Okay guys, so a little backstory on me and one of the main reasons I started this anonymous blog. When I started college things got really crazy for me, as a teen mom I was already struggling to find my people. Well fast forwards a few days and our (very Christian)college had new student orientation (duh most do) and I attended mainly trying to get to know campus and make memories. Well I made a few friends (let’s call them Laura and James) but we found the three of us to get along better with our male student leader (we will name him Paul) than our female one.
During the last night of orientation we had a gathering that the new freshmen got to meet the upperclassmen and share food and things. Well at this event Paul and I just clicked. Men are weird and stupid so he made a remark that set the tone for our entire relationship.
Well after the week of orientation was over he and I had built a really good foundation of friendship and we decided it would be fun to hang out off campus without anyone else (I.e a date) and binge marvel movies. It sounded like an amazing time, my friends and the RA on staff that day said it wouldn’t be a good idea since he was a senior and I was a freshman, but that made me want to do it even more.
Needless to say we did more than just watch movies that night, I ended up staying the night indefinitely for about 3 months after that.
What I didn’t know going into this, is that his ex was crazy. Like beyond regular crazy and straight into ruin my life crazy. Yikes. She ended up going to the school and saying we were having a sexual relationship. (please remember this school is very Christian)
His ex Laurel and her best friend McKenzie took it upon themselves to ruin us. We nearly got expelled indefinitely from the school. After a mess of “consequences” that I was required to do to say enrolled all hell broke lose. At this point the RD of my hall was harassing me based on this situation, so I took matters to the school board. This is how I ended up meeting my best friend to this day, Summer. She was an RA for another hall and she heard the situation and we became best friends immediately.
Paul broke up with me the first week of October 2016, which I later found out was strictly because of the dean of students. That was the hardest thing for me, I fell hard and fast for that man. Paul knew it was going to ruin me but he knew it was best for the both of us. Fast forward a week, Paul was going home for a 4 day weekend for a job interview leaving that Wednesday.
Tuesday evening October 11, 2016 I found out I was pregnant, around 7-8 weeks. I was scared, emotional and more importantly worried about how Paul would take it. We had been careful, taken all the precautions we could and still this happened to us. I loved that baby more than almost anything.
Saturday morning October 15, 2016 around 2AM I lost my baby. He didn’t even know I was pregnant because he was out of town. I was in shock. I was in my best friend Summer’s room balling my eyes out unsure of what to tell her or Paul.
I ended up telling Paul that following Tuesday. I still think about my baby. Would it be a boy or girl? I think she would have been a girl. What would she have looked like? Brown hair like her dad and blue eyes like mom? Maybe.
I still think about her. I wonder if he does, but I doubt it. He’s happily in a relationship now and I’m engaged to someone else, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I got to know my daughter.
This is just a part of my story, I’ll tell it all little by little.
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