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There's nothing we at BDIPC love more than playing Tinder for our friends. As they well know, we're rather experienced at using photo and video evidence to make reasonably accurate inferences about a Dude’s performance, temperament, and proclivities. Would do. Might do. Might not. The hardest of passes. Yaaass. You get the idea. Tinder is a fascinating, entertaining, and disgusting way to meet people in your own town, but we prefer doing it the old-fashioned way--optimally, through telegrams with gentlemen who are as far away from us as possible. Stop. The fact that we've been gone for years has been beaten to death, but on the eve of Nationals, we've been reflecting on the four years since we last attended. Since then, we've really tapped into using Instagram as a resource to get a good look at a prospective Dude. Even though everything on IG is carefully filtered and fine-tuned for public consumption, it's a great source for off-the-bike photos and to do some...extensive and totally informal research into a Dude's personal life. So when our brilliant friend Laura Fletcher, founder of The Peloton Brief, sent us a link to SportsSwipe's IG account, we had our calls held, cleared our schedules, and settled in to scroll alllll the way back. Ohoho, hello again, Phil. Hi, Alex Dowsett. Is van Baarle even old enough to be on here? Oooh, curious...is that George? 

See, creating an online dating profile is a strategic task, fraught with anxiety and self-consciousness. Though we love road, MTB, CX, and track tictacs, we’re finding it particularly interesting to see how riders position themselves when they're looking for results off the bike. It's especially fascinating when you think about how their athletic strengths might tie into their performance: will their one-night-stands be representative of their sprints, time trials, one-day race results? What about a Dude looking for companionship on a one-week, ten-day, three-week holiday? Is he truly one for the GC, or is he only good at (exciting, yet demanding) summit finishes? Is he going to abandon halfway through? Or, gosh, how about someone who’s particularly talented in the Madison? Honestly, imagine matching with someone, doing the perfunctory Google, and finding out that you're about to receive way more than you bargained for. 

Like, perhaps, what might one discern from Taylor Phinney's championship-winning performances in the individual time trial? We've gone on and on about the things that ITT specialists do best: go hard, hold it, pace themselves so they have enough left for a memorable finish...seriously, is there anything about the ITT that one can't turn into a sex joke? Or what about Lieuwe Westra? Another ITT champ, yes, but also a winner of shorter stage races and one-day events. Therefore, we can assume that he's got the ability to play the long (but not so long one might chafe, now) game rather successfully. And Winner Anacona? We'd right-swipe for his name alone. Admit it: you would, too.

Anyway, this is all just to say that you should really follow SportsSwipe on IG. After all, it's to your advantage to know who may be popping up in your hot little hand. And as for us, who we'd swipe right on is for us to know and for you to find out. And you may well, because we're firing up a Tinder account exclusively for #CXNats 2017. But bring your top-step game, because we don't have dinner with second place finishers. We know exactly how to make you see stars, but the stripes are going to be up to you. See you in Hartford! 

Photos: SportsSwipe

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After years of covering (or uncovering, as it were) the cyclocross season, we at BDIPC decided that it was high time for a Bangability update. With 28 Dudes on our have-done list in cyclocross alone, it was no easy job, particularly when you consider that we had three-plus entire seasons to review. Nonetheless, we put all hands on deck to bring this massive task to completion. We made some hard decisions after a rollercoaster ride of research (read: plenty of thrills; a handful of disappointments), and as ever, we’d love to hear how you feel about what we’re doing. Seriously, we would: feedback is always helpful, especially when it comes to evaluating and improving our own performance. Be vocal!   

Jeremy Powers: We’re happy to see one of our first and favourite Dudes leading a new team (Aspire Racing) this season. He’s still in the national champion skinsuit we love so much, and hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still going hard and giving it everything he’s got, so Bangability is up.

Ryan Trebon: We were sad to see Ryan retire this season, but better to give it up than keep pounding away knowing the results aren’t coming, yes? Ryan moves to the BDIPC Hall of Fame as the Dude we have written about more than any other, and deservedly so. 

Adam Myerson: Adam is also “retired,” but he could have fooled us. He’s still racing and organizing, but now also has the additional draw of being a total DILF. Bangability is up. 

Ryan Knapp: We originally met Ryan as a CX racer, but his talents on the road have far outstripped his skills in the dirt. If we were considering both disciplines, his Bangability would be up; however, we are only interested in how dirty he’s been. Bangability holds steady. 

Niels Albert: Forced to retire from racing, he’s moved into a position in which he can shape the talents of the Dudes who may one day themselves become Bangable. Niels moves into the BDIPC Hall of Fame. 

Christian Heule: No longer racing, as far as we can tell, but still grinding away on the bike. A man who’s satisfied with his results leads by example. Heule slides into our Hall of Fame. 

Chris Jones: Wherefore art thou, Jonesy? On the road? Acceptable, especially if he sticks with UHC for the upcoming road season. We look forward to seeing what he can do with BDIPC favourite Greg Henderson on his team. Bangability holds steady.

Marisuz Gil: Current Polish National Champ. And if your filthy mind works the way ours does, you know what we mean when we say we’d still polish him. Bangability holds steady, but trends upward (as most good things do).

Tim Johnson: Any excuse to run this image again. Now retired from cyclocross, he’s moved into using his knowledge of road cycling tictacs to bring us copious aural pleasure. We’re pretty sure he was baiting us during this year’s Tours of California and Utah, and he did it masterfully. Bangability is up.

Sven Nys: If anyone deserves to move into the BDIPC Hall of Fame, it’s Sven. He retired after the 2015-16 season, but has remained an active ambassador of our beautiful sport, and we hear he was even taking handups earlier this year in Chicago. He may be retired, but if he ever needs a hand up, we’re happy to help.  

Zdenek Stybar: Styby’s been absolutely crushing it on the road, and we’re about to contradict ourselves. His 2015 wins include Strade Bianche and a stage at the TdF, and 2016 brought a win at Tirreno-Adriatico. We love a man who knows how to put his skills to use in a variety of situations, so obviously, Bangability is up. 

Rob Peeters: Steady growth, consistent performances. He can only get better, and we’re looking forward to seeing what he can pull off in the remainder of this season. Bangability is up.

Kevin Pauwels: Steady, but still wearing that face. We looked through three years’ worth of photos and couldn’t find a single smile. He’s still turning in great performances, but honestly, Kevin. Can’t you at least pretend to enjoy it? Bangability holds steady.

Jamey Driscoll: Where’ve you been, Jamey? Oh, transforming into a DILF and still delivering pretty solid results? Cool. Bangability holds steady. 

Jeremy Durrin: The Sausage King is heading up a new team (Neon Velo) and really, as with Tim Johnson, we just look for excuses to run his photo again. Bangability holds steady.

Francis Mourey: The nine-time French National Champion is still grindin’ away out there on the road, but our research failed to turn up any recent cyclocross results. Therefore, Bangability is down.

Jake Wells: Solid MTB seasons, still plugging away at CX, having a great time. Bangability holds steady, with the possibility of an increase depending on his late-season performances.  

Marcel Meisen: Consistent results in races at the highest level means his Bangability is consistent, too. Steady with the possibility of a rise, depending on how he performs throughout the rest of the season. 

Martin Zlamalik: Now retired, Martin is now pursuing a career as an airbrush artist, specializing in painting bike frames. It seems as if he gave up the ghost right around the same time as we did, so…we’re really not sure. He’s not quite Hall of Fame material, but it seems to be the way of things. Decision pending, okay? 

Ian Field: He’s still racing, and he was as disappointed to miss out on Koksijde as we were. However, what we’re interested in is that he’s now coaching at Dig Deep. Dig. Deep. We’ll give you a moment to take that in, and then we’ll ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind: How deep? Since we’re still down to find out, we’ll let Bangability hold steady.

Brady Kappius: C’mon. He’s got a master’s degree, he’s president of his own company, and he still finds time to ride it like he means it all year long. This, friends, is what we call “the entire package.” Obviously, Bangability is up.

Sven Vanthourenhout: Consistent performances, a healthy handful of podiums, and this vintage photo from 2005 or whenever. We’d have given you a projob then, and we still would. Bangability holds steady.

Barry Wicks: Whenever we think of Barry, we think of that gold Speedo. And that’s literally all we think of. Let’s move Barry to our Hall of Fame. Now that it’s got both Twin Towers, we’re tempted to make a totally tasteless joke, but we won’t. 

Danny Summerhill: Yup. Danny’s still gettin’ it, even if he didn’t deliver on the good time promised at Worlds in Louisville back in 2013. We’re open to the possibility of giving him another chance, so we’ll let Bangability rise. 

Pete Webber: Pete’s got his hands full with his commitment to the future of North American cyclocross while he also does his own thing - rather successfully, might we add. We’re particularly sorry to have missed his wins at Nationals in 2014, 2015, and 2016, but we can imagine. Pete’s Bangability trends upward.

Klaas Vantornout: The two-time Belgian National Champion had a rough 2015 (and not in the fun sexy way, either). However, his 2016 is looking up, and we’re enjoying this thing we have for redheads right now, so obviously, Bangability is up.

Robert Marion: We haven’t heard a ton about Robert’s palmares lately, but research shows he’s still top-ten material all over the country, so we’ll let Bangability hold steady. 

Stephen Hyde: We just wrote about him, so we’re baffled by his rising Bangability. It is, though. Up. And if he keeps showing us the goods over the next month or so, it’s gonna stay up. Don’t let us down, Stephen. 

Photos: Aspire Racing // MTBS // BDIPC // Sporza // BDIPC // Marcel Meisen // Cycling Archives // Klaas Vantornout’s Twitter 

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We at BDIPC are not unaware that the cyclocross season has been upon us for months already, but kindly forgive us. We've literally had our hands full with people and events that extended our road season, necessitated a great deal of travel, and deserved our undivided attention. Now, as we recover from and regret returning from our European holiday-within-another-holiday, we bring brand new eyes back to the Dudes who love to get down in the dirt. 

The recent news that BDIPC alum Michael Creed is heading up a development team next season got us thinking about how great we’d be at helping dev teams make their rider selections. We're great at sussing out someone’s potential for growth, dedication to results, and the ability to select a record that’s gonna put us in the bone zone raw talent. And when the right up-and-coming Dude is put in an advantageous position, he's not going to want to let you down. Our latest pick came up through the JAM Fund program and now rides for Cannondale P/B Cyclocrossworld.com. He describes himself as "ever present and versatile," "willing to take chances and work hard," and "always looking for new experiences," to which we say "okay," "yes," and "ask and you shall receive.” Today, we respectively objectify Stephen Hyde.

Like all of the most Bangable Dudes, Stephen Hyde began his rapid rise on a BMX bike. He then found his way into both MTB and road racing before discovering his sweet spot in cyclocross. Year after year, he's continued to refine his skills, build endurance, and dish out increasingly commanding performances. He spent his 2015-16 season applying steady, consistent pressure to fields all over the U.S. and Europe, and the results just. kept. coming. Since we’re only about halfway through this season, he can’t possibly be peaking yet. How is it that his...um, form seems to just keep getting better? Not only is he able to consistently take the holeshot, but he's proved he can keep up the pace for as long as it takes: outperforming, outlasting, and showing--not telling--everyone exactly how big that motor is he's hiding underneath that skinsuit. 

Now that Stephen's in Europe to finish off the rest of the season (including a race at Koksijde, which is obviously our absolute favourite CX course), we're even more disappointed that we've come back to the U.S. On the other hand, maybe it’s best that we’re an ocean away; it’s best to give him space. We don’t yet know how big he’s gonna get by the end of the year, but we’re looking forward to finding out at Nationals. 

Photos: Cannondale P/B Cyclocrossworld.com // Wil Matthews // Stephen’s IG

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July, July. It was an amazing month of racing. There were so many remarkable moments in the Tour de France, but that's exactly what they were: moments. Even with Poels, Cummings, Bodnar, Coquard, and all the other names that were just begging for it, the 2016 Tour felt like a three-week long one-liner...and we were okay with that. This weekend, we were glad to see BDIPC alum Greg Van Avermaet take the gold in Rio. We also found out that we may not have the metaphorical balls to watch women's racing. It is simply too exciting. The women's Olympic road race worked us up so thoroughly that we were rendered useless for the lion's share of Sunday afternoon. We barely had anything to give to the final stage of the Tour of Utah, yet we were tranquilo. After all, we'd had our pick saddled up since midweek.

Sometimes we toss ideas at our friends or ask them for suggestions, and more often than not, we look the guy up, make a mental note, and write about some other Dude entirely. Some of our friends are more persistent than others, though, and they'll keep mentioning someone. Again and again, and then, curiously, said Dude starts popping up in your feed a little more frequently. Then, a week comes where you keep hearing his name. You think of the enthusiastic endorsements your friend continues to give him, and finally, you really look at him. You figure out that there were times in the past when you'd been at the same races. You'd met—you'd kissed (on the podium, obviously)—but that was a long time ago and the whirlwind of a race means memories can be patchy...but we digress. Because all at once, last Thursday, in the sprint, we got it. This ain't his first rodeo. Today, we respectfully objectify Travis McCabe. 

This self-described spandex cowboy is a strong all-around performer, and has found great success in a variety of cycling disciplines and different positions within a team. During research, we stumbled across this interview, given just weeks after we'd all-too-briefly met, in which he reveals: his propensity for racing in Daisy Dukes, the origins of his stripper name, and the fact that he's not only had sex in an altitude tent, but that he's a true gentleman: when his partner said it wasn't gonna happen in the tent, he took her to altitude outside the tent. We'd be sold solely on that, but when you look at the way he's ridden in the last few years, it's kind of embarrassing that we didn't really take notice of him until this week. 

He followed a decent 2013 with a full complement of handy wins, which led him to top the USAC NRC individual standings the very next season. Since then, he's been winning slick victories all over the place: Joe Martin, Cascade, Redlands, and now, the Tour of Utah. But before this season, he'd had fewer shots at a win as the man specifically designated to grip it and rip it, as it were. So this season's move to Holowesko-Citadel has really given him the opportunity to, um, come into his own. We find that the longer a talented man languishes in a supporting role, the bigger he's going to go when he's coming quickly up those last 500 meters, finally the center of attention. Dudes like Travis mean it, they are ready for it, and they will unleash everything they've got with the force of a thousand firehoses. So hold fast: grip with your legs, strap one hand to the pommel, and hang onto your hat. It looks like we're in for a hell of a ride. 

Photos: SBS Cycling Central // Travis’ Twitter // Sam Wiebe

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It's been a busy month, hasn't it? There have been so many races that it's been hard to fit it all in, really. Route du Sud, the Ster ZLM Toer, Tour de Suisse...so much spandex. So little time! Plus, one of our favorite local races was around town last weekend, and it was so nice to get out there and make some new acquaintances. But despite the wealth of handsome new faces, we found ourselves wanting someone familiar. As the TdF approaches, we got to reminiscing. We realized that, although we'd had a quickie at a hotel (on video, no less) in 2013, we'd not yet taken the time to really let him have it. Let's have a Kiwi: today, we're going Down Under with Greg Henderson.

It seems that the most Bangable of Dudes come from a multidisciplinary background, and Greg is no exception. Today, he's perhaps best known as the man who makes the magic happen for Andre Greipel, but he came to the road with all sorts of experience. After his days on a BMX bike, his national championship-winning career on the track, and his lengthy and impressive...history in road racing, he knows exactly where his talents lie, and after decades of refining his tactics, he's able to use every trick in the book. Greg knows very well how to play the game: when to wait, how to control a situation. He's got a sense of when to make a move and--this is key--he knows exactly the right moment to unleash and let it happen. He's got the selfless mindset of a leadout man, too. Getting you to come first is not just his job, it's something he truly takes pleasure in. 

It's been years since the last time we saw each other on the startline in Vaison-la-Romaine. We didn't even know that he'd been forced to abandon after the crash early on in last year's Tour until just recently. But life is full of second chances and possibilities, and it has been a pleasure to discover that Greg is still a Dude who loves to make it hard--the race, that is. Even when we're at home, we can tell when he's ready (he's always ready) to break apart the field and light it up a little. So all throughout the month of July, we'll be keeping an eye out for signs that he's down for a little action that day. And then, once again, when the peloton hits the final turn on the Champs-Élysées, we'll hope his is the first face we see. Allez, Greg, 2016 is the Tour you'll get yours. After all this time, you've earned it. 

Photos: Cyclingtips // Velonews // Cyclingnews

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As expected, the mood at BDIPC HQ was less than enthusiastic about the Giro and its GC results. It left us feeling frustrated. Blue, you might say. There's nothing less satisfying than an unexpected finish that's not altogether entirely unsurprising. At least it was over quickly. 

Later that afternoon, we returned to HQ to watch Nationals. Though still feeling a bit indignant about that morning's unsatisfying performance, we figured there was nothing to lose. Plus, it was raining, we were alone, the lingering effects of champagne's effervescence...there are a million reasons. In the end, none of that mattered. Fuck the "resurrection" at the Giro; we celebrated the redemption of our beautiful sport at Nationals. The pure, unbridled joy behind Greg Daniel's win erased all of the morning's disappointments. Bless your pea-pickin' heart, Greggy. We won't be writing about you for several years still.

We're here today to talk about someone we've been thinking about for a few years now. It's not that he didn't seem bangable enough back then, but trying to objectify a Dude who's got one of the most heartwarming and wholesome legends in the pro cycling world comes with its own set of challenges. Honestly, Phil Gaimon is the kind of guy who can simply suggest that he's in the mood for a cookie, and ladies (and men) of all ages will rush into the kitchen to bake and deliver him cookies. Actual cookies. The innuendo practically writes itself, but it's impossible to mine for jokes that haven't already been told. So we fell back onto the most accurate way to assess his potential performance: the way he races a bike. After all, you can usually tell a lot about a Dude by the way he rides when it matters, and it's typically the only thing we really have to go on. 

In our informed opinion, GC champs are really best when they're winning the seven- to eight-day stage races. It's the massive difference between watching the paltry attempts at Grand Tour-level titillation that one can find for free all over the internet and the actual experience of having a Dude's hands all over you for the first time after a long, slow, anticipatory build. As last year's Redlands winner, it's safe to assume that Phil has it in him to perform at a high level for hours on end. He's equally well-equipped for tackling a one-day quickie as he is to fulfill the varying demands of a longer assignation. Based solely on his results, we can definitively say he's a hard worker who continues getting stronger the longer he rides. Easy, and true, but it felt unfinished. And then we found out about his absolutely gigantic 

brain. We at BDIPC are not entirely certain that we've previously expressed a naked appreciation for the man who can wield his pen with authority, but there's nothing quite like it. Phil is an accomplished and prolific writer, which makes it rather fun to ponder if his extracurricular electronic communications are as refined as the way he rides. He seems like a classic Dude, doesn't he? The kind of guy who, in lieu of sending you a dick pic, would paint you a word picture that described it, using proper grammar, bulletproof syntax, and collegiate-level vocabulary. A true gentleman, really. The kind of gentleman who would be amazing at sending messages that tell you, in enticingly written prose, precisely what he's going to do to show you the real reason they call him "Phil the Thrill." 

Photos: The Peloton Brief // Podium Insight // MFS

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As we here at BDIPC adjust to having a bit of skin back in the game, we can't say that the Giro isn't blowing our collective skirt up—after all, it's so inspiring to put eyes on some of the new talent, and the start list is a veritable cornucopia of familiar Dudes. HQ feels like home again, and it's been nice to while away these long, lazy spring mornings with Hansen, Bak, Dumoulin, and the rest of the group. And, of course, we especially enjoyed the all-too-brief reign of the ever-Bangable Marcel Kittel. Since so many transfers happened while we were away, we were momentarily confused and disappointed to see he wasn't wearing his delightful (and potentially transparent) Argos-Shimano costume. But there was something about the Etixx—Quick-Step kit that reminded us of something. We just couldn't think of what it was.

Then, like magic, a photo of Bobke popped up on our Twitter feed. Now, we know what you're thinking, but stick with us. We will not be subjecting you to slick innuendo about Bob Roll's head. (But if Bobke happens to turn your crank, no judgies.) No, our interest was piqued when we noticed that the Dude who posted the shot was stateside for the Tour of California. He's a Dude who puts the "D" in DS; the kind of man who makes the suits at Etixx think about adding an extra "X" to their name...you get the idea, yes? Today, we politely objectify Brian Holm, the ever-dapper directeur sportif of Etixx—Quick-Step.

As an ex-pro, Holm's got experience coming at it from all angles. His top-ten performances at Paris-Roubaix, E3 Prijs-Harelbeke, and Dwars door Vlaanderen reveal a solid mastery of essential skills. The physical demands of Classics parcours also require an innate drive to go deeper, work harder, and last longer than the rest of the pack. Holm was also the winner of the ITT at Denmark's 1990 National Championships, so it's safe for us to assume he's got soloing well in hand; no man can win without putting in the hard work necessary to refine his sense of rhythm, timing, and pace. On the whole, his rosy palmares show us that he's a Dude who knows how to successfully reach a truly glorious finish.

Since assuming the position of DS at EQS, Holm has become dominant on a whole new level. There's a vast difference between simply throwing a leg over and taking the time to craft a high-quality experience, particularly when one must consider the unique strengths and talents of multiple participants. This is where Holm's alpha nature comes out to play—and win. Well-known for his talents in aural stimulation, Holm's down-for-whatever attitude, intense eye contact, and decisive manner render it superfluous for us to spell out the endless possibilities opened up by a Dude with a superior knowledge of team tictacs. Though EQS rolls deep, it takes a man with a deft hand and a well-laid plan to pull it all off. As of this writing, his riders are currently leading the GC at both the Giro and the Tour of California, which means Brian Holm is exactly where we like him best: on top.

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I've spent the last two years getting all my pro cycling news from top-of-the-hour bulletins on NPR, the Sunday Times, and Deadspin. I really thought I was done; all of the dick jokes I could write had been written. In the span of two years, I'd bridged the gap from alleycats to Paris. It felt like riding a bicycle at full speed through a dark night, arms like wings. Post up, game over. I crossed the line, and I never looked back. It was absolutely exhilarating and utterly exhausting and I was done. I'd spent so much time bantering about the performance of other hard men that I'd neglected to take care of the hard man inside me. I settled down. I needed time, and I had all the time in the world. Still, I felt restless. There was a hole that wasn't getting filled, so to speak. Regardless, it was surprising to feel a faint, familiar stirring last week. I laughed quietly to myself as I tapped out an innuendo-laden text about disc brakes in the peloton. I slipped into something a little more comfortable, poured myself a glass of wine, and tried to get in the mood. I found myself thinking of how vital it is for a Dude to first perform well in the Classics before attempting any tricky backdoor tactics. After all, a keen mastery of the basics is the difference between a ride that ends in defeat and a ride that ends with a top-of-the-podium champagne money shot. See? It just keeps coming, and it feels really good. Of course, I'll need some time to catch up on the new talent, but I wanted to bang out a quick thought on these mechanical doping shenanigans. Now, there's not a damn thing wrong with enhancing one's natural skills and abilities with a battery-powered gadget. The prospect of extra power, more endurance, and a better chance of a...successful conclusion is extremely alluring. However, as in the bedroom, so on the bicycle. If a Dude wants to experiment, he's got to be up-front and honest about his desires. Something that requires so much preparation and planning can't be dismissed as an "Oops, it slipped." Missed you. Mean it! More next week.

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Sourcing images to use in post is, admittedly, not the worst part of my day. But the photographer’s aesthetic can turn a Dude from raging-ladyboner-inducing to lights-out-from-behind material in the click of the shutter. And of course, in terms of quality, I often think, “Sure, that’s some impressive equipment, but can you deliver?” But no matter the medium, the best appreciations are mutual. London-based photographer Laura Fletcher and I were introduced late last year. We exchanged a few enthusiastic emails, and then promptly lost touch for months. But in July, our paths fortuitously happened to cross…in France. During our brief time together, she shared her plan with me–a calendar featuring the men of the ProTour in precisely the position you’re most interested in seeing them: ready to be pinned to the wall, of course. I caught up with Laura over Skype last week, and she gave me a sneak peek as we went a little deeper into her concept.

  Kelly Minx Riordan: Hi lovely!

Laura Fletcher: Good morning.

KMR: Good evening! How have you been since I saw you last?

LF: Good! Busy. How was the rest of the Tour?

KMR: It was interesting. I only really hit my stride at the end of my time there. I was super sad the day you left; the boys teased me at dinner about how disappointed I was that you and I hadn't had more time together. There are so few women…

LF: Awwww. Next year we have to plan better.

KMR: No kidding. So how are the shoots coming? Who have you got so far and who’s up next?

LF: I have 8 done, 4 to go. So far I’ve shot Alex Dowsett, Jens Voigt, Nathan Haas, Steele Von Hoff, George Bennett, Alex Howes, Taylor Phinney, and Michael Hepburn. I’ll be shooting Pippo Pozzato later this month in Monaco, and I’m just trying to schedule times with Thomas Dekker and Andy Fenn. Of course there are a few I would love, but haven't had contact with: Boonen, Cancellara, Cavendish, Kittel. You got Kittel!

KMR: I know! I almost died. [Argos-Shimano’s] press officer was so helpful, though. Have you had to go through the guys’ press officers or do you just get the guys alone and set up a time to meet?

LF: So far the only one that was set up by a press officer was Jens (Thanks, Tim!). Word of mouth goes a long way. I shot Michael Hepburn last week and no one had the images yet except for him and myself, and I got a text from Dowsett last night saying "Just seen Hepburn’s pic, amazing!" and I was like, whoa, how did you see it? They are all at a race and GreenEdge is at the next dinner table. Apparently they are all passing around this photo…

KMR: What's your favorite story to tell about shooting the calendar so far?

LF: Ha! That may be confidential! Joking. Well, maybe. But I think possibly shooting Michael Hepburn on a busy street in Girona–the amount of looks we were getting from tourists was pretty priceless. Hanging out on a boat with Alex Howes and Jacob Rathe was pretty priceless too. It’s been great getting to know some of the guys away from races…a good reminder that they are totally human.

KMR: It is easy to forget. How about, um, mishaps or difficulties?

LF: Yes…one of the guys, unnamed for his sake–We had to completely redo the shoot. This was also my fault…but it was just not working. He's super sweet, and the poses were a little too, let’s say raunchy.

KMR: I didn't know you had a line to be crossed in terms of raunch.

LF: They were just too raunchy for him. The images all just looked so uncomfortable when I went back and looked at them later. [His shoot] was earlier on in the year, and I've worked out now that if I let the guys kind of do what they feel comfortable with, it works a lot better.

KMR: Do the guys come up with their own poses?

LF: It’s a collaboration. I usually start by asking if they have hobbies/ outside interests and we bounce some ideas back and forth. Jens requested to be fishing, but I found the location. Alex Howes wanted to pose with baby zoo animals, but we couldn't make that work, so we had to use a boat instead. Dekker is the only one who has completely come up with his own ideas to art direct his own shot. Did you know Dekker is a paid underwear model?

KMR: Oh my God. No. I did not know that.

LF: Hold on. I'm looking for it for you.

LF: Watch immediately.

KMR: I am. Oh my God. Oh my GOD. What is happening at 1:34? I have died. You just killed me. Is he contractually obligated to wear his signature underwear when you shoot him?

LF: Well, he wants to be in nothing but a robe…

KMR: So this calendar is your response to the Cyclepassion calendar.

LF: Exactly. Even more so now–I’ve been told the girls that pose in that calendar aren't paid even though it isn't for charity.

KMR: Wait, what? That's some shit.

LF: I mean, don't get me wrong, if you want to pose for a calendar, go for it, male or female. But I think that with all the equality that women are trying to get in this sport, it’s a bit shit that the Cyclepassion calendar exists where a male version doesn’t.

KMR: Which charity is your calendar benefitting?

LF: A portion is going to Alex Dowsett's haemophilia charity Little Bleeders, and a portion is going to Taylor Phinney's Davis Phinney Foundation for Parkinson’s, but the majority is going into women’s cycling. The plan at this point is to put it towards the women's Tour of Britain. I'm working on plans to have it be a daily award for an unpaid rider as essentially only 12 women’s teams in the world are paid. I think it would be awesome to be able to kick a little cash back to the girls and teams that are literally doing it for the love of the sport. A certain male pro cyclist to remain unnamed said something about women’s cycling that really got me thinking. He said, "When we are young, we are all chasing the dream, but after a few years, for us guys, it becomes a job as much as a dream. We wouldn't do it anymore if we weren't paid. The girls do it for so much longer than us for the love and the dream."

KMR: What are your plans for distribution? Are you going to try to get the calendar into shops, or will it all be online?

LF: There will be a few shops around London, but mainly online, I think. I have a bike shop that does international online sales so it'll be available for everyone. They are kind enough to be doing the distribution free of charge so all the money (except shipping of course) goes right to charity.

KMR: Any plans for you during cyclocross season?

LF: Usually the goal for winter is to try to get somewhere where it isn't winter...I like to try to ascribe to the cyclists’ year and work my ass off during the season and then take some time off… but who knows! See where work takes me. I'd love to get out to some of the early season races in cool places: Tour Down Under, Oman, Qatar, or San Luis...but really, nothing beats the Giro. I think you need to do your video reportage there next year.

KMR: I would LOVE to.

LF: If they don't send a videographer, but will send you, I can always film it for you.

KMR: Working with you would be a gas, plus, the guys already KNOW you. We should pitch this. Thanks for taking the time today! I hope we get to chat again before too long. Be well!

LF: Ciao, bella.

  The as-yet-unnamed calendar will be available for ordering in early November–just in time for the gifting season! Email Laura for more details, and if you’ve got calendar names (the punnier the better), I think you should tweet them at her. Up next: BDIPC closes out the road season & begins practicing remounts for the upcoming cyclocross season.  

[bdipc]

Hi, everybody, it’s me, Minx. Now that you know who I am, it feels a bit like starting over, doesn’t it? I’ve been back from France for over three weeks now, and it’s…well, it’s taken a while for the afterglow to fade. If you’re new here, you must know that I was lucky enough to have been picked up by Bicycling Magazine to travel to the TdF to interview some of the hottest Dudes in professional cycling. There’s a big difference between writing semi-anonymous innuendo and conducting intensely public interviews where every question is an attempt to bait the Dude into setting up a quality “That’s what she said!” But as you must know, I’m a master baiter, and most of the Dudes–especially Jens–were (wired for sound and) down for whatever. Click the photo for the video:

    I’ve been trying to write a cohesive wrap-up, but the farthest I’ve come is a list of questions I wish I’d asked, scraps of anecdotes, observations, thoughts. So instead of trying to assemble them into a single story, I’m just going to give it to you raw. It isn’t the first time, and certainly it won’t be the last.

  -Everyone is more attractive than they appear to be on television (or one’s pixellated pirated internet feed), and everyone in professional cycling is attractive. The team directors, the media officers, the mechanics…everyone. But the Dudes are in a class of their own. Tan, lean, glossy, they radiate easy strength and laser focus. They are aesthetically pleasing in every possible way. 

   -For a fair percentage of the Dudes, the television cameras add at least two, maybe three inches. So many are so much smaller than they appear onscreen, and I sincerely hope that does not translate in the chamois area.

  -However, for a select few, the cameras seem to subtract four inches: The Dudes who are truly tall are very, very tall, and if this particular fact translates to the chamois area, I doubt it will make much of a difference.

  -Varying degrees of casual nudity are in evidence almost everywhere. With very few exceptions, only within a certain radius around the team busses is one guaranteed a pleasurable visual.

    -In entirely unrelated news, I do wish I’d asked Marcel Kittel whether they’d had an especially transparent jersey made for him, as the rest of Team Argos-Shimano’s kit didn’t seem to be quite as…diaphanous as his own.  

  -No matter how indifferent you think you are nor how professional you’re capable of being, you will not be able to resist placing your hand on Johnny Hoogerland’s back as you walk past him at the start line. 

  -We all know now that I interviewed at least one rider who does not, it turns out, possess the qualities which define Bangability. And for the life of me, I cannot imagine why anyone would even want to take, for example, testosterone. The very air around the team bus area is dripping with it; why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

  -And finally, a note to aspiring Dudes: Pro Dudes are absolute amateurs when it comes to approaching women. Did one of the Dudes send over a friend to obtain my contact information? Maybe, maybe not. But out of these ten, who would you say is the Dude most likely? Watch, then tell me what you think:

  Up next: Although not a single kilometer of la Vuelta has yet been ridden, the road season always feels as if it ends with the TdF. My heart and mind, after all, belong to the Dudes in the dirt. And though I’ll make every effort to write something about the last of the Grandies, you’ll have to excuse me if I seem preoccupied: I couldn’t be more excited to announce that I’ll be working with BTB TV throughout the upcoming ‘cross season! But! Before all that, watch for a special post next week about an amazing project that has no season. I slid right off my chair when first I heard about it, so I can’t wait to share it with you. Until then…

In case you missed them, my TdF stage reports can be found here // here // here // here // and here. The rest of the video interviews are here; just go down and you’ll know what to do. Might I recommend beginning with the bashful, handsome Adam Hansen? 

[bdipc]

If you weren't already aware, BDIPC tuned two years old earlier this week, so I'm celebrating with the biggest party ever! Bicycling picked me up to help them cover the Tour de France, so I will be posting here for the next two weeks.

(Please note this is filed under "Expert Analysis".)

Irregular posting will resume in August.

[bdipc]

It feels as though Classics season's only just passed, gone like a one-night stand ghosts in the morning. But out of sight, out of mind, and like the rest of the world, we at BDIPC have Grand Tour season firmly fixed in our sights. And as we've become accustomed to fitting it in every morning–the Giro, loves–we've been going deep. Italy's ever-wet weather has put us in the mood, you know? We've been reflecting on the astounding depth and breadth–girth, perhaps–of a Grand Tour Dude's...character. Let's talk bonifications, shall we? 

Like many of the Dudes on our have-done list, Mark Cavendish's love affair with cycling came early in life and on a mountain bike. Dominant from the very start, he turned pro in 2005. His first major wins came during his breakthrough road season in 2007. Then, in 2008, Wiggins launched him Madison-style into the big leagues. But unlike Wiggins, who cannot go down to save his life, Cav has shown us that he can both go down and hammer it out. He took his first Grand Tour stages in the 2008 season riding for HTC, and he's been fine-tuning his post-ups ever since. Cav started his 2013 off with a bang, winning the Tour of Qatar decisively. He followed it up with a mediocre Classics season, but we had faith that once the Giro arrived, we'd see the dominant & confident Cav we know & love. He did not disappoint: In typical fashion, he took stage one of the Giro to become the first in the pink this season. And he has continued to assert that dominance–yesterday, he took his 100th career win in a very wet, very fast finish; today, his 101st. 

It's true that it took us almost two years to come around about Cav. When BDIPC began, we'd all but written him off as a cocky, self-absorbed ass. But it takes one to know one, and as we sang Sagan's praises earlier this season, we realized the massive miss we'd made on the Manx Missile. Without him, we cannot imagine flamboyant post-ups, post-race interview tantrums, or a single glamour girl giving a spandex-suited Dude so much as a second glance. And speaking of: Even if you can't get behind Cav, you can't argue with Peta's...abundant finish-line enthusiasms. Enthusiasm. Singular. Her support is truly second-to-none. She's BDIPC's favorite WAG by a looong shot, and it is our opinion that she's the best evidence of Cav's most Bangable quality. Keeping a lady of that magnitude around is proof of some massive...skills, and when it comes right down to it, it's the skills that pay the bills. So bring the pain, Cav. Make. It. Rain. 

The ink is dry, we've got it on lock, and we can't wait to tell you...but we must. Five months on, every day's been worth the wait. Soon.

[bdipc]

After the shenanigans on the RVV podium, we at BDIPC have been finding it hard (or not-so, depending on your POV) to summon up the enthusiasm to put out. But much like an unexpected erection, inspiration pops up when and where it is ready, and one must be prepared to grasp it at any moment. So when we read this: 

...our fists clenched in anticipation and glee, because the only thing we love better than writing dick jokes is arguing with French housewives. 

Now, we speculated last year upon the care and feeding of Voeckler's tongue. But in order for you, SAHMs of France, to make an informed decision, we felt it only fair to give Sylvain Chavanel an equal amount of inches. Column inches, of course. (That doesn't make it sound less sexual, does it? Damn.)

We can't say that we make a habit out of starting palmares-measuring contests, but we simply cannot resist holding Sylvain's five National titles against Tommy's lack thereof. We're not saying, we're just saying...that we appreciate a Dude who's proven himself to be the best at what he does. And not to belabor the point, but Sylvain's coming into the 2013 season hot after his successful defense at Driedaagse van De Panne. On the entirely superficial side, we suggest giving a bit of a think to Chavanel's nickname: "la Machine", given on account of his exceptional stamina and determination. Really, no matter how dextrous the Dude, we at BDIPC rarely turn down a mechanical assist, and let's be honest! You don't, either.

So. Bzzz. Back on topic. On second thought, perhaps we've been a little too stubborn. In fact, Mesdames, you can forget everything we've said. Bzzz! You can keep Voeckler, that sweet little gassy cabbage. That's fine. We've got our hands full with all these parts, and we're finding ourselves unable to think of anything but hardware. Bzzz. Do you think maintenance is more complicated than applying a bit of lube now and then? Bzzzzz! Because we at BDIPC currently have more than enough. Now! If you'll excuse us, it's time for us to figure out what this Machine can do. 

We will be fully engaged during the Ardennes classics, and invite your take on who 2013's Most Bangable has been thus far. Tweet us here or hashtag #BDIPC; it's been a while! Our take on the Ronde podium can be found here. À bientôt!

[bdipc]

There's no denying it now: It is well and truly road season. The girls of BDIPC have eased back into the swing of things by enjoying the first of the stage races in Paris-Nice and Tirreno-Adriatico, and we now find ourselves anxiously anticipating Milan-San Remo, the first Monument of the season. Monday, we watched Peter Sagan outsprint Nibali and Purito after conquering the #sadomaso climbs that defeated so many, and though we watched him win atop many a mountain last seas on, it finally broke the spell. We realized that we've been placing an unfair amount of emphasis on the Dudes who excel at getting (it) up, and we have completely neglected the Dudes who descend like our panties in the presence of pros. But as any Dude can tell you, lacking the skills to go down successfully may make a moot point out of how well he got up there in the first place.

Though he must also be strong, Milan-San Remo is the rare course where how a Dude goes down is more important than how well he climbs. None of the peaks are terribly long or awfully hard; rather, it is the descents of le Mànie, the Cipressa, and the Poggio that will show us which of them are truly capital-D Dudes. When the bunch turns west, the scent of the ocean will fill their lungs for the rest of the race, and we at BDIPC suppose that perhaps they should take their cues from that olfactory memory. Going down–descending–is an equal mix of technical knowledge and innate ability, an intuition, a way of using not only one's eyes and hands, but also reading the road's reactions, its responses to one's particular method of handling. A Dude must never become complacent, because the smallest error may bring him to a complete standstill, and momentum means everything when it comes to this, one day, one shot. 

In the world according to BDIPC, this Dude has already earned his upper-case D, and so we are looking forward to many, many more years of objectifying Sagan and his skills. Yet some take issue with Sagan. They see his victory celebrations as immature braggadocio, whereas we read them as a deserved display of unbridled emotion. Besides, the implication of inexperience that comes with chalking his behavior up to his youth seems unnecessarily dismissive. See, the 2013 season is young, yet Sagan has already bested Cavendish in a sprint finish, won two stages apiece at the Tour of Oman and Tirreno-Adriatico, taken second place at Strade Bianche, and now he is heading into Milan-San Remo as the odds-on favorite. In fact, the only thing Peter's gotten wrong so far this year was his victory salute in Porto Sant'Elpido. But as ever, we'd be pleased to help right that wrong by conducting a complete appreciation of each of his appendages. All five of them. 

BDIPC is off to NYC for a little unsanctioned fun this weekend. See you back in Belgium for E3, Gent-Wevelgem, and Ronde van Vlaanderen. 

[bdipc]

Though the girls of BDIPC are nowhere near over CX season, Belgium's opening weekend is waiting patiently outside HQ with a waffle iron and a sixer of Jupiler, and, well, as we often say here at HQ, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. And road season is well underway now that Omloop Het Nieuwsblad and Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne are here. These equally exciting, yet very different courses kick off Classics season with the just kind of bang we like best. And since Belgium so generously packs two of our favorites into a single weekend, we figured we'd return the favor by packing two of our favorite Dudes in, too. Into a single post, we mean. 

We've had a photo of Niki Terpstra pinned to the BDIPC corkboard long before the end of last year's road season, and that's a fair approximation of what we'd like to have been doing to him in the offseason. But since our season never truly ends, we're reduced to watching Niki nail the competition–a position we're quite unaccustomed to–at Omloop. Disappointing, really, since Omloop's profile brings a new meaning to multiples. There are so many peaks that our abs ache just imagining it. The official profile marks ten, but that's like a Dude massively under-billing his, ah, abilities: If you really got a load of what was coming your way, well, you might wonder if you were up for a job that size. In any case, Terpstra's experience on the track gives him a raw, explosive sort of power that will certainly come in handy. As will we surely be. 

Sunday at Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne, we'll have our eyes all over Arnaud Démare. Finishing just off the K-B-K podium in 2012, Arnaud will certainly be returning with a fire in his loins, and that's just the way we like him. Unlike Omloop, K-B-K teases with a slow build to an intense second half that features some legendary ascents. But where Omloop never lets up, K-B-K eases off to let the Dudes recover before the final sprint to the finish, which is where we'll be watching for Démare to whip it out. And since Démare's the kind of Dude who won the first World Tour race he competed in (Vattenfall Cyclassics), we're expecting something big.

But no matter what happens this weekend, there will be no rest for the wicked. In like a lioness, March brings us Strade Bianche, Paris-Nice, and Tirreno-Adriatico, one atop the other. And then, of course, the first of the Monuments, la Primavera: Milan-San Remo. Suffice it to say what happens in Belgium won't be staying in Belgium, and it would be wise to begin strengthening your stamina posthaste. After all, the single-day races are merely a warmup for the weeklong stage races, and those, a prelude to the Big Dance(s). Better bone up on your night moves, Dudes, the girls of BDIPC aren't here to sleep. 

We're not ready to say "See you in September!" quite yet, so our CX season wrapup is still in the hopper. In addition to that, we remain contractually obligated to keep the news we continue to tease you with under wraps, but trust the payoff is going to be well worth the wait. 

[bdipc]

This week, everyone who's anyone is on their way to the Derby City for the 2013 Cyclocross World Championships. With its bourbon bars, the nation's only dedicated cyclocross venue, and the thousands of majestically muscular beasts that are just rarin' to get between one's legs, Louisville is truly the stuff that fantasies are made of. But much like high-strung and well-hung racehorses, our focus is on one specific job and our...palates, as it were...are extremely sensitive. So it should go without saying that the girls of BDIPC aren't generally swayed by the various forms of persuasion extended to us by hopeful Dudes. But when our good friend Molly Hurford at Cyclocross Magazine sent over this outtake from her interview with Danny Summerhill, resistance was futile. 

We at BDIPC have always had a bit of a soft spot for the dark horse, and if any Dude racing for the USA fills that particular niche, it's most certainly Danny. Picked by many as a likely discretionary selection before Nationals, his odds looked long even as we considered his multiple National cyclocross titles and the immeasurable number of, ah, podiums under his belt. Anyway, like us, luck was a lady, and like us, the USAC decided to roll Danny's dice. But no matter what happens during the main event, Danny's penchant for making questionable decisions in the heat of the moment makes our thoughts slide right past Sunday afternoon directly into Sunday night, when "long shot" will take on a completely different meaning. 

Although the cyclocross season is coming down the final stretch, the ever-versatile Summerhill will unfortunately not be shedding his spandex. Since he's just as equally skilled at doing it on the pavement as he is in the dirt, he'll be diving headfirst into a full road racing season with UHC. And as we look toward the sunny summertime road season, a hazy vision of Danny glistening with sweat, attacking a hard ascent begins to solidify in our minds. But that, my loves, is a horse of a different color. Today, we are here, in Louisville, and we are right now, and the post horn isn't the only thing blowin'. Saddle up, Summerhill. It's our last chance to get dirty. 

BDIPC will be reppin' hard in Louisville. Catch us if you can, darlings. (We're hard to miss.) But if you can't find us at the races, you'll definitely spot us at the #Louisville2013FOAMPARTY...we can't WAIT to meet you! 

[bdipc]

In cyclocross, as in road, as in life, there are the Dudes whose job it is to sacrifice a possible podium placing for the good of the more prominent Dude. On the road, they're called domestiques, but at BDIPC HQ, we call them wingmen. Wingmen are the unsung heroes of every team, willing to go hard right from the gun on the belief that their Dude is the Dude most deserving of post-podium antics. They're faithful, hardworking, and loyal. And though noble it may be, it became frustrating for the girls of BDIPC to watch Klaas Vantornout repeatedly blow his load far too early trying to wear the rest of the Dudes out on Kevin Pauwels' behalf, especially as it became increasingly clear that a bit of role reversal was in order. But every night out has its end, and at last call, all bets are off. 

Though Klaas has been racing 'cross for well over a decade, he truly only came into focus for us when he oh-so-gracefully went ass-over-teakettle at Ronse. There was something about the way he flew through the air that wet our whistles in a way we hadn't felt in quite some time. So we kept our eyes out, then, for the big Dude in red and white. And when he held Nys off for the win at Gieten, we understood. Klaas hadn't been blowing his load too early, after all. He was slowly building steam, letting the rest of the Dudes wear themselves out over time. He was waiting for the perfect time to peak: the Belgian National Cyclocross Championships. 

Now that Klaas has finally come out on top when it mattered, we're left to wait and see if he'll be able to keep it up long enough to make it all the way to Louisville in the shape he's currently in. But right here, right now, it's getting close to closing time. In typical fashion, the Dude of the hour left the bar long ago. The lights are coming up and those who have found themselves riding solo are milling around team parking, waiting for the sidewalk sale to begin. One of these, please! But you'll have to tell us all about that tomorrow, won't you? Because before you even noticed we were gone, we'd been getting Vantorn-up from the floor up for hours. Apparently Klaas isn't the only one who's peaking when it matters!

We at BDIPC believe the Women's races are just as important and exciting to follow as the Dudes'. Unfortunately, the UCI doesn't agree, which has resulted in many notable exclusions from European nations. Please show your support and join us in signing this petition. We've upped our standards, UCI. Now up yours!