a little board on the wall

This little board we have are everywhere. At home, at school, or even on the heart of your little crush. Unfortunately, there is only one, which is my favorite. The one that is hanging on the wall of the room.

[barapena]

I love someone as much as how much someone loves me.

When they don't love me anymore,

That's when I am alone

[barapena]

what is right and what is wrong?

truthfully, nothing is right

and everything is going wrong

"And so, have you ever thought of putting an end to your own life?" I asked

"Several times. More often than rarely."

"But you still choose to live. Why is that?" I asked again

"Because if I die, I cannot think about it again, right?"

[barapena]

I hate meeting you

You make me feel dizzy

No strength

With your smile towards my soul

You make me feel helpless

With whispers

Of love and happiness around

I hate that we have to meet

And fall in love

And got drunk

And become dependence

Because I hate it,

When it was the time

For us to leave each other

Until next time

I do hate meeting you

If I have to leave from you

Is it good that we were met before?

Can I just stay beside you forever without me being gone?

But I love you, and I would hate myself more for not meeting you in the first place.

Thank you for being here, although time never let us go together forever

Until next time, we meet again, hope with the same smile

I hope so

[barapena]

Dying inside. The foundation of my believe crumbling. One by one. Two by three. Faster than anybody. I'm crying inside. No water to supply the tears. Drought comes without letter of invitation.

Run away to dreamy dreamy land. So nice. So great. Everything has a happy ending. You do something with a valid purpose in mind. And suddenly, you woke up. Then the heart start beating. Violently. Hurting everything. Headache comes in a matter of seconds. Hurting everything. You cannot help yourselves to stand up. But, you also cannot go back to sleep, since your body alarming you about with the pain.

Hate myself, I really do. Hate other people, not so much. Especially not to one I care and adore. Family and friends, my partner in crime. But I'm too embarassed to meet them. I'm such a mess. A failure. Worth nothing in the world. Too coward. Afraid of anything. Maybe that's why I love to eat chicken so much.

Run away. From me. From this nightmare. Because there is no turning back. If you stuck in here, you'll regret it. Forever. Family and friends, my partner in crime. You all don't need me. I do. And I suck at it too. Before I suck you dry, before your heart want to cry. Run. Run. Run. Please run.

Because I'm a nuclear bomb. And I'm ready to blast.

[barapena]

I wanted to kill myself

[barapena]

Greedy, Gluttony, and Sloth

Today it's happening again. Twice amount the previous one. It hurts. I know that I no longer have my essence. But might as well kill me off right now. Since I'll be happy to die in your hand. One, two, three, and here we are. Don't you want to be free, nothing comes to your mind. I'm messing your essence and you messed with mine. Rather than hurting you, please just stab my heart. With a sword, with a knife, with an axe. Took out the organ and put in on a cart. Paint the red colour don't forget about the wax. I'll gladly disappeared from your night. Although, I do need the light. But I guess you are off my sight. So let's end this pathetic poem. I don't want to make you feel alone. But I guess it all depends on you. Whether to make me a dinner, or make me the dinner for you.

After all, I am dead and alive. You decide.

[barapena]

Kebetulan

Bukannya aku suka kamu karena kamu itu cantik

Aku memang suka kamu, kebetulan saja dirimu cantik

[barapena]

Does it matter?

I love her even though she is a scum

I love her since she is a scum

Which one is the real love?

I let her go because I love her

I chained her destiny with me because I love her

Is the other is'nt love?

I love her which makes me did not want to touch her

I love her which makes me linger for more touch, to and from her

Can't this all be called true love?

What is love?

How do it begin?

"I love you"

, can I really say that?

In what way is my love for you?

In what way is your love for me?

And is the way you love, the same as mine?

And if it is not, does it make our love true?

Or only one of us is true?

If only one of us trully love, then is it really love?

Or is it only fangirling?

You are a scum, but still, I love you

You are a scum, and that's why, I love you

Which one is the real love?

Well, does it matter?

[barapena]

To have something scary to say

And be able to say it anyway

Isn't that

What lovers do?

[barapena]

Did you love her because she loved you?

don't you care since she had dumped you?

I guess not

[barapena]

It will end, the time.

At least between you and me.

And the sky.

Not so blue anymore huh?

Grey and dark.

Not a spec of sunshine coming out.

Is it night already?

No, it's not.

Only cumulonimbus.

With a chance of rain droplets.

Carrying my love.

To wash away. By the wind.

By the river.

Towards the sea.

It's not you anymore, the one I see.

The time not let me do.

The time.

Not you.

Not me.

[barapena]

In the happiness, I find sorrow

I want to reach you

In the middle of the night, between the midst of my mind

Yesterday has gone. Today, not so much.

But I don't think tomorrow will have more luck.

These are feelings, it is natural to have them

Future has never been so far away, I am not getting any agreement

Abou the fact, that I love you so

That I love you so

[barapena]

It's been a while babe

[barapena]

Alunan tanya tengah malam

Andai saja aku bisa membaca pikiran.

Satu, dua, tiga, ketahuilah aku sudah.

Merintih tanpa luka tuk diperih.

Yang kutemui hanyalah sepi.

Apa yang terlihat di depan mata, semuanya buaian.

Tak dapat melihat ujungnya, mulaiku lemas.

Dilihat rembulan, menyimpan sang sedih.

Kau buang ku, tertinggal di tepi.

Buatku tak dapatkah ucapmu memelan?

Marahiku kah kau lakukan pelatar teras?

Pergi dan hampiri kembali maumu hingga letih?

Hormatku bukan kau, terbakarkah wahai api?

[barapena]

Pusing kali ini teramat sakit. Seperti ada anjing yg menggigiti dari dalam. Dikoyak dan dicabiknya, seakan otak ini sekeras tulang sisa dibuang. Anjing itu kemudian menggonggong. Guk guk, yg terdengar seperti Grauk grauk. Suara yg memekakkan telinga, memecah rumah siput menjadi serupa debu. Berubah tuli. Dunia seakan sunyi. Mulut pun berserapah, menyalahkan pelaku kesalahan yang tak tersentuh, seakan dengannya kita dapat balik menyerang si anjing gila. Semoga. Sebelum kupecahkan kepala ini dan keluarkan anjing secara paksa. Tapi mengapa ada anjing di kepalaku? Siapa yg berani memasukkannya? Atau mungkin melahirkannya ke dalam situ?

[barapena]

mati dalam buaian.

hidup berdasar luka.

Sekarang, aku berdarah!

[barapena]

Bersama Tak Sedimensi

Sayang sekali, ini namanya duka ilalang.

Tak bisa meraih air di ujung batang yang tak menurun.

Hanya dapat merasakan melalui daun.

Bersentuhan yang fana, walaupun secara langsung.