The Keys to a Little's Heart

30-something | Poly Pansexual | DD/lg

[bby-kimmy]

Hi!

Okay, I should probably have one of these sticky post thingies explaining what’s going on here.

Hi!  I’m Kimmy!  I’m an erotic novelist, amateur adult model, goofball, weirdo, and poly pansexual thinking person.

I’m into DD/lg and pet play, and especially the mix of the two.

Sometimes I post photos, sometimes I write stories, sometimes I answer asks like this is an advice column, but I’m always a pervert.

So, official warning, on this blog you’ll find: diapers, petplay, consensual non-consent, and more.

Stories

Ten Words (petplay, diapers)

Her Princess (bdsm)

A Peek into LG’s World (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

Give and Take

Captions

A Trip With Friends

A Precious Princess

Writings

An Open Letter to Sadists

A New Kink Term: “Coddled”

[bby-kimmy]

All Tied Up

So, new boyfriend, Mr. X. He LIKES to plan things. It's SO WEIRD.

He invited me out to a rope event, which we went to last night. I have lots of ideas of things I want to do and try, but one of the big downsides of chronic depression in my case is "executive dysfunction". It's really hard to make myself DO the thing, even things I want to do.

I have to commit myself a week in advance and make sure that I won't have an easy excuse to skip an event (like: I already bought the ticket), and I have to ramp up to GOING to said event. It's a constant struggle. X doesn't have this problem, like at all. He LIKES planning things out. So if he's got a thing for us to do, he just tells me what time I need to show up and he gives me an outline of the plan, leaves room for me to object or offer suggestions... and then that's the plan. I show up, he pins me against a wall somewhere and we make out for a bit, then we're off to do the thing.

We went to a rope event so he could practice his ties, it's all about gaining muscle memory for him at these events, so it's about trying it over and over and over.

Standing still is the HARDEST thing for me, and you have to stand still so the rope top can do their thing. If you're a brat and you squirm and wiggle and dance in place, it's not just rude to them, it's dangerous for you! Rope has to be done correctly to make sure it's not pinching things or restricting blood flow. He really, really enjoyed tying me up... and at the end I was fulllllllll of energy.

So we waved goodbye to all of his friends there, stepped out into the hallways... and I slapped him HARD on the ass and ran away.

I've learned that smacking his ass pretty much always gets a reaction and I love it. So I run, he chases, I turn a corner, he catches up with me, grabs the steel collar around my neck, and then suddenly my arm is pinned behind me and I'm pressed against a wall! It's kinda fuzzy what happened next, I was pretty excited - I think he spanked me right there in the hallway?

It was pretty great.

[bby-kimmy]

New Boyfriend!

So. I got a new boyfriend. I've talked about him on The Usual Bet a couple of times, but a friend of mine (hi TheFox!) asked me how things were going and I realized it would be worth sharing here too!

So here we go.

We're gonna call him X. He doesn't have an honorific at the moment, he's never done ABDL or DD/lg, and I'm the first brat he's ever played with despite having been in the kink scene for many years.

He's a sadist, mostly primal and impact, and so far he's the first partner in my entire life that...

Well let me put it this way: being a brat is fun. It's a lot of fun to push someone's buttons and get in trouble for it. There's a big line between being a "brat" and being an "asshole" though. Ex: D: "Can you get me a cup of coffee?" lg: *brings a coffee cup with an instant coffee thingy in it, unmade.* D: *glare* lg: *giggle, then goes and makes the coffee* That's bratty. D: "Can you get me a cup of coffee?" lg: *Makes a cup of coffee but uses salt instead of sugar.* D: *takes a sip of the coffee, is disgusted and spits it out* lg: *giggles* The first example is being a nuisance. It's harmless, it's cute, and it's easily and instantly remedied. The second example, to me, is being an asshole. You've wasted coffee, you've disrespected someone you love, and you delighted not in their playful irritation but their misery. The first example would also be "being an asshole" if you knew that your Dom had a really hard day and really just needed some care. Of course, the boundaries and spectrum shifts from couple-to-couple, but being a brat is about being playful and goading without hurting anyone. Okay so. Normally with partners, I brat and I brat and I find the line where it's no longer fun for them. From then on, I go to abouuuuut 90% toward that line and I stop. I don't want to go from "fun and funny" to "irritating and upsetting", and it can happen. X is the first Dom I've ever, ever played with that I haven't found his line yet.

Here's an example (this really happened): K: *putting bike in the van, Pudding picked us up* K: "Hey hun, you want shotgun?" X: "Nah, I can sit in back." K: "Oh, so you're gonna sit in the back like a bitch?" X: *instantly turns, grabs me by the face and shoves me into the van's "trunk" and closes the door* P: "Well, she had that coming." K: *laughing my fucking ass off!*

I've never, ever had a partner that is so ready to punish me for pushing buttons, and is always grinning and laughing right along with me.

All this is to say... I'm really happy y'all!

He knows about me being a Little, he knows I'm into DD/lg. He asked for a copy of Breaking the Girl (and I signed it for him, shortly after like our 3rd date) and I've worn padding around him. He's started working littling phrases into his teasing, like "Oh that's such a big word for you!"

He hasn't met fragile, Little Kimmy though... but that might happen this week.

I'm scared but hopeful. Just as rough as he can be, he can be that gentle too.

Wish me luck friends <3

[bby-kimmy]

Show the projects Kimmy!!

So a couple of years ago JuiceBoxArt and I were hanging out and he was playing with something I'd never seen before - he had a tiny lil' teddy bear guy in his lap and he was stabbing this teddy bear guy with a needle over and over and over and I found it alarming.

But I asked him about it and he explained what "needle felting" was and how it worked. And we all know that my hobby is having a hobby, so I recently picked up needle felting because it was in the back of my mind all this time.

So I decided to make a Brushbuddy from Witch Hat Atelier!

He needed bigger pupils but I think I did alright. I gave him to Chloe's mommy because she likes Brushbuddy.

After I finished Brushbuddy, I decided I wanted to make something round. So I got a wool dryer ball and started with that and made a tiny version of my stuffed animal Genki.

I think he came out pretty cute.

[bby-kimmy]

Hiiii just wanting to ask how your days going today :) ( from outside the bubble )

Aw thanks hun.

I actually talked to the Usual Statistician Robin about the bubble thing, and she confirmed my theory. When I'm sitting off to the edge of things because my Little self is insecure and scared, people assume I'm doing it intentionally because I'm normally so confident and capable. From the outside, Grumpy/Tired Kimmy looks the same as Scared Little Kimmy.

It means I really have to try to embrace this bubble idea. I think the metaphor of it alone will help?

"Can I be in the bubble?" feels a lot easier to ask than "Will you play with me?" That latter question got me so many "Go Away" answers when I was young, it's terrifying now.

As for today... it's a strong depression day. I dunno if you could tell on the show, but I'm sick, I caught something that's made my sinuses hurt. I pushed through it yesterday, but pushing through stuff sometimes means the next day is harder. Chronic depression can be very innocuous for a long time, then all of a sudden it takes away all of your energy.

But I'll be okay. I've survived worse than this and I'll make it to the other side of this one and be back to the happy, bouncy Kimmy that I love to be.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about - on the latest episode of The Usual Bet, Sophie discusses her "Bubble Theory" of social interaction and we have a long discussion about what it means to enter and exit social moments and activities with friends. It was a really interesting, helpful discussion and I've resolved to try and incorporate it into my Little self. Give it a listen and wish me luck!

...also who wants to see my craft projects?

[bby-kimmy]

So what is this new chair we've been hearing about?

The Usual Bet doesn’t want you to know! :0

[bby-kimmy]

Are you in the path of this big blizzard, Kimmy? 🥺 Are you safe?

It is cold and I've been sleeping under 3 blankets, but the Starlings (myself included) are all safe!

[bby-kimmy]

We're you aware of this amazing day?

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I had no idea it's Squirrel Appreciation Day! I appreciate you, squirrel! I was not aware of the day, thank you for telling meeeeee

[bby-kimmy]

TBQH I hope someone like paddedlittleparadise, controllinginterest, dipsandlife, or omnomnomdomcaps comes along and captions this one.

>_>

Whenever I see any of them do a caption with a character named Kimmy I get pouty, ‘cuz I’m like: I bet her name isn’t even Kimmy!  There’s a perfectly good Kimmy to caption right here!!!

[paddedlittleparadise]

“Sweetie, what’s the matter? Are you pouting?”

But of course she was. Pouting, exactly like the bratty little girl Daddy knew her to be. And so, even as she opened her mouth, she knew – and knew that he knew – that what she was about to say was a complete lie.

“No-ooo…”

“Miss Kimberly Anne. I won’t ask you again. Are you pouting? And remember…” Daddy’s voice slid downward half an octave into the low rumble of authority that always sent delightedly fearful shivers racing up and down her spine. “Lying little baby girls get punished.”

No- but yes! Yes, please Daddy, punish me- But wait, no- Not today. Not on my birthday! And not when the guests are about to arrive! Maybe- maybe I’d better-

“Uh-huh,” she admitted finally, her cheeks burning beneath her prettily done-up curls. Her eyes stared fixedly at the wooden floor beneath her, and as it creaked under Daddy’s approaching steps, she her knees gave a silent wobble. “Maybe… maybe a little…”

“Oh?” Daddy’s voice was amused now, with only the tiniest edge of steely authority remaining. “Aww, but sweetie – there’s no need to pout and sulk! It’s your birthday, after all! Just look at all the pretty balloons over there! And you’re gonna have presents… and cake…”

Was it experience, or her own vivid imagination, that sent a rush of sordid visions spinning through her subby mind? Presents, Daddy called them – but she was seeing not the blu-rays and phone cases and new sweaters that an ordinary young woman her age might receive. The presents dancing across her vision now were… pastel onesies. Leather collars. Custom muzzles and leashes and paddles and rubbery paci-gags, all with her very own pet name prettily embroidered across them…

And as for cake? Well, she still remembered the one from two years ago. The one that Daddy and her big sister, as punishment after a particularly bratty morning, had gleefully force-fed her… bite after choking bite. The one loaded with laxatives. The one that had made her fantasy of diaper-dependency a reality for two whole days, until the chaos it had wreaked on her system slowly subsided, leaving the penitent young woman with little more than a two bulging trash bags of soiled diapers and a painful case of diaper rash…

Kimmy blinked back to reality now, and her bottom wriggled in silent, pathetic pleading as she gazed up into Daddy’s eyes. “Uh… huh…” she faltered, as her heart fluttered in mingled shame and shy arousal. God, how she secretly loved being here on her hands and knees before Daddy! And yet… he’d said she had to stay down here all day. Crawling. Like a baby – no, worse still. Like a dog. Like a pathetic, mindless little baby puppy, trotting around while the big people partied and laughed and chatted about her over her head.

“I don’-” she began softly, blushing at the sound of her own pathetic voice. “I don’ want them to see me like… like this…” “Like what?”, and now Daddy was growing stern once more. “Crawling like a good baby? With your pretty diaper bum out on display? Hmm… and maybe with your extra-big paci stuffed in your lying little mouth?”

Cheeks burning. Knees quivering. “Uh-huh…”

“Oh, but sweetie… That’s how you are now!” Daddy’s tone was matter-of-fact, and oh, so very condescending. “You’re our adorable little baby pet, remember? And what better day to celebrate what a silly, subby little baby you are than… well, your birthday?”

He chuckled. And as Kimmy glanced up once more, her eyes filling with all the mortified arousal of a masochistic sub before her dom, she felt a familiar feeling course through her. A feeling of love. And belonging. And of quiet gratitude for this person who made her feel truly special.

Every day – but yes, especially on her birthday.

Image Credit: Thanks to @bby-kimmy for allowing me to caption this lovely pic! Be sure to check her and her writing out; she’s a pretty cool person.

[bby-kimmy]

omgggggg

>//////<

I love paddedlittleparadise, and I love it when people caption my pics... I love this so muchhhhh

Thanks hun!

...also I'm shocked you didn't add the gif(s) of me getting cake stuffed down my diaper lol

[bby-kimmy]

You did a very good explanation of Trauma brain and boundaries, I am proud of you.

Thank you for doing this, it's very helpfull.

Greetings, J. (Mr. P)

It was a long, hard road to learn all of this myself. I've been in therapy near-constantly for about a decade and I've learned a lot.

If other people can learn from my pain... it makes it easier to carry.

Thanks hun <3 It means a lot to me

[bby-kimmy]

Hihi Kimmy! <3

Cruise person here from the last ask.

I'm a little freaked out that I'm going to do something wrong while playing. I don't like people I like or want to be friends with being mad at me.

But I also know that I take myself way too seriously. I also don't like being laughed at, made fun of, etc(thank you, middle school trauma). I don't like being seen naked, etc. I could go on.

Help? I know I'm kind of rambling...

Here's the thing. You're allowed to have boundaries, and no matter how "strange" or "specific" those boundaries and traumas are, I think you'll find that in this community especially, that people are pretty understanding. I have yet to meet an untraumatized Little. I'm sure they exist, I'm sure the well-adjusted Little with a happy childhood is out there... I just have never met one.

I know it's scary, but it's important to express yourself and your needs. If you've found someone to play with, you've already done 90% of the work. They want to play with you. Discuss your boundaries, I promise they'll have some too.

Is it a risk that you'll get your feelings hurt? Absolutely. Anything that requires vulnerability in communication carries risk, that's why it's vulnerability. You're trusting that when you communicate, the other person will listen with kindness, you're showing them a weak spot which your monkey-brain insists is antithetical to survival - that's the thing, when it all boils down to it, these very real, difficult anxieties are all your literal survival instinct being overzealous in its attempts to protect you.

You've got trauma. Your brain can't tell the difference between emotional pain and life-threatening pain. So facing that trauma again, in your biochemical, physiological processes, is the same thing as facing a bear ready to tear your face off. It's *that serious* to your body. And the only way through it... is through it. Slowly, gently, and with the understanding that literally everyone functions this way.

They're scared too.

Be open, be honest, and if people can't respect those boundaries, if you do get hurt... talk about it. It could be that the person didn't understand (feelings are hard!), it could be that you didn't even predict a particular trigger/behavior/pain.

You can do this. You've already survived worse.

[bby-kimmy]

Sorry this is more of a late Halloween related question. If you were a witch, would your Familiar be a squirrel. Is there a specific kind you think it would be? What would you get up to with your witchy powers?

lol I love this

I would *L O V E* to have a squirrel familiar. I see videos of people with squirrels as pets/friends and it just makes my heart so happy for them. The truth is, I'm scared of them! I love looking at squirrels, but I'm pretty afraid of being bitten - a hamster bite is painful enough!

...a familiar though? Being able to feel the squirrel's feelings? Gosh, what a lovely fantasy.

And it would probably be a regular ol' Eastern Grey Squirrel, the kind you see in damn near every neighborhood in America. When I think "squirrel", that's the one I think of... even though I am so enamored of so many different varieties. A Eurasian Red sitting on my shoulder would make me cry with joy... y'know, assuming I got over the fear.

As for powers... we both know I'd get up to mischief. Never anything malicious, but I can't really help being a brat. Zap! Sophie's diaper is thicker today. Zap! Chloe can't seem to get her paci out of her mouth.

Heehee!

[bby-kimmy]

Hihi Kimmy.

I'm going on a lil vacay with a kinky friend I met at CAP last year. They're a switch but leaning d-type now, and I'm a sub.

We've been texting back and forth about the vacay and stuff with some conversations about limits and things sprinkled in.

I think we're planning on playing at some point, nothing super intense.

Any advice? I don't have any experience with any of this.

Hihi!

Congrats! I'm glad you're getting to have this experience. Please remember to stay safe and establish your safewords and such (I always always recommend the traffic light system), and if you're playing with rope (or zipties) that you keep your safety shears handy!

But what you're asking for is advice in how to start things. I've talked about "the curtain" before, and it's one tool for your toolbox. The most important thing, however, is to understand that you're *both* scared. This is a very vulnerable thing you're doing, and it's something the world has instilled a lot of fear for.

I recommend sitting down across a table from one another, facing each other, and both of you put your hands atop each others, palms up. This signals the monkey-brain that the other person is not a threat. Talk honestly about your feelings, share your fears and anxieties, and reassure the fears and anxieties of the other person.

When you're both feeling a little more comfortable, share some things that you're excited about and a couple of things you'd like to include in your play session. It's okay if it feels silly or weird - kink and sex are silly and weird. I laugh during sex frequently! Two people mashing their bodies together is funny, have a sense of humor about it. Roleplay and pretend are silly, but it's healing and sexy and wonderful.

Don't just focus on limits, but *do* communicate them. You don't have to have everything figured out before you play, that's what your safewords are for! Calling "yellow" doesn't end a scene, it pauses it so you can talk and adjust. Asking "green?" doesn't break anything, it's asking for reassurance that everything is okay. "Red" doesn't mean you've done a bad, it means something happened that needs to be addressed right away.

Be open, be honest, be caring.

Now, "the curtain": when you're ready to play, both of you go to spots where you can't see each other. Maybe one of you is in the bedroom and the other isn't. Maybe one person has walked into the bathroom temporarily. It doesn't matter, you just want a few seconds alone for your brain to adjust where you can't see each other. When the person who exited returns, the scene has begun. This allows you to have a clear starting point, and having that makes it feel a lot less "dumb", believe it or not.

Have fun, play safe, thanks for writing in! I hope it helped <3

[bby-kimmy]

Hello. It's been awhile since I have sent an ask. I've been feeling self conscious lately and I'm not sure why.

I'm a switch, and my girlfriend is a sub. Ive been her daddy for the entirety of our relationship. I've been dipping into my little space here and there. Mostly just wearing diapers and onesies. And while she has told me multiple times she's okay with it I can't help but feel like less of a daddy. I hope that makes sense. I don't know why I feel this way and I'd like your insight.

"How can she trust me to take care of her when I show weakness?"

I don't know precisely what your brain is telling you on this subject, but I've known enough men in my life to tell you that this is really damned common. Society has programmed you to believe that if you show any vulnerability, softness, or weakness, it diminishes your ability to be masculine.

"Daddy" is a protector role, a pillar of stability and safety, and it requires you to be strong. But remember - "Daddy" also requires you to be soft and gentle and caring! You're not a machine, you're a multifaceted human being with history and trauma and needs. Has she never comforted you when you were sad? Has she never cared for you when you were sick?

You've shown her vulnerability in the past, I'm sure. And she still loves her Daddy.

The core of this is: you're afraid. I would wager that "I feel like less of a Daddy" is hiding "I'm afraid she won't trust me to be her Daddy" underneath it. And that's a conversation to have. It sounds to me like she's being supportive and open, which is great. I'm very glad you have that. It sounds to me like you need to take a moment with yourself and ask what's hiding underneath that guilt of not being the "perfect daddy" because you want to be little for a bit.

Are you afraid of losing her? Are you afraid of losing that part of yourself? Are you afraid of her opinion of you changing?

Or are you afraid you won't receive the love and care you need in littlespace? Are you afraid of being a "burden"?

I can't answer those questions for you but I can tell you that the guilt you're feeling for allowing your little self to shine through is hiding something underneath it - some fear, some anxiety, some trauma, and/or some self-judgement.

Thank you for writing in and trusting me to offer some help, I hope you find this helpful and that it guides you toward self-care and trust.

[bby-kimmy]

Hi I'm such a fan. But I did want to ask... are you interested in maybe starting your own kink podcast?

Aw thanks!  I’m barely on the show anymore so I have no idea if people are still fans lol.  

So I *love* being on podcasts and I love talking to people.  I love being out there and causing chaos and getting laughs.

I like answering questions and helping people.  I tried to do a podcast with a friend once upon a time, but I know me - I don’t have the dedication to stick to something like that.  The fact that the Usual Bet has been going for almost 6 years is a big testament to the force of will that Sophie has.

So the only way I’d be on a podcast regularly was if I was purely “the talent” and someone else was handling production, scheduling, recording, and editing... so you know, if I didn’t have to do any of the work, ha.

I’m not proud of it.  Some days I hate myself for not being able to do things like I used to.  I’ve been dating Joe for almost three years now and when we’re together... I have to take five medications every single morning.  Two of which are just to keep my completely out-of-whack body chemistry from making me want to hurt myself.  One is to keep my heart from exploding.  Joe doesn’t take any pills.  I don’t resent him for this, he doesn’t make me feel bad, but I notice it and I do wish that the things I went through didn’t leave me so fractured.

So, to answer your question succinctly: I would love to but I think it’s outside of my personal ability at my current point in my mental health journey.

Thank you for the positive energy and taking the time to write to me <3

[bby-kimmy]

Not a question, but I'd like to thank you, Kimmy just that. Very much many thanks for being awesome online.

For clarity, your content been a huge help in dealing with my kinky abdl side on my current relationship, and with myself. Again, thanks...

Awww, well thank you very much for taking the time to tell me that <3

I haven't been truly active in quite a while and I'll be honest, I miss it. So thank you and I hope everything continues to go well

[dumbbnuuy]

In an absolutely normal mood to be denied, not just adulthood, but all adult pleasure in any kind of way.

Sure, chastity is a given, but how about parental controls on all of my devices, so I'm never allowed to watch or play anything that you think isn't "age appropriate"?

Yes, let me know that I'll never have sex again, but cover my ears any time our friends bring up topics I shouldn't be hearing, and make me turn my head away when one of your "special friends" undresses for you.

Of course, when and how I get any release will be decided by you, but remind me all the time that I need this. I'm simply too little to do any of these things without your permission and guidance!

No, I'm not allowed to use the wand. Getting to earn some time with my big bunny stuffie is plenty of stimulation for me. (but you'll still supervise me through the baby monitor, just to be safe.)

Obviously, I don't get to use the potty, but you love to make me blush every time you baby talk to me like a helpless toddler who undoubtedly needs her diapers. It's hard to argue when you're halfway through changing me ...

I want you to choose whatever parts of my adulthood you wanna take from me, but tell me it's just to keep your little babygirl happy and healthy 🫠💜

[bby-kimmy]

Oh bnuuy.