Entry no. 1
I am tired. Tired of running after people. Why is it only me who has to chase them? Why is it me who has to apologize even though I didn't even do anything? Why? I am tired. I give up. I don't wanna feel like this all the time. I wanna feel special too. To be chased after. I don't understand why do I get treated like this. Why do I get ignored by people? Because I act too nice? Too sweet? Too carefree? That's why? That's why it's okay to run me over because well it won't bother me. But guess what it does. I get hurt too. I am not that strong. I am just a human being. If they don't give a fucking damn about me every fucking time when I haven't even done a shit to them then sorry. I can't. Instead I try to help. But if helping is what I did wrong? Then okay I won't help. But then people still have to get angry. When I help and when I don't. Nobody tries to come after me. Why? Because they know at the end I'll come. I'll care. But now I won't. I am not going to let people use me anymore. I'll always be a listener. A shoulder for them to cry on. But when something happens to me why do they disappear? When I am having panic attacks and I need a distraction, why do they ignore me? When I need someone to rant to why do they suddenly become deaf? I remember this quote I read somewhere. People listen to reply. Not to understand.