Revisiting tumblr
Oh wow. How long has it been since I actually gave time for my tumblr account? Haha! There were just a bunch of cross-posted instagram photos for around 4 years here lol. Deleted almost all of them, anyway.
I don’t know... I just felt the desire to have my fingers and laptop keyboard collide, that’s why I’m here. Whut collide? Haha. I mean, with the growth of social media, I think we just became these scrolling and trolling monsters. Maybe it’s kind of nice to put something in here after a while.
Nah, who am I kidding? I’m just sad, wanting to distract myself with random shitnitz. Also, nobody significantly relevant would be able to read anything I would post in tumblr now probably.
So yes, I’m here to tell you that I’m sad, that I am an awful mess right now. That I’ve had misfortunes in addition to very awful decisions I made and now I’m dwelling on the consequences. I’m a fucking clumsy adult who just can’t make things run smoothly. I’m trying my best to get up and hold my shit together but these emotions just keep on intervening.
Every passing day seems to be normal. I go to work, eat regularly, have normal human interactions. But then I finally go home and sink in my bed, having this deep sigh of contemplation that my life seems to have no purpose anymore, that if I do not exist in this world, there’s nothing much to be missed. But I know it isn’t my call to be gone for good, so really, I try to clean up my mess. I just don’t think I’m making a good job so far, but hopefully I’ll be getting there.
I’m sorry for all these feelings. I don’t want them either. :))
