made of marble.

The other two, slight air and purging fire, Are both with thee, wherever I abide; The first my thought, the other my desire, These present-absent with swift motion slide. For when these quicker elements are gone. In tender embassy of love to thee, My life, being made of four, with two alone Sinks down to death, oppressed with melancholy; Until life’s composition be recured By those swift messengers return’d from thee, Who even but now come back again, assured Of thy fair health, recounting it to me: This told, I joy; but then no longer glad, I send them back again and straight grow sad.

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || [unknown number]

june: uh,,, ya? considering they havent lied at all so far

june: why? what are you hiding?

nathaniel: Who are you?

nathaniel: Have you verified and fact-checked every single secret that has been released? Could you testify under oath as to the validity of each secret spilled?

nathaniel: Nothing warranting such a witch hunt. In a rife police investigation, aren't you also worried about fraudulent information being released? Or are you happy to atone for sins you have not committed?

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Do Not Respond

syd: I’ll be saving yours

syd: “Nathaniel 👅”

syd: why not? Live a little. You could even...

syd: tease back 🙊

syd: [insert trixie mattel “oh honey” gif here]

syd: you know it’s a good thing you texted me you’ve got a lot to learn

nathaniel: That tongue has no pertinence to anything.

nathaniel: Do you really believe infantile texts and overzealous statements make you at all desirable to converse with?

nathaniel: I have never been more assured of anything in my life that I do not have anything I wish to learn, or say, to you.

[henrywinteris]

Bill Skarsgård for Flaunt Magazine: May 2018

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Do Not Respond

syd: so I just looked through the gossip blog and imma assume you're Nathaniel

syd: save my number as "Sydelicious"

syd: calm down honey bee I'm just teasing you :*

nathaniel: I will not be saving your number under any circumstances.

nathaniel: I would much prefer you don't.

nathaniel: In what universe does colon asterik have any contextual meaning?

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Cade Larkin

cade: i do, i'm sorry. i wish things could all just be okay

cade: i mean, i do see them differently but they're still the same person at the end of the day. even if their secrets were true, i still saw them as good people before i knew about them and really try to see the same now.

cade: no, you deserve all of the kindness. you really do

cade: okay. i would never reciprocate. although you had the right, i don't

nathaniel: There is plenty of anecdotal and historical evidence to support this as an impossibility. Best become aware of this.

nathaniel: I hope you understand that people are not going to extend the same kindness to you, when and should your secret come to pass - accurate or not. I know others will not to me, even though all that is said will be lies. Have you ever put yourself first Cade?

nathaniel: You are approximately a foot shorter than me, so it wouldn't be wise to reciprocate.

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || [unknown]

cassidy: sentiment? proponents?

cassidy: look dude, i appreciate the 50 cent words as much as the next person, but this is texting

cassidy: they haven't been wrong so far.

nathaniel: Who are you?

nathaniel: Instructing me how to type? Your faith in your influence is greatly exaggerated.

nathaniel: Have you bothered to inquire whether this is true or not?

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || [unknown]

syd: I dunno who this is but do you really text like that?

syd: like forreal?

syd: you might as well have sent that by carrier pigeon my friend

syd: its cute tho

nathaniel: I also don't know who this is. At this point, I don't care to learn.

nathaniel: You willingly support the slavery of an animal to deliver a message that can be sent instantaneously via dozens of other avenues?

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Cade Larkin

cade: oh, that is very true. i hope they won't drag her in? even though they say they're looking out for her..

cade: me too. even if what they say isn't true it's still... not great. but even if it is true it doesn't really matter what they say to me. i mean sucks that people did what they did but they kept it a secret for a reason and it's not their fault that they were "exposed" for it :(

cade: i'll believe you no matter what

cade: you need to apologize. i was never really mad about it. i sorta deserved that one

nathaniel: There's nothing worse that can be done to Daisey, Cade. You know this.

nathaniel: Are you saying your opinion isn't swayed by what the blog professes? That you haven't looked at one single person differently due to the cancerous gossip spread there?

nathaniel: I don't deserve your kindness Cade... it's wasted on me.

nathaniel: But I promise nothing of the sort will happen to you again. Perhaps, the inverse if anything.

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Joseph Shepard

joey: as someone who's been outed, good luck having anyone believe that

joey: people are going to believe what they want to

joey: i should know. it's joseph, since i dont know if you actually have my number saved.

nathaniel: Is this a confession that you perpetrated every minute detail of your outing?

nathaniel: Not one part fraudulent?

nathaniel: And perhaps I don't go about my affairs in manners you do. Leaving them decadently on display.

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || Cade Larkin

cade: i will be honest and say i don't entirely believe them either, no

cade: what they said about others might be true but it doesn't seem like they can have stuff on all of us ? :(

cade: i believe you

cade: oh this is cade larkin by the way

nathaniel: I'm more concerned of their flagrant mention of Daisey, as though she knew her.

nathaniel: For /both/ our sakes I hope you're correct, Cade.

nathaniel: You would be one of the only. Thank you.

nathaniel: I also apologise for punching you in the face.

[bcllcntynes]

cellular. || [unknown]

nathaniel: I can assure you, that blog has no knowledge of anything about me. Should I be outed, I can grant you they will be lies.

nathaniel: Oh... it seems I have the wrong number.

nathaniel: My sentiment still stands.

nathaniel: You truly cannot believe a blog whose very proponents is gossip, can you?

[bcllcntynes]

oz‌

Oz was methodical to a fault with his morning routine. One Nate had no doubt seen countless times. Everything had to be just so, in its proper place, organized.

Thus, every once in a blue moon, when Oz couldn’t find something he was looking for… He basically ripped their apartment apart.

He had gotten as far as shower and cologne before sensing a disturbance in the force. And so it began. Who knows how long he has been buzzing around for.

Now, Oz could whine to Nate. Because, well, it was Nate, “Nathaniel. It’s officially Black History Month. And I can’t find my James Baldwin Collegiate Crew Neck??” Two plain, boring, unacceptable crew necks in either hand, while the apartment lay in disarray, “I can’t just show up for casual Fridays wearing these!” A pause, staring at the back of Nate’s head for a moment before making his way to the back of his chair, reaching over the man’s shoulder and lowering whatever he had been reading. Oz demanded attention like a cat, “Out of sheer curiosity. How much of what I’ve been saying have you actually retained?”

To some, Nathaniel and Oscar were an odd-couple. On one hand, you have the sociable, amiable, admirable man with the makings of some of the greatest politicians marked on his deceptively virtuous face. On the other hand, you had the dour, cynical and insidious graduate whose self-preoccupation masked any interest others could have at possibly getting close. Nathaniel openly admits to having no emotional ties to anyone - of which to this day, there have only been two exceptions. First and foremost being Daisey Rutherford. The second ? Oz. There was an equilibrium that somehow was equipped to handle the pair in their symbiotic relationship. Originally brought together by their mutual connection to both the wealth of Ashmont and Daisey herself, Nate had even surprised himself in the relationship that had developed between he and his roommate. 

Completely unphased as Oz tore through the room, a tome of Russian literature affixed to the graduate’s hands, furrowing his brow at the other as his book was distanced from view. Gently resting his bookmark to the page, knowing that Oz demanded attention that Nate had no power to escape from, he sighed as he folded his book shut beside him. “In what likelihood could whatever you’re saying be worth my time ?” For most, the stark insults would chip away at whatever humanity Nate held in others’ eyes, rendering him as cold as the unrelenting winter that whispered through town. It was different with Oz. There was an uncharacteristic edge of affection to his insults, a jovial teasing as he rolled his eyes at the other. Looking at the clothes fixed to Oz’ grip, it wasn’t hard for Nathaniel to divine the ‘calamitous’ disaster, as he found himself rolling his eyes once more. However, in that being said, one thing that Oz and Nathaniel did have in common ? An impeccable dress sense. “Should it be an outfit you’re scampering to put together, may I, again, remind you that interacting with others has no merit ? Stay here. The drudgery of whatever event you’re attending surely isn’t worth it.” Pausing a moment, Nate cocked an eyebrow at the other’s hand, a sigh falling from his lips. “... interesting attire choice.”

[bcllcntynes]

andy

numb fingertips finally ceased their movement against his thigh, restlessness disappearing just as soon as it had started. he wondered whether or not it was a good thing that his nervous energy, which was once a staple of his character, had been replaced with complete indifference. at this point, he’d grown used to feeling on edge. had it been any earlier, it was likely that he’d have been a lot more frantic and anxious about the location he was stranded. he didn’t leave town often, unless on a chore like tonight, and the possibility of being mugged (or worse) would normally have nagged at him until his ride arrived. with recent events, however, fear was obsolete. andy had hardly made it out of ashmont and into the bordering city before his van started experiencing difficulties. at first, he pushed on, all too familiar with the loud sputtering and grinding, but it eventually came to a final stop just outside of ashmont. so, maybe his friends were right. he needed to let go of the old thing. it’d been a lot easier to let go of things as of late. there was no use in pushing permanency, getting too comfortable in routine. he’d been sixteen when he decided on the old junker, having been warned from the start that it was nothing but trash. those four years consisted of various rides to and from cheer practices, parties, and other social events that he did not attend, resulting in near-monthly repairs. nostalgia motivated his every action, a desperate need for things to have some familiarity and comfortability. he couldn’t pinpoint when he got comfortable with being uncomfortable. he needed a new car. it wasn’t too surprising that his family had sent nathaniel to get him. he hadn’t expected anyone to go out of their way to get him, no matter his efforts for everyone else. the normal surge of panic that came with talking to nate didn’t make an appearance; he found himself meeting the man’s eyes for the first time in his memory “nathaniel.” he regarded the family friend quietly, with a gentle nod as greeting. the vapor leaving his mouth only obscured nate’s face for a second before he broke the stare, eyes darting to the passenger side of the car. upon entrance, he was grateful to find that nate’s heating worked, of course it did, but andrew’s heater had been broken for the last two weeks “sorry for making you drive out so late.”

despite claiming that nathaniel remembered nothing of the other, he couldn’t help but let his mind churn as he watched andrew make his way over to nate’s car. the pile of sheet metal and plundering motors seemed ill fitting to someone wearing the rutherford name, but nate claimed not to care enough about the other as he questioned why he would own such an unreliable, and large, vehicle. his icy glare didn’t leave the other for a moment as both moved silently to the interior of his car, nathaniel shutting his door with a satisfying thud as the tickling howl of the storm outside began to beat on the windows. he watched as the other began to savor the warmth that filtered from the internal heater, as nate refused to say another word as he sped back onto the road. “it was not a choice i made, to come out here,” nathaniel admitted gruffly to the other, not letting his vision stray from the road before him. the graduate was not speeding along the road as much as he would like, the frost sticking to his tires, and flashing lights in the distance emerging at random intervals. he couldn’t help but sigh in exasperation as the journey seemed to stretch out before the pair of them, no end in sight. the entire map of ashmont was ingrained in nathaniel’s head, and having been to andrew’s house on many occasions with both his family and with daisey, he needn’t bother ask for directions - nor could his pride withstand it. the silence deafening between the pair, but with no sign of them returning to andrew’s abode soon - nate found his teeth grinding together as the grip on his wheel tightened, the classical music he always played in his car now at a dull softness. “do i wish to know what act rendered you cemented to the side of the road? should we be making a detour to ashmont police department... or the emergency room?”

[bcllcntynes]

atenáti

once he spoke, náti knew exactly who was behind them and angled their body toward him, leg pulling up to rest on the bench they were sitting on. “what better time to learn some law than now?” they asked, gesturing to all of the law textbooks that were scattered about. as he went on, they shrugged, turning back to their books and pretending to skim. their mind tossed theories around about the murder, the murderer, the motive. it was hard to make sense of it all now that there were two murders. they wondered how many more murders it would take for the culprit to get caught. if the culprit would get caught.

“i’ve never really cared what people say about me,” they replied absent-mindedly, the smallest of a smile tugging at the corner of their thoughtfully pursed lips. their head turned, trying to be at least semi-polite as they split their attention between their mystery and their conversation. “i’ve got all the sources i need right here. besides, the library can be too crowded. i don’t like being around that many people — makes my head feel too busy.” 

one thing that drew nate and náti together despite their many differences was the fact that people feared both of them. both of them had an aura around them that challenged or insulted the presence of others, welcome mats on their psyches that were scratched out and now read ‘do not disturb’. but, the femme suspected that neither of them were as bad as they were made out to be. they already saw redeeming qualities in nate, often similar to ones they saw in themself. out of the corner of their eye, it dawned on them that nate was still in his suit. now they turned fully to face him, sighing and leaning back against the picnic table to make themself comfortable. “you couldn’t sleep last night either?”

nathaniel couldn’t deny how refreshed he became at the thought of someone else on campus having a thirst for more than cylindrical vials of caustic intoxicant, or a hunger for a body beside them. he and the other had become ( distantly ) acquainted in a shared club - his existence in such a formation an order to appease the omnipotent beast that is his parents. still, as much as the brunette hated to admit it, the pair had often found themselves on a social outer and as such, had been grouped together, even if nathaniel couldn’t fathom why. “you are far better acquainted with your cerebral output - i could not ordain when your best time to study would lie,” nathaniel replied in disinterested earnest. 

as the other began speaking about what nathaniel could call a commonality between the pair, he couldn’t help but let his mind drift and wander to the night before. his mind was still a maze of memories he tried in vain to string together, a night of refreshments making any cognisant evaluation redundant. it was clear the two spirit’s eyes raked over him, absorbing the haphazard details of how little he had rested. conscious of this, nathaniel found himself straightening his cuffs as he looked lazily over the quad, away from the other. “i cannot fathom rest was easy to find for many people. however, i’m of the mind that knowledge is restful, and questions prevent such rest from taking place. your thinly veiled interest in law seems to stem from you asking yourself the same monotony of questions i have pondered, too. sleep won’t be possible while there’s a killer amongst us.”

[bcllcntynes]

sammy

     samantha shrugged. she was desperate to get her mind off of the image that was carved into her mind. she leaned on the table, resting her chin on her hand. “ why are you so boring, nathaniel? ” there was a hint of a smile on her face – she was joking around with him. & she hoped he knew that. “ who made you this way? ” she let out a sigh. “ soo, uh … is that a no to playing a game? ”

nathaniel had been dubbed many things in his lifetime - on a spectrum from unsavoury to uncouth. despite his eve present flaws blinking in neon lights above his head, boring was not something he had been anointed before. he raised an eyebrow at the other, bewildered at the audacity, but oddly endeared by the idea that someone had yet been intimidated by him. time to change that. “presumptuous to believe you have the intellect to compete with anyone tethered to the campus, let alone myself,” nate snickered, his eyes narrowing in on the other. “your elevated sense of self, infantile belief that you’re infallible, your feeling of being owed the right to be given what you desire and your foolish notion that anyone under the age of twelve would desire playing games is a blasphemous example as to why you’re pleading to me to entertain you, because you truly have no one else. the games i play are not games people like you enjoy, so i advise moving onto someone else.”

[bcllcntynes]

eleanor

     be it as a shocker .. eleanor was glad to see nathaniel. the last thing she wanted to be right now was alone. worry and fear were the only expressions on her face. her heart hurt. she felt .. empty. “ it’s okay, nathan, ” her voice was soft. gentler than usual. she looked up at him ; noticing the state he was in. elle had never seen him like this. in fact, she didn’t think anyone had. she wasn’t sure if this would be the right thing to do .. if he would be okay with it … eleanor leaned forwards, wrapping her arms around him. her eyes filled with tears.

nate may not have recognised a single face in the crowd that night, inebriation preventing him from making any rational decisions. this was a man who was averse to touch, to emotion, to anything part of being human. but he looked on, unstable, as eleanor threw her arm around him - and he did nothing. placid with the weight of the party that had come crashing down on top of them all, he couldn’t help but be transported to the harrowing moments not long ago when he’d learned the truth of daisey. nadia was one of the few people that nate ever had time for, and his entire body was numb to the fact that his view of the world was ever changing. he hated that. “why are you wasting your time with me,” nathaniel stuttered, his words slurring - still not pushing eleanor away. “i can’t fix this. you won’t find solace here.”

[bcllcntynes]

@andrford

in the wake of daisey, nadia, and every other tragedy that had befallen the resting town of ashmont, the rutherford family ( alongside the other esteem elites of the town ) had retreated into the golden cages as they endeavoured to survive the storm that was gunning for them. nathaniel and his family were not immune to this - and with their strong relations to the rutherfords, had extended every courtesy. as nathaniel spilled over a pile of books in his private study affixed in his apartment, he couldn't help but be aware of the metallic shriek of his mobile as he saw his mother’s number. usually he would let the phone ring out, but the incessant callbacks had nate rolling his eyes as listened with exasperation as his mother jabbered to him. it was always about image for these people ( his family ), but for nate - he craved nothing of the validation that everyone sought themselves fighting over. willing to hang up on the mother the second she had mentioned ‘'helping out a family friend’, nathaniel couldn’t help but feel his circuitry system stutter at the mention of rutherford. it was nathaniel’s lynch pin, and he hated how much power and humanity that name had instilled into him the past torturous weeks. disgruntled, agitated, begrudgingly, and nothing reminiscent to hospitable, the graduate found himself speeding down the winding roads of ashmont in his tesla roadster ( what else is appropriate for a fellow contrived egomaniac ? ) when he found the sight his mother had foretold. it wasn’t long until daisey’s cousin came into view, stranded in a brewing winter storm, their car unable to weather whatever fault had befallen it. parking behind the marooned vehicle, nathaniel already felt his facade splintering into one of seething rage at the inconvenience posed upon him by having to pick the other up. unaffected by the cold as nate got out of his car to stare at the other, his eyes unblinking, nate evaluated their expression as he gestured to his own vehicle. “it is in your best interest to get into my car imminently, should you wish to remain stranded here for the rest of the evening. say nothing about this and get moving.”