Being Imperfectionists

Husband & Wife creative duo. Battling perfectionism, finding healthy balance and making cool stuff--with a couple tiny people handing around.

[beingimperfectionists]

Here we are with strep in the house again. For the fifth time this year for our 3 year old who got it from our 1 year old who has had it close to the same amount of times. I don't know why my kids get it so frequently--but I promise every time they do, I hear a new theory from someone. Maybe it's just a season; maybe their schools are dirty; maybe they don't wash their hands enough; maybe they need to eat x, y and z; or to not eat x, y and z; maybe I don't sanitize right...and you know what, maybe one of these things is true. But from a mama in the thick of it, we--moms whose kids get sick a lot--don't need more theories, well-meaning as they may be. At least I don't. I don't need fuel added to my overdriven mind because I promise you that no one wants to see my children sick less than I do. When my son gets strep, he's a whole new kid, and not in a good way. He's miserable, which makes him grumpy. He's an even pickier eater than normal, which is frankly pretty damn impressive. He's got to be potty trained all over again. He wakes up screaming in the night because his head and joints ache. It's utterly heartbreaking. There's no one who has obsessed harder over if I've crammed enough greens and protein into smoothies and muffins (the places I hide his least favorite essential food groups). There's no one who overthinks vitamins and hand-washing more than me. There's no one who wants less than to stay up all night with a kid in pain. And I promise there is no one who wants less than to clean every. one. of. these. toys. for probably the upteenth time this year. You know the two of them don't catch everything at the same time. There may really be something out there we haven't tried, but if that's true, I promise I'll find the solution. Because no one--no one--wants this to happen less than I do. (A brief glimpse at my Internet search history will drive that home). I know this must be true for all moms with kids that seem to catch everything. So to you fellow you toy-scrubbing, tooth-brush boiling mamas out there--lets agree at the same time: it's not our fault. That while we won't ever stop trying to keep our babies healthy, we know we can't keep them in a bubble. That no matter how much we try, we can't keep them from chewing on everything under the sun. No one cares more and tries harder to keep our family healthy than we do. No one. Let's face it, kids are kind of gross and there's not much we can do about it. So here's some virtual chocolate and a big ole hug (and some Lysol and essential oils because you might as well try them both).

[beingimperfectionists]

FUN FACT: September is a big month in our house. We call it "Favetember" to mark the occasions of when a couple "favorites" decided to commit to dating and a year later get engaged! (presh right!?!)Also this month, we're kicking off our second round of Whole 30, which for us is really about more than a diet. We did our first in January, knowing we REALLY needed to get our health in check, and we've been on this journey to better health since then. The difference in how we eat now vs. how we ate before is night and day! We can probably count on one hand how many soft drinks we've had this year COMBINED. (But we also do things like share a whole pan of brownies over a weekend so we're not saintly eaters!) Hence, we're back on the Whole 30 train. We hope to obviously clean up our diet and walk away with a better overall meal plan but more than that we hope to be a little more focused/disciplined in other areas of our lives. ALSO, if we could get some more energy, that would be baller. #sleepkids #Whole30 #SeptemberWhole30 #cleaneating P.S. This pic is us on Joseph's birthday this year, smack in the middle of that first Whole 30. 

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So, I’m not there yet

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where I wanted my house to not look like a hurricane. One of those days I wanted my two-year-old to cooperate, to nap, to not throw stuff at the dog. One of those days I wanted to have a fun Saturday with my family. One of those days I wanted to not lose control.

But instead, yesterday was one of those days.

If I had taken a second to slow down, perhaps I would have seen it coming.

The week started with my son having pink eye and an ear infection, only the umpteenth illness he's had in the last two months. He recovered just in time for my husband to get his wisdom teeth out and spend the rest of the week laid up in bed.

Luckily, his family came to help me around the house and with little man, so I didn't have to be a one-woman show. His dad and brother gave us more than we bargained for on this visit and laid down a new floor for us in our bonus room (post on that major project soon!). It is AMAZING to have that off my super-pregnant-woman-nesting-brain plate, but shopping for and having a new floor installed all in the span of two days was a bit hectic.

Speaking of super pregnant, I ended the week with some troubling pregnancy news. At my regular visit they found I have too MUCH amniotic fluid (Polyhydramnios is the fancy medical term for that). I had never heard of such a thing, but apparently too much of anything isn't a good thing, and I now have to go in and have the baby's heart rate and oxygen level monitored twice a week for two weeks (when they'll reassess the fluid).

Everything's fine right now, and I am hopeful it will stay that way. But you know what? It's a lot.  

I knew that it was a lot, and I didn't stop to take a minute and try to process. I didn't tell anyone I was worried because I'm trying not to be. I didn't vent about my messy house or how I wish my husband would hurry up and be better because it's hard watching him feel bad and yeah selfishly, I'd like another hand.

What I did instead was the worst-possible thing I could have done: I took it out on a 2-year-old, who didn't feel like going with the flow or taking a nap or being generally calm. I did something I hadn't done in a long, long time and lost my cool (don't get the wrong idea about what this means. I just wasn't very nice).  I wasn't his constant when he probably needed it as much as I did because his world is chaotic, too.

And at the end of the day, I wasn't nice to myself about any of it. I expected to keep a clean home and have a perfect Saturday with my toddler and serve my husband food and medicine in bed while he recovers. I expected to cook healthy dinner and not serve my kid fast-food. I expected myself to do it all and be all.

I failed, and I'm not here to confess that because any logical person would never expect me to have all these things in order with all this going on (and probably without it, either). I'm here to talk about how I'll do better--better at cutting myself some slack. Better with mess and disorder and life happening. Better at being imperfect.

That's what this is all about, after all.

[beingimperfectionists]

Holli’s Imperfect Intro

Hey world (or more realistically, Facebook friends who were kind enough to click this link). I am the female imperfectionist on this blog and wanted to kick it off in the most logical way possible: with an introduction, of course.

The thing is I'm not an imperfectionist but quite the opposite. I'm going to work on being one though right here on this blog (see About page here).

The reasons behind this blog/project are three-fold for me anyway.

1. I need to come at my anxiety in a big, disruptive way. I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. A lot of good comes out of being a perfectionist as many of you know from being one yourself, I'm sure. I've performed well at lots of things, many of which have taken me places.  What perfectionism has also done--is currently doing--is driving me insane.

I am a huge control freak. I like order. If I do something, I want it to be the best I can possibly make it.

I also have a two-year-old. I work from home with said two-year-old. I am 7 months pregnant. Oh, and most of all I'm human.

So no, I don't wake up or even go to bed flawless. Most of my wonderful little life is quite the opposite of ordered, and as a result my anxiety is THROUGH. THE. ROOF.

2. I need to not ruin my children. Maybe that's a bit dramatic but seriously. What kind of example am I setting to my son (and almost in the world daughter) if I beat myself up every time I don't reach perfection...aka, every time I do anything.

If I can't handle dishes left unwashed, emotions that aren't happy, pictures that aren't colored in the lines, how the hell will I teach them to grow up dealing with the messiness of life?

3. I need to make stuff. I'm a writer, particularly passionate about my family and mystery fiction. I'm a big fan of DIY and homemade things, especially when it comes to sprucing up my house and throwing a themed party. I love to cook. I enjoy creating and in fact, I thrive on it.

But lately, I've been paralyzed.

I've convinced myself that because what I do isn't ever perfect that it's not worth doing.

I'm gonna stop that madness.

And so this blog is an effort to do just that, a place where I give myself permission to publish things that aren't always polished--that don't necessarily make it onto Pinterest--that aren't even always finished.

Don't get me wrong, it's not my goal to post things that are crappy but just to take the pressure off a little, shine a light on the authenticity of my messy life. And hopefully you can relate and maybe even find a little inspiration in our world.

Here's to being imperfect.

[beingimperfectionists]

5 Ways to Re-Spark Creativity from a Couple Busy Parents

Sometimes being a parent is crazy inspiring. Your kid develops new skills that ever impress you. He's generally cooperative. You find yourself overwhelmed by just how sweet the snuggles are. Other times, you find yourself drained, at the end of your rope, relishing the 4.5 seconds you have to go to the bathroom with the door closed because you can pretend to be alone despite the little hands under the door. The last couple weeks have sort of been like the latter for this Mama & Papa Bear. Little man got sick, which started the domino effect of us getting sick, too. It wasn't the kind of summer vacation we were hoping for, but we did take a minute to count the blessings of being stuck at home and in this together. STILL, sick kids  and being sick is no fun, and it started this trend of just getting by for a couple of weeks. So when our anticipated July 4th 3-day weekend came, and we were in good health, we were so excited for three days to create and regroup. Only what happened instead was we realized how out of the groove we were, how uninspired we were. It was that dreaded creative lull, and it got us  pretty whiny. Luckily, we've managed to climb our way out of this particular valley for the meantime. This wasn't our first experience with a creative drought and it definitely won't be our last.

THAT got us talking with each other about the different things we do to inspire ourselves and reignite our creative flames, and so we thought we'd share just a couple of those. 1. Indulge You know sometimes when you're body just tells you it's done for the day at 7 p.m. seemingly out of nowhere? Our bodies are good at telling us what they need, and sometimes you just have to give in to a bedtime that doesn't make much sense. The same is true to an extent with creativity. Now there is a fine line here between letting yourself waste all the time you have by watching Netflix, browsing Pinterest and home good stores (Holli) and watching too much YouTube (Joseph) and letting yourself take a needed break. But, sometimes we find that just letting ourselves do whatever we want snaps us out of our funks pretty quickly. 2. Get out of our heads A creative lull is often caused by either having so many ideas we don't know what to do, so few ideas that we think we're destined to fail or thinking about something so much we have trouble acting on it. The project's too big and daunting or we've built it up too much or something dramatic. All of it involves overthinking, and in these instances it's crucial to just stop the madness. That's when we TRY to get out of our heads by doing some of the more mindless things in life. Cleaning, running (well, not for Joseph who would certainly NOT be inspired by this task), just going to a new place...all these things take our minds off ourselves and sometimes just free our brains up to wander back to where we wanted them to go all along. 3. Get back to our roots When the going gets tough, it's important to remember exactly WHY you are doing all this. It's not just meaningless; there was someone or something that made you think it was a good idea, and we definitely are the type of people who need reminders of this from time to time. For Joseph, it's reading comics and watching cartoons and for me, it's reading a good book, browsing awesome DIYs and recipes and watching TV shows or movies with compelling stories. Seeing others creating and doing these amazing things definitely pulls at our inner desires to do the same. 4. Work through it This is the worst, am I right? But sometimes just biting the bullet and doing exactly what you need to be doing, no matter how much you hate it, ends up being the best thing. We both have our daily drawing/writing goals, respectively, and just sticking with those daily commitments is important to keeping the dream alive. Working through it  leads to actually accomplishing something, and that makes the painful (dramatic much?) days not so bad. 5. Remember how short life is OK, this might sound silly, but as parents, there is nothing like our quickly growing offspring to make us realize how fast time goes. And in the moments where we'd much rather be indulging in some mindless activity rather than making things, it's helpful to just look at our child and remember that things are not slowing down anytime soon. Not wanting to live with regret and not having to tell our kid all the dreams we didn't accomplish are plenty reason to keep going when we'd rather not.