— [the night of the shooting for 8lace: chillin in the dream]
It was two in the morning, and yet Renjun can't feign sleepiness. His mindless and countless thoughts about everything under the sun were forcing him into a spiral of deep pondering.
Making sure he was quiet, he slipped out of Haechan's embrace, tiptoeing across the bed, descending into the stairs. He opened the sliding door and walked towards the swimming pool, taking a seat in one of the chaise lounges, his head perked, gazing intently at what seemed to be a full moon.
Beautiful, Renjun thought,
Though it seems as it's incredibly lonely.
With his eyes still stuck at the round phenomenon, he focused his other senses on his surroundings: the sound of the cicadas, the subtle rustling of the leaves, and even the silent whistle of the wind.
He let his thoughts that he felt too constricted to let wander back inside the house, together with his friends that felt more like brothers, infiltrate his brain—going to and from different perceptions, about the world and the universe.
He saw what he thought to be a planet, and drifted into the aliens outside of this world—where they could be, or what they could be doing at the moment, Are they looking up the stars as I am now?
His eye then caught a glint of a shooting star and immediately his brain was pulled into a pondering on theories—in entropy. He couldn't help it—being lectured on the topic the moment their repackaged album was announced.
A concept about outer space! He jeered, but came to dread about having to learn a bit of its technical aspect.
To be fair, they weren't required to learn the complicated concepts about it (it wasn't as if he was in school anyway), instead assigned to simply watch a crash course on the general stuff.
So entropy, he remembered, the thing about always being in a sense of chaos and disorder.
Renjun scoffed, his thoughts now a little bit more personal as he wondered about his own life, shaking his head at the thought, "Where's the lie in that."
He leaned further, doing a little bit more probing into the limitations of his mind—thinking deeply in attempts to remember what else he learned in that afternoon that he let himself be pulled into a science-frenzy of youtube crash courses.
Eventually, he whispered, "Multi-verse."
The other interesting thing...his mind started to churn.
Multiverse was a hypothetical theory—not quite given enough empirical evidence to be considered a fact, but for Renjun who's interests dabbled more into fiction, it was an interesting thought to entertain—quite possibly a fleeting one, but still a good one.
Multiverse, he repeated once more in his mind.
The idea that there's another version of me out there, he stretched his arms outwards, his palms wide as if reaching something, yet there was nothing but empty space.
He let out a sigh and placed his hands back down, his mind now settling into a quiet hum—the initial overdrive of thoughts fading into a silent buzz.
Head now empty, he let himself relax—his eyes mindlessly focused into the stars in the sky, some of them twinkling.
Renjun felt his lips curl, the typical Seoul skyline too bright to let him truly appreciate and even notice the twinkling stars—unbelievably dazzling and beautiful...
He stopped, noticing how the emptiness of his brain was suddenly filling up with dangerous thoughts—thoughts that he tried so hard not to think about, effectively distracting himself with aliens and multiverse, and...
He heaved a sigh, "Fuck."
Fortunately, for him, his spiral into self-destruction was disrupted by a soft click.
Turning his torso, he saw Aiko—tiredly rubbing her eyes as she made her way into his space.
"Fuck me." He muttered with a frustrated tone, though his expression say otherwise.
Immediately, he masked his panic.
"What're you doing up?" He asked in the gentlest tone he could muster the moment the female idol was within earshot.
Aiko nonchalantly shrugged, lying on the lounge just beside him.
With a soft mutter, she responded, "I saw you go out. And when you didn't come back I thought I'd come and fetch you."
She leaned into her sides to observe Renjun—him thanking the gods it was nighttime, the darkness hiding the reddening tips of his ears, no doubt due to the adorable nature of the female in front of him.
"It's still too late to be awake, I was worried."
Renjun was quietly staring, feeling his own heartbeat pound louder to the point that he was afraid Aiko would hear it—that, and he was scared to let himself speak, fearing that he'd blurt out the one thought he'd been repressing the past few weeks.
"What were you doing here?" Aiko asked once more, not noticing his sudden quietness.
Snapping out of his Aiko-induced reverie, Renjun looked back up the night sky—hoping the view would distract him from the person of his dreams (the real view was beside you!).
"Uh." He cleared his throat.
"Just thinking," He started, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down.
It took him a while to answer, calculating his response,
Not wanting to reveal how he was close to thinking about her again—the way she smiles, the way she'd huff when she was annoyed, or even the way she'd subtly take care of the members—STOP!, he spiraled back into the thoughts he was having just before all of that.
Mentally patting himself on the shoulder, he responded, "Multiverse."
Aiko hummed, a knowing smile on her face, "So the possibility of another version of this world—of you and me."
She shook her head in amusement, "That's so like you to ponder about these things."
Not paying mind to the backhanded insult, Renjun probed, pleasantly surprised, "You know about the multiverse?"
There was a lazy nod, "You know you're not the only science fiction fan here."
Renjun let out a relaxed chuckle—being able to momentarily forget about his newfound feelings as the banter continued, focusing instead on the conversation he was having with his friend, "That's right, I momentarily forgot you were a nerd."
"Hey!" Aiko feigned a warning, prompting both of them to laugh softly.
"So, what about the multiverse?"
Renjun stopped laughing, gazing into the twinkling stars once more—stars that he knew, or at least believed were more than the freckle of dots they were seeing at the moment.
"The multiverse—a myriad of worlds, I just—I thought of the other me out there." He began, though it being quite a bit of a white lie, knowing that he never even got to ponder into the topic when she barged into his mind space so quickly.
"The non-idol you, perhaps?" Aiko didn't even notice,
Renjun nodded his head, "Yeah, particularly that. I just thought of the possibilities, you know."
"Would I have pursued classical music, went to uni, or done something else." The lie flowed out perfectly that Renjun was convinced he wasn't lying anymore, his true thoughts spilling effortlessly like overflowing water.
A soft breath came from his lips, "I love the limelight, but sometimes I can't help but wonder—"
"The what-ifs," Aiko interjected, her head shaking in understanding.
"I find myself wondering about the same thing often too."
Now this made Renjun snap his head to her face—her side profile as she watched the stars with awe.
"Really?" He asked in a slight daze,
Aiko was never one to complain, never even one to portray her vulnerability so willingly and openly, especially in front of him (it was typically Jaemin she'd go to), so he reveled at the moment.
Aiko waved her hand, noticing the shift in the atmosphere, "It's nothing, just dumb stuff—like what if I did went to uni like you would, but I'd probably fail my first class there." She let out a chuckle, sheepishly scratching her nape.
"That's not true..." Renjun was still staring,
"You're one of the smartest people I know." It was soft, a genuine compliment from the typically sarcastic member; and so Aiko showed a grateful smile.
"Thanks." A simple response; another wave of her hand and Aiko effectively shifts the scope of the topic into a more lighthearted one—or so she thought.
"But if we did go to uni, I would very much doubt that. We would probably never meet anyway, so I wouldn't be the 'smartest person you know.'"
Suddenly, any traces of joy was gone from Renjun's face—leaving a devasted expression that Aiko never saw, "You don't think we'll be together in another world?"
The girl in question hummed, thinking deeply before stating a simple, "No."
She spread her arms out as if showing a distance bit enough for her hands to never meet, "Our real worlds are too far apart from each other, it was KWANGYA that brought us together."
Another lighthearted jab, but Renjun wasn't having it.
A moment of silence passed.
Renjun's mind going into a whirlwind of thoughts before eventually settling on a question, "Then what about another life?"
Aiko spared him a glance, "You mean reincarnation?"
"That terribly romantic of you, Renjun-ah." Aiko scoffed, her lips curling into a smirk.
The boy shrugged, "So is it a yes or a no?"
Aiko raised her eyebrows, "Why the persistence?"
As if expecting the question, Renjun smiled lopsidedly, "I'm a romantic—persistence is my middle name."
A snort, shaking her head before eventually answering, "A possibility, Renjun, a gray area, neither one nor the other—never a black or white."
He hummed in understanding, satisfied with her response for now.
For Aiko, who came back inside after complaining how it was cold, Renjun's retort was nothing out of the ordinary, he'll take it—meaning, he'll take the answer as a concession of defeat into their typical bantering. I'll get you back, she can practically hear Renjun's voice in her head, chuckling as she closed the sliding door, waving gently before disappearing.
But for Renjun, the statement implied something more—something greater.
He waved back, his mind more calm than ever as he let his thoughts wander for the last time that night.
In this life of the limelight—as celebrities who were basically made to shine and glimmer for thousands to appreciate, comparable to the stars in the sky, there was simply too much to lose, and he was too much of a coward to risk it.
But in another life—a life of school and uni, maybe even classical music; essentially, in a life of normalcy, he'd be the romantic. He'd be the one who'd leave notes in the locker, sing the cringiest of love songs, and even stay up all night to plan the most elaborate of promposals (as he heard from Mark's Western movies), all of that and more, for the girl he loves.
In this life, he was content with being friends—with watching her from afar, too near yet too untouchable to truly become his.
But he promises, in another...
I've had this draft before I went into my vv long hiatus, so I thought I'd share it with you guys! As a mark of my return (???) hihihi. Hope you enjoyed it! OH! And this is part of the series, the one where everyone gets the feelings.
