be offended at all if you said no. Finn, or even Rachel’s place is always an option. And I’ll let you know, mister, that I don’t really drink a lot unless I absolutely have to.” [His mouth canted into a teasing grin as he raised an eyebrow at the other man, feeling slightly amused over the hang over remark.] “I didn’t. It was really all you. I can’t make you feel something that isn't already inside of you, Kurt. Trust me, you are special.” [Blaine spoke softly, his heart thumping in his chest at the sight of Kurt blushing. It was definitely a rare show of emotion from Kurt’s end, and even though he desperately wanted it to mean something, but he knew it wouldn’t do him any good clinging onto false hope.] 

[Blaine stayed rooted to his spot and watched nervously as Kurt walked toward him, his mind going into overdrive as he tried to think of a valid reason to explain what he just did. It felt vaguely familiar, like the world was closing in on him once again, and there was a part of him that wanted to bolt for the door, but deep down he knew that running away right now would just grant him a one way ticket out of Kurt Hummel’s life and there was no way he was going to be fine with that. And so he fought down the urge to run away, mentally reminding himself that he’d brought this all on himself and he needed to fix this. But when he heard Kurt’s voice it shocked him, because he hadn’t expected Kurt to be okay with it all. They almost ended up having sex even though Kurt was drunk and probably didn’t even know what was happening, and yet here he was, looking and smiling at Blaine as if he hadn’t just kissed him without his permission. Confused, he looked back at Kurt, trying to make sense of the situation, only to find him looking down, with an uncomfortable expression on his face. It took a second, but Blaine knew Kurt enough to know that his smile didn’t actually reach his eyes and it was a clear enough indication that he wasn’t happy. Of course, how could he had been so stupid to not notice? Kurt would never be mad at him, because that’s just who he is. Kurt was so used to being let down that it probably didn’t even surprise him anymore. And not only did Kurt forgive him, he genuinely wanted Blaine to feel better about himself too, and it just made Blaine want to cry.] 

“It wasn’t your fault, Kurt. It was mine. I kissed you without asking for your permission. I have no excuse for that, and I’m sorry. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” [He said, his voice shaky but resolute. It had been an amazing kiss, but that was all. Sure there had been trust, and a real, honest connection during that moment, but that moment was over. It was time to face reality again, a reality where Kurt didn’t actually like him that way, and the sooner they could go back to teasing each other about having a triple gay wedding together, the better. The last thing Blaine wanted was for things to remain awkward.] “It’s okay, I understand. I shouldn’t be hogging all your time anyway.” [He managed to give a small nod and bring out his easiest smile, because what else could he say when Kurt looked so sad and hurt? At least he could do this part right. He could be a gentleman without screwing things up.] “Well, um, thank you for coming to the party, Kurt. It was - It was really nice of you to stop by.” [His words were so hushed he wondered if Kurt could hear them at all. He looked at Kurt then, wondering if this was how the end of something felt like. He really hadn’t meant to make things awkward between them, but he probably should have known that he was good at doing that. This was just a reaffirmation, not a new discovery. However, although he really ought not to think about doing anything else, he still wanted to reach out and hold Kurt’s hand. He wanted to offer him something in return as an apology. He wanted to tell him that even though he had ruined their time spent together, but he didn’t regret kissing him. He could never regret kissing him. But instead, Blaine just smiled and did the right thing. He walked to the door and opened it for Kurt.]

[kurtkouture]

SHOTS, EVERYBODY! → OPEN

[kurtkouture]

[Kurt let out another soft laugh, but nodded knowing that Blaine was right, he didn’t deserve to be anything other than a priority to anyone.] “No, you’re right. You do deserve to be someone’s first choice. So maybe not spouse…But you could be my Best Man, how does that sound? And you might be right about Santana and Dani too…I’ve never seen her get this way about a girl before. Not even her first girl friend made as much of an impression as Dani has in the little time they’ve known each other. It’s actually sweet.” [He said. He really did think that his friend and her new girl friend could make the distance, and it was almost inspiring to see as well. All Kurt wanted was to find someone who he could be so in love with that it made him nervous - Just like Santana, when she claimed she couldn’t speak to Dani because it made her under boobs sweat. Granted, he didn’t want to sweat anywhere but he wanted the intense feelings to be there. Only sometimes he wondered if he would ever really find his Prince Charming. When Blaine commented claiming he liked hearing about how Kurt’s day went, it made him grin like an idiot. It was nice to hear considering sometimes he felt like he could just talk about his job in fashion to Quinn and Santana but ultimately felt like their interests in the industry, and Kurt’s day in general at times, only went so far. So to hear that, to Blaine, it was his favorite part of the day.] “I’m glad you like hearing about what I do, it’s comforting to know I don’t just talk your ear off with anything boring. [He told him, then gazed at the other man softly as he admitted how safe Kurt made him feel. Kurt could definitely relate, the two had a special place in each other’s life. They were each other’s safe havens, and during this time in their life - it was the most important thing anyone could ask for. With hesitance, Kurt reached out, taking Blaine’s hand in his gentle with a smile.] “I’m…I’m really glad you do. And I’m not just saying that either, you’re really special, Blaine. I don’t know what I would do in my life now with you.”

[If someone had told Kurt that he would be making out with Blaine in his room a week prior, he would have called them a liar. The mere idea never crossed his mind, especially considering how smitten Blaine was with his unidentified crush. But now Kurt didn’t realize how much he wanted this, how much he wanted Blaine to hold him close and feel his hands on him and feel his body pressing against him. He wanted Blaine. As Kurt followed the other man’s lips, he felt a tingling sensation go up his body when Blaine nipped at his lips. There was no roughness to it, it was sweet and gentle and he made Kurt feel wanted. Like Blaine was focused on him, as if he were the only person who mattered - another feeling Kurt never quite felt with anyone else. Kurt shivered at both hearing Blaine moan and their hips rubbing against each other in a way that only made Kurt press back up more against the other man. All he wanted was to be closer to Blaine, so he opened his mouth slightly as to gently slip his tongue into the other’s mouth but stopped himself. Realizing that there were still people outside, more specifically the person who Blaine was so head over heels for - he couldn’t ruin any chance for Blaine…But on the other hand, Kurt didn’t want to stop. Maybe it was selfish of him, but it might be his own chance and after feeling how perfectly he felt against Blaine he didn’t want to stop everything all together. So he decided to just pull his face away slightly, letting a soft moan pass his lips before looking at Blaine] “Oh god, Is this a good idea? I mean- Is this something you really want to be doing?” [He asked breathlessly.]

[banderbowties-blog]

[Blaine had always loved hearing Kurt laugh. But more than that, Blaine just liked the idea of Kurt being happy, which was why he had been thoroughly confused when Kurt told him about his less than ideal ex-boyfriends. He still couldn’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that those guys had treated Kurt in a way he didn’t deserve. Were they completely oblivious to how special Kurt was as a person? That notion had seemed absurd at that time, because Blaine wanted him. He wanted to bring him flowers everyday and serenade him with love songs until he was asked to shut up. He wanted to bring him out on dates and romantic dinners and get him the best cheesecake in the city. He wanted to hold his hands and tell him how perfectly imperfect he was, and how he was everything that Blaine was not - in control, together, witty, and so sure of his heart and his dreams, and how Blaine had come to love all of that. He wanted to be his boyfriend and his future husband. He wanted all of that, and yet he couldn’t because Kurt didn’t feel the same way. He never have and probably never will.] 

[Kurt’s voice interrupted his train of thought then, and his heart fell a little when Kurt asked him to be his best man instead. He knew that Kurt was only teasing, sure, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.] “I’d be more than happy to oblige, Kurt. You didn’t even have to ask. It’d be my honor to be your Best Man at what I presume would be the most beautiful wedding to ever grace the world. And hey, maybe you could even have a double wedding with Santana and Dani.” [He smiled softly as he spoke, feeling slightly better knowing that Dani was and would be in good hands.] “I guess this means I’ll be crashing on your couch more often now, which, you’re completely allowed to say no to, of course. I’m sure you have your own social life to tend to as well, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to get in the way of that.” [Blaine’s smile grew even wider, matching the grin on the other man’s face. He liked that it was he who had made Kurt happy and grin in a way that was almost childlike.] “You’re anything but boring, Kurt. I’m serious. I love hearing about what you do and your future dreams, your past, your love for Alexander McQueen... I’ll always be amazed by you.” [His breath caught with wonder as Kurt reached out to hold his hand, smiling at him and saying so many things that he had longed to hear, and it took everything in him not to confess there and then.] 

[And he didn’t, because he went right ahead and kissed him instead. For months he had been holding his unrequited feelings back, but now that he was letting himself give in, it was like a dam had broken inside of him, and all he wanted was to kiss him, to love him, to show him everything he felt inside. He wanted all of that so badly, and surprisingly, for whatever reason, Kurt was giving back to him. Kurt didn’t recoil nor pull away from his lips, he chased after them instead. And as Kurt pressed harder against him, so bold and so sure of himself, Blaine felt like he was being touched by fire, only he wanted to get closer instead of jump back from it.] “Kurt, I-” [His words were dropped as he slid his hand from Kurt’s cheek to his neck, around to cup his jaw and kissing him back with everything he had, a little harder this time. And it was like they had done this very same thing a lifetime ago, because it felt familiar, it felt right, it felt like Blaine was finally, finally back to where he belonged, until Kurt pulled away from him, and suddenly the reality of what he had done came crashing down.] 

[Still breathing hard, Blaine’s eyes widened with both shock and recognition and his jaw slackened as he mentally processed Kurt’s question. Is this a good idea? The words echoed inside his head, repeating themselves over and over again as he stared blankly at Kurt, his hand dropping away from Kurt’s face in an instant. He thought back to the moment when his mother had asked him whether it’d be a good idea to go to a school dance with another boy and he didn’t listen. Or that time when the Warblers voiced out their concern about doing the Gap attack and true enough, it had turned out to be a disaster because he had gotten Jeremiah fired. He couldn’t do that to Kurt. He just couldn’t be trusted when it came to this kind of thing. He couldn’t put Kurt through his dance of bad decisions and mess up the best friendship he’d ever had.] “Oh god, I’m so, so sorry.” [Blaine forced himself up and out of the bed, walking away quickly to the other side of the room. He squeezed his eyes shut briefly against the wave of panic and shame before turning back to face Kurt, his breath quickening at the thought of Kurt getting upset or mad at him. Oh god, what was he thinking? Kurt was drunk, and he had just reassured him not a few minutes ago that he wouldn’t take advantage of him. He should have known better. He should have known so much better.] “I-I don’t know what came over me, but I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have... kissed you. It was a mistake, and I’m so sorry.”

[kurtkouture]

SHOTS, EVERYBODY! → OPEN

[kurtkouture]

[Kurt expected to hear Blaine’s answer. If there was one thing he could count on Blaine for it was to say things that made him feel like has special. He turned to lay on his side as he looked at Blaine, a smile on his face as he rested on the pillow.] “I know you wouldn’t, Blaine. Which is why you’re definitely a running candidate in the race to be my 3rd spouse, after my first and second husband get old and/or boring. But don’t tell Santana, I said that. She agreed to marry each other if neither of us are married by thirty.” [He commented with a causal air of playfulness in his voice. Then softened his smile as Blaine talked about high school. He understood what Blaine meant, sometimes he wondered how different high school might have been if he had really known another gay boy - more specifically Blaine himself, maybe he wouldn’t have felt so alone and angry all the time.] “I know we would have. But I’m glad we know each other now, even if New York is more open minded there can still be jerks. I know I said it before, I love Santana and Quinn, but things are different. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who know’s exactly what I’ve been through and how I feel. I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle this city without knowing you were going to be sitting in that diner waiting for me.” [he told him, thinking about how grateful he really was for having a friend like Blaine in the city.] “Well, thank you. But I think I should also thank you for letting me get to know you - you know, for opening up to me. I didn’t think I’d actually find someone whom I shared a lot with…I think it’s safe to say you’re one of my best friends, Blaine.” [He said with a smile.] “But don’t tell that to Santana or Quinn either.”

[Kurt stared dumbly as the other man cupped his cheek. There was a moment where Kurt felt like a teenager again, feeling nervous and unsure what to do as Blaine leaned into him. But despite that, he knew that he wanted it to happen and felt butterflies from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head. When finally Blaine pressed their lips together, Kurt felt everything. And with a hint of a smile on his lips, Kurt wrapped his arms around the other taking everything in. He had heard people talk about sparks and fireworks when they kissed in all his favorite movies, and while he yearned for that feeling himself, he never understood it. All the other men he had been with before were just in the heat of the moment with no feeling other than wanting to receive pleasure.]

[Then it hit him, in the back of his mind the sober part of his brain reminded him the context of the kiss. The conversation about hooking up between friends, even though it was prompted by Kurt in the first place - with the help of Santana - he felt a little disappointed. And even though he knew that he should stop, that if Kurt didn’t want to actually get his heart broken then he needed to pull away…but he couldn’t. Everything about Blaine just felt right, how their mouths pressed against each other’s softly and gently and how warm Blaine felt now that he was so much closer. Kurt didn’t know how he could ever stop.]

[banderbowties-blog]

[A slightly reddish tinge lingered on the curves of Blaine’s cheeks as Kurt suggested that he should marry him in the future. It was hard to not think about the possibility of that really happening when Kurt put it like that. Kurt was just teasing him, of course, and on some level he knew that, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from being there.] “Your 3rd spouse? I’m mildly offended, Mr. Hummel. I should be someone’s priority, every time, instead of just an option. And well, I honestly don’t think Santana would mind it very much since Dani’s in her life now.” [Blaine shrugged, a playful spark behind those hazel eyes as he mentally made a note of the age that Kurt would like to get married by. His smile only grew when Kurt continued to tell him things that he never knew he needed to hear until now, and he responded by biting his lip to keep from smiling too widely and lowering his eyes, the blush on his cheeks deepening. It was also surprising, considering the fact that he had always felt uneasy with compliments and appreciations since he wasn’t used to receiving any, but that wasn’t how he felt with Kurt. Somehow, Kurt had always made him feel better and more connected, no matter what the situation, and Blaine never really understood why. Because Kurt didn’t owe him anything, and he certainly didn’t have to give him anything. But here he was when he could have been anywhere else, giving Blaine all the credit when he probably deserved none.] “I like sitting behind the bar, waiting for you to come over after your day at Vogue, and be the first one to tell you hi when you walk through the door. It’s the best part of my day.” [He admitted softly, giving Kurt a small smile.] “Kurt, I should be the one saying thank you. You listened to me and you gave me a safe space to be vulnerable when you didn’t have to. ...I consider you one of my best friends, too.” [He said, looking Kurt right in the eyes as he did so.] “I won’t tell them, I promise. I wouldn’t want to upset the dynamic trio.”

[Blaine couldn’t remember the last time he had kissed anyone. ...Okay, he probably could, since Dani seemed to have taken a liking to reminding him about it every so often. But there was something about the way Kurt wrapped his arms around him and kissed back, so giving and trusting, that made him feel like it had been worth the wait. It was as if the world was stretching away from them and nothing else really mattered, not anymore, because for so long he had been searching for something that would make him feel like he wasn’t alone and this was it. He felt safe, like he was finally home the moment Kurt had his arms around him and pulled him close. He tightened his grip on Kurt’s cheek in response, his thumb caressing the soft flesh gently as they continued to kiss. His body sparked and tingled as he nipped at Kurt’s bottom lip, tugging and scraping his teeth over it before running a soothing lick over the spot. Their first kiss was everything he thought it would be and more. It made his head spin and his heart ache for so much more. He made a needy sound at the back of his throat, then fisted his other hand in the shoulder of Kurt’s shirt to pull him even closer as their kiss went on. A sound akin to a soft moan escaped Blaine’s lips when their hips touched and pressed up against each other, and he subconsciously knew then that it was time to stop or else, but... he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Not when Kurt was so close and so warm and everything just felt so right. Like they were meant to do this, and every moment that they weren’t kissing was a wasted one.]

[cockbiteproductions]

when senseless acts of tragedy remind us that nothing here is promised, not one day this show is proof that history remembers

[quotethat]

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.

Rumi

[kurtkouture]

SHOTS, EVERYBODY! → OPEN

[kurtkouture]

[Kurt wondered why Blaine didn’t want his help. Part of him wanted to believe it was because he was too shy to actually do anything about his crush but the most probable cause in Kurt’s head was that he didn’t trust him. It hurt him to think that might be the reason but he told himself that wasn’t something he could do anything about. If Blaine wanted him to know who his crush was and to help him out, then he would. There was nothing Kurt could do to about that. With that though, he was also slightly thankful that Blaine didn’t actually want Kurt to help him in any way. This way he wouldn’t actually have to meet this crush and Kurt could obliviously pretend that this crush wasn’t as big a deal as it seemed to be.] “Okay, okay. Well, I hope that everything works out for you and him. You deserve to be happy, Blaine.” [He said with a smile.]

[When Blaine asked him that question, Kurt let a pause sit between them as he wondered if Blaine actually said what he thought he said. In response, Kurt could help but just give a tired laugh.] “I think both you and I know that if I let myself fell in love with you then you would just eventually break my heart and I would be complete a mess.” [He said playfully, reusing a similar line that Quinn had said to him earlier that night when he had suggested she take a body shot off him. Kurt looked at Blaine, hoping he would understand he was only fooling around.] “I wish I was more careful with my words. I tend to blurt things out without thinking, it got me in a lot of trouble back in high school.” [he confessed in an attempt to make Blaine feel less isolated.] “But you should know, people like you Blaine. It’s sort of really hard not to like you.”

“I think Santana just wants me to sleep with someone. She said something about it being dangerous if I keep everything built up for too long- Though I’m not really sure what that means.” [Kurt said scrunching up his face, wondering why she was pushing the idea on him so hard as he laid back on the bed but still looking at Blaine.]  “Well, I mean…yeah, actually. That’s what I thought the plan was.”

[banderbowties-blog]

[Blaine turned his head sideways to look at Kurt, his hazel gaze stayed fixed on his face as he studied the other’s features briefly. Despite the slightly drunk-hazed state that Kurt was in, he still looked beautiful. Tired, yes, but nothing short of breathtaking, much like he was the first time they met each other at the diner. And Blaine still remembered that very first encounter as if it just happened, the moment when they were eye-to-eye and how something within him just clicked, bone-deep and familiar - and it didn’t make any sense to him then, not when they had just met, but something was there, and had been there ever since.] “He deserves it too. He deserves someone who can make him happy. And I want him to be, even if that someone isn’t me.” [Blaine said earnestly, returning Kurt’s smile with one of his own.]

[A comfortable silence fell between them as Blaine waited for an answer and it was almost sweet. Honestly, it didn’t matter to him what Kurt was going to say, simply because he knew nothing would change the way he felt about Kurt, even if it was something he didn’t want to hear. But he still let out a laugh of relief when the answer came, disguised in the form of a teasing. It wasn’t a straight no, but it wasn’t a yes either.] “You know I would never do such a thing. Break your heart, I mean. Nor would I ever just stand aside and watch you fall apart.” [Blaine murmured, his eyes softening as he moved closer to Kurt without knowing it. It was like being drunk, but on a person, not alcohol.] “I wish we had met in high school. I would have protected you. We would have protected each other.” [His words were quiet but firm. Determined.] “They like what they can see, but not what’s underneath. But you... Kurt, I think you can see right through me.” [Blaine knew he couldn't tell Kurt everything he was feeling, but he needed him to know how much he appreciate having him in his life.]

[It was then that he realized that he had already gotten way too deep to stop now. Just from the way Kurt said his name and looked at him, Blaine knew that this was the man he wanted to be with forever. A great wave of emotion and pure love washed over him like a tidal wave as he leaned in even closer and rested his hand gently over the other man’s cheek, his brain barely registering anything else or what Kurt had been saying. It was as if he had lost any and all capacities for rational thoughts, because all he could think about was his love for Kurt and how he had wanted to kiss him for so long but it just never really happened. And so, with that only thought in mind, Blaine leaned in closer and closer, as close as he could get, until Kurt’s lips were pressed against his own.]

[theonethatgotleftbehind]

Love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love and love cannot be killed or swept aside

Lin Manuel Miranda (2016 Tony Awards)

[fiftythreecrimes]

this news is just devastating