@thelastdaughterofel || cont.
“What do you know about being a mother? You lost yours when you were a child!”
It had been more than an hour, but those words still rang loud and clear in her mind. And with each echo, they cut into her heart like a Kryptonite knife– Kara could hardly breathe as memories from her last day on her planet flashed through her mind.
She had known it wouldn’t be easy to raise a kid especially given who she was, but when your wife was Lena Luthor, there was no doubt at all. Both of them had wanted it, to start a family with their amazing other half who was also their best friend, and they knew they’d make it work.
And they did.
But thirteen years later, Kara made a decision that led to her to wonder if she was the good mother she had thought she was trying to be. It had been the lives of the people in National City against her child’s performance debut as the lead role in her school’s musical night– she hadn’t hesitated in choosing the former, believing her child would understand why she had placed her duties as Supergirl before them.
And she was wrong. Seeing how disappointed they were, how they refused to meet her gaze when she arrived at the theatre when the crowd was already dispersing and having the fight on the car ride back made Kara question if she should have left the mission to J’onn and Alex instead. And just as she let out another heavy sigh, Lena’s voice broke her thoughts.
“I know you’re hurting.”
Kara looked up, managing the smallest of smiles as she opened her arm to invite Lena into her blanket and wrapped it around them when the brunette had settled against her.
“Not as much as our child…” Kara pulled her wife closer into her embrace, hoping to seek comfort in their shared warmth. “They’re right… Tonight was one where I should have placed my role as a mother before Supergirl. But I didn’t. I’ve failed them, and I don’t know if I can ever make it up.”
Lena drew closer to Kara, running a hand through her wife’s hair as she did her best to comfort her. Their daughter’s words had been harsh, which Lena intended to talk to her about what she got the chance. Tonight hadn’t been the right time, and she wasn’t sure if it was a conversation that should be had with herself, Kara, or both.
Tonight wasn’t the time for that discussion, however. She had seen the excitement in Kaylee’s eyes when she came out of the dressing room, then watched it fade into tears as she realized that only one of her mothers had been there... and not only that, but that she had been distracted, wondering if Kara would be able to catch any of it at all, wondering if her lateness was reason to be worried. Kaylee’s little brother and sister were excited for her, but it wasn’t the same as her parents; Lena knew that all too well.
She had done her best to try to comfort their daughter and do damage control before Kara arrived -- Kaylee was both sensitive and could have a temper, neither of which was helped by the hormones beginning to affect her, so she knew it wouldn’t be good if Kara came before she was able to calm her down.
Lena had been right about that. Kara had come when Kaylee was still in the thick of it, and she had lashed out just as Lena feared.
Being parents meant, to Lena, putting the needs of their children before their own. The first thing she had done was to comfort her, which to a certain degree made more sense anyway given that their daughter went to bed earlier. She put aside for now the need to have that conversation in favor of comforting her.
Kaylee didn’t speak her fears, too angry at first. ”If she had wanted to be there, she would!” she had snapped. But when Lena drew her close and murmured how much both her mothers loved her, Kaylee had started to cry.
Lena wouldn’t tell Kara right now how much it had impacted Kaylee. All that would do is hurt Kara deeper.
Lena had stayed with their daughter, stroking her hair. She knew that this was a difficult age to be, and how easy it was for adolescents to feel they couldn’t depend on their parents or like their parents didn’t love them. She needed to make sure that their children knew that they were loved and supported.
But now Kaylee was sleeping, and Kara had Lena’s full attention. Lena stroked her hair gently as she spoke. “It’s not a contest. You’re both hurting.” Lena knew all too well what it was like to feel like one’s own problems were unimportant in comparison, and she didn’t want Kara to feel that way. “You had a difficult choice to make,” she acknowledged softly. “Probably, people would have been hurt either way. I don’t think it’s as simple as right-wrong, pass-fail... but even if it was a mistake, no one is perfect. I’m sure she’ll come to understand, and in time she’ll forgive you.”
She exhaled softly. “She shouldn’t have said what she did. One or both of us should address that when we get the chance. ...Around her age, I think kids start to think they shouldn’t talk about their feelings. She has a beautiful, soft heart just like you. We’re raising amazing kids. It’s normal to have some road bumps along the way... from all sides.”
How about when Lena had been pregnant with Leo, and Kaylee had asked about why they only had one grandparent. Lena had started crying, so she had too, and Kara had come home to find them both in tears. Lena was feeling like a failure as a mother, Kaylee was panicked that she had made her mama cry... She wasn’t sure whether their daughter remembered it anymore, but Lena had never forgotten. Still, the incident had been smoothed over pretty quickly thanks to Kara.
