Embrace 2020.

[bearwitnesstoo]

Living in the time of COVID-19

It’s 12 April 2020. The first quarter of 2020 has been crazy - nobody counting down into the new decade just last December would have predicted the absolute chaos awaiting us on the other side. Countries all over the world have closed their borders. As of today, there are more than 2.5 million reported cases worldwide and we may not have even reached the peak of the pandemic.

It’s the second week of #circuit breaker (or a nicer way to say lockdown) in Singapore. I’ve been on a split team or work-from-home arrangement for close to two months now - initially, it was difficult to adjust to this feeling of disconnect, but slowly I am finding peace with this arrangement. This really is the best time to press pause and reset my life, and finally work on those things I’ve always wanted to do:

1. Identify my core values & find somewhere to capture them

2. Clear out my wardrobe

3. Set up a style board for my ideal new style (minimalist)

4. Set up a new micro habit of daily reading or learning (~30min)

5. Set up a system for quarterly reset & do my Q1 2020 review - taking stock of energy & rebalancing, evaluating progress towards goals, visualisation

6. Clean my room, including throwing out old items

7. Set up an effective system for my online repository blog - 1. key insights from books; 2. mentoring notes and reflections; 3. key ideas that frame my approach to life; 4. media to help me reset & recharge; 5. knowledge; 6. professional development; 7. favourite quotes; 8. personal development (perhaps #3 and #4 should be compiled in this blog instead?)

8. Come to a decision whether or not to proceed with my side hustle project on Etsy

[bearwitnesstoo]

2019 in review + 2020 resolutions

Overall, the year was rocky. It started off incredibly well and I remember feeling inspired and so very grateful for all that was going for me, relationships and career-wise. Mid-year threw me a couple of unpleasant challenges. First, I grew distant from my supervisor because I had run out of emotional “fuel” to support her on her mental health recovery journey, even though I treasured our relationship very much. Second, I was sabotaged by a colleague, and that taught me to exercise caution in my interactions with people, and particularly so at the workplace. On a positive note, several stressful situations at work taken together led me to seek out something that would help me achieve more balance - and eventually I found pilates. For the first time in the 25 years of my life, I had found a form of exercise I actually enjoyed and could practise consistently, and for that I am so grateful and so proud. Even then, I felt that I never did recover from the setbacks of mid-year, and the rest of the year remained rather flat. I ended the year with mixed emotions and low on energy without a clear idea of why I felt so.

What went well - 

1. Started consistent exercise routine and found a form of exercise I truly liked (pilates).

2. “Financial Adulting”. Established a budgeting / financial tracking system that works for me; also managed all my insurance needs at this stage.

3. Established a positive relationship with team mates at work, and built a good image/reputation as a reliable co-worker. Achieved the first promotion of my career.

4. Relationship with N was stable and went well. This year I learned to give and take. Key milestones - first full year together, first overseas trip together (Phuket in Jan 2019), first wedding together (N’s cousin’s wedding in Dec 2019)

What could be better - 

1. Neglected grooming / image

2. Frequent bouts of laziness / lazing about in bed feeling uninspired, especially during weekday evenings and on weekends

3. Room cleanliness + sticking to routines

4. More active learning and reading - this started ok at the beginning of the year, but dropped off after Q2

5. Presenting self in various social settings, such as external client meetings / networking events / with N’s family

2020 Resolutions

1. Consistency - Attend gym classes at least twice a week. Make this a habit that will stick with you in time to come.

2. Seek out a career mentor.

3. Carve out a “life admin” slot every weekend - For cleaning out my room, refresh & reset, etc.

4. Learn about the concept of “maximising energy” and apply it to maximise my life.

[bearwitnesstoo]

How to remain professional at work

For times when I need reminders to keep myself sane -

1. Be the adult in the room

2. Rise above or get dragged down (don’t stoop to their level)

3. Model the kind of respectful communication and workplace conduct that you’d like to see

4. Don’t allow a negative or toxic person to influence your state of mind.

5. Ignore, don’t engage

Constructive advice -

1. Identify what pushes your buttons. What is it that you dislike about another person's behaviour? Remember these triggers are unique to you and you alone.

2. If there is someone who is annoying or abrasive, don’t think about how the person acts, think about how you react. It’s far more productive to focus on your own behavior because you can control it.

[bearwitnesstoo]

Revisiting my blog and couldn’t help but smile to realise how far I’ve come or how much growth has happened in the past year. And haven’t I more or less achieved what I set out to do? 

//Change

Yesterday, F took us by surprise by sharing that she’ll be moving on to another company to take on a role she’s always wanted to try. How wonderful, yet how sad. She’s been here under a year and we’ve hardly even worked on a project together, but she is a solid presence in my life and almost like a role model figure to me. 

//Mid-2019

Life has been treating me well, and there’s so much to be grateful for. Sometimes it takes a while for me to recognise this, especially when life moves fast and you have to keep moving through the ups and downs. But I have so so much to be thankful for through it all: For one, N is always there for me, always kind and forgiving, always childlike but so dependable. And my friends who understand me through all the petty complaints and who strive together. Last week I took a walk at the new Lakeside Garden - the waters was so beautiful, and there are so many happy kids, families, adorable barking dogs, there was an adult swing where I could play alongside the kids, and so many other beautiful and well planned things. And not to mention the movies I’ve been catching with my amazing colleagues recently - Aladdin was so genius, so brilliant and filled me with so much wonder; such amazing casting, all the leads were gorgeous and so perfect. Detective Pikachu was another absolutely perfect one - so much cuteness, excitement and nostalgia - the movie brought me through a roller coaster journey very much like childhood itself. 

I turn 25 in 2 months’ time. It's taken me a while, but I am so so happy with where I am in my life right now and I have so many thank-yous to say to every version of my past self that have carried me through. 

[bearwitnesstoo]

Time for a long overdue check-in with myself. 

I’ve been close to 5 months at my first job, and have had my fair share of ups and downs. It’s been a rough past 2 weeks and I’ve been plagued with negative thoughts, resentment and even some bitterness. Before it all falls into a downward spiral, I guess it’s time to bring back the focus onto myself. More time spent understanding myself and working on myself to become better. Less energy to think about other factors external to the self.

//Self-evaluation 

All in all, I’d say I am proud of my performance in the past months. Especially at the start, being a quick learner certainly has its benefits and I’m fortunate that my team and my bosses have been able to recognise my strengths. But now that I’m almost half a year into the job, as I was telling Hui, the newbie hat is starting to wear off. Along with that, expectations are shifting, and I can no longer make the excuse that I’m new and still taking time to learn the ropes. When it comes to clear cut delivering and performing as a professional, I still don’t see myself being able to meet expectations there. Need to work on it.

//Moving forward

Integrating some of the top tips I’ve seen floating around the internet into my own career:

1. Build your personal brand - sometimes I get nervous and insecure about what I can bring to the table, how to present myself when I’m so young and lacking in so many areas. For now, I would position myself as someone who’s (i) extremely reliable (diligent); (ii) on the pulse of social issues (passionate, connected); (iii) independent thinker (intelligent). 

And not forgetting my 2018 key words - with elegance, humility and generosity. Sadly I’ve been letting my ugly side rear its head with the bitterness and resentment I’ve been openly expressing recently. Time to behave myself!! Remember growth takes deliberate effort and concrete action. 

2. Become irreplaceable - it’s easy to become complacent once you understand the working styles of team mates and try to do the minimal. And also to box yourself up in a certain set of roles that you and your team think are your strengths, without trying to contribute or stretch yourself in other ways. My goal going forward would be to constantly surprise the team and myself, to keep pushing and trying and contributing ideas even if I may make mistakes and look silly along the way. 

[bearwitnesstoo]

2017 Reflections + 2018 Resolutions

Slightly late, but determined to set down my 2018 resolutions. Last year was the first time I took goal setting seriously, and 2017 has been an incredibly rewarding year. In a year, I’ve managed to get through my final year, complete an internship in sustainability (against all odds), complete a thesis in the topic (with a prof I respect very much, had the chance to speak with people in the industry, had the chance to expand my network with professionals in this industry), find myself a lot more, gain more confidence (for most part), travel w my family, got a couple of job offers and start a job which is so so close to what I hoped for (whew). I used to think ‘intentional living’ was a hipster fad and all, but after last year, I’m really excited to keep going and to proactively create a ‘future me’ that I can be proud of.

---

My 3 key categories for this year, in order - Relationship goals > Career goals > Financial goals. And then there’s all the miscellaneous health/ personal goals which are important too, but more general.

FINANCIAL GOALS

- no spending on travel & ‘wants this year’, including clothes, accessories, etc.

CAREER GOALS

- be 26. 

- make sure every piece of work I submit, I can be proud of

- make everyone believe you deserve that promotion

- extra learning (Q1 - the social sector; Q2 - design & marketing)

RELATIONSHIP GOALS

- be generous. think more of others, less of myself. 

HEALTH/ PERSONAL GOALS

- regular hikes (min. once every two weeks)

- stairs instead of escalator, wherever possible

- wakey at 5, sleep before 11

[econsociology]

Economics to Sociology phrasebook to help economists interact with sociologists, and vice versa :-) What happened when  two economics PhD students got bored hanging out with their fellow tiresome economists and boldly decided to graze in new attractive fields. See the whole story: 

[bearwitnesstoo]

oh my god I love this

[bearwitnesstoo]

So I’ve just thought of starting a brand new initiative where I learn about a new topic through YouTube videos while I do my make up & skin care routine each day. That’s almost an hour a day. Here’s a list of topics to learn about:

- Literature genres - Art genres - Music genres - Imperial Chinese history - Individual authors

- One video sparknotes a day! [/edit] Oops I changed my mind about that. Setting new, more urgent goals to set my career in place. 1. Focus and do well on the current internship. 2. Binge watch Coursera courses related to sustainability & business. Learn to speak their language. 3. Ideally, a thesis in a related topic. 4. A part time research/ internship in a related field next semester. Don’t panic. You’ve got this.

[bearwitnesstoo]

These days I’ve come to realise that a lot of negative emotions I have, like getting annoyed or frustrated over petty misunderstandings with the people around me, all stem from some sort of insecurity about myself that really bothered me but which I perhaps never dared to admit to myself. So here’s a reminder to myself to channel such energy towards working on myself, working on becoming better. I need to become good enough, happy enough with myself, comfortable enough with myself, with what I’ve achieved and what I’m able to achieve, before I can be fully genuine, patient, thoughtful, kind and loving towards others. 

[bearwitnesstoo]

going through a rough period r.n. and ugh i don’t know how my positivity can just disappear all of a sudden. all my unhappiness is the same - feeling like a failure, unintelligent, lazy. then there’s guilt from lazy. lonely. cut everyone out of my life but i have no energy to keep anyone in my life anyway. worthless.

what is the meaning of this or anything at all what what what why

[bearwitnesstoo]

Last night I dreamed that my dad was with us again. He was not ill, not helpless and angry the way he was towards the end, the way I still remember him now.

[bearwitnesstoo]

19 March. Disappointed that I’m falling back into my lazy self. But I feel that something has changed (inwardly??) and I’ve become a bolder, more self-assured, free-er self this year. I feel almost proud of myself, sometimes. 

Keep workin’

[heresay]

…before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the secondary consequences. The work, not the people. Your own action, not any possible object of your charity.

Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead (via heresay)

[bearwitnesstoo]

[bearwitnesstoo]

more thoughts!! here i go - 

1. gotta become more worldly, but not in the pretentious way. which means i read more widely and watch and listen and become better in so many ways, and *somehow* get this to translate into a more well-informed person. slightly ambitious, but hey, 23 is still young, i’ve got time and space to grow into whoever i wanna be.

2. hello, me?? only 28 january 2017 and have you forgotten about exercising regularly??? (just casualy poppin’ in a reminder-to-self to get things going’, ha.)

[bearwitnesstoo]

little thoughts formed while i’m doing my readings, so i’ll just put them down here - 

1. got to reduce morning routine to 30min, including washing up, skincare and make up. i hardly even put any make up on; there’s no reason this should be taking me an hour. i’ll compile a 30min wake-me-up playlist to guide myself. no going wrong there. starts TOMORROW.

2. read at least 15 minutes before light off, every night. no excuses.

omg-goshhh so much else to do - cleaning my wardrobe (half done??), updating my resume, applying for internships, learning to code, learning excel, etc. back to my readings!!!

[bearwitnesstoo]

2017 Goal - Shifting priority to delivering good quality work/ building my own capabilities rather than aim to be liked. Other people’s approval will come naturally if I focus on delivering.

Saw this some time ago - It’s more important to be respected than to be liked.

So this year, more than ever, aim to stay true to the simplest motto - work hard, stay kind.