little lamb

please read pinned ! she / her

[barkersbite]

welcome to my little corner of the world !

𓆱 20, lesbian 18+ only.

this is a personal, mostly wholesome blog in dedication to exploring my kinks & coping mechanisms! i’m still very much in a place of finding myself & testing my boundaries so this account could be all over the place.. who knows!!

please dni if: you’re a zionist, you support any kind of discrimination towards the lgbtq+ community, the poc community, the disabled community, communities going through genocide, basically if you’re just an awful person! also if you identify as a male- this is strictly a sapphic blog, any attention from men would just make me feel super uncomfortable so i fear you’d be wasting your time !

this blog is very personal to me- i am super shy and closed off as it is and this it takes great vulnerability to put myself out in the open like this so please take no offence if i come across as cold or disinterested, i’m just trying to keep myself comfortable in my little bubble of security that takes a lot of getting to know eachother to pop. 🫧

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i don’t think i could ever be a caregiver, (i just don’t have it in me unfortunately) though the thought of caring for mama in that way when she isn’t feeling good is so appealing to me. i’m not very good at showing my love for people, physically, even though i feel it so deeply that it almost hurts, so loving on her in the same way that she’s shown to me when i’m not feeling good just sounds perfect.

maybe she’s sick, or having a hard time mentally. i could draw her a nice bubble bath n fill it with my favourite bath toys, washing her hair whilst she relaxes. brushing her hair afterwards, reminding her how beautiful she is even in these moments of illness. i’d say i’m a pretty good cook, even when i’m feeling small, so i could make us something nice to eat as well (but she may have to supervise me in the kitchen because i get so clumsy every damn time). cuddling her so softly on the couch, stroking her hair and tickling her arm whilst i let her hold my comfort plush, hoping that she can pass on her magical healing powers to my mommy like she does with me.

making her some warm herbal drink, if that’s what she likes, and pouring it into her favourite cup whilst i make myself some juice. we can do whatever she wants to, perhaps she doesn’t have much energy that day, physically or mentally. we could watch something together, or maybe i could read her a story that i like until she feels tired enough to sleep, mimicking the characters voices that she puts on when she reads them to me. watching over mama as she gets some rest next to me, i’d probably spend a few minutes soaking up the sight of her in the awe that i know i’d feel before leaving her to sleep whilst i tidy up after myself from the day, just as she taught me.

i know that she probably doesn’t need all of the fuss, she’s a big girl of course. but it would feel really nice to have her get a sense how she makes me feel when i’m not feeling well- so small and loved and cared for with no need for worry at all. i think she deserves that at the very very least <3

[barkersbite]

my future space with mommy will be everything we’ve both dreamed of, combined into one space. maybe a small house tucked away behind a long stretch of trees with a garden just the right size for playing, also housing some growing vegetables, herbs and flowers. i can bring all of my pets and we can have a space for them as well, perhaps. it’s decorated with everything we love and cherish, i’ll be able to have some regression items scattered around the house without any sense of embarrassment. there will be no shouting, no fear, no shame, only warmth with a big addition of love, devotion and plushies

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good morning everypony my brain has gotten into the routine of showing me the biggest and baddest dreams ever right before i wake up every day so now imfeeling very itty bitty and tearful just in time to start getting ready for the day.. amazing!! wow!!

[barkersbite]

to be loved truly even in my most vulnerable moments and cared for to a point that it could feel almost scary in its unfamiliarity. my dream seems to change a lot, though for now it is to just be treated with utter gentleness and understanding, to be assured that all of my regression is at the very least something that is unimportant. i want to grow to learn that my episodes are not too much, that i’m okay for keeping completely quiet when the world is too loud, that my habits and coping mechanisms that could be deemed as unhealthy make me far from off putting. i know that i shouldn’t depend on anyone but myself to heal and discover, but some company on this journey would be nice

[barkersbite]

sometimes i get pretty scared about the chances of having a future with someone that i’m able to regress with. not so much the question of if i’ll ever have a caregiver, i’m pretty hopeful that throughout my life i’ll be able to find at least one person who is willing to try this dynamic with me, but more so the fact that i’m really only just realising that i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be so comfortable with someone to the point of regression.

in my head, i’ve always found the idea of regressing in front of someone that i’m dating fairly easy, it’s natural to me when i’m alone so it ought to be natural when i’m with someone that i feel completely safe with?? but noo noo all of a sudden i can not imagine myself being so vulnerable with anyone and honesty the thought of letting myself go like that does make me feel a teeny 🤏 bit sick which SUCKS because i fear it’s all i’ve ever wanted

[barkersbite]

being this fevery & sore has me really daydreaming about how much easier sick days would be if i had a mama. they would still suck because duh, i’m not well, but the thought alone of being bundled up on the couch in blankets (with a fan at my side just in case) with a cg at my side just makes me feel a lot better. mommy helping me eat some homemade soup whilst we watch an older movie together, something animated probably. having her soft hands rub circles upon my back as i whine about how much i hate being ill. “i knoww, i know. mamas here, my little bug, just focus on your breathing for me, yeah? you’re okay, i’m not going anywhere unless you need me to” okay yes i need this right nowww please

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woke up feeling super icky & feverish ughh, think i’m just super run down from overworking myself with recent events but a movie + blanket day sounds so perfect right now..

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“i asked chatgpt” oh okay, well i asked my mommy (who knows everything in the world btw) and she said that you’re boring & unoriginal..

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i would say good night but i lost my plushie again PLUS i’m not laying on mommy’s chest as she strokes my arm, shushing me every time i open my mouth to protest that i’m not sleepy yet.. so i guess it’s just night 😓

[barkersbite]

one thing about me is that i will be pretending i’m still sound asleep once we arrive back home after a long car journey, just so i can hear the “wake up my sleepy girl, we’re home!! come help your mommy unload the car and then we can make you something nice for lunch, yeah?”

[barkersbite]

maybe one summer i’ll get to build a big blanket fort in the living room with my mama. i’ve never made one so i actually have no idea how we’d do it, but i’m just imagining being inside together afterwards having a tea party with all of the plushies we can find! making hand puppets amongst the glow of the fairy lights we hung as the world outside begins to fall asleep. eventually, maybe i could even be read a bedtime story with my head on her chest, the rise and fall of it sending me into sleep with a half empty bottle of warm milk in my hands 💭

[barkersbite]

Hi there, hope you don't mind my reaching out. Regarding your recent post, I just wanted to say that it's fairly normal to not know what side of the coin you're on when it comes to this side of things, I think a lot of people struggle with knowing where they fit in.

Do you care to elaborate more on these things that you feel? Maybe some of us could help, it could help you as well. No pressure, we're here to listen, though.

hi!! thank you for reaching out :) you’re my first ever ask yayayay!! i don’t mind at all, i love talking to people through asks, it’s a lot easier than dms for me!

and thank you for your kind words, i really really appreciate them, it’s always so nice to hear something that reminds me of the fact that i may not be as alone as i am in my head.

i think what i mean is that i just have very specific wants and i feel it would be unfair to include myself in certain spaces because of them, let alone allow a cg to deal with them as well. aaa this is scaryy i’m not good at putting my thoughts into words because i fear the fact that it makes them official feelings & not something that i just spend my time trying to keep hidden deep down inside of me.

i think i’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that i may be asexual, but it’s extremely hard to tell when i’m so inexperienced. i know that i definitely don’t like sexual physical intimacy (penetration), especially when i feel regressed, but i also know that the specific things that i do like, things that make me feel all fuzzy and squirmy, would not be welcome in the sfw agere community (and i really don’t want to be the reason that someone’s safe space is intruded upon).

sometimes i want to be loved with such tenderness in my regression that i have no choice to become the tiniest thing for my mama, letting her coddle me as we heal each others inner child in our own ways, though sometimes i want to be scolded, put in my place for misbehaving whilst having to prove that i can be a big girl after all (or not.)

so i’m like, okay.. i don’t quite fit into the cg/l kink community because i am scared of sex and i don’t want a mommy who will disregard that, i also don’t fit into the sfw side of things because some of my desires are not completely innocent, i just have no idea if i’d ever be able to find a community/person that accepts me as i am with no worry of my motives, i know that i’m a good person with no ill intent over any of my kinks and coping mechanisms.. i just wish to find someone who understands me fully and loves me truly in that understanding.

maybe i simply need more of a social life

[barkersbite]

incoming word vomit i’m sorry but gosh i’m feeling so confused i just want to screammm..

im realising that i have no idea what i like and what i don’t like when it comes to the agere side of myself which is probably far from a big deal to others but i don’t know, i cling to my self identity soso much. it’s something that is so extremely important to me, so when i find that i’ve lost that security of knowing what i want out of this headspace in terms of having a caregiver/partner, it makes me feel so super icky. my biggest fear is intruding in spaces that i don’t belong in, i’d absolutely hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

i don’t even know what i should and shouldn’t put into words, i don’t wanna confirm anything whilst not even knowing myself but this sucks so bad, i want to be sure of myself, i want to know where my home is in all of this :(

[barkersbite]

waking up before mama on soft summers morning, blinking up at her as the sun rays cast a pretty glow over her sleeping face whilst i get to play with the ends of her soft hair. it’s so so quiet & the air holds a perfect balance of both the rising sun saying hello and the late coolness of the night that had just passed us by. nothing at all to worry about as i snuggle back in, just us and the unwritten day ahead !!

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thinking about all of the domestic parts of a cgl dynamic, those small moments in daily life that just solidify the idea that i’m allowed lose control n be taken care of with pure gentleness 💭

“hey, there’s my sleepy girl!! breakfast is just about ready, think you could be my good girl and set the table?”

“ah-ah sweetpea, what did we say about sucking that little thumb of yours? let mama find your paci for you”

“i understand that you don’t feel tired yet my angel, but it’s wayy past your bedtime and mommy would prefer to avoid waking up to a groggy little girl in the morning”

“five more minutes and then it’s time to tidy up please. no, absolutely no buts, we listen to mama in this house, hm?.”

[barkersbite]

bringing this back up because i am still thinking about it

[barkersbite]

i was wondering why i’ve been sleeping so awfully lately & only just realised that it may actually be because i haven’t been able to have my favourite plushie with me