💋

Pisces ~ infp Just for fun :)) 🧸

[cavillscurls]

idk man this just feels like a jackson!joel au where he and reader have settled down and finally allowed themselves to start their beautiful lives together, and they were blessed enough to welcome a baby into the world, but something goes awry that puts the community in danger and joel will stop at nothing to protect her and that sweet baby—just like he did once before, just like he always will. only this time, he’s determined to be successful.

[joelsgreenflannel]

with you i fall down

javier peña x reader

summary: another day in colombia, another bomb orchestrated by narcos. but this time, it hits the street near your workplace. javi doesn't what happened to you, he rushes back home to find out.

warnings: angst!!!! javi is scared, mentions of death and injured people, fluff (it ends well, i promise), no use of y/n, no description of reader except that they have hair (no specific description of it) , javi's leather jacket grrrr

word count: 1,9k words

a/n: everyone say thank you @janaispunk for bringing the little writing demon out and also helping figure out a title (otherwise it would've been called 'something something') i'm smooching your genius, dramatic brain. and thank you @itsokbbygrl for beta-ing this for me (ilyyy <33). this story is also part of @undercoverpena's april showers event (i hope you like your little surprise, jo <3). i hope you like it, ilyyyy 💗

dividers by the talented @saradika-graphics

The sudden agitation in the embassy alerts Javi that something bad has happened. The day had been fairly calm—well, as calm as it could be when the most famous drug dealer in the world is on the run—colleagues attending to their own tedious, administrative tasks, busying themselves with the usual office gossip. Him and Steve have been working on reports, tapping away on their machines and answering the occasional phone call when the steady coming and going of civil servants turns into a swarm of people rushing left and right.

They whisper, hands on their mouths in a shocked expression, phones beginning to ring with a shrill sound that resembles a death march. One look at Steve and they both get up, abandoning whatever they were working on to join the mass standing in front of a small screen. They hear a journalist speaking in a grave voice, the sound barely covering the worried rustle. She is announcing yet another tragedy, something that seems to repeat itself while the police watch it all happen: another street bombed by narcos. Another dozen people injured, some dead but they couldn’t know the number for sure—the authorities had to look under the rubble, it could take days. The bomb probably came from a car, parked near a coffee shop.

The screen showing the journalist switches, offering a view of the wrecked street and words aren’t necessary anymore. Javi pushes the woman in front of him, walking towards the screen. Even covered in debris, he recognizes the place, had spent hours there. The coffee shop is right there, on the corner and as far as he can see, burnt from the explosion, windows turned into deadly shards on the curb. Javi doesn’t need the images or the journalist’s explanations to rush back to his desk and dial with shaky hands the number he has come to know by heart. Please, be home, he hopes, begs, prays but the line is disconnected. No answer.

He calls again and again, waiting for Steve to come back and tell him he saw you on TV. Break the news to him, that you were one of the casualties. That you probably went to grab your coffee after work—always a caramel macchiato as a reward for surviving yet another day with your obnoxious colleague—but were hit by the explosion instead, not even tasting the first sip of your drink.

Javi calls his place, maybe you are there. Maybe you wanted to surprise him and went to his apartment instead. You knew where he hid the spare key anyway. Maybe, maybe, maybe…No answer. Once, twice. Each ring more painful than the one before, he calls again. Holds onto the receiver, his only lifeline as he waits to hear your voice, a cheerful hey, sweet like the honey you always add to your tea.

Steve is back, a grave expression on his face as he watches his friend. Javi shakes his head at him, asking for an answer, anything to soothe his worry. Steve grabs the phone on his desk and calls his wife, hoping she has heard from you. His heart clenches when Connie tells him she hasn’t seen you since you left for work this morning. She begins asking, telling him she could go home and check but one look at Javi and he tells her to stay put. He has spent enough time by Javi’s side to know he could never sit idle, not knowing where you were, if something had happened to you.

“Go, Jav. I’ll tell Messina.”

Javier nods at him, a silent thank you as he grabs his jacket and car keys. It’s pouring outside, heavy drops falling on the sturdy leather around his shoulders. He runs to his car, almost ripping the door open as he slides into the driver’s seat.

The rain is hammering against the car’s roof, a deafening sound mimicking the one his heart makes against his ribcage. Javi drives fast. Faster than he should in a residential street. But at this very point, it doesn’t matter. Javi doesn’t care about slowing down, about the danger of driving so fast when he can see so little through the impetuous tears the sky is shedding. Part of him—the little voice whispering, spreading its venom, ensnaring his brain in a devilish grip—tells him that if the sky is weeping, it weeps for you. Because he was too slow. Because he wasn’t there. Because he has failed and all the sky can do is weep.

But Javi grips the wheel tighter, the set in his jaw and the frown on his face deepening into a painful expression. He can’t breathe, the lump in his throat reaching its breaking point and yet he keeps driving. The only thing holding him together is the flimsy, almost naive sliver of hope that you’re okay. That he will knock on your door and you will open and lead him to the kitchen. That your home will be infused with coffee and the sweet smell of alfajores.

This picture is tainted with the image of your lifeless body, sprawled on a street under the rubble, blood and glass shards covering your face, making it impossible to discern those traits engraved in his brain. He thinks of your eyes, sparkling and beautiful. Looking at him in a way he never let himself think it could mean something, that it could mean more.

But all he sees are empty, lifeless holes staring back at him as he rushes inside the apartment complex. He’s drenched, water dripping down his neck and back in a slow, torturous manner. An eternity passes by before he finally stumbles by your door, almost falling flat on his face as he knocks, rings, screams your name. He realizes how mad he must appear, the other neighbors probably wondering what the fuck has gotten into him but he couldn’t care less. Every second spent at your front door, standing there, not knowing, it kills him. He feels like his heart might jump out of his chest, his knees almost giving in as he waits and waits and—

“Hey, what is all that—“ you don’t get to finish your sentence. As soon as the door opens, Javi lunges at you, encircling your frame in his arms. You stumble backwards, almost falling as he clings to you. You’re okay, he mumbles over and over. A mantra whispered against the soft skin of your neck as he tries to ground himself with the smell of your shampoo, how warm you feel against him. You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.

“Javi, hey,” you push him back a little, just enough to look at him. His hands leave your hair, cradling your face as he takes you in.

“You’re not hurt, are you? Are you bleeding? Do I need to take you to the hospital? Is—“ he asks frantically, his hands touching, grabbing, feeling you, looking for any sign of hurt in your eyes.

“Hey, I’m okay. I’m alright, see?”

You step backwards, as far as his tight grip lets you. He searches for any injury, bruises, blood, anything to feed the little voice in his mind. You seem to notice, to understand the terror tainting his usually soft eyes: your hand finds his and brings it to your heart. It beats rhythmically under his trembling fingers, strong, pumping blood in and out. He feels the calm movements of your chest, the warmth emanating from your skin, screaming to him that you were alive and well. Somehow it is enough to smother the voice. Enough to make him realize that you’re wearing an old t-shirt—the one you use to sleep in. Enough to notice your tired eyes. Enough to understand you’ve been home for a while now. You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.

“You weren’t answering your phone and I thought…I thought,” a shaky breath escapes his lips and he hugs you again, burrowing his face in your neck.

Your fingers thread through his hair as you stand there, still in the hallway, the door wide open. You don’t know what happened, have no idea what could make him react this way but for now, it doesn’t matter. You let him take what he needs, waiting patiently until the dark clouds hovering over his head disappear. Until the thoughts racing in his mind quiet down.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, the words falling on the junction between your neck and your shoulder and you kiss his head.

“It’s alright. I’m alright, Javi.”

He nods and you’re sure you hear his breath hitch, now convinced the wetness you feel against your shoulder hasn’t got much to do with the downpour outside.

“Hey, let’s get you out of these clothes. You’re going to get sick,” you punctuate your words with soft kisses on his cheeks, pushing the hair falling on his forehead.

Grabbing his hand, you guide him through the apartment and he follows you, his limbs numb. Head pounding with a mix of relief as the adrenaline starts to dissipate from his blood. You take his jacket off gently, using one of your fluffiest towels to dry his hair and the drops glistening on his chest.

Neither of you speaks, Javi just watches as you open his shirt. One button then another then you slide the fabric clinging to him off his shoulders. You take care of his shoes, his pants and you pull the cover on the other side of the bed—the one you don’t sleep on, the one he always takes when he’s too tired to go back to his apartment in the middle of the night.

You want to walk away, go to the kitchen and make some tea to help warm him up but Javi clings to your hand. “Just stay,” his eyes almost plead, the pout on his lips begging you to slide under the cover and join him. Which you do, bringing his head to rest on your chest, right above your heart.

Your fingers find their natural place in the dark strands of hair, curling slightly as they dry. The rain outside is still strong, a downpour unleashed on the lively streets of Colombia after days of stifling, humid heat. The noise blends with Javi’s soft breaths, slowing down as his fingers draw abstract shapes on your hip, your waist, your ribcage. It gets so calm you think he fell asleep, his voice almost startling you when he finally speaks:

“There was another bombing. Right across from the coffee shop by your office,” he utters those words and you can hear the strain, the pain he feels just at the idea of telling. Admitting the images that have been torturing him. Confessing his worry out loud, making it all the more real. The what ifs and intrusive thoughts linger, make your heart clench in your chest. You only hold him tighter in response.

“I was feeling a little sick so my boss let me go early,” you offer, a gentle kiss pressed to his temple, as if you were trying to soothe the gruesome, sordid images his mind conjured. “I unplugged the phone to sleep. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

And you were. You wished you could take it all away. Go back in time and warn him, somehow. Tell him you finished early and you were going to take a nap. Do anything to keep the frown off his face.

“I’m just glad you’re okay, cariño.”

He kisses your collarbone, nuzzles his face into your chest and breathes in, out. Once, twice. Until the rain outside doesn’t feel so threatening anymore. Not an ominous sign anymore but a sound to lull him, the weeping turning into a soft song in sync with the beating of your heart.

You’re okay, he thinks. You’re okay.

[bdaycurse]

AWWWW THIS IS EVERYTHING🥺

[starry-eyes-love]

Nursing

Masterlist

Pairings | Husband Joel Miller x Wife F!Reader, No Outbreak, AU, One-shot

Summary | Your six week old daughter, Isabell, is fussy and won’t settle down enough to nurse from you.  Joel, being your soft and understanding husband (and an experienced father) soothes you and shows you how to relax. Who knew seeing Joel sing to Isabell, and whispering soft praises into your ear would help calm your fears at being a mom. 

Word Count: 2.7 K

A/N:  This is a super cute, soft, and fluffy story.  This one has been living in my head for a long time because well, being a mom sometimes is super hard. And no one talks about the difficulties with feeding your little one.  I just wanted a cute fluffy story with Joel being the best husband in the world. Enjoy :)  

Warnings | soft!Joel, fluffy!Joel, fluffy story, descriptions of struggles with feeding (nursing), Joel reassures you and tells you how great of a mom you are, age gap (but no specific age stated), slight body description but nothing too specific (reader just had a baby 6 weeks prior), Joel sings a lullaby, original character reference (Isabell, your daughter), this is just super fluffy so enjoy!

“Oh, I know baby, I know.” Joel said, slowly soothing his daughter while sitting down in the rocking chair.  “I know, the world’s so big and scary, and you’re just so little. It’s okay, daddy’s here honey, daddy’s here.” You watched Joel slowly quiet Isabell as he gently rocked her. He slowly hummed to her the same lullaby that he hummed to Sarah when she was a baby. 

You sat in the room that was washed with soft pastel colors, the warmth of the June sunrise gently creeping in through the half shaded window. It was early, the world not fully awake to start the day yet. You wished for a few more hours of sleep, something that you haven’t seen much of these past 6 weeks. You sat gently rocking back and forth in an old sewing rocker, one that was handed down through the generations of your family. The gentle creaks that it provided soothed you. It reminded you of the days when you were little, when you were the one that was fussy and needed to be gently rocked back and forth. Now, many years later and an adult woman, it was your turn to try to soothe the fussy child in your arms, Isabell, your daughter.

The tiny bundle of joy that you held in your arms was the reason for the lack of sleep that you and Joel had received these past six weeks. And right now, she was struggling to calm and soothe herself yet again.  She was exceptionally fussy at the moment, struggling to nurse, and she was letting the entire world know how frustrated she was. 

Sighing at your daughter you softly said, “You know little one, for someone so small you sure do fuss a lot. You’re just like your daddy, always fussing, aren't you?” With that statement your daughter opened her eyes and looked up at you, tears streaming down her little chubby cheeks.  You gently touched her head, full of hair that was dark and curly, just like her father. She was a blessing, a hard blessing at that. 

Joel and you had been married for eight years, trying to have a baby for the last six. You two didn’t think that it would happen, especially after all the tests were done. They couldn’t figure out what was causing your infertility issues.  Then somehow by some miracle, Joel convinced you to go on vacation with just him for two weeks.  It was everything that you two needed, a nice and calm relaxing vacation; one where you had conceived your daughter by the end. 

Joel and you had gone back and forth over names for months after you found out you were pregnant.  The two of you couldn’t decide on a girl's name. Every name that the two of you came up with just didn’t feel right.  You didn’t want to know the sex of the baby ahead of time, you wanted it to be a surprise.  

Joel was hell bent on wanting a boy, swearing up and down that you were pregnant with a boy.  Then when your baby came out, after 18 hours of hard labor, you watched your husband absolutely melt at the news that he gave you a little girl. You’ve never seen your husband cry so much in his life, tears of joy as he held his little girl for the first time.  When she was all dried off, he handed her to you while he kissed you gently on your head, saying that God fulfilled his promise to him.  At the time you raised your eyebrows at your husband, as Joel wasn’t a religious man.  But it was within that moment that the name Isabell came into existence.  Isabell, name meaning God’s promise. Both of you felt like her name fit the entire situation perfectly.  She was your miracle from above, one that you thought you two would never be able to have.

You were so lost in thought, remembering your daughter's birth as you continued to gently rock back and forth, not noticing Joel standing in the doorway. After a moment you heard him say, “I don't fuss darlin’. If anyone fusses, it's you baby.”  He was leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and letting out yet another yawn. His curly hair was unruly and messy, looking like he just woke up. He had on black sweatpants with a gray T-shirt, with faded words of ‘Miller Construction’ on the front of it. It was the same shirt he had on when you first met, when he proposed to you, and when you conceived your daughter. Now instead of being new, it was worn but had a ton of memories associated with it. And it was your favorite shirt to steal to sleep in. It was then that you realized you weren't the only one not getting enough sleep recently, especially at the worn out look on your husband's face.

Your husband, the amazing and caring man that he was, helped you out as much as possible with tending to your daughter. He was an experienced father, two girls that he still cared for. Sarah, his oldest, was biologically his and now was 16. Ellie, who was his adopted daughter, was now 14. 

In Joel's eyes, Ellie was just as much his daughter as Sarah was. Ellie's parents, his best friends, had died in a car accident when Ellie was 10. Joel had immediately taken her in, looking after her, and had requested to be her legal guardian. He was originally Ellie’s godfather, was present when she was born, and loved her like she was his own. A year after her parents had died, after all the adoption red tape was finally finished, Ellie Williams officially became Ellie Williams Miller, his daughter. It was Ellie's decision to take his last name on adoption day, still keeping her original last name with it.

“No Joel. I don't fuss, but you do, a lot.” You said, teasing your husband gently.  

Being a new mother was hard, it wasn’t like the storybooks that you remember reading as a child.  No story talked about the lack of sleep, the emotional ups and downs, the worry of not knowing what to do, and the anxiety of being home alone with a brand new baby that you didn’t know personally as your husband worked long hours. Intimacy wasn’t present at all for either of you, exhaustion being the biggest culprit.  

‘No sex for six weeks’ the doctor had told you on discharge day from the hospital. At first you were upset at that order, but now, six weeks later, you have no idea how you would have had sex anyways.  

Your body was a complete mess, bleeding for the majority of the past six weeks, something that was normal after delivery. Your hormones were chaotic, and you still looked pregnant as your womb slowly shrank back down to normal size.  Sex was the furthest thing from your mind, and your husband’s too. But now by the end of the six weeks, you finally were settling into a routine. Life was 100% different, that was for sure, but you were finally finding comfort in it.

You were shook from your thoughts once again by the baby in your arms starting to cry, upset at the world about something.  “Shhh, it’s okay honey” you said, picking her up and patting her gently on her back. After a few pats she immediately started screaming and crying loudly.  Tears started to gather at your waterline, frustration at not being able to soothe her.

“Gimme her,” Joel said gently, stepping forward after seeing you get upset.  You got up from the rocker willingly and handed him your daughter, tears streaming down your face.  

“Aw now come on baby girl, what’s the matter?” he said, gently bouncing Isabell in his arms.  It was in that moment that she let out a wail, telling her father, and the world, that she was upset.

Joel looked over at you and said, “Breathe mama, it’s okay” as he tended to his fussy daughter.

“I don’t get it Joel, I’ve tried everything. I keep thinking that she is hungry, but she won't nurse.”  You said, crying right along with your daughter.

“Do ya have a fresh bottle for her darlin’?” he asked, rubbing gentle circles on his daughter's back, trying to soothe her as she continued to cry.  You went to warm up a bottle of breast milk.  

The first two weeks of feeding Isabell was hard, she wouldn’t always stay latched as you tried to nurse her.  The doctor had told you to get a bottle that mirrored a human nipple, to try to get her to eat as she struggled eating in the first few weeks of life. You took her struggle personally, feeling like you were failing as her mother.  But your doctor, and Joel, had both reassured you that this struggle was very common for babies in the first few weeks of life. 

That’s why everyone said nursing was so difficult. Not only did it physically hurt to have her feed from you every three hours for the first six weeks of her life.  But the hardest struggle was whether she would be able to stay latched on. For you, nursing was something that you wanted to do but this constant struggle was making it hard, and making you very upset.  You just wanted to feed your baby, and not feel like a big fat failure as her mother.  That was something the storybooks never seemed to mention. Oh the joys of motherhood. 

As you handed Joel a bottle of warmed up breast milk, you watched him try to soothe his daughter. Joel was an experienced father, and always knew just what to say or do.

“Oh I know baby, I know.” Joel said, slowly soothing his daughter while sitting down in the rocking chair.  “I know, the world’s so big and scary, and you’re just so little. It’s okay, daddy’s here honey, daddy’s here.” You watched Joel slowly quiet Isabell as he gently rocked her. He slowly hummed to her the same lullaby that he hummed to Sarah when she was a baby. 

When he got Isabell to quiet down enough to feed her, he gently placed the bottle by her mouth, encouraging her to latch. She slowly accepted the nipple, quieting once she got some milk in her tummy. All you could hear now was the gentle creaks of the chair, and her gentle suckling noises as she was fed.

“There you go baby, just like that.” Joel said, rocking his daughter as he fed her from the bottle of your breast milk, gently singing the lullaby now outloud.

“Bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby, bye-o-baby bye.  Daddy still loves you, daddy still loves you, daddy still loves you, my bye-o-baby bye.”

As you sat there and watched your husband feed his daughter, you started to cry, but this time it was tears of joy.  Joel was the most tender and loving man you had ever seen. So patient and understanding, and so soothing, not only to your baby girl but also to you.  “Ya wanna try to nurse her again baby?” Joel said quietly, looking up at you sitting in the corner, arms hugging yourself.

“No you got her to eat and-”

“C’mon darlin’, let's see if she'll nurse again” he said, standing and gently walking down the hall to your shared bedroom.  You quietly followed, not wanting to disturb the sleeping teenagers in the room down the hall.  You had no idea how those two girls could sleep through all of the wailing your daughter just did, but teenagers could sleep anywhere. 

Once you got into your shared bedroom, Joel motioned towards your side of the bed and said, “Take off your top darlin’, and sit down.  Don’t sit against the headboard though, I’ll give her to ya once you’re situated.”  

You raised an eyebrow at Joel, wondering what he had planned for you, but you followed his instructions without question.  You learned quickly with Joel that when he gave you parenting advice, especially with a newborn, that you should listen to him.  He raised Sarah by himself, since she was a newborn as her mother had died a week after giving birth to his daughter.  You didn’t know much of that story, something that Joel never wanted to talk about, so you didn’t press him. You couldn’t imagine being a young single dad, alone with his first daughter, trying to raise her by himself after he just lost his wife.

“Ok, I’m all set” you said, while looking over at Joel who was swaying side-to-side gently, holding Isabell.  

“Ok little one,” he said, speaking to his daughter. “You need to eat from your mama, cause your mama is only trying to help you. I love feeding you baby girl, but mama needs to nurse you right now, ok? Daddy will stay right here though, so no fussin’.”

Joel slowly handed Isabell to you after taking the bottle out of her mouth.  She immediately started to fuss. You tried to silence her by getting her to latch onto you right away, but once again, she wouldn’t latch on, so you couldn't nurse her. You were just about ready to give up when you felt your husband grab you by the waist and pull you backwards, situating you hard against his chest.

Joel had removed his shirt before he sat down behind you, his back was now against the headboard. He wrapped one of his arms around your side gently, holding Isabell’s head as he whispered in your ear.  “Baby, ya gotta relax, you’re so tense. C’mon mama, breathe.”  Joel was slowly kissing you on your neck and bare shoulder, attempting to get you to relax.  

“You’re an amazing mom,” Joel said, whispering in your ear.  “It’s okay to be scared, honey. Hell, I'm still scared, even with raising Sarah. But that’s normal with being a parent. But this honey, ya gotta relax and trust in your instincts. Isabell knows what she needs, baby. She knows how to nurse, she wants to nurse. But ya gotta relax so she can. She’s hungry mama, and she needs your milk. So give her what she needs.”

Joel was gently holding Isabell’s head at your nipple, trying to encourage her to latch. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. When you exhaled you tried forcing yourself to relax, to trust the guidance from your husband. As soon as you relaxed, you felt your daughter latch on where she finally started to nurse.  When you opened your eyes, you looked down at her and saw her feeding from you. She had the most beautiful big eyes that you’ve ever seen. You sighed a content sigh, especially when you heard her make the cutest little suckling noises that she did. 

“She looks just like you with those big eyes,” Joel said, holding you close to his chest and kissing you tenderly on the cheek. You were silently crying, emotions taking over you once again. You felt Joel wrap his arms around your waist and slowly massaged your belly, while gently brushing away the tears from your cheek. 

“You carried her right here for nine months,” Joel said, laying his large palm over the lower part of your belly.  “You gave me the best present in the world, another beautiful baby to love. So stop your fussin’, thinking that you’re not a good mom. Baby, your body has already done miracles. And I'm damn proud to be your husband, and the man that gave you her, our little miracle.” 

You looked back at your husband, at the tenderness that he was giving you, lip quivering slightly.  Joel leaned forward, gently kissing you on the mouth. You parted your lips and allowed his tongue to have access to your mouth. He gently massaged his tongue with yours; slow, delicate, and in no rush to advance it into something else. His kiss said everything to you, that he was proud of you as a mother, wife, and person. But most of all, this kiss told you that you were his true soulmate, and that he loved you unconditionally. When he pulled back, he gently wiped the tears from your eyes once again. He pecked your forehead before leaning back against the headboard and taking you with him.

You sat there, your bare back to his bare chest, breathing together in unison, as your daughter quietly nursed from you.  You couldn’t believe that 12 years ago, a simple ‘hello, what can I get you’ in a coffee shop would lead to having a family with the man behind you.  It’s been a long and hard road, but one that was worth it in the end.

End story

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

[hauntedhowlett]

joel miller would absolutely destroy the other parents when it was time for the school candy sales. sarah wants that grand prize and god damnit, he’s going to make sure she gets it by selling the most candy.

he’s not above blackmailing his coworkers into buying the half melted, over priced chocolate bars. he sweet talks the neighbors into supporting his wonderful daughter. he gets tommy’s new girl to upsell them at the hair salon, crude paper sign proclaiming “cuts & candy :)” taped to her station.

when sarah comes home with candy apple red scooter and zips around the neighborhood until dusk, he knows he did good.

[bdaycurse]

kisses and kisses - Joel Miller

Summary: You're crying because you are stressed with grad school, but Joel makes it all better.

Pairing: f!reader x Joel Miller

Tags: One-shot, FLUFF, hurt/ comfort, Joel is the best husband/ boyfriend, lots of kisses, soft Joel Miller, age gap (you're 24, Joel is 36), you're a grad student, no-outbreak au

A/N: Hello beautiful people! I understand school and college can be extremely stressful. I hope this fic gives comfort to those who need it. This is all pure fluff. I hope you all enjoy!! <3

You sat on your and Joel's bed clinging onto your pillow for comfort as you cried. Everything feels like it is collapsing onto you. Grad school is overwhelming you. You feel lost and stressed, and you are on the urge to give up college. It was just you, your thoughts, and your pillow, that was until you heard a knock at the door.

Knock. Knock.

"Baby?... you okay in there? Can I come in?"

It was Joel. He must have been home early from work. You sniffle and wipe your tears quickly, and you were unable to respond.

The door opens slightly, and you see Joel peep through the door. He immediately sees you and his face softens. He opens the door fully and walks into the room rushing towards you.

"Hey, hey... darlin' what happened?"

His voice was so soft and gentle, and he sat on the bed next to you and held your hand. His thumb gently caresses your hand. You continue wiping your tears with your free hand unable to look up.

"I... I can't do this anymore Joel," you sobbed.

"With what baby?" he asked with concern written all over his face.

"School. College. I just don't get anything and I- I feel so stupid. I'm so stupid-," Joel cuts you off and puts his hands on your face wiping away your tears with his thumbs. Joel's heart crushes hearing your words.

"Hey hey... Honey, you're so smart. You're my smart girl, and you've worked so hard," he reassured you. Joel continues wiping away your tears. Joel was so sweet and patient, but it's so hard for you to believe him right now. Everything keeps piling up onto you, and you are so stressed and tired.

"No no, I'm not. Everyone is getting it, but me. And I'm- I'm so stressed and I feel like- I just- I- I-," you couldn't even finish your sentence. Joel then wraps his arms around you putting you on his lap and holding onto you. You sob onto his chest, and he caresses your hair.

"Oh, baby. Shhhh. It's okay. It's okay," Joel whispered into your hair.

"No. No, it's not," you sobbed while grabbing onto his shirt.

Joel softly rocks you back and forth.

"Shhhh. Darlin' it's going to be okay," Joel whispered again, and he kissed your temple.

You whimper, and Joel holds you closer. He continues holding you while rocking you back and forth. Joel always made you feel so safe and being in his arms felt like nothing could ever hurt you.

Joel then looks down at you and wipes your tears while brushing your hair out of your face. His big rough hands held your face, and he looked into your glossy eyes.

“Baby… you’re so smart.” Joel then gives you a kiss on your forehead.

“You’re so beautiful.” He gives you a kiss on your nose.

“So compassionate.” Another kiss on your cheek.

“So kind.” Another kiss.

“So talented.” Kiss.

“You’re so perfect.” Kiss. “My perfect girl.” Kiss. Kiss.

You started to giggle softly as you felt him kiss all over your face while praising you.

“You’re so precious.” Kiss.

“And funny.” Kiss.

You started to giggle more as you felt his lips and beard tickle your face. Joel continues kissing all over your face while whispering, “I love you,” “so pretty,” and “so perfect” between each kiss.

You giggle more and smile big as Joel continues to do this. Joel’s job has succeeded. He wanted you to smile and laugh. He hates to see you cry and be upset. He would do anything to take away your pain.

Joel stops kissing your face and looks at you in the eyes. He wipes any excess tears you have on your cheeks.

“It’s going to be okay baby. I promise,” Joel whispered, and with that, he gave you a gentle kiss on your nose. You nod your head in response. You feel so much more relaxed, and you feel so much lighter than you did before. Joel always had that impact on you.

“Let me make you your favorite dinner, and we can watch a movie,” Joel suggested. You look at him still unsure. You still had so much to study and so much to do. You didn’t have time.

“But Joel-,” you squeaked, but Joel cut you off.

“No. My lady needs to rest,” Joel said.

“But… but-” Joel cuts you off once again.

“No buts. I’m taking care of you tonight,” Joel said.

You were defeated, but you accepted it. You would much rather spend time with Joel than spend any more time on homework and studying. You nod your head, and Joel gives you a soft smile. He effortlessly picks you up in his arms, and you hold onto his neck. You buried your head into his chest smelling his signature scent, sandalwood and mint. Joel takes you downstairs and sets you on the couch. He brings you a blanket and pillow and kisses your forehead.

“I’m gonna make your favorite, and we’ll watch a movie,” Joel said.

You nod your head and quietly whispered “okay.”

~~~

Joel finishes making dinner and brings you your plate. It smelled delectable. Joel sits on the couch next to you and immediately puts you on his lap. He gives you a soft kiss on the side of your neck and rests his head on your shoulder.

“What does my angel want to watch tonight?” Joel asked.

“Tangled!” you said with glee. Joel groaned.

“Again?”

“Yes again,” you said. Joel chuckles.

“Well, I guess we are watching Tangled for the one-thousandth time.”

You hit his arm playfully.

“It’s a good movie, admit it,” you said. Joel laughs.

“It’s an excellenttttt movie,” Joel sarcastically said.

You give him a glare, and Joel gives you a smug grin in return. Joel turns on the tv and searches Tangled. Even though you both have watched Tangled many times, Joel always struggled to pull it up.

“Why are TVs so fucking difficult?” Joel said while struggling with the remote. You laughed.

“You are such an old man,” you teased. Joel chuckles and lightly spanks your butt.

“Shut up,” Joel said playfully. You giggle and take the remote from him searching up Tangled. You click play and the movie starts. You lean more towards Joel, and Joel wraps his arms around you. Everything about this moment was so wholesome and peaceful. The stress you felt before has completely vanished. You're not even thinking about school anymore. You’re just thinking about this moment between you and Joel, and you wish this would last forever.

You would eat your food, laugh at the jokes, and sing the songs. Joel admired you and looked at you in awe. He wasn’t even watching the movie. He was only watching you. He found you so adorable and precious. He loved seeing you happy, and he always wanted to make his girl happy even if that meant he had to endure watching Tangled for the millionth time.

It was halfway through the movie, and he noticed you weren’t singing anymore or laughing. You were oddly quiet. He looks at your face and notices you are fast asleep. Joel softly smiles and kisses your temple. He knows how tired were these past few weeks, and he wants you to get the best rest. He takes your plate off your lap and turns off the TV. He gently picks you up in his arms and walks up to the bedroom. He lays you down in bed and puts the covers over you. Joel then climbs into bed with you, and he wraps his arms around you. He kisses the back of your head and whispers, “Goodnight baby.”

And the both of you drift into a long deep sleep.

————————-

Thank you all for reading!!!! I hope y’all enjoyed!! 💋

[rebel-ahsoka]

THE MANDALORIAN Chapter 8: Redemption

[ellies-enrichment]

[bdaycurse]

Your writing is absolutely incredible!!!

Awwwww thank you so so much!!! This truly made my day! I’m so happy you like my writing, it means a lot 🥹💗💗

[buckyhoney]

these three are the definition of the “fuck around and find out” parenting when it comes to their found children 💀

[elvinaa-deactivated20250619]

Honestly, write for yourselves. Don't listen to the buddy in your brain who's telling you that you aren't good enough or that your idea is bad because it isn't what's trending or what someone else is writing. Your fics and your blurbs and anything you post are perfect as they are. YOU are enough 💖 YOUR WRITING IS ENOUGH AND PERFECT HOW YOU WROTE IT. Like you realize you created something out of literally nothing? You did that. Your beautiful brain created a whole world and story out of thin air. Amazing.

[bdaycurse]

Thank you🥺

[bdaycurse]

“Breathe” -Joel Miller

Summary: You have a panic attack, and you’re all alone. You need someone, and the only person you can think of is the grumpiest, most intimidating man at the QZ, Joel Miller.

Pairing: Fem!reader x Joel Miller

Contains: Pre-Ellie, you and Joel are at the QZ, <TW: sa attempt, but nothing happens> panic attacks, anxiety, soft!joel, comfort, angst, fluff of course, you and Joel's relationship can be romantic or platonic whatever you prefer, you have a tragic backstory sorry :(

A/N: Hello beautiful people!! First of all, I just wanted to thank you guys for all the love for my other fics!! I really appreciate you guys!! Secondly, panic attacks fucking suck, and this fic is what I would imagine if Joel Miller was there to provide comfort. I hope this gives healing to anyone who needs it. I hope you guys enjoy!! :-)

“Sweet precious girl. I got you. You’re safe,” Joel mumbled in your hair.

You held onto him tightly as well as grasping onto his shirt. His big arms were just around you, gently swaying you from side to side. You were shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. You couldn’t think, you couldn’t breathe. You felt you were suffocating.

“I’m- I’m sor- sorry. I’m sorry,” you sobbed. This was all you could manage to say. You felt like a fucking burden. Joel tightens your hug bringing you closer to him.

“Shhhh. No, baby. Don’t apologize.”

It's happening again.

Your cloudy thoughts and bad memories have taken over your physical body. It feels like they have possessed you. You started trembling and panting. The world feels like it's ending and collapsing. Your chest slowly brews into a tremendous amount of pain, feeling like you're having a heart attack, and you feel like you can't catch your breath. Everything seems like it's closing in on you, and you feel like you're dying.

I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying.

You were in your room at the QZ and desperately needed someone. Someone to hold you, protect you, and tell you everything is going to be okay. You did not have any friends or family. It was just you. It has always been just you. You lived by yourself at the QZ. Your family died a long time ago, leaving you. Witnessing their deaths in front of you has haunted you ever since. You needed someone, anyone. You couldn't even think straight. Your mind and heart are going 200 miles per hour. You started pacing around your room bumping into your furniture. Tears started streaming down your face.

"God, help me. God, please, please," you panted.

You thought of anyone you could go to at the QZ, and the one person you can think of is Joel Miller. He looked scary and mean and looked like he could break you like a twig, but you know he had a good heart. You and Joel have a complicated relationship.

~~~~~~~~~~

Your first interaction was back when you were a new member at the QZ, and as you were walking at night, a man followed you back to your place and jumped you.

"What do you think you're doing out here so late beautiful?" the man slurred his words giving you an unsettling grin.

You immediately panicked. He held you on the ground, and you felt helpless. You were screaming for help, and not even 5 seconds later a big broad man came and threw him off you. You thought it was one of the soldiers who heard your cries, but it turned out to be a normal-looking civilian. It was Joel Miller. Joel fought him and beat him up effortlessly. The man fell to the ground on his back, and Joel punched him over and over again. It felt like it lasted forever. The man was a bloody mess, you could barely recognize his face anymore. Joel then grabs onto the front of the man's bloody shirt.

"If I ever see you touch her again or anyone else here, I will fucking kill you. Do you understand me?" Joel snarled. The man was barely conscious and didn't respond.

"I SAID DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?!" Joel yells at the man's face. Hearing him yell that loudly made you flinch a little. The man could barely speak, but he let out a noise letting Joel know he understood. And with that, Joel gives him a final punch knocking him out cold. Joel was panting heavily with bloody fists and looked up at you. You felt like you should be frightened by him, but you weren't. You felt safe, protected, and you never felt that way in your entire life. You didn't know him, but you wanted to be near him always.

"Go home," Joel commands to you. You just look at him, not even moving. You just wanted to stay with him.

"NOW!" he yelled. You immediately got up and ran back to your place as fast as you could not looking back.

Ever since that night, you always stayed near wherever Joel was. You felt like a stalker, but it made you feel secure being close to him. You had no one, and even if you guys have never talked, you felt like you had him in an odd way.

Joel is very observant, so when he realized you were always within his distance, which he found out pretty quickly, he walked up to you without any warning.

"Why do you keep following me?" Joel asked. His voice was low and gruff. Seeing him close up to you made you realize just how bigger he was than you. He looked intimidating and was definitely a man to stay away from, but he didn't scare you. His confrontation was a shock to you, and you didn't really know what to say.

"I- I- um," you stuttered. Joel raises one of his eyebrows to you waiting for an answer.

"I just," you put your head down not being able to meet his eyes. "I don't know," you said quietly.

"Tell me." He was not going to leave you alone until he got an answer.

You still couldn't make eye contact with him.

"You just... make me feel safe," you answered him with a tint of blush appearing on your cheeks because you were embarrassed. You looked up at him, and when you saw his eyes, they softened. Joel then gives a sigh.

"I have my own shit I need to take care of. This place is fucked up, and I can't protect you always. You know that, right? You were only just lucky I was around that night," Joel tells you. You understand where he was coming from. You didn't even know him, and he didn't know you. You just need to be more careful and find a way to protect yourself.

You give him a small nod and tell him, "I understand. I'm sorry I was following you."

"No, it's fine darlin'. Just don't depend on me," Joel tells you.

Darlin'.

He then backs away from you ready to leave.

"Well, I'll see ya around." Joel then turns and walks away, but you didn't want that to be your final interaction with him.

"Wait," you say making him turn back to you.

"Can we maybe... get to know each other at least?" you asked. You were hoping to build some sort of relationship with him. Joel looked hesitant. He definitely looked like a very damaged closed-off man, and you wouldn't be surprised if he refused and pushed you away. Joel looked at you longingly. He was ready to say no, but he saw you as a scared lonely girl and almost felt sorry for you. It was like leaving a stray kitten to live on its own without taking it home. He finally gave in and sighed loudly.

"Fine. We can," Joel replied and then walked away. You grew a small smile. You finally have a person to talk to, and ever since, you had a complicated relationship with a complicated man.

~~~~~~~~~

Joel. Joel. Joel. You needed Joel. He was the only person who could make you feel better. Your chest was still killing you, and you still felt like you couldn't breathe. You ran out of your door pacing to Joel's place. Everything felt like it was spinning, and you couldn't really decipher where you were going. You were running into people, not caring that you were. The only priority was getting to Joel.

After a while, you finally arrived at Joel's place and frantically knocked on his door multiple times. You were still freaking out and panicking and every second Joel doesn't answer the door you would panic even more.

Please be there, please be there, please be there.

The door then swung open and there he was. Without warning him or asking permission, you just go past him going inside his place. You were pacing not knowing how to think or what to say. You then looked at Joel, and he looked very concerned at your state.

"Hey, hey. What's wrong, sweetheart?" Joel asked softly.

Sweetheart.

You never heard his voice this soft before. He was always so grumpy and brooding, so it was different hearing him this way. You couldn't even speak.

"I- I- I. I can't. I can't. Joel-" you panted. You ran your hands through your hair uncontrollably, and you were out of breath. You didn't know what to do. Joel then got closer to you. He wanted to touch you and comfort you, but he wanted to be careful and not upset you even more.

"Okay, breathe. Breathe. You're okay, baby. Just breathe," Joel tells you.

Baby.

You couldn't breathe. It was still so hard to do.

"I- I can't. Joel, I can't bre- breathe," you whimpered, gasping for air. Joel still tries to reassure you. He may not know exactly what is going on with you, but he may have an idea. He knows a panic attack when he sees one because he gets panic attacks too. He knows the feeling.

"Hey, it's okay. Look at me. Just breathe with me, okay? Breathe in 1...2...3...4, and hold it. You got it," Joel tells you. Even though it felt impossible to breathe, you listened to him and attempted to breathe in, but you just couldn't.

"I- I ca- can't Joel. I can't. I'm dying. I think I'm- I'm dying," you panted. You still felt panicked, and the horrible feeling would just not go away. On top of that, your chest was still killing you. Joel then leans down reaching eye level and holds your face gently with his rough hands.

"You're not dying," Joel reassures you.

"Are- are you s-sure?" you whimpered.

"I promise, sweetheart. You're just having a panic attack. I get ‘em too. You're going to be okay. Just try again with me. Breathe in 1...2...3...4," Joel tells you, and he's breathing in, trying to show you how to breathe. You tried again, and you started to breathe in for 4 seconds as he was telling you. You hold in your breath.

"Atta girl. Now, breathe out for 1...2...3...4," Joel says, and he is breathing out with you. You felt his thumb softly caress your cheek, which made you feel calm down just a little bit.

"You're doing so good baby. Let's do this again. Breathe in for 1...2...3...4, and hold for 1...2...3...4." You did as he says, and slowly started to calm down. You guys repeated this about 6 more times, and you felt yourself relaxing. Your chest was still hurting you, but you felt like you could breathe again. Joel looks at you softly while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"You okay, darlin'?" Joel asks. You couldn't help yourself, but you just broke down. Tears started streaming down your face. You hated this feeling. It was fucking horrible, and you genuinely thought you were dying. Seeing you like this broke Joel's heart.

"Oh, babygirl. C'mere. C'mere," Joel says softly. He then embraces you into his chest hugging you. You hug him back, not ever wanting him to let go. For the first time in your life, you finally felt safe. You felt safe in his arms. You just sobbed onto his chest.

“Sweet precious girl. I got you. You’re safe,” Joel mumbled in your hair.

You held onto him tightly as well as grasping onto his shirt. His big arms were just around you, gently swaying you from side to side. You were shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. You couldn’t think, you couldn’t breathe. You felt you were suffocating.

“I’m- I’m sor- sorry. I’m sorry,” you sobbed. This was all you could manage to say. You felt like a fucking burden. Joel tightens your hug bringing you closer to him.

“Shhhh. No, baby. Don’t apologize.”

You just held onto him, while he held onto you. You had never seen him be so gentle before. It makes you wonder what Joel was like before the outbreak. Was he sweet or was he mean? He never talked about his past. Every time you would ask about him, he would always brush it off or just stay silent. You knew he was going to be a complicated man from the very beginning, and you felt like you would never figure him out.

Minutes have gone by, and Joel was still holding onto you, not daring to let you go until you felt better. Your cries slowly started to quiet down, and your chest pain faded away. Feeling Joel holding you felt like no one and nothing could ever hurt you because he's there. You knew he wouldn't let anything happen to you, even if he didn't want to admit it. Joel noticed you stopped shaking, and your sobs started to die down. He stopped holding you and held your face. He gently wipes your tears with his thumbs and looks at you with his soft eyes.

"You want to stay here tonight?" Joel asks. You never thought he would ask that. He never let you stay over. He would always kick you out when the sun goes down. You were taken aback by his question, but you wanted to stay with him. You always wanted to stay with him. You give a small nod, looking at him with your big red puffy eyes.

"Yes."

---------

Thank you all for reading!! I hope you all enjoyed!! 💋

[joelscruff]

some of yall need to stop telling people what they can and can't write/read when it comes to fic. let people exist. same with whether or not you think a character would do something that someone else writes them doing. just fyi, in a lot of cases the writer themselves doesn't even ACTUALLY think the character would do that; it's just a fantasy?? this is the whole reason alternate universe fics exist, so we can see characters we like in situations they normally wouldn't be in, engaging in things they might not usually engage in, etc. like is that really so hard to understand?? and how does it affect you??? can't you just.. idk... ignore it? block people?? filter out the tags? there are so many options on here to avoid seeing things you don't want to see and yet SO MANY people are hellbent on just complaining about other people and thriving on making others feel bad about what they wanna write/read. we're all adults here and some of you still have the mindsets of children. it's so annoying. grow up and stop policing other people's fun.

[bdaycurse]

Thank you!