bands as boyfriends

Like, if the band’s songwriting output , as a whole, were a separate person, and your actual boyfriend. Cause that’s a thing. Now.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Indigo girls

It was going amazing until you washed her cast iron skillet.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Imagine dragons

50% songs about how he is never gonna change

50% songs about how sorry he is that he screwed up

This is just back of the envelope math my dude, but one of these is untenable.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Guster

Has been the “dad friend” since third grade. In third grade, ran a club where they admonished each other for cussing. Now, cusses like a sailor, but only at inanimate objects.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Saint motel

Owns multiple top hats. Good listener.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Jason Isbell

Drives a muscle car he and his dad partly restored before his dad passed away. Obeys every residential speed limit.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Daft punk

We aren’t comfortable going there.

[bandsasboyfriends]

The Greg Erwin Effect

When you start following a band because their lead singer is cute (and also because they write bops) and then you discover the drummer (or the guitarist or accordionist, whatever, we don’t judge).

[bandsasboyfriends]

IDKHBTFM

Wears cardigans? Like a lot? Also, DEEP undercurrent of anger. Like, not afraid to cut a motherfucker, anger. But he is SO nice to your younger brothers.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Moon Taxi

Sad (on the inside). Also, knows how to field dress a turkey. That banjo, tho.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Walk the Moon

Deep. But like, fake deep, maybe? You can punch your weight intellectually, and you just like? don’t follow? Maybe he’s on some other level stuff. Maybe he’s... on some other level stuff. But you had to have a thing for guys with tattoos. Sigh.

[bandsasboyfriends]

My Chemical Romance

Your high school boyfriend who was an AMAZING artist and would take you to dates at that funky international supermarket cafeteria and then you kind of lost touch and he sent you a postcard from Africa a couple years ago? Maybe you’ll reconnect someday. Maybe it was all a dream.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Waterparks

They are too young for you. What? You are twenty one? Keep moving, just babies over here. 

[bandsasboyfriends]

Green Day

They are too old for you. What? You are forty one? They are still too old for you.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Twenty One Pilots

Not really ready to date anybody, just now. Working on themselves. Always good for a late night coffee meetup, though.

[bandsasboyfriends]

Fall Out Boy

Excellent boyfriend. Very sweet. Your mom likes him. Occasionally, in his sleep, he mumbles about murdering you. Just occasionally. Maybe you dreamed that. 

[bandsasboyfriends]

Panic! At The Disco

*yelling* I bought you flowers, why are you crying?