BaronLolligore

14008

[baronlolligore]

Romeo: Awaken Juliet, you daft wench!

Romeo: *throws an entire brick through the window*

[baronlolligore]

I found a spider,

Near my shower,

Now it's been,

Nearly an hour,

And I'm scared,

Cuz it's gone missing,

I don't want it chewing on my ass while I am pissing. 🕷

[baronlolligore]

It must be so hard being a male spider. You just wanna settle down and have kids, but every woman you meet literally wants to eat your face off.

[baronlolligore]

So, a couple nights ago, I had this weird dream that I was in therapy, and my therapist, for whatever reason was just nonchalantly giving me a tattoo while we talked. We sat and chatted about normal therapy stuff, there was nothing really out of the ordinary, aside from the fact that my therapist was giving me a tattoo.

When the session time was up, I turned to him and said, "I didn't know you could tattoo?"

And he just smiled and said, "I can't. "

Then he got up and left.

And the dream just ended. I have no idea what that tattoo looked like, but I can only imagine...

[baronlolligore]

Reminiscing about this time last month, when I was sitting on a program transport van, shoulder to shoulder with a quiet, weathered, old man who, halfway through the drive, stuffed his finger all the way up his nose to pull out what I can only assume was a booger. He then inspected it, and crammed that booger right into his pocket like a piece of nostril currency.

All while I tried my hardest to pretend the man next to me wasn't picking his nose.

That was a pivotal point in me deciding to choose a different program.

[baronlolligore]

When you're learning multiple languages so you accidentally mash them together to create atrocities such as "der mangé" to refer to your lunch.

[baronlolligore]

The dog just sat on my laptop and proceeded to emit the world's most rancid fart.

On my laptop.

[baronlolligore]

We put a Rage Against The Machine CD in the car today, and the machine promptly raged against it.

[baronlolligore]

Today, my mom told me that matcha tastes like milk froth on top of aquarium water.

[baronlolligore]

I feel like it says a lot about me as a person, that my favorite movie is the one where the dead guy keeps making surprise guest appearances on the beach.

[baronlolligore]

As an artist, sometimes I think to myself, "if I want the yaoi, I can make the yaoi".

Then I imagine myself looking out of the abyss after my death at my family going through my drawing tablet with a look of abject horror on all of our collective faces, and I immediately stop myself from committing such an atrocity.

[baronlolligore]

At least I'm not small enough to consider spiders one of my natural predators.

[baronlolligore]

Looked in the mirror after I had my eyes dilated and almost crapped my pants. Someone call the exorcist.

[baronlolligore]

I blew a fuse in my bathroom trying to use my hair straightener this morning and now my lights don't work, so now I'm using a paper lantern until maintenance gets here, and let me tell you, disaster is what truly breeds creativity.

[baronlolligore]

Getting acne cleanser in both eyeballs at once is definitive proof to me that the universe has no chill.

[baronlolligore]

The dog's farts smell so bad, I've started calling him "Famous Anus".

[baronlolligore]

My mother has quietly spent the past seven and a half hours pretending I haven't been referring to the GPS as "Dolly Parton ".