Sole Soul

just some personal therapy RELEASE

[baremysoouull]

You love me?

I don't view relationships the same as everyone. I know I'm in your life for a reason and it's okay to let go when the time is up. It may hurt but that's only because you have an attachment that you have made a part of yourself and are afraid you won't feel whole. YOU make you whole love. No one should ever have the power to make you feel less of yourself, especially in your GOD body. We love one another to stay around and learn lessons in loving ourselves and maybe how to pass that love on to the next person even if it's platonic. Keeping an attachment that is "dwindling" can make you lose focus and put you back on the painful path of forcing you to give yourself that love.

I can love multiple people at once and divide my love and lessons and that's all I want to do. I don't want to have feelings of regret in love. I can love you and let them love you too

I know we receive certain things from certain people but not any one person can be everything to us. That's just not possible. so it's either sacrifice a need in a relationship or be open with love and express your need to have other energies that can fulfill the energy exchange that you desire.

I refuse to neglect myself and I chose love for all. especially if they chose love for me.

[baremysoouull]

There is such a huge shift I don't like anyone or anything anymore. It's like I just need all new energy in my life. Everything is brand new I keep hearing and I feel it in me. I deserve better in every way there is to be or have better in my eyes.

[baremysoouull]

I'm still in love with you and I can feel it so heavy

[baremysoouull]

so I now live with my brothers and it's okay but I don't have a room and that's fine bc I only plan to stay for a couple months. I have a job I have a car and im ok.

Something just doesn't feel right here. My brothers dont really connect with me. They work and get off and play video games and it is kind of sad to see that they are so content with doing nothing else all while living in this apartment and praising someone I am not sure is worthy of praise (it's so confusing to be here).

[baremysoouull]

I finally got away from a toxic relationship. I got a place and was happy about to be on my own path again. I got into an accident one morning and had to use everything i saved for rent on my car.

I had to move out and end up going to my sisters house. That was triggering waking up to her and her current "man" about to fight. like yelling and screaming about to go to blows . I hear my nephews crying. I go to check on them before i try to separate my sister.

they yell back and forth and back and forth until he leaves.

I spend the entirety of my day upping my big sis and telling her how she deserves better and to stop accepting the things that don't feel good just bc you've been done worse.

We laugh we hug we cry and she seems to have gotten the message.

She didn't get the message. hes back that same night. I can't stay in a place where I don't feel safe. Mind you I was in a relationship where I was thrown in the street and treated like shit inside and out.

She still chose a man over her little sister feeling safe in a space you invited her to.

I had to leave it just wasn't good for my mental to stay. I asked my brothers if I could stay with them In the apartment that my father passed away in and they now share.

[baremysoouull]

i got stuck out of state with a very abusive person. while I was gone my child was molested or doing the molesting.. (no one can tell me the truth) all of a sudden shes taken from me and no one and I mean NO ONE can give me any information but can still keep contact with her father. literally "family: that speaks to her and sees her but still can't tell me anything. They are all driving me crazy and i haven't seen my child in over 5 years.. I'm dying inside, but I'm making it look pretty.

[baremysoouull]

i once was in a neglectful relationship but I loved her so much it hurt

[baremysoouull]

I was molested. I was rapped I was taken advantage of more than I would like to realize in my life and it makes me feel like I have a target on my head that says feel free to hurt this one".

I remember watching a movie that triggered so much pain and confusion. I got in the shower and cried for so long. When I got out of the shower my sister asked me what was wrong. I start to tell her about my trauma. She responds with "Me too" It was Dad it was our uncle and one of our cousins that hurt her too. I immediately turned my pain for myself off and focused on hers.

Hearing all of this made me so distant from my father and that hurt bc he was my best friend my safety and I trusted him with everything me as he raised me with nothing but love. I could never imagine him hurting anyone let alone any of his children. I battled with it for so long and still do.

I stayed away for so long and one day he was making his way around to visit all of his children but he didn't make it to my house that day.

Then he got sick..and he just... died. My father was gone. My best friend my safety. the only one in my family that I feel understood me as a whole.

I immediately hated my sister. I wanted her to be a liar. I wanted what she told me he did to be false but who am I to say that she didn't experience this side of him. I deal with this pain today bc im the only one who can feel it.

Why did you have to tell me and no one else why did you have to ruin the one love that a girl is supposed to have with her father.

I carry this pain while you and everyone else praise him and says how wonderful he is.. why pass your pain on to me if you can move past it so much? why take my grieving for myself and turn it into your own healing. I never got to ask him questions I never got to seek my own clarity.

[baremysoouull]

Man im fucked up. I need therapy I need to be heard. I'm in so much pain but it feels like I'm supposed to keep it all a secret. I'm suffering from others pain. It lives in me and just adds to my unwavering suffering in silence.

[baremysoouull]

i keep lying to myself.. its so good idk how to stop

[minimalistquotes]

Once we start loving ourselves, people no longer seem good to us unless they are actually good for us.

@shawtyimmaparty

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[baremysoouull]

take me and leave me. I wont complain

[baremysoouull]

I'm absolutely over everything at this moment. I'm welcoming brand new everything. It's like ok what's next I'm tapped out of this reality so I need to create a new one. I feel like I just keep giving my power and light away with nothing to replenish it, not even the love I have for myself is working, it's frustrating AF. I'm ready to travel again I'm ready to feel love like I desire, I miss raw passion and not just from a lover but from life. I miss doing things I feel complete the energy cycle of paying it forward. How do I get that back? How do I get my spark back? I've been put on hold so it seems and I can't for the life of me really innerstand why. I'm never in bad company I mean shit I'm never in any company anymore. Hermit mode is for protection but I feel stuck in it, I feel as if time is winning when time doesn't even exist. Sometimes I feel trapped in my own mind. I self-analyze everything and I still can't come to a conclusion as to why I'm being forced to cut off the world. I miss the excitement, I miss living, Once again I miss loving bc even now I'm forced to give the bare minimum in that. I don't want this version of myself to exist anymore. I'm ready for more I'm pleading for new doors and new opportunities to bring me back to me but a better me a more fulfilled me, a me that sees myself again. just please I'll drop everything for that new life.

[baremysoouull]

I keep trying but I keep getting disappointed. How do you expect me to believe you when you are so slow to act on what you say. be my speed. You're losing this race.

[baremysoouull]

you know... family is a funny thing. I thought mine was just so perfect.

every family holds and has secrets, until they dont

[baremysoouull]

Here I go crying about the world again.

[baremysoouull]

Blocked?

There's just so much that happened that I'm not sure where to start. even still I guess this is a starting point.