never tickle a sleeping dragon

BLOG CLOSED Bash Kelly. 30. • carpenter • • craftsman • • crackpot • mobile nav blog CLOSED

[ashmillxo]

Pray tell why this bottle blonde came into my shop with the worst nail job I’ve seen in a long time, and decided to chastise me? Darling, maybe fix your whole situation before you judge me. At least I know how to take care of my acrylics. 

[bashtkelly]

Yeesh. Was she chastising you for something in particular, or just in general, for the sheer Karen of it? I’m pretty sure I’d tank spectacularly in any kind of customer service position, I get along with pieces of wood WAY better.

[bashtkelly]

jude--wilson​:

If there’s an actual Power Point I think I’ll lose it from laughing too hard.

There are so many nahs in that song… So, so many. Once kids discovered “Hey Jude” I was done for. If you plan to film yourself you need to find a hook. Something that’ll make you stand out from the rest.

Really now? Lesson number one: never underestimate the lengths I’ll go to. PowerPoint it is!

Hey, I’m a spastic, ADHD bundle of nerves and awkwardness, who can’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid and makes up for it with misplaced enthusiasm. That IS my hook.

[bashtkelly]

melodyspearce​:

Always, you’re right. Finger guns are nothing without a solid ‘pew pew’ sound effect. Those people need to catch up with the times and realize that nobody wants to touch them.

Thank you. It’s about time, I’ve already been back for so many weeks, so it’s good to finally have a place to call my own again.

.

I endorse this method of greeting. Mostly because my hands are usually covered in sawdust most of the time if I’m working, I don’t even want to make other people touch me, y’know?

I getcha. My place used to be my granddad’s, but he left it to me when he passed, it was totally different being out on my own even in someplace that was already familiar.

[bashtkelly]

texts | mercedes & bash

Mercy: I know exactly what you mean, its like you don't have to look out for just so yourself you have a whole other person to look out for. Sadly I think I am gonna give up looking and just enjoy being a mom. Ha yeah I don't have that much time.

Mercy: Wait...my Wikipedia page? I haven't even looked at it. He really is, I love him, that boy is my heart.

Bash: Mostly it's because Shiv gives me shit if she knows I'm seeing someone. Teenagers are BRUTAL man, and she's got the Kelly sarcasm in her veins.

Bash: I mean, I haven't exactly fact-checked it, but it's there, you know? That's how you know you've MADE it.

[bashtkelly]

mselenalynn​:

I’m sure you are, being able to pick up on ques like that is very impressive. It’s a skill not many people have. Muting huh? Would the story telling be that theatrical that I could understand it all just by watching it? That actually sounds like that would be so funny. I may need to try both. 

.

You want me to, like, mime it? ...I’ve never actually tried that before, story-by-charades, but you know what -- challenge ACCEPTED.

[bashtkelly]

Text → Bash & Saskia

Saskia: Maybe I should go there. I'm not good at glaring. At least not on purpose.

Saskia: BASH I DON'T LIKE THAT AT ALL WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT

Saskia: you are. you're handsome and adorable

Bash: I mean, do you really want to be a librarian? There are other methods of learning how to glare on purpose, I feel like.

Bash: Sorry, sorry! I tried not to sneak up on you, warning it was the wiki page, and I didn't want you to think I was rickrolling you either, but they're kind of crusty little buggers, I'll warn better next time. Or NOT next time. No next times.

Bash: Dawww. That's probably a LITTLE bit of a stretch, but if a cute girl wants to flatter me who am I to argue?

[bashtkelly]

dryurionice​:

Hey, that’s a great way at looking at it! That’s it… I was testing it to make sure it was good. It was super safe and super yummy so I will consider that a job well done, haha. 

What costumes are you torn between? I am the same way, but I was thinking of maybe having a few days where I dress up so I can wear different costumes. I did that when I was little sometimes. I would dress as one thing for the school Halloween party and then trick or treat as something else. Some people voted on me being Doctor Strange but then others said Star Wars so I can’t pick either!

.

An excellent job well done, and I’m sure the kids of Cartersville are thankful for your thoroughness!

I mean, I was gonna be the Brawny paper towel dude, but then someone suggested Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas, and Sammy was comparing me to BB-8 (and I couldn’t really pull off BB-8, but I could channel my inner Poe Dameron and carry BB-8 around all night, for reasons...). Jack is probably a little outside my skill set when it comes to makeup, but the other two -- possibilities.

[bashtkelly]

sammy-d-evans​:

Rub it in why don’t ya 🙄😄

In case you were keeping score, it was iced tea this time, ha

That was some smart thinking, my friend. Think you really needed them. Next time you should totally join in with the fun, even if it was like swaying in the background or something like that. It’s like a real rush of adrenaline being up on stage. 

.

😇😁.

Nice. I do try not to make you snort hot coffee at least, because I’m not a cruel man. Iced tea’s totally fair game though.

Listen, ain’t nobody want to see me up there on stage. Even if I’m not singing, my swaying is... kind of spastic? Rhythm and I aren’t buds, y’know.

[bashtkelly]

sammy-d-evans​:

True, true, that is a gift. Alright, you win this round. 

Bash, stop!! Almost peeing my pants here laughing so hard. Thanks for that tho, kinda needed it. 

Wow, you’re going all out, nice! Yep, I’m going to sing a little something with Blaine. It’s all in good fun. Without giving away too much, neon colored clothes and sunglasses, that’s all I’ll say about it. 

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Gold medal for meeeeeeeee, I like winning.

Can’t stop won’t stop, call me a comedian. Still have a special place in my heart for any time I can make you snort whatever you’re drinking out your nose, 😘

Yesssss, I’mma bring my sunglasses too if we’re talking NEON. Hit me, Evans, I’m ready for it, 😎

[bashtkelly]

jude--wilson​:

…how do you teach that?

That song. lol Used to hate it when I was a kid and learned to embrace it as I got older. Only 18? Thought there’ll be more.

Very carefully. It involves a PowerPoint.

Not a childhood fan of the nah-nah-nah-nahs, hmm? I only skimmed the first page of results, I’m pretty sure there was at least 19 million more. Clearly there aren’t enough versions out there, and I need to film myself and go viral.

[bashtkelly]

jude--wilson​:

Then here’s to seeing this ridiculousness in person sometime. Too much serious isn’t good for anyone. I don’t know if I can go full idiot even if I tried.

Google might trudge up my old Myspace page and current Facebook. Which is private. You won’t find any of my work. I’ve been careful with that.

Oh, dude, you just need lessons is idiocy. I’m a pro, I could teach you. 

Okay, but consider this: Google gave me 18 different cover versions of ‘Hey Jude’ and sufficiently distracted me while I belted along extremely off-key. So you’re off the hook FOR NOW.

[dryurionice]

Halloween is still a little over two week away, but it is already in full swing at my apartment! I watched Hocus Pocus this evening, which gave me the idea to dress my pets as the Sanderson sisters… it works because there are three of them! I also hate to admit that I have already opened trick or treat candy and started eating it (I will replace, promise!)

I honestly just need to make a final decision about my own costume but there’s so many options! I may go sci-fi or MCU this time around as I’ve done just about every Yuri On Ice character in the last few years, for obvious reasons. If anyone has suggestions for me please let me know!

[bashtkelly]

Testing out the Halloween candy liberally to make sure it’s safe for the kiddos is the responsible, adult thing to do, man. You’re just doing your civic duty.

I’m the worst and have two completely different costumes in the works, so I’m probably not the best person for decisiveness these days. The rest of the year? Decisive as SHIT. Just not when it comes to Halloween costumes.

[bashtkelly]

Text → Bash & Saskia

Saskia: Wait, really? I mean.. dude. That's insane. How does someone get a rep like that?

Saskia: You're my favorite barnacle. I haven't seen one in person, so I can't tell with the cute aspect.

Bash: Years of practice. Also she went to school for it, I'm pretty sure they teach Librarian Death Glares in Library School.

Bash: Wikipedia to the rescue! [ https://bit.ly/3AII3v6 ]

Bash: ...God I hope I'm cuter than that. I've got way bigger issues if not, 😱

[bashtkelly]

texts | mercedes & bash

Mercy: Ha you gonna stop talking about yourself like that! But I get it. I am not single by choice but I am also not sure I would do well in a relationship considering I have Aiden.

Mercy: Is that how you see me as an overachiever? I just want him to be happy thats it.

Bash: Pffffffft can't stop won't stop, cuz it's true. Totally get it. Shiv's not my kid but she's around enough that it makes dating weird, you know? I can't even imagine when you'd find the time, Ms. Boss Lady.

Bash: Uh, yeah? Your Wikipedia page, Spotify profile, and successful bar/restaurant totally supports my theory, yo. He's a good kid, he will be.

[bashtkelly]

sammy-d-evans​:

Out weirded by not one but two people, Sammy sad 😞 Nah man, you know it takes way more to scare me off. Go be your weird self and enjoy it to the fullest. 

You should! People don’t know what they are missing out on, trust me. Oh well, their loss. Dude, even I can’t handle all that excitement If there’s ever going to be a Sam Evans Day I so wouldn’t mind it being on the 4th of July. For obvious reasons, and it’s not just cuz there would always be fireworks. 

You coming to the open mic night? 

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You’re just too nice and cuddly to be irredeemably weird, people take one look at you and think it’s cute. I confuse small children, it’s a gift.

Screw Independence Day, Sam Evans Day is clearly the best reason to shoot explosions into the sky. (I’m pretty sure there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere, but I just can’t be bothered to lean into it right now.) 

Chyeah, course I am. Gonna shower first and everything. You singing? 

[bashtkelly]

pucker-swag​:

Isn’t it though? I more than just long legs, and mad swag, brains too, boo.

Full sized and snickers, daaaaaamn, Baller. Might have to hit up your place. You wouldn’t happen to be one of those illusive crazies giving away your edibles the news keeps warning people about because I might just move in.

Undisputed Best Babe In Town, right here. I am in constant awe of your mad skills, JP.

Heeeeey now, it’s gonna take more than a little doorbell-ringing and trick-or-treat yelling for me to share the good stuff. Especially if my sister comes over to help me hand out candy -- I have to be responsible. And mature. It sucks.

[bashtkelly]

jude--wilson​:

It could count. Would be better if someone gave it to you, such as the person who you beat out. 

Now, I can’t divulge such information! Nice try. 

Except no one beat me out. I am the undefeated town idiot champion. It’s hard being this ridiculous, but I guess I just have a natural skill, further honed by a complete inability to be serious for like, five seconds.

Boo. New tactic: Googling you. Google never lets me down. Sends me sideways down a rabbit hole sometimes, but we must all make sacrifices.