A place of darkness and emotional instability that is debilitating for many people. Life comes at you fast and heavy, demanding decisions be made daily that impact your life more than you can fully comprehend. Each decision you have made has led you to where you are currently standing today.
What I found so ironic about the whole ‘in the belly of the beast’ is that it was describing my reactionary ways to the circumstances I chose for myself. It perfectly depicted how my emotional rages were poisoning my stomach with anxiety and ADHD butterflies trying to work their way out of me. I would find myself in these dark and negative situations so frequently because in my mind I was keeping score. I was keeping score of everything that had ever harmed me and from who. Taking names and holding deep rooted grudges for no real thought at all.
Keeping score is the quickest way to kill your heart and soul. You not only constantly remind yourself of what has harmed you, but you also relive every pain staking emotion from that situation. Keeping track of every scar along with the name of who put it there. You do not allow yourself to process it and move on, you hold onto it tightly, purposefully and intently. Holding onto it so tightly so the second I could shift my mindset into being the victim. I had the trigger pulled on every single scar I had accumulated. I would consistently find myself in these situations where my emotions and my mind would take over my body and my mind. I could no longer feel things other than the negative waves of emotion I would drown in.
Keeping score made me realize that the only way for me to get out of this negative hamster wheel was to look inwards. I realized that carrying hate and anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. I realized I was holding expectations of others around me, yet I was not holding myself to those same standards. As people we carry all these expectations of how others should treat us. How they should care for and love on us. As people we have this innate ability to demand things from others that we don’t even supply to ourselves. As I began to look inwards, I stopped keeping score. I started looking at things I was doing that were harming my life; this being the biggest one.
The victim mentality may not even be a conscious one that you are carrying. Yet, it finds ways to engage and rule all situations before you can even begin to see things rationally. 10/10 times when something happens to you, it was your conscious choice that put yourself there. So what if it didn’t work out? That is what life is all about. Failing and learning is the only way to grow yet somehow, we have built this culture of demanding instant gratification along with entitled opinions of how the world should be handed to us. Stop pointing fingers at everyone who you believe did you wrong and ask yourself if you are ’all in’ on you. Fear cannot be the reason you allow your life to continue this path. In 6 months, you can either have 6 months of progress or 6 months of excuses. That is your choice.
I looked at myself and asked, “What is it you truly want?”. Until I can answer that to myself honestly and openly, I cannot ask anyone else to answer it for me. I can’t ever expect anyone to make me happy, if I can’t make me happy or at least positive. I can’t ever ask or expect anyone to care for me, if I do not care for myself. I started asking these hard questions and getting to know myself on a deeper level. The belly of the beast not only taught me what hell truly is, it also taught me that hell is a living state of your mind.
Allowing a constant stream of negative energy will not only make you negative, but it will also bring more negativity in your life. Whatever it is you struggle with, I believe it is the biggest thing you are avoiding within yourself. Your expectations are out matching your actions. The key is learning the lessons you need to learn within the belly of the beast and forgiving your old self for allowing you to be in those situations in the first place. Our mind is our biggest judge of all. The chaos in our mind leads to misunderstandings and misinterpretations. When you sit in a negative mindset, that chaos changes the perception of the reality you are living.
The biggest lessons I have learned within the belly of the beast.
Be impeccable with your word. Ensure how you are choosing to communicate is exactly how you feel. Even if you need time to gather your thoughts and emotions prior to speaking, it is better than spewing venom and holding remorse later.
Don’t take anything personally. People’s reactions and words are theirs to bare, just as yours are yours to bare. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality and their own mindset. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering and judgements from your mind.
Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, anger and drama. With this one lesson alone, you can completely transform your life.
Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; its will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, energetic as opposed to exhausted. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse and regret.
So let me ask you again. Are you all in on yourself? Or are you living in the belly of your beast?
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