Letter #1114: To M. Chang from Q. Fabray-Chang: 01/08/2019
Dear Chinese Panda Bear,
Losing him was blue like I’d never known Missing him was dark grey all alone Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met But loving him was red Loving him was red
Would you look at that, I serenaded you with Taylor Swift. Because that's totally odd and unusual behavior for me. You'd think that after nearly seven wonderful, intense years together, I'd get sick of singing Taylor Swift, but I haven't. Beth herself has even begun singing along with me these days, if you couldn't tell by her and I bursting into the apartment singing, "I Knew You Were Trouble." But I think it has more to do with Taylor Swift dating that guy from One Direction. The one with the four nipples.
Today, I was cleaning out the spare room. Because when Elliott isn't trying to make my ears bleed with his crying, he's relatively sweet tempered and too adorable--which makes it hard for me to be productive--I need to do something. I'm not back to work for another month, so I decided to try and get the ground running with chores and stuff that I swore I'd do. Anyways, I was going through the spare room when I found this purple box. Inside, I found our letters. The older ones, not the recent ones. As in, back in 2011 when we were still in Lima and we had this summer romance. It could totally rival The Notebook, just saying. And I was reading them over, and I swear I felt eighteen again. Say it's the hormones, but I say it's nostalgia. I also found some old pictures. I found the bacon ring you gave me when you first proposed. I found the ancient Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire DVD we watched that day in your house. I found a picture of Blondie when she was fresh from the pound. I even found that leather lingerie I wore (but then I put it away because I didn't need Beth asking why mommy would wear something that looks so uncomfortable)
Seeing those things felt so surreal. It has made me realize how far in the past it is, and yet how evident it still is in the present. I still eat bacon on a daily basis. I still try and boycott you from noodles and coffee, which never works. I'm still terribly competitive (by the way, I beat the record for fastest diaper change). I still quote things, lots of things. Just the works! And you're still the same Mike I fell in love with, but even better now with time. You're still shy and quiet, but terribly intuitive. I'm pretty sure your entire body is made of noodles now. Plus, you're drastically kind and hot. We're so the same, and yet so not. Because we've had years to get it right, and more years to get everything completely wrong.
We made it through the Tina thing, the Puck thing, the me going loony thing, your fall out with your family, us getting engaged, you getting hurt at that football game, us getting back together, Shelby passing away, you going to Paris, the tension when you came home, and everything else that followed. Sitting here now, writing this letter, I can only think of the many things that will come our way; because we're Chinese Panda Bear and the Lion Quinn and we are magnets to drama. But even then, we survive and thrive. Thinking about the things that may go awry or the complications that come with simply being a human being, I'm not scared. You make me fearless, Mr. Chang. With you, I feel untouchable.
And then, I think about how I never imagined this to be my life. When I was in Lima, fearing remaining a teen mom loser, I never thought this would be where I ended up. I'm married to Mike Chang, dancer extraordinare who literally dances circles around anyone in New York City. I'm living in the city that has made legends. I'm a full-time model whose billboard has been on at least once in each continent. Beth is still in my life, as my daughter now that I am truly capable and ready, and fulfills my every day life. Elliott, whose a bundle of joy and energy, has finally come into our lives after a year of talking about having a child together. I still have Blaine, Kurt, Amelia, Sebastian, and more in my lives as we all grow together.
I have you to thank for this. Without you, none of this would have happened for me. Thank you, Mikey, for getting on this rollercoaster love life with me and never getting off--even if sometimes, I'm sure you felt sick.
Even after all this time:
I'm yours
Love,
Lion Quinn
(Shit, shit, shit... Elliott's crying again. I just want to sleep, damn it!)
