AT ONCE I KNEW.

i was not magnificent.

[bearnone]

#BEARNONE. a gas station attendant and small time drug dealer with a mysterious past. written by kc. start here.

[dumbthink2]

I'VE BEEN PERFORMING WHO I THOUGHT I SHOULD BE MY ENTIRE LIFE. i don't think i know who i am anymore.

[dumbthink2]

I'VE BEEN PERFORMING WHO I THOUGHT I SHOULD BE MY ENTIRE LIFE. i don't think i know who i am anymore.

[dumbthink2]

I'VE BEEN PERFORMING WHO I THOUGHT I SHOULD BE MY ENTIRE LIFE. i don't think i know who i am anymore.

[bearnone]

something i will (someday) expand upon is how bear does not like to show any kind of negative emotions because he 1) feels like being negative in any way when his life was at one point so much worse doesn't make any logical sense (even though that's not how anything works) and 2) spent all of his time growing up hiding those specific feelings that it is just instinct. like you would think he'd feel that way about all of his emotions but he rarely felt anything positive growing up and could not hide it because he so desperately wanted to hold onto that feeling. so that continues into his adulthood. it can end up with him seemingly overly positive or completely chill with seemingly no other options.

[bearnone]

also thinking abt bear having animal autism. is anyone surprised by this considering he named himself bear because he thought his teddy bear was awesome

[bearnone]

guess who spent the weekend watching mission impossible movies and knitting.... yeah that's right, it's me. my hands hurt so bad tonight (LMAO) but this week i wanna try to work on making my multi finally. how is everyone????

[bearnone]

“you heard i fell out a tree but not my name? shit, i kinda thought you’d be ahead of me there.” but i had also forgotten to ask his as well. my turn to flush, though there’s really nothing left of the cigarette to hold onto.

i use the bottom of my shoe to get rid of anything left, before flicking it towards a nearby trash can. of course, it lands in. as always. “‘m bear jones. pleasure to meet you, dennis. sorry if i scared you.”

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

my face only reddens further, embarrassed that i hadn't learned his name prior to the interaction. i'd only heard about the incident, i hadn't seen his name on the board. "i didn't ... well i just ... langdon didn't tell me your name." he might have, i probably forgot it. i draw in a deep breath, a desperate attempt to collect myself, as i walk up to the trash can to throw away the cigarette butt. i'm impressed, honestly, that he made the shot. i know i'd miss it if i tried, and i've embarrassed myself enough as it is.

bear jones, it's a unique name, one that i should've remembered if i had heard it before. my eyes widen a fraction, head shaking from side to side. "no! no ... you didn't scare me." i send him a warm, apologetic smile. i shrug my shoulders, shifting my weight from foot to foot. "i was just ... surprised, by the offer. it uh ... it really is nice to meet you, bear." i pause, swallowing hard. why did this feel so damn awkward? "we should ... probably exchange phone numbers. you know, to coordinate that trip to palmyra." i send him a stronger smile this time, trying my best to be confident, not to waver. am i being smooth? i hope i'm being smooth.

[bearnone]

i think the offer would’ve made most people laugh, and i’m glad i didn’t get that from him. eyebrows raise, and my smile widens at the mention of phone numbers. i don’t text often, but he’s a good excuse to get my phone out. maybe with a little too much excitement, i nod.

“have you got something to write with? or are you really good with phone numbers, too?”

[bearnone]

I need to write a cowboy oc with a Lewis Pullman fc but I’d have to actually make my multi …

[bearnone]

the stars and the quiet. it was one of the first things i noticed, actually. the first little while i was out, it had been hard to see them through all the trees, but they were still so bright… back then, i hadn’t even known the word.

“i’m from palmyra. it’s this middle of nowhere type place, literally nothing there.” what a glowing review. “great for stargazing, though. you’ll have to come visit sometime.”

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

"palmyra ..." i haven't heard of it, but i'm also pretty sure no one has heard of broken bow nebraska either. one final drag of the cigarette, offer to visit causing me to sputter on smoke. my eyes widen, shaking my head from side to side as i cough, accidentally dropping the cigarette butt on the ground.

"come ... come visit?" i'm not offended by the offer, i'm just surprised. i can feel my cheeks warm, eyes breaking off of the others face, squatting down to retrieve the cigarette butt from the ground. weight shifts from foot to foot, eyes bouncing from the ground and back to the other. "i don't ... even know your name." the breathy laugh just slips out of me, corners of my lips turning up into a smile. "i'm uh ... dennis, by the way. whitaker ... dennis whitaker."

[bearnone]

“you heard i fell out a tree but not my name? shit, i kinda thought you’d be ahead of me there.” but i had also forgotten to ask his as well. my turn to flush, though there’s really nothing left of the cigarette to hold onto.

i use the bottom of my shoe to get rid of anything left, before flicking it towards a nearby trash can. of course, it lands in. as always. “‘m bear jones. pleasure to meet you, dennis. sorry if i scared you.”

[bearnone]

“out here in the city? never. but i live a ways out, and i dunno about cows, i’ve never seen one, but i have seen some chickens. pretty much everyone i know buys their eggs local.” because it’s easier than making a trip to the closest grocery store. though, bob liked to say the fresher the egg the better the taste. “god, living out here must be such a big change.”

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

"well ... yeah. i'd be surprised to see a cow in the city." i let out a small laugh, smile tugging at the corners of my lips. i give a nod of my head, taking another drag from the cigarette. "local eggs are the best. i miss proper farm fresh eggs ..." i trail off a little bit, head tilting side to side, like i'm mentally weighing my options. "it ... yeah, it's been a big change. it uh ... was tough, at first, but i'm starting to get used to it." i shift my weight from foot to foot, free hand fidgeting with the hem of my scrub top. i look up at the sky, sighing. "i think what i miss most is how bright the stars were, how quiet it was." i ash the cigarette again, moving to focus my eyes back on him. "where do you live? if uh ... i mean ... if you don't mind me asking."

[bearnone]

the stars and the quiet. it was one of the first things i noticed, actually. the first little while i was out, it had been hard to see them through all the trees, but they were still so bright… back then, i hadn’t even known the word.

“i’m from palmyra. it’s this middle of nowhere type place, literally nothing there.” what a glowing review. “great for stargazing, though. you’ll have to come visit sometime.”

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

chest heaves, sweat pooling down my back, shirt sticking to my chest. i'd been shooting hoops for a good forty - five minutes now, trying to decompress from the day. i was getting old. i dribble the ball a few times, stepping from side to side as i gear up to make the shot. the ball flies through the air, smacking the side of the backboard and bouncing right off of it and down to the pavement.

bear ( @bearnone ) said to doug : isn't the ball supposed to go in the hoop?

my hands are thrown up in frustration, curse murmured under my breath as i let out a heavy sigh. gaze is sent over to bear, eyes narrowing. "ha ha." mocking laughter is thrown his way, but there's a smirk tugging at the corners of my lips. i run to retrieve the ball, tossing it over to bear. "go ahead, i'd like to see you do any better."

[bearnone]

i said i wasn’t going to play, because i was tired. mostly, i just didn’t want to get all sweaty like doug was right now. maybe it looked good on him, but i doubt it would have the same effect on me. still, i just couldn’t help it. according to mark, this is how doug makes everyone act.

“well, alright. but only because you forced me.”

i do dribble a couple of times, and those are real. it’s only when i make the throw that i cheat a little, using my powers to make sure the ball makes a beautiful little arc right towards the hoop. it swishes right through the net, as if it had been guided.

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

the comment about him being jealous works a small laugh from me, air puffing past my nostrils. that's not the typical reaction i get, especially since i had moved here. "yes, we had cattle ... chickens too." there's a fondness in my voice, huh. maybe i missed home more than i thought. "we did grow corn too, but i mostly spent time caring for the animals." i pause, brows furrowing. "do you guys even have cows around here?"

[bearnone]

“out here in the city? never. but i live a ways out, and i dunno about cows, i’ve never seen one, but i have seen some chickens. pretty much everyone i know buys their eggs local.” because it’s easier than making a trip to the closest grocery store. though, bob liked to say the fresher the egg the better the taste. “god, living out here must be such a big change.”

[bearnone]

i stare at him for maybe a moment too long when he gives an actual number. i really don’t hang around people who are good with numbers, and especially not doctors. do they all just know stuff like that? by the time i realize, he’s asked a question. “oh, yeah. am i famous or something?” i laugh a little, cheeks flushed a bit. at least this time i’ve got a cigarette. “lemme guess, you wanna know why i was in a tree?”

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

i tap the ash off my cigarette, shoulders raising into a lazy shrug. "not sure if famous is the right word for it." gossip spread like wildfire at ptmc, more so than any other hospital i'd been at. there'd been talk about langdon flirting with a patient, but i never really paid any attention to rumors. the fact that the guy was back for a follow up only added fuel to the fire. it's just how i had heard about him. "trees are fun to climb." i state, matter of fact, pausing to take another drag. "sometimes you fall out of them." smoke slips past my lips as i speak. yeah, i needed a cigarette today. "i grew up on a farm, climbed a lot of trees."

[bearnone]

alright, i have officially decided that i like this doctor. (though, it honestly would’ve been more surprising if i didn’t. i’ve found that i like most people i meet.) “on a farm? damn. i’m kinda jealous.” there’s a couple in palmyra, since there’s so much space. but i’ve only ever driven past. “was it a farm with uh… like cows? or were you guys just growing stuff?”

[bearnone]

he is supposed to be inside, actually. frank had insisted on a checkup, but once again, the place was moving slow. “can’t smoke inside.” is the only answer he gives as he opens up the pack, letting the other grab one before getting his lighter out. “are you sure your boss doesn’t smoke? seems like this would be a good job for it.” plus, he stole this idea from some other hospital employee he saw do it first.

[archived-bychuck-deactivated202]

my lips quirk up into a smile when he mentions not being able to smoke inside. "hasn't stopped people before." like that patient with the head lack that i'd found in the stairwell. i accept the cigarette, placing it between my lips, sparking the borrowed lighter. i take a long drag, smoke held in my lungs for a beat before i exhale. i pause, brows furrowing as i try to imagine robby smoking a cigarette. i could see it, honestly. "who knows." i say with a shrug of my shoulders, removing the cigarette from my lips, glancing back over at the other. "around twenty - one percent of physicians smoke, but most of those are med students." that is where i picked up my habit after all. "if my boss does smoke ... i have a feeling he's not letting anyone know about it." another drag of the cigarette, head tilting to the side. "uhm ... you're langdon's patient, right? fell out of a tree?"

[bearnone]

i stare at him for maybe a moment too long when he gives an actual number. i really don’t hang around people who are good with numbers, and especially not doctors. do they all just know stuff like that? by the time i realize, he’s asked a question. “oh, yeah. am i famous or something?” i laugh a little, cheeks flushed a bit. at least this time i’ve got a cigarette. “lemme guess, you wanna know why i was in a tree?”

[freshmoviequotes]

Fingernails (2023)

[bearnone]

checking in to say I’m going to work on my multi this weekend. and that I’ll be adding mark Greene from er because #need