@barn-kitty - Tumblr Blog

𖦹 bodily 26 𖦹 DID system 𖦹 partly nonhuman 𖦹 @macerationwater is our partner system

personal accounts: NYX: @nyxscomet

saturn: @963369

ophelia: @tiger-ophelia

rome: @tuskrot

systeen sides: ask

i have been so demotivated to be on here since they personally dropped twelve nukes on my girlfriend in the street but. idk where else to go

#no one does weirdos being themselves like tumblr #theres no where to even post art anymore #online freaking sucks now

#lilith #idk how to caption art aaaaaa

drew myself

#saturn

someday i may exist again

its been a little over a week since we quit weed cold turkey and i am SOOO nausous. everyone on the leaves subreddit says that the week mark can be really tough so i am Grimming and Bearing it. we have been able to see a LOT of positive changes tho and that makes it easier

#we were vaping about 4 grams a week + a few bowls a day for years and that isnt the highest ive heard of #but man #also i have vowed not to become anti weed i just couldnt handle it anymore #we were buying weed instead of toilet paper #constantly dissociated and hollow #clementine

also, it feels like certain headmates are more comfortable showing up with different hosts/main fronters. Lilith has not been this active in a long time, but ones like Saturn were more active when Rome was host/comes around more when GFs dudes are active.

#i mean it makes sense #the personalities mesh more you’d spend more time with a friend than an acquaintance #clementine #rarity is mad we cut our hair so she has been gone for a bit #sorry girl we’re growing it back out

so i (clementine) am separate from bear. i think i split off of her because i took a lot of her with me. it makes sense for us to have formed a new host because it tends to work in 2-3 years cycles for us. i was originally goldcat before i had a name and identity, if we tagged anything that

#i am. a snow leopard and a cougar #i stole those from bear but she doesn’t seem to miss them #i think i am still splitting so the lines between us are blurred but this is a good change overall #clementine #we are pretty similar. the only reason i know is a sudden shift in preferences and the amnesiac wall

pinterest is for observing 13 year olds develop moral OCD in real time

#and knowing u cant do anything about it cuz it happened to u too on tumblr at 13 #lilith

i an trying to quit smoking but i think i was designed to be anxious and scared forever

#but i also think that might be the addiction talking #we ran out today and aren’t buying more so. scrapes my face off #clementine #maybe

221bluescarf

When I was helping lead an online schizospec support group, we'd talk about something we called "blank mind". I was asked to explain it but I can't compare it to anything, not even like when you walk into a room and forget what you came for, because in that scenario you're still thinking and wondering what you're forgetting. It's not a lost thought, it's zero thoughts. It feels mentally suffocating like a fish out of water but it's your brain.

Sometimes its scary but other times it really triggers me to get agitated which I don't like

It wasn't until a little later that I found out this is actually a thing called thought blocking.

sometimes these thinking problems feel like there's something seriously wrong like some sort of dimentia or degenerative brain disease.

We'd vent to each other about this and disorganized thinking and whatever else made us feel broken. it felt really nice to have people understand each other and validate each other. Without that, we feel so stupid and broken and spiral into self-hate.

#therapists have a real difficult time with this one #i have been trying to train myself to think again for years now

mfw reclusive shift is reclusive

#i have things to do. others to talk to #why am i shut down and hidey #clementine #< i like the new name a lot i think its official

based mom is pro self diagnosis

#we had a talk today and it was good

dystopianroach

so fucking annoying when im trying to search up information on insects on the internet and I get twenty million links to local pest control websites. Trying to search the effects of copper sulphate (CuSO4) on roaches and other insects since its commonly used in a lot of invertebrate pet food and all the search results are "oh you need roaches exterminated? stinky stinky roach? poopy roach in your home? roaches EVERYWHERE in your house? yes? you give us money for roach traps that your dog could easily ingest BUY NOW? top ten ways to exterminate roaches DIY? CLICK HERE to smoke bomb your home and kill roaches?"

danatron1

Weirdly familiar to the experience of looking up anything autism related. I want to search for how to cope with something, trying to look after myself, and all the results are like

How to stop your child doing X

How to cope with having a child who does X

Parent Support Group: Dealing with X

What is X and how to suppress it

The stress of having an X child

Does your child do X? You might need therapy!

dystopianroach

we have like no semblance of a headspace. sometimes i get jealous reading the experiences of others who have one. if we arent fronting, cofronting, or in the backseat then we don’t really exist. if i can hear them then they are at least in the back seat.

#i have a table and some lighting i can consistently picture but i think thats a meditation room and no one actually goes there

charl0ttan

i wish i was born as someone who could handle life

i think i am losing my mind . i dont think there is a future in being this disfunctional

#*ripping my head into two clean pieces*

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