Quick to Forgive
There are adages that speak of forgiveness throughout the ages. From Jesus’ “turn the other cheek” message to reminders that “forgiveness is something we do for ourselves”, messages on forgiveness populate both philosophical and religious paradigms, and with good reason. The anger, hurt, or betrayals that we suffer throughout life affect both our bodies and our minds. Knowing this, we extend forgiveness so as to not feel the tension of non-resolution, the tightness in our muscles associated with resentment or holding a grudge.
On the subject of forgiveness, Buddha said:
When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment... This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done.”
A popular teaching on forgiveness is that to do so is to let go of the past. However, to approach forgiveness in this manner can oftentimes lead to more harm than good. In her book Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart, author Robin Casarjian writes:
"Sometimes choices are made in the name of forgiveness while what is occurring isn't forgiveness at all. It is important not to confuse being forgiving with denying your own feelings, needs, and desires. Forgiving doesn't mean being passive and staying in a job or a relationship that clearly doesn't work for you or is abusive. It is important that you are clear about your boundaries. What is acceptable for you? If you are willing to allow unacceptable behavior again and again in the name of 'forgiveness,' you are more than likely using 'forgiveness' as an excuse not to take responsibility for taking care of yourself or as a way to avoid making changes."
In an effort to maintain our internal sense of peace, we have often been too quick to forgive the offenses wrought against Black and all People of Color in America since the day it was “discovered” by Europeans. We have done this with good reason. We are fully aware of the disparity between our communities’ power and control versus that of those from multiple heritages and lands who get to march under the banner of “white”. In doing so, we have decided “not to retaliate, to seek revenge”. Instead, we seek “justice” for the wrongs wrought against us and those who share our features, blood, and heritage. But what is justice other than revenge on the terms of the ruling population [read: our political and legal system acting in favor of “white” interest], terms that are often not in our favor? In our attempt to survive, to keep on keepin’ on, we have been implicit in allowing the plague of racism to control and affect our very existence in this the “Land of the Free”. We have been quick to forgive so that we may be at peace with ourselves and with others. But that sense of peace proves itself to be, at best, temporal and at worst, false every time we see another account of a Black woman, man, girl, or boy having been shot, imprisoned and abused, or placed in a choke-hold until the very life was removed from his body- all at the hands of vigilantes or police officers who are paid with our tax dollars to protect all of us .
Mark Twain said, “forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”. If this is true, Black people have shed the fragrance of our lives, our essence, our creativity, our milk, and our blood for far too long, and yet we are still being treaded upon. In our seeming quickness to jump to forgiveness, in our attempt to free ourselves from the real fatigue and discomfort we feel simply because we exist in a society, nay world where Black people are often mistreated and abused, we have rid ourselves of the the anger and hurt that might otherwise move us to action and to stance. As we run to extend forgiveness, we leave ourselves positioned under the foot that stomps us and leave it free to bring down its full weight upon us again and again.
We forgive because we don’t want to be angry. We don’t want to feel the hurt and angst in our bodies, the tightness in our muscles. Consider, though, that we feel these things because as humans, we are hardwired for survival. And part of survival in the wild and in civilization is that when danger is near, we must fight to defend, or when we must flee. Those feelings and sensations we readily rid ourselves of are our body’s way reminding us that this is not okay. “This” being all of the atrocities that have been wrought against mainly Black, but all People of Color in the US. under individual and systemic racism, abuse, and discrimination. It is our survival system reminding us that we have two choices: we must either fight for our survival, or we must flee. We either need to be moved to action or be applying for and planning to make use of our passports as we scout for the next land we will call home.
On Wednesday, June 17, 2015, a brain-washed, 21 year old terrorist decided to walk into Emmanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina and play his part in the racist-driven assassination of a senator and the killing of eight others. After murdering Cynthia Hurd (age 54), Myra Thompson (age 59), Tywanza Sanders (age 26), Rev. Depayne Middleton Doctor (age 49), Susie Jackson (age 87), Ethel Lance (age 70), Rev. Daniel Simmons, Sr. (age 74), and Senator (and pastor) Clementa Pinckney (age 41), the perpetrator of this heinous attack stated that he wanted to start a race war. Luckily for him and unfortunately for those of us who don’t share the heritage of abuse and “Columbusing” with him, there has been a race war going on for thousands of years- and it has been against “us”. I am not proposing that we give into the fancy of a terrorist, especially with the militarization of police departments around the country. I do propose that we allow ourselves to truly feel the hurts and pains that have been inflicted on Black bodies since we were first brought here. Feel it until you are moved to either actively fight white supremacy and racism or to flee. Not just Black people, but all people. If People of Color in this country were to take an honest look, we would see that we share common enemies: white privilege and supposed supremacy, and racism. If we are honest with ourselves, we will realize that we do not have the option of allowing this system, these laws, or our government to stand as is. We will perish. Black Americans are already incarcerated at rates that far supersede that of any other people-group in the United States despite making up about 23% of its population. Once again, as in years past, we find that we are abused and murdered in the streets at an alarming rate. There has been a war going on, and we have been losing.
Self-preservation is important. In the name of inner healing, step away from your anger when you need. Do something you love. Be around someone you love. Laugh. Cry. Live. But we must not be pacified by the need for temporal peace any longer. If we are not heard when we are peaceful, when we are grieving, when we are murdered during a church prayer meeting, we must get louder until we are heard. We must speak in a way that grabs our captor’s attention. We must each figure out what part we will play in this liberation. Our liberation. Not just for the benefit of Black people; all People of Color stand to benefit from collective and unified efforts to combat racism and dismantle white supremacy in America and the rest of the world. If we must forgive for the sake of ourselves, let us forgive and face our anger head on. If we must forgive, forgive and be moved to action, or to flee.