svelte. @bauroral - Tumblr Blog

After this time, things get better. But still, there hold a lot of sadness, filling me up

Writing from a moment that couldnt believe things came true.

I am on the path to be what I have always aspired to become.

A lot of work is needed but every bits count. Despite the worries and self-doubt, you are ok the path. Walking towards something.

It has long since true happiness walk besides me, the constant waves of unsettling moments and upsetting incidence one after once without a break. All I hear was unfortunate news or irresolvable questions. Where things just stack up like a pile of old news paper left on the side of the street. No one spare their heart to care and left in rain yet piled up on the road.

Bad things, bad news. all the unwanted emotions. who could blame me for leaving them aside, while I am trying to lift my head above the water everyday. just a tired body react in a mundane way. the hardwork are never hard enough, the energy are never considered to be compatible to the expectation. dismissing someones its a easy job, but it only shows the ignorance of you. the ugliness - the true self.

afterall, human are selfish in many ways

says one but do different. what does words even worth saying when its meaningless

There are times that you’re so lost. Losing direction within a story, with nothing worth to trust and everything is so damaging that you wish you could stay away from the burn. It was harmful and corrosive. Something you would definitely tried to avoid yet there ain’t such choice.

Sick of all these unnecessary incidents, all those bothersome troubles where I could focus a lot more if I can leave all these behind. The constrained environment are the glass wall that trap one into a cell. Forcefully confine one in a narrowed space where there are no window nor way out. No matter how free and limitless your mind are, the circumstances took over the possibilities, the positivity. Unplugging every single energy sources that you could have in order to push you back to the hole, where you’ve spent years to crawl out from that dark and scary endless void.

What can actually lift me up from this situation. Nor friends, nor partner, not even family. Everything is broken in some sort of ways, where I am trying to stand straight in order to walk through days and nights.

The only thing left for me was the goal of my life, yet its an unanswered answered which its not something that I can look up to in making my day better or positive.

Everything is not working in a way I want. I know I have no control nor I want to control anything surrounding me, but its the imbalances tipped into one side so deeply that I am so tired to be lifting up a unmeasurable weight on my shoulder everyday, given that its heavier and heavier day after day.

There’s no need for a reason to live happily, but I believe it should be a basic standard for one humankind in considering their mental health as well as physical.

Knocking on a door with bare hands, its the only thing that I could do right now in order to live away from the vacuum.

I just wish when you are feeling upset, you would find me to talk about it rather than shut me out from it.

I would want a call when i am sad, like what i did last time.

it hurts everytime. when youre acting out. am i choosing the right choice or am i just too dumb to be decisive

its all about the cycle, the god damn hole that kills people. Raise people and pick up yourself. no one can help you and stop hurting people around you.

Fading deeply.

it’s happening again, dragging back to the hole

May the nightmare never comes back

I don’t really care just shut the effff up

I am not perfect, but I will try my best.

feeling fading, weakening, decreasing, losing bits and pieces but as well gaining myself back. Is it something good or ....